Starting Chemo in June 2005

RebeccaH · December 2005

Watson....doing the happy dance for you. It's such a great feeling being done with chemo!

I haven't been reading the boards much, either. I've been feeling so good, even with rads, that I just can't seem to stay out of the malls and craft stores. I am finding that my fears are greater now than when I was first diagnosed. Staying away and not reading some of the other threads keeps me somewhat sane (as sane can be when you're still using chemobrain as an excuse)...

Dana, my other fav website is twopeas, too! I don't post much, but I do read them....I'm AmmoWife at twopeas. What about you? My husband asks what I want for Christmas, and I want a scraproom. If he hasn't started now, I doubt I'll get it....but a girl can dream. Right now his biggest concern is looking for a new job. He's retiring from the AF in January.

Nancy, I promise we're going to get together...and it WILL before the Susan Komen Walk!!!!

NS...thanks again for your words of encouragement. You are so right that for us, everyday is Thanksgiving.

Thanks to all of you for being a part of my treatment....I am truly blessed!

nosurrender · December 2005

*sniff sniff* All my little chicks are leaving the nest...

WELL- ENJOY THE FLIGHT BACK TO NORMAL!
Isn't NED the BEST pilot ever????

Watson · December 2005

I'm triple neg as well.

Port was removed Friday! It was a little tricky (and ouch) to remove due to scar tissue that had built up around it. Seems to be doing well so far.

Then I woke up Saturday with a raging sinus infection. So I spent the whole weekend trying to stay out of the emergency room. They called in anti biotics, but still had VERY close fevers of 100.3. I finally get in bed last night to rest and my 16 yr old son comes in my room and tells me he got a gumball machine type ring stuck on his pinky finger!

Tried everything, then had to wake up 7 year old at 11pm and take them both to emergency room to have it cut off. My poor kid feels so bad for making me take him.

Oh well, I guess it could have been worse! Now I'm gonna lay down and get better!

Bye

Jenster · December 2005

Oh Watson! I'm so sorry!! And I bet your son does feel horrible. Poor guy. Are you feeling better today??

I had a trip to the ER last Wednesday with my 11-year-old daughter. She fell at school and broke her arm. The whole time we were there she kept saying, "You shouldn't be here, Mom." Yeah, well, whatever. I'm the mom. What choice do I have? And it all turned out okay anyway. Except for that we got her arm casted this morning and out of all the colors she could choose, she chose hunter safety orange! lol. Nothing Christmasy goes with that color. Oh well.

This is just about the only thread I'll read, too. Every now and again I'll go read some of the other threads, but this here is my safe place. I'm doing well emotionally and physically I think I'm getting stronger every day. But there are things I just don't need/want to know.

I'm so proud of all of us! We've been through our own private hell since June and look where we are now! WE ROCK!

Jen

Watson · December 2005

Happy Birthday to Me
Happy Birthday to Me
I Feel Like I'm 100,
But I'm only 43!

Watson

Jenster · December 2005

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WATSON!!!

I just got back from my labs two weeks out. Normally I would be getting the Neupogen shots if I hadn't had to get them last week. So I was prepared for a low WBC. It was 8.0!!! Woo Hoo!!! I'm hoping my blood is doing it's thing. Of course, only two weeks out so I'm not betting on it.

Jen

Analemma · December 2005

Happy birthday, Watson! Mine was last week (nov 29). Yes, I do feel like I'm 100, but a little better each day. I'm really mad that I haven't been able to go to Jazzercise for six weeks because of my twisted, sore knee, after keeping it up through chemo and hald of rads!

Last art show of the season is this weekend, then I'm going to get horizontal for about three days!

Brenda

RebeccaH · December 2005

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WATSON!!!!!

I'm 43, too....but I feel like I'm 99....

Jenster · December 2005

Brenda - happy late birthday, good luck with your show this weekend, and I hope your knee gets better FAST!

Anyone else wondering how Liz's cruise is/was? I'm dying to hear about it and live vicariously through her. lol.

Jen

Watson · December 2005

Thanks for the bday wishes.

Brenda, happy birthday to you, too!

Rebecca, no one likes a show off

Yes, I too am awaiting the cruise details. I have been in bed for 4 days now with this dang sinus infection. It's been worse than my chemo!

Well gotta go. Co worker insisted on bringing me lunch. I need to be somewhat presentable. I'm thinking just picking up the used Kleenex all around my bed would be a good start!

Watson

danahollis · December 2005

Happy Birthday Watson! (Oh... your poor son... boys are so doofy sometimes! I bet he felt bad.... they do the darndest things!)

Everyone getting ready for Christmas? I have to finish decorating the TREES... I like to have several around the house. I also have to finish buying presents.

My hysterectomy is Dec. 21 so I have to get done with stuff. There'll be no last minute shopping this year! I'm looking forward to coming home from the hospital and just relaxing and enjoying Christmas. What a change that will be? LOL!

HUGS!!!

JoMac · December 2005

Wow, lots of exciting things happening here. I had my pre-op appointments today. I will have my surgery next Friday. I am nervous but I realized it is only because I am thinking of this as a narrative journey.
A really good narrative has a climatic finish. I want this last operation to be a little itty bitty thing compared to all that has come before.
I also thought basically I am being spayed . The only difference is I am not a young healhy puppy who will rebound in a day or two.
I am grateful to have gotten this far.
Most of the time I am feeling positive about the future. That is because right now I feel well and can paint again.
I did two portraits of my daughter this weekend. I really like them
I want to do more and plan to up until the day I have to go to the hospital.
I don't feel like I have time to waste and it keeps me busy and mind off other things.
As far as Christmas......I will be turning 50 on the 22nd. I expect there will be some "psychic land minds " to manuver around.
Oh...one more thing. I wondered if anyone else is having Phantom hair movements. I find myself pushing my imaginary hair out of my eyes or pulling it around my ear. I didn't do this when I was bald but now that I have 1/4 inch hair I my hands are engaging in hair behavior.
It is ridiculous. Like someone playing 'air guitar". Is anyone else doing this?

I

Jenster · December 2005

Yes, Jo! I find that I've been "pushing the hair off my forehead". lol. Or tucking it behind my ears. I wonder why that is. But I'm awfully glad to know it's not just me.

Jen

NancyM · December 2005

I have finished the marathon!! Surgery, chemo, and then rads! Ya-HOO! Happy dance! But I guess I'm not officially dancing with NED until they tell me so on the 20th. Those of you having surgery ahead of you - I'm keeping you all in my prayers! I'll be thinking of you, hoping for a speedy healing process.

Yes, I've been doing the hair thing, too!! Weird!!

Jo, your comment about taking up juggling struck me as really funny.

Wow, lots of December/November birthday babies in here! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL OF YOU!!! ((((hugs, too!))))

kimBe · December 2005

Happy birthday to all....It has been cold here so have worn my wig to work and this morning walked in and took my hat off when I hit the door----my hair is just starting to come back and it is as white as Mrs. Claus'. I am not ready for Christmas but figure this year I have an excuse if I don't get ready....
KimB

Watson · December 2005

Nancy,

Congrats! You hit the treatment trifecta! Woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!

I haven't had the phantom hair thing yet, but I've always been behind the curve. My hair is coming back in almost solid white all over my head except for a patch in the back where it is mostly dark with a little gray (my color before chemo)

This is a most unattractive look as you can imagine. It's a cross between a spotted pig and that Russian guy (Gorbychev?)s forehead birthmark. When it gets long enough I'll be dying it anyhow.

Watson

Watson

Jenster · December 2005

Yay Nancy!!!!! Woo Hoo!!!!!

That's the spirit, Kim! Mrs. Clause. lol

Watson - your descriptions always delight me!

My hair seems to have stopped shedding. It's coming in much darker than it was with a lot of gray. But like Watson says, I'll be coloring it anyway.

I have my scans next Monday. Two of my girlfriends are going with me and we're going to shop and go out to lunch. I'm really not too worried, but there's always that niggling in the back of your mind. So I figure I'll just keep busy with the gals and I won't dwell on the results. Then I should find out that afternoon.

rmmom · December 2005

Nancy! All done! Big happiness!
Happy Birthday Brenda and Watson:)
JoMac I can't believe you are going to be 50-you look so young in your picture.
Watson I am so sorry but I had to laugh at your son, I know it wasn't funny to you. My 16 year old has been sticking peanut M&M's up his nose! What a strange age-they want to be treated like adults but act like three year olds some of the time. I hope his finger is OK
The best part about being done for me is people look at me again. They kept telling me I looked great during treatment but wouldn't look me in the eye when they said it. Now they look at me when they say that.
How everyone is well or getting better.
Hugs
Bev

rmmom · December 2005

PS (big whiny voice) I WANT HAIR
Santa hats keep my head very warm though

NancyM · December 2005

Hi everyone,
There is a post on "Moving beyond cancer" from a woman who went shopping without her wig, and a man hit on her! Cool!! I had a wigless experience yesterday as well. Even though I posted it on the other thread, I thought I'd paste it here, too. (I have a big ego, you know! )

Yesterday I went to a meeting at work, and went without my wig for the first time. During a break I headed to the woman's room, feeling VERY self concious (I only have about 1/2 inch of hair). A co-worker came in behind me and commented that I looked pretty good, and I said, "well, I think I did this too soon." Just then another co-worker came out of a bathroom stall, got right up in my face and said "You are beautiful!" Wow...I totally felt supported!! The funny thing is later I ran into my old boss (a male) and the first thing that came out of his mouth was...."they make really nice wigs these days!" That's Ok, nothing he said could have blown my buzz after being told "the real me" is beautiful!

Watson · December 2005

Good for you Nancy!

Jenster · December 2005

Each time out without a wig or hat gets a little easier. And I have no doubt you ARE beautiful, Nancy! Your old boss sounds like a bafoon. Glad he's the "old" boss.

I went to dinner with a friend of mine last night. I felt a little self conscious myself. I'm 5'3", have gained 20 pounds since June and have the buzz cut. Oh. And I'm also getting over laryngitis so my voice is deep and throaty. My friend is elegant and gorgeous. She's tall, slender, and looks like a cross between Audrey Hepburn and Susan Lucci. So there we sat, Mutt and Jeff. lol. At least that's what I felt like. I told her that people would probably think she was my girlfriend and maybe we should hold hands across the table. lol.

We sat in that restaurant for 3 hours and had the most marvelous time. It was so wonderful to do something so normal. And it was a HUGE help to me because DH won't be home this weekend. It seems to have held the slight depression at bay a little.

Jen

LizFL · December 2005

Just got back yesterday and had a wonderful time. It was great meeting up with old cruising friends and making new ones. We did a lot of fun shore excursions, and I also got a lot of time to rest up. The hat I bought with a chin strap worked well in the wind...didn't lose my "head" at all. There were times I completely forgot about cancer and had no time to worry about it and almost felt carefree! We had a great group and had lots of laughs. Not to mention...no cooking, cleaning, working or doctor's appointments! It's tough getting back to reality!

Looks like everyone has been busy...A BIG CONGRATS to all who have finished. Happy belated birthdays to Watson and Brenda!

Watson and Jen...hope the kids are doing better. A trip to the emergency room was not what either of you needed!

Good luck to everyone going for scans or surgery. I need time to read over the posts again to see who is doing what! I am not looking forward to beginning rads tomorrow, but it was really great to have a break before getting started.

I feel a lot more rested and stronger now....hope going back to work doesn't knock that right out of me! Still have some joint aches and pains, but they are diminishing and that's good news!

Liz

Jenster · December 2005

Ah, Liz... It sounds wonderful!! I'm so glad you had such a great time.

It's good to have you back, though.

Jen

RebeccaH · December 2005

OK, I'm trying to get to 100 posts, so I can officially be a member by the end of my treatment next week. It's hard to reply to every post. I'm just glad I don't have to get on the phone, because I can 'really' talk once I get on the phone.

Liz...your cruise sounded like a bit of heaven....especially since it made you forget about the 'c' word.

Nancy...you really do have a bafoon for an old boss. When your hair completely grows out, you won't need a wig (even though you ARE beautiful without one), but your old boss will STILL need a brain.

Jo...you make me laugh just at the best time! Love the comment about being spayed! I'm also moving the fanthom hair. I was looking at a winter hat at Walmart, I only picked it up to feel it. Spent the rest of my time at WalMart trying to get the stray pieces of fur off my face. I'm sure folks were wondering why that bald lady was moving hair.

NancyM · December 2005

Oh, I'm having a weepy day today! I think it's Fear Factor related. Talk about a REALITY show! Breast cancer survivors battle fear of recurrance...dangle off the edge of post-treatment anxiety...have blood drawn for followup CBCs...and...enter...the mammography suite...ALONE!!!

ooh, the drama!

The nurse (case manager) from the hospital called to see how I'm doing. I told her I'm done with treatment, and she said, "now you can put it behind you and not have to think about it." Oh, OK! Just hit the "off" switch in my brain! That's easy!

Alright, I'll behave. No more sarcasm for the rest of the day!

Rebecca, I love your comment about me having hair, but the boss will still need a brain! We should meet somewhere and be bald together, that will make heads turn!

Jen, that's a cute image of Mutt and Jeff. I'm sure you look wonderful! My son and his friend used to be called Mutt and Jeff by their 6th grade teacher. My son was the tallest in his class, and naturally his friend was the shortest.

Liz, I'm glad you had a good time. I hope you find that rads are not bad at all.

Have any of you heard of the Hash House Harriers? They are all over the world and one group is here in Salt Lake. If you don't know about it, they call themselves a "drinking group with a running problem." They follow trails left by their leader, and then drink beer or soda at different checkpoints. They all have silly names, they sing songs, etc. It sounds like a really fun thing to do. It's on my list of things to do to really enjoy life and get over my new anxiety about bc. I thought you all might like to look into it just for kicks.

LizFL · December 2005

I need to vent too. Nothing like coming home from a nice vacation and getting slammed back into reality.

Got mad enough to spit today. # 1 was workwont go into all the details about all the stuff they saved for mebut to add insult to injury my annual bonus was cut quite a bit from last year. Big thanks I guess for continuing to work while under treatment. I am considering taking medical leave for while I go through radiation because I am really disgusted with breaking my butt and then being treated like a slacker. There were many days where I really felt bad and went to work anyway and I certainly do not feel cutting my bonus was the way to show appreciation.

#2 was the radiologist. Got there all psyched up for my treatments (was a nervous wreck even though I know it wont be as bad as the stuff Ive already gone through). She tells me that my case was discussed at the tumor board and she has decided to go about treatment differently than she planned. I have to have the mapping redone and shes not sure when she can schedule me, so I went there for nothing. She was the one who made it sound really dire if I postponed the radiation treatments for the cruise (unlike my oncologist who felt it was a good break for me) and now they are postponing it! I certainly expressed my displeasure, but dont think it made a dent. The least they could have done is call me and let me know so I didnt make the trip for nadaplus used sick time.

I would ask my oncologist to send me somewhere else, but I dont want to have to go through everything again. Supposedly she will get me in by the end of the week so I can start treatments next Monday. If she doesnt, then I will have no choice but to go somewhere else.

There...that feels much better!

Liz

JoMac · December 2005

Liz , they should have doubled your bonus. gosh darn it!
Why don't people do the really gracious thing? It would have been so easy to do and it would have ment so much to you.
At least you know your family values you in all ways....
As far as the delay......I think they will get you going really quickly. I like that they are thinking about your case carefully.
Radiation will go O.K.
Now they know you and they are not going to screw up again.
Nancy,
I get scared off and on. Today I had my six month check up . The mammogram is good and surgeon said he sees NED. So I am not feeling the fear.
After my surgery on Friday I will probably feel it all over again.
for me it is simple... When I feel well I am brave and optomistic...When I feel lousy I think poorly and am convinced I am dying.

So the goal is to stay feeling well. I am walking daily and eatng wisely.
I want to believe the worst is over.
One other hair thing.......isn't it weird that it seems to grow back in a point. I think I look like a cupie doll. Is anyone old enough to remember what they are?

Watson · December 2005

Something must be in the air. Not having such a hot day around here, either.

Won't bother you with details, but mostly just tired of this crap! Bald, fat, tired, you guys know the story. I meet with rad onc next week to continue the fun.

I haven't had phantom hair, but I did wrap my non existent hair in a turban with a towel coming out of the shower yesterday. I kept looking at myself in the mirror trying to figure out what looked so different. Duh, haven't had to wrap hair in six months!

Kewpie doll! That is a much nicer description than mohawk! However, my hair is growing in kinda kinky except for the black spot on the back of my head which is smooth. I'm a freak.

Tomorrow will be better ladies!

Watson

LizFL · December 2005

Jo I remember the cupie dolls...they are cute...I on the other hand have a head that looks like a peach with overgrown fuzz in some areas and shiny bald in others! At least I can see some hair now without a magnifying glass. Of course my leg hair is growing back in. Didn't notice until I was on the cruise and lounging around...did't occur to me to take a shaver with me...thought it would be just as useless as a hairdryer!

I am glad the radiologist is being thorough, but would have been nice if she did that before I already had mapping and tatoos done. Apparently I will be getting additional tatoos. They want to radiate more in a "Y" shape and get closer to my chest wall. I just cannot feel good about this doctor...I always leave that office in tears or aggravated. Unlike my onc who always makes me feel good, she seems to treat you more like a case than a person and doesn't have the greatest people skills. My onc always makes me feel posiive, while this one makes me feel I am at death's door! Want to get started so I can get done.

JOe...I am sure you are going to have more and more optimistic days. It's so hard not to fear reocurrance, but your idea of working to feel well is a good one...because feeling positive comes a lot easier when you feel physically well.

L

Starting Chemo in June 2005

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