Starting Chemo April 2009

Helen - I am pleased to hear that you are feeling a little better now. I don't take anything for my emotions. Both during chemo and after, the Onc wanted me to take anti depressants and I did not want to take any more meds. I would like to have a try at dealing with this using therapy and strategies before I revisit the meds option.

We are all back at work and school today thankfully following last week's storm. It will be nice to have some routine this week.

Hope everyone is doing ok today. Sending you all hugs as always, Judy.

Hi Judy - I really was thinking about your therapy visit all day today, and hoping that you were able to make it, but if you're anywhere near me (New York), it was a nasty day, with more to come tonight.  I made it into work - not a fun ride-but I will not chance the drive if there is ice tomorrow morning.  This has just been a nasty winter so far, and we have so much more to go!  I am fortunate though, that I have a trip with Kevin to my girlfiend and her husband's house in Florida in March, and I am treating my now almost 32 year old daughter to her postponed "because mom is in treatment" 30th birthday present by going to Puerto Rico with her for 4 days in April...so, nasty weather and all, I have warm things to look forward to.

And Judy, you will have a whole bunch of "sisters" on here reminding you about your plan for your next session - is that next week?

Stay warm and safe all..

Gei

Hi all, I am still trying to reschedule for next week as my daughter sees her therapist at the same time and I prefer not to travel there twice if possible. Hopefully, it will be Tues or Wed weather permitting. The winter so far has not been fun at all. Any "snow days" we have had have been miserable outside or very cold inside! There was school today and I don't work today, so at least I can have some "me time". I cooked dinner which I don't normally do, but I like to make sure I have plenty of healthy and low fat options. Amy, your dinner sounds delicious!

Geri - your two trips sound wonderful! Just the thought of them warms me through .

Helen, I hope you are feeling better and Lena and Titan - are you badly affected by the storm? Please come by when you can to let us know you are safe and warm.

Hug to you all, Judy x

Hi you all!

I haven't really been around lately, but just really enjoyed catching up on the board. I have been having some work done on my kitchen, and as a result, my whole life has been very busy and hectic.  I have been thinking of you all A LOT because I was diagnosed about 2 years ago at the end of January. I can't believe it's been 2 years. In some ways, it feels like so much longer, and yet, I can still recall that call 2 years ago with my diagnosis.

Life is busy, I'm back working part time (while the kids are in school, which is perfect) and am trying to keep busy and continue to try to get my energy back. I am feeling physically pretty good and am trying to come to terms with still not having lost my chemo weight. I am down a solid pound, and feel good about that, but there is nothing like being thrown into menapause to really understand how tough it is to lose weight!

My kids are great (they are 8 now) and things with my husband are a bit better, which is a relief.

I am not a big poster here, but I do so appreicate having this place to come to to see how others are doing.  The thread about people asking how your health is really resonates with me. I can't tell you how many people give me that serious look and ask that question. I know it is well intended, but really, how can they understand that despite feeling better, I do worry about how long before my next diagnosis, that I worry about those around me who have also been diagnosed, that I worry about my two daughters and their future, and the list goes on.

 I hope you are all surviving the winter. I live in the Boston area, and this is an incredible winter. I'm grateful to have the physical strength to clear snow, but I can think of so many other things I'd rather be doing than clearing snow!

xo Pam

Helen, good to hear that you are feeling better. Stay safe and warm, the weather is just awful at the moment. This morning, when I came back from the school run, I couldn't drive into my driveway, my wheels were spinning on the ice. So, I parked on the road and had to get across the icy snow to the front door. I was so nervous about falling, I was on all fours! Anyone watching must have thought I was very strange! At least the sun is shining now though which always cheers me up. This time last week, we were freezing cold with no power.

Pam, it is so nice to hear from you. I am also finding this time of year a little difficult, being 2 years since my diagnosis and can identify with so much of what you wrote. I worry about the future too and I have two daughters and I am BRCA1 so it is always lingering in the back of my mind. My eldest, tells me not to worry, that there will be a cure by the time she gets tested. I too am having post menopausal weight issues, but it is slowly coming off. I know that most of the people who ask me how I am are genuinely concerned, but I also believe that unless you have been through this, it is very hard to understand the challenges that we face, both during and after.

Sending you all hugs, stay warm, Judy x

Hi all,

My days have been busy with work and LE PT appointments & acupuncture appointments. My elbow is slightly better, my cording is also beginning to slowly improve. Along with those improvements, my truncal LE is slowly improving. So all in all...Betsy is becoming a happy camper again. Thanks for letting blow off steam in my past few posts. I was just so frustrated. Every time I start moving forward something else happens. But hopefully that's all behind me know. Slow and steady progress is what I'm after.

I decided to get serious about my half hearted diet. I've been reading The 4-Hour Body. Although, it's a little out there and pretty geeky it's made me begin to focus on what it is going to take. What is going on in my body. Today, I started my refocusing. I asked my dh to take pictures of me in a two piece bathing suit, front, side and back shots. OMG! Talk about incentive...I took one look at those pictures and decided enough is enough. I printed them and pasted them in my journal. I documented my measurements and weight. When I get hungry between meals I will look at the pictures and ask myself do I really want to continue to look like THAT? Based on the book, I think I'm about at a 30-35% fat ratio...which is totally unacceptable.

Helen, glad to hear you are feeling a little better.

Amy- yes Oregonians are a little wacky (or should I say quacky)! I'm glad you enjoyed your trip.

Geri- Your trips sound wonderful...something warm to dream about. Sorry to hear your winter has been so brutal. 

We are heading to Maui in three weeks, I can hardly wait. Have a great weekend everyone!

Betsy 

Good morning all! The sun is shining here today!!! (YAY!) I know the winter is not over, but at least it is sunny today.

The weekend was nice, we had company yesterday and last night I had a get together with some girlfriends whilst my husband was busy at home writing report cards.

Betsy - glad to hear that you are becoming a happy camper again! Good luck with the diet too. You can always come here to let off steam : ) Maui sounds wonderful!

Titan - so happy to hear from you! The wedding plans sound great! So exciting! I completely understand  about the short hair. Mine is getting quite long and I always worry that if the BC comes back I am going to have to go through losing it again. I have an appt coming up this month so my mind starts going all over the place. We may be heading back this summer, so please do let me know if you are in DC at all and we could try and meet up.

Hope everyone is feeling good today! I am sending you all hugs! Judy x

Judy, so sorry about the appt mixup. It's very difficult when you have thought so much about it and did all that preparation. It must be frustrating for you. Well you know you can come here and tell us anything or just vent. You have been so supportive of the rest of us and I really have appreciated it.

Helen and Amy - thanks so much for your kind words. Helen, how are you feeling?

I think that the reason I pointed out that I was enjoying the sessions with her, was to emphasize that I wasn't getting out of them what I needed. I think the idea of setting a limit is a great idea, so if I do decide to leave her, it won't come as a surprise. Amy - your advice always makes so much sense, sometimes, I wish I had the inner strength that you have to face challenges head on and with clear goals. I appreciate all the support that I get here, in whatever form it takes.

Yes, the upcoming appointments are stressful, but it is a comfort knowing that we are in this together.

Hugs to you all for a good day, stay warm, Judy x

Good to hear form you tulipbebe! And thank you for the information, definitely worth looking in to.

Good luck for your next Onc appt x

Judy...maybe you should dump this therapist..you are the patient here..right?  Judy, I think that you are probably the nicest person I know but maybe it is time to get a little pissed off here?? (sorry..but ever since my BC diagnosis..I have learned to be a fighter..dang it..).

My onc appt. is tomorrow..maybe that is why I am a little feisty tonight.

Happy V-Day my friends.  I made dinner for my husband tonight. Scary for me to do b/c he is an EXCELLENT cook and does pretty much all the cooking (I do the clean up and all the baking). But I made a crab/pesto thing over spinach fettucine and these amazing carrots in a cinnamon/cumin (and other spices) glaze. And garlic bread.  It was more than a little stressful but all turned out delicious. Whew.

But let me just vent a little bit here.  I am on the board of my neighborhood civic assoc and one of my jobs is to write/deliver sympathy cards when someone in the neighborhood dies.  It is the kind of place that people move into and never leave - there are a lot of elderly people here. So I do a fair amount of dropping off cards in mailboxes when someone dies.  (I buy them in bulk, so that gives you an idea.)  Anyway, I got an email from our president yesterday about a woman that had just passed away. And I realized immediately that it was someone I had sat next to during chemo!  We  had started talking and realized we were neighbors. She was mid 40's and was there with her mom. I figured out she was stage 4 but I didn't totally realize what that meant back then. I knew she had 2 high school kids and was talking about college for them, and future plans, etc.   

So here I am, trying not to think about my upcoming mamm and surgeon check up next week, and I get this email out of the blue that this woman has just died and needs a sympathy card.  And it just hit me really hard.  I got really upset and really cried about it.  My husband didn't know what to do! (I am very very rarely like that.)  I realize that I have really recovered and am loving life more every day. We aer starting to make more travel plans and do more fun things, and I am just really really enjoying being healthy and feeling optimistic about the future. And the thought of it coming back again the way it did to her just felt so overwhelming and crushing.  Normally, I dont' think about it very much or worry about it, but I realize that the concept is so terribly awful. And the whole rest of the day I was very quiet and my poor DH didn't quite know what to say except that everything was going to be ok, to which I replied, "How do you know?"

So I feel better today, mostly. But still a little undercurrent of sadness is there.

My friends, I realize now more than ever how much I want this to be OVER for ALL OF US. I always felt this way but it is much stronger now.  Just so sad about this.

Sorry to lay all this out there on Valentines Day.

On a happier note, saw The Kings Speech this weekend. I go to the movies less than once a year - probably more like once very FIVE years. But I heard this was good and so we went. And it was really really enjoyable. No violence, just a really inspiring interesting story.

More than ever, thank each of you for being there. This TRULY is my safe place when I know I will be understood.

Love to all, Amy

Hi all, hope everyone had an enjoyable Valentines Day! It is not much of big deal in our house, although I wouldn't mind if it was (LOL!).

Geri and Lena - thanks for coming by. It is good to hear from you.

Titan - I am so happy to hear that your appt went ok and you sound so upbeat which is great!

Amy - I was so touched by your posting. These things are so hard. Even when we think we are moving forward, which we are, something can always come along to remind us of what we have been through. I know that the fear of it coming back is always at the back of my mind, and I always wonder, if I could do it all again. I try and remain positive and look to the future optimistically and also try to remind myself that anyone, even someone who has not been sick before, can become sick. None of us really know what the future holds, so I suppose we just need to try and enjoy life and hope for good times ahead. But, I also think it is completely OK to break down sometimes out of fear or other emotions. We are only human. I am very sorry about your neighbour.

This is definitely a safe place for all of us and we all completely understand how you are feeling, which is what makes this amazing group of ladies so unique.

On another note; The Kings Speech is a great movie! We really enjoyed it.

Back to work now. Hugs to everyone and take care, Judy x

Hi everyone. I've had computer issues so haven't been able to log on for a few days. I'm in the middle of trying to put my kitchen back together. It's slow but I'm making progress. I'll have to log in again when I have more time. Hope you are all well