Saw "Save the Tatas" & felt like crying

Reddawn923

Hi everyone,

I get so annoyed/angry when people tell me that I'm a strong woman and I'll get through this.  Sometimes I just want to shock them with, "I'll be sure to be strong when I look in the mirror after surgery and see my breast is gone."  I'll be sure to be strong when I'm going through weeks of chemo and lose my hair."  I'll be strong when I'm in the bathroom on my knees vomitting from chemo."  I wish people would think before they talk or just not say anything.

Red

sas-schatzi

Nancy91355-were you the one that mentioned having a twin a few nights ago========I didn't mean to bypass. Things were going to fast for my brain. If yes. we should compare notes sometime.

ANYONE interested we are having a party on OMG THE FOUND A CURE FOR STUPID 100 PAGES IN TWO MONTHS OF PURE NONSENSE BEING CELEBRATED. wE MOCK EVERYTHING -------very therapeutic, We evn found a place for the cats, so, they won't wreack havoc in the hen house. Don't forget your tinhat thats how we recognize each other.       

HAPPY PARTEEEEEEEEEEEE    !!!!!!!

BarbaraA

AnneNYC - hear hear! Well said.

leaf

I double the 'hear, hear' for AnneNYC!  I would only add that shaming and scolding does not help people with PTSD or anxiety, nor, in general, does it help most adults without these conditions.

Fearless_One

Personally, I don't get upset about things like that (gotta pick your battles), but I agree with OP that BC does seem to get downplayed through poor PR and slogans.   I don't think if there were lumpectomies for lung cancer, you would hear a "save the windbags" slogan....  

Anonymous

Just popped my Tamox

got to rise

ouch, itch, wouweee,

bit dizzy, zzzzzzz

where did I put the darn bottle of water

got to pee quick, quick

sooooo hooooot,

get me a bucket !! the wave,s coming

Valgal, can't see, too foggy !!

which way the Grand ?

forgot, is it Grand Forest or Grand lake

we,re all going to ?

duckyb1

WOW ladies..............Where do I begin...........I've had my ups, and downs, I've cried, more then i wanted to, and in between have laughed and enjoyed the laughter...............never cared much for Pink anyway, (other then when I had my girls), and as far as all the slogans, bracelets, walks, runs, bumper stickers, and stupid comments by idiot people................I ask myself........will this mattter in 10 days, 10 weeks, 10 months, or 10 years...............no it won't.  ........We all handle things differently...............but honestly I would not have hiked, went to the Grand Canyon, Sky Dived (I won't even fly), before cancer, so I damn well am not going to do it now.............However I did take Line Dancing Lessions before I was diagnosed, and continued even after I was diagnosed........I said "cancer was not stopping me"................so there is my  opinion, not that it matters, ....................but what got me to the p;oint I'm at now, is ..............6 wonderful children, 18 grandchildren, and 2 twin great-grandaughters (3 months) old..............A lot of prayers, even the "Hail Mary's) I say while the "big machine) is zapping me..........for what I hope will be the end of this cancer.............and if it isn't.............I guess God has other plans...............

I never said "why me" when this happened...........I thought............."why not me"............cried my tears, made my plan, and here I am, for better or worse...................

For all the ladies who are offended by the bracelets that say "I love boobies", "save the Tattas", and whatever cutesy things are out there, instead of complaining......................why not design your own, that says "Find a Vaccine"..........."Find a Cure",...............now wouldn't that be "time better spent", then arguing over what "opinion" is the right one..............think about it........you might even make some money in the meantime...........think of all the women, like us who have BC.................I'd buy one, I'd buy many...........hugs ladies.

Lowrider54

FULL RANT (then I will join the party at the HenHouse)  I apologize to those this may offend but this chicky has really stepped on my tail feathers... 

To JBinOK

Where would I be if I didn't have Breast Cancer????

Well, lets see - living.  Instead, I am dying.  I am stage iv terminal and geez, da ya think having to go in month after month for the rest of my life for some sort of treatment and in between for a scan, a test, some other procedure lets me forget much that I have metastatic breast cancer to my bones and while after over a year and a half of not being able to walk without a cane - finally be on a treatment that has at least stopped the progression that wow, I am in week 3 of being able to walk without the aid of a cane. 

I walk pretty funny and very slow so there is no hiking anymore for me.  I have my Harley sitting in the shed because my legs aren't strong enough to hold the damn thing up anymore - I am going to sell it and buy a trike - its the only way to have a part of my former life back.  I am still working at a job I love and I have a beautiful home that I can still manage to take care of myself most days, I plant my flowers and my veggies and have altered things so that I can do them - raised beds so I don't have to bend over so far, taller toilets so it is easier to get myself up and down. 

You are an asshole and I don't 'marinate in it' - I try very hard to forget it and live but now that it has injured my spine so badly that I have to wear diapers at night - it is kinda hard to forget it.  You are one that I wouldn't mind seeing that you get to have the wonderful experience of being cancer free for 10 1/2 years only to have it return and see how you handle it - jackass.  Don't pass judgement until you have walked in MY shoes - I have walked in yours treated and released and lived on - but I NEVER belittled or offended another fellow sister in the fight for our lives with the disease as you have done - God forgive me but you don't deserve to be a part of this sisterhood that you quite evidently possess not one bit of compassion for or sympathy in any way - you are but a flea, an annoyance that should be simply swatted so you don't upset any more of the very fragile people who you know nothing about or where they are in their journey with cancer - like I said, may God forgive me - I hope you never need any support, help, a shoulder or kindness when you get to hear the words "It's Back...." 

And I wrote this and re-read it many times...after the last go around 'why you have been away for a month' - Honey, you deserve it.  Oh dear, I called you Honey - bring it on - fear isn't in my vocabulary anymore and I'll be dipped, you didn't learn a darn thing on your month's 'vacation' either. 

Oh and just an FYI for ya'll (distasteful as it might be) - the Save the Ta-Ta's honestly raises a significant amount of money for breast cancer research - there is a can in just about every boobie bouncing joint and the guys fill them up almost daily and the strippers are certain to throw money in too - I have even seen them hold 'challenges' and the barmaids run around grabbing up the dollars - and pretty near every motorcycle event has a Ta-Ta booth too - while it is kinda offensive - I have seen the 'targeted' audience and it works quite well - does it really matter where the funds come from as long as they come and better treatments and more research could someday mean 50,000 of us don't have to die every year?  Damn, I really thought I wouldn't be one of them - but here I am and now, I am gonna be - but not for a while yet, I hope.

LowRider

Anonymous

Lowrider, I hear you, you have me in tears.

God bless you sister

bluedahlia

I see JB is now a psychologist as well as a fashion consultant.  Everyone ignore her/his/it's ass!

crazy4carrots

Where's the LIKE button for Lowrider?  (((((Hugs)))))

BarbaraA

Hear hear LOW!!!!

Anonymous

Here's my take on the situation: 

Take me for instance........I had a lumpectomy back in November with no further treatment.  At the moment I feel great, so I don't think about it until I come here and then there's that darn wake-up call again.  That's why I try ever so hard not to visit.  But I just can't help myself.  This place calls to me.  Come back and see if anything has changed.  But unfortunately, it's just like a day in high school.  You wild and crazy women!  When will you ever learn that support means support.  You can't even come together through adversity.  tsk, tsk, tsk. 

AnnNYC

Right on, ((((((((LowRider))))))))

mindovermatter, I think mostly all the commenters on this thread have "come together" in support of the original poster!.

rosemary-b

Lowrider

Well said.

Anonymous

Personally, I don't believe in walks, runs or pinking.  I do feel for anyone dealing with both the emotional and physical pain of bc.  It could be me.  I just think that if for someone who is moving beyond and wants to forget the label, then we need to applaud them. 

Alpal

I'm all for applauding them, but not when they come on here and belittle others who are not as far along in the process, or who will never be that far along. IMHO, that poster is cruel, rude and unfeeling. She's free to tell how she handles things without demeaning others.

Bren-2007

Amontro .. I'm sorry to hear you were having a sad day.  Sometimes when we are new to all this the slightest thing can trigger our feelings.

I'm four years out now and once in awhile I have some residual sadness, usually when I'm in pain leftover from surgery and radiation.  While I look just fine, my body is changed permanently.

Just wanted to send you hug,

Bren

PS ... Lowrider .. you rock!

Anonymous

I totally agree with amontro.  This breast cancer bologna has to stop.  It has become a circus.  I was diagnosed in October which as you all know is BC Awarness Month.  God, that was horrible!  It was on TV 24/7.  I sure wish there was a way to stop it.  But how?

3monstmama

Lowrider, well said. 

As for that other person, I have them on ignore--keeps my blood pressure well under control. 

I am not excited about save the ta tas  but then it isn't targeted at me.  If it serves the purpose of raising money and educating people, 3 cheers for it.  Everyone doesn't like all the same stuff--what a dull place it would be if we did.

We each deal with our diagnosis as best we can and come here for support when we need it.  I will never understand taking the time out of life to belittle and denigrate someone else--whatever happened to "if you can't say anything nicce, don't say anything"?  Then again, maybe the real issue is that those willing to come in and verbally kick others who are down have far less of a life then they would have us believe.  Most people like that, in my humble experience, are unhappy and pretty darn short of true friends.

Hit the Ignore ladies! and have a nice day!

AnnNYC

"Projection: Scapegoating. Cutting off what the super-ego perceives as ‘bad' aspects of oneself (e.g. weakness, fear, sadness) and projecting them onto someone else ‘over there' where they can be condemned, punished, etc."

From: Felluga, Dino. "Terms Used by Psychoanalysis." Introductory Guide to Critical Theory. Purdue U. http://www.cla.purdue.edu/academic/engl/theory/psychoanalysis/termsmainframe.html

Lynn18

AnnNYC:  Exactly.

Anonymous

Sometimes BCO is more confusing than interpreting a pathology report.

Leah_S

All the signs point in my direction....

Leah

pickle

Lowrider, your post is probably one of the most powerful, insightful posts that I have read here.

All I can say is....((((Lowrider))))) and thanks for an amazing post! Good for you for speaking up!

Anonymous

AnnNYN could you please explain:

"Projection: Scapegoating. Cutting off what the super-ego perceives as ‘bad' aspects of oneself (e.g. weakness, fear, sadness) and projecting them onto someone else ‘over there' where they can be condemned, punished, etc."

From: Felluga, Dino. "Terms Used by Psychoanalysis." Introductory Guide to Critical Theory. Purdue U. http://www.cla.purdue.edu/academic/engl/theory/psychoanalysis/termsmainframe.html

elmcity69

valgal: you are cracking me up.

lowrider: hugs, prayers, and all props to you, lady. heartbreaking and brave.

mindovermatter: it seems are you taking over jb's post as devil's advocate/provocateur?  you post the definition of "projection" and then ask Ann to explain...oh please.

 keep to the subject, which is the necessity of folks having a safe space in which to share feelings.

and, while i'm at it: did you even read lowrider's post? i'll assume you didn't, because the idea that you could read that heartbreaking narrative and then breezily post how the rest of us can't build community even through adversity is total bullshit.

mspradley

While I believe my opposing opinion was respectfully considered earlier in the thread, I am absolutely mortified that the conversation resulted in juvenile name calling and jeering.  I do understand how many could be offended by JB's point of view and comments, but I why stoop lower than the offender by slinging such bitterness in "I wouldn't mind seeing that you get to have the wonderful experience of being cancer free... only to have it return..." and calling her an "asshole", "jackass", "flea", and "annoyance that should be simply swatted".  Obviously, others do not share my point of view based on their support of the post.  I certainly respect your journey, your point of view, and your offense at JB's comments, but lost respect when the conversation turned unneccesarily vile.

otter

mspradley:  FWIW, I think the conversation had turned vile long before Lowrider offered her take on things.  I support her point-of-view, but lack the guts to say those things myself.  It is true, though, that the "Ignore" button can go a long way toward maintaining one's sanity.

otter

AnnNYC

mindovermatter, my comment was in no way directed at you (it followed a comment of yours, but we were cross-posting and I hadn't seen yours).  I've seen another poster (not you) really hurt the feelings of a number of women who have come here to express emotions of sadness and loss.  Two of them (that I know of) have left BCO and not come back.  One was a woman in Stage III still undergoing treatment and experiencing neuropathy in her feet due to chemo.  I have tried to understand the motivation behind telling such women, in effect, to "just get over it."  I wonder whether this poster is more shaken up than she realizes by her own brush with BC, and whether the discomfort of being shaken up triggers hostility towards women who openly express their less-than-perfect feelings.