Troll psychology

You have been here since 2004.  You must know almost all of the cast and crew here.  Why don't you start the thread.  See what happens.

"The other type are the ones who come here with posts that try to make it sound as though they have breast cancer. Usually it's not run-of-the-mill BC (not that there is such a thing) but they have all sorts of problems and unusual health issues or side effects / after effects from treatment, etc." 

I think that this group I described are trolls.  Perhaps they don't start out that way, if they first come here for a legitimate reason, but once they start lying about their condition in order to stick around and generate sympathy and support, I think they become trolls.  What they are doing is an intentional action with the intent of provoking an emotional response. Their presence causes legitimate members of the board to waste time and energy.  That's the definition of a troll. The emotions here may be different than what we normally think of with trolls who disrupt the board and provoke anger and frustration, but the "needy" trolls are just as damaging in their own way. They are an emotional drain on the board - often pulling support away from others who truly need it. Usually at some point it becomes questionable as to whether they are for real and that leads to all sorts of arguments and fights among those who support them and those who question their truthfulness.  So like all trolls, they come here looking for attention and they cause a disruption.

Then there are the legitimate members of the board who are the master manipulators and the drama queens. Generally not trolls but just a pain in the @$$!  As for those who stalk and deliberately provoke... I guess someone can be a legitimate member part of the time and a troll part of the time.  

Marie, to your earlier comment, as far as I know the Moderator here is a full time employee of breastcancer.org.  

I'm sure no one would be upset, but I thought since I and many others seemed to have had such trouble with "troll behavior" on one of the Forums I would just let you know that I have been lurking here and reading the thread.  I definitely relate to what Beesie has said.  All I really ever wanted to do was help others down or maybe up the path to getting thru bc and learning how to have a life again.  To that degree I always spoke from the heart -- something that only incites at some point.  I no longer go to a Forum I loved other than to read.  It is not safe there and has been taken over to my way of thinking.  The part I find interesting is that a majority of the people who use it now also go to a Face Book private area ---  so why they need the Forum is beyond me pretty much.  The mentality seems to be -- I took it over and I'm going to keep it.  People drift in but for the most part don't stay.  A couple of the old-timers post now and then but not as they use to and most certainly nothing that could be construed as even mildly  provocative. 

It seems there is not much that can be done.  These people  ( diagnosed with cancer or not ) have found a way ( certainly not my way ) to have a life and are noticed again and quite unwilling it appears to let go and face the possibility of anoniminity.  I guess an ego needs to be fed all the time and this is apparently a good way.

Jackie 

My way of looking at it is that if the newbies get scared off it is a lose, lose situation.  They don't get the information and support they need.  We don't get to learn new information from them about what new procedures the Dr.'s might be doing since we went through our journey.

I must be a troll - I keep coming back to this thread

Seriously - I don't know if I ended up with a posting limit or not  - 2 posts were removed by the community but I was so disallusioned about posting after that incident I laid low for a week.

Oh and I am sick as all get out since last Sunday - do I get to have a pity party here?   Should I list each and every one of my symptons and see if somehow someway I could relate them to BC so that I get extra attention or should I just be honest and say I have A FREAKING COLD/SINUS INFECTION!

It is great to hear when something turns out well.  It is hard to feel good for a long time when you get a diagnosis like cancer --- especially when you are skipping along into retirement or some other nice adventure and wham.  I remember feeling sort of dead for a couple of months.  Guess that was a strange denial of sorts.  Anyway, Marie it is great that you have that much care and you know full well what you are caring about.

hymil --  I have posted everyday on the Illinois thread.  The first couple of times it was for me.  Then the ladies/friends/fellow travelers requested that I find a good quote -- uplifting, thought provoking etc. and put it in.  I became the quote lady and I have remained that and still put one in every day.  Something like this:

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

Frank Outlaw

When one strikes a chord with someone they will say so....and many say even if they know they don't have time to post, they come to the thread to see the quote ---- then off to work they go. 

River Rat:  I truly don't think Beesie meant you.  We all have unexpected things.  If fortunate we come to this disease with any others well under control or no longer a problem hopefully.  I myself had a major thyroid blow-out and brain stem stroke before cancer.  If third time is the charm, I'm home free....but most of that had been handled.  I think it is not so much what may be wrong with you as much as whether you are asking to get some help and direction and then following through.  On a forum I was on......sorry for how this sounds, all the person did was whine, whine, whine, would not take any advice and when asked a direct question would totally dodge the question since it would reveal a need to get attention without addressing any real medical issue. 

Beesie -- still glad you put the descriptions out there.  I always felt a little funny about my negative vibes, even knowing I was not wrong.  I tend to try when at all possible to be positive about things.  I know being positive is not a cure --- found out that little gem on the forum I can't go back too.............but it sure gives me a heck of a lot more inspiration to try and have a good day anyway while I am trying to give a boost to anyone who is getting better by being negative ???huh???Oh you know.

IllinoisLady

River_Rat, you hit the nail in the head.  Sometimes it's really difficult to identify who is a troll and who isn't.  And that in itself can cause all sorts of problems. But to your specific concern, no, having co-morbidities absolutely doesn't automatically make someone a suspect for being a troll. Not at all.  In these types of situations, usually it's a very long process before the concerns get raised. 

Here's what seems to happen most of the time.  Someone might be on the board for a while and appear to be a legitimate member of the board. But over time there may be things that she says (or he, if he is here representing a spouse) that don't seem right. Too many weird things happening that just don't usually happen. Recommendations from doctors that make no sense given what's been presented before about the diagnosis and problems.  A few red flags that cause some people to start wondering if this individual is for real or not. After a time, someone says something, questioning this individual or perhaps just making a statement that some of what's being said doesn't seem right or possible.  And then the fur starts to fly.  Those who believe the indvidual and think that she is legit come out in force to defend her.  Others come out to say that yes, they too have been suspicious about whether this person is real.  Arguments and nastiness all around.

If the person is for real, then accusing them of lying and being a troll is hurtful to them. If the person isn't for real, they are causing a ruckus on the board and they are taking attention and support away from those who really need it.  Often it's impossible to know for sure who is real and who isn't. And that's a dilemma.

I can think of quite a few cases like this over the 5 years that I've been here.  I recall one situation, not one I was involved with but heard about later, where someone spent more than a year on the Stage IV forum before it was discovered that she'd been lying about the whole thing. If I recall, someone actually lied about her own death.

There are situations, particularly in the "Not Diagnosed" forum, where it becomes obvious much more quickly that an individual is here trolling for sympathy.  Those are cases where the symptoms and tests and doctor's comments and treatments and diagnoses simply don't hold water. And yes, those going through the diagnostic process can face some pretty strange situations and not all doctors do things the same way, but sometimes there are so many inconsistencies that it's glaring obvious within a few days.    

Marie, I read your post in the now-deleted thread (the one that started this whole discussion) and I want to tell you that I admire you so much for staying around here to help and advise those who are going through the diagnosis process.  It's great to have people here who can tell newbies that yes, in their own experience, it's possible to come out at the other end of the process without a diagnosis of breast cancer.  In your situation, with all that you have on your plate, it's a real statement about who you are that you are so generous with your time here. 

Sadly people have 'faked' having cancer in real life.  Not just on these boards.

Beesie, it's my pleasure to do it. I feel it's my way of giving back. I tend to be very much from my head with life. My BC scare thru me into my heart and I didn't know what to do or how to deal with such extreme anxiety. 

I never ever want to forget that when I hear other people expressing deep fear and anxiety. Even if the fear is irrational, I know those feelings are very real.

Gracie, It's possible to show compassion without being naive to human behavior. I wasnt raised to be an enabler.

Sadly, there are people who will fake having cancer or other sorts of maladies for a variety of reasons. As someone who has dealt with a medical condition for most of my life, I resent and am offended by fakers in a very big way. 

Hymil - I must also be slow because I can never figure out who is a troll and who isn't!  I can't remember most of the stuff I read - thanks chemo!  I am glad we have people like Beesie and others who can spot them.  I feel really dumb sometimes.