Starting Chemo May 2008

Jeano~ Sorry about your canyon not feeling so well. I'd offer to kiss it and make it feel better but, if you don't mind I'll pass this time. ;O)

Eddie~ So glad you had a nice birthday. Thought of you alot yesterday, sending bday wishes and hoping you had your prius checked out.

Kerry~ my hubby has learned alot about pads here lately as well. Except I've been using them as gauze pads cause they are cheaper. I went thru 3 huge packages of pads and 2 packages of diapers in the past month from this surgery. I'm ready to go pad free for awhile.

Had doc appt today and got my stitches out YAAAAAYYYYY! That feels a little nicer. I don't have to go back for 3 weeks and see him. Now I just get to finish healing up without being poked on. I actually got a real bra on this morning, it doesn't feel too bad so far. Of course its one of my mastectomy bras. I'm not going out and buying any new ones for awhile.... waist of money in my mind for me. I've also been released to be normal again. After 7 weeks I'm excited. I'm going to try and get my house all cleaned up this weekend, hopefully with some help. Hubby is going to move back into our bedroom again tonight, not sure how happy I am about that. Don't get me wrong... love my hunny, but I have had a queen size bed to myself for 7 weeks. He and my 8 yr old have been sharing a twin size bed this whole time. Everytime I have surgery hubby moves out cause he is afraid of rolling over and hurting me at nite. I'm looking forward to getting back to normal. :OD

Holy Smokes:  a lot on this page!

Young and old with cancer.  Mush for brains.  In law's and parents.  Canyons and problems down there.  Birthdays.  Meltdowns.  Olympic Torches and curling. and other things...

Jen, so glad your recovery is finally going well.  I hear you about having a bed alone.   The first three weeks I slept in DD queen bed, actually have found it more comfortable that out sleep number bed.  Have tired several times to sleep with DH but that's not going so well. About that real bra, how did that work on the tram side?  when I've put one on the muscle bulge makes it rest oddly on my chest.  Thinking of checking out camisoles.  Bigger problem for me is clothing, pants still hurt at my none existant waist, and then they fit strangley.  With the lower belly fat gone it's all flat below the incision,  Above the abd incision it's flatter but straight, no waistline.  Hoping that comes back when the residual swelling continues to subside.  (any of you resonstructed ladies want to weigh in on how long your body took to get to it's final post surgical shape)

Rock - thanks for living your life so fully and sharing it on FB.  I so enjoy your pics, your insights.  Love  you on this side of the threads also!

To everyone - have a great weekend no matter where you are and what you are doing.

Love to all.

Oh Dearest Otter - you must be physically and emotionally exhausted.  Cold from HE double hockey sticks, MIL issues, father concerns (how is he currently?), and loss of friend to canuck.  Remind me, where you have the flight to the frozen northland and why?  I scrolled back a page or two but my brain couldn't piece it together.  How did that cough syrup Mr. Otter brought home work for ya?

OMG. I've spent the past hour working on a post, with 2 BCO windows open so I could read and comment ... and I scrolled back 1 page on the wrong window and lost my post!

My sweet sisters of May '08 ... I wanted to thank you all, for the good wishes and warm, squishy hugs. I felt every one of them. They worked, too, because things are going better on all fronts. My cold is not as bad, but the cough is hanging on; so I decided to skip the flight to the frozen north. The airline rep was remarkably sympathetic ("Try a spoonful of honey -- sometimes it helps soothe a cough..."). My mom is okay with me staying here at MIL's (with dh); Mom is getting stronger emotionally and she's comforted that Dad is happy and well-fed (and hydrated) at the "rehab center". MIL is doing okay -- making very slow progress, but we'll be here another 10 days to help. After that, we still don't know....

I've lost all the notes and comments I made about 2 pages of posts:  Jeano's "unusual" exam experience (sorry -- I laughed so hard at kerry's remarks that it triggered a coughing fit); angel's sharing of her own family difficulties; robin and Jen trying to find the right undergarments for their new shapeliness; Kristy's reorganization (how's that going?); kerry's hubs's restructuring (hugs are coming your way); ...

rock, I'm so sorry I missed your call the other night. My dh checked our home messages and handed me the phone, all excited (he knows most of you by screen name or real name by now). But, it was too late to call you back. We'll be here at MIL's through next weekend (at least).

OMG .... The Lortab just kicked in.  The doc-in-the-box I saw yesterday prescribed Lortab instead of good cough syrup for my incessant cough. Seriously -- it's the same 5 mg tabs my MIL is taking for her hip pain. Turns out, Lortab and good cough syrup both contain hydrocodone, so theoretically the tabs should stop the cough.  But, it's just not the same. Swallowing a dry tablet and waiting 30 minutes just isn't the same as taking 5 ml of soothing red syrup. Anyway, I'm suddenly so woozy-headed that I'd better sign off, or I'll lose this post, too.  Ever hear of using Lortab tablets (hydrocodone + acetaminophen) for a cough suppressant?

Huge, squishy, warm hugs to all of you!  My vocabulary dropped by 85% when the Lortab hit, so I'll just remind you how much y'all mean to me.  {{{{{May '08 sisters}}}}}

otter

Oh, Cris, I love your ideas for signs!!!! (dare ya! doubledog dare ya!)
How about "Have a nice day!" and "Jesus loves you even though you're paranoid fruitloops!"

For what it's worth, I think if I drove by and saw their signs, I would think, "Wow, what kind of nutballs live THERE?"

I think the presence of children skipping rope and doing cartwheels and being happy, NORMAL children would also be great revenge.  

So sorry you are having to deal with them, though. I really am.  

Kerry -- DAMN, but that stinks. STINKS.

Rock - I love it...how about "Jesus loves you anyway" or maybe "Peace Out!"  I WISH the sign faced the street; unfortunately, it only faces our driveway and backyard.  I do have pictuers though.  Katie and I have been making up different types of songs (rock, rap, etc.) to the "neigbor's 4 commandments" (as dh has named them).  That's been fun.  And as soon as it stops raining, we'll sick the kids on them, too.

Kerry - Well crap.  I remember that used to be one of our favorite phrases, and it certainly fits now. 

Jen - Cleaning is no fun, but necessary.  On the positive side, I'm glad to know you feel good enough to clean.  On the negative side, cleaning is no fun.  ;O

I hope the lack of posting means everyone's weekend is going well...

I have a heavy heart today. My dentist, whom we have known for 12 years has been going thru bc tx during the same time we all were. Last time I was in to see her she said that everything was calmed down and they had it under control. (hers had spread) Today I get a letter in the mail, she has combined her practice with another lady and has to stop practicing because it has gotten worse. She never wanted anyone to know what was happening including her employees. I found out cause I went in 2 days before my mast surgery to get a cleaning so chemo could start. She always had the most gorgeous hair that hung down below her waist. Her biggest concern was losing her hair so she went with a chemo treatment that would save it, now she has to go with one that took it away. I so want to do something for her and make her feel better. My prayers are going up for her. If you ladies could add a few more I sure would appreciate it.

This really sucks.

Prayers and curses from me. Fucking thing. There's just too much of this shite going around. I had a shake-up this week..one of our hardest working Tasmanian pollies (diagnosed around the same time as us) has announced her early retirement to go to war with a recurrence. Fuck it. I am having one more week off the femara and then I'm going to take it again. Cancer, I concede ONLY this. xxx

Prayers for all of your friends who are dealing with this suckiness, it nevers seems to go away !

Everyone back East stay in your cozy homes and stay safe, have been watching the storms on  CNN , looks pretty nasty.

We must be benifiting from the El Nino coming off the Pacific, I don't remember having this little snow ever !  Did get up to the ski hill on Sunday....hadn't been skiing for 2 years so was a little nervous but made it through without any spills. It was a beautifull sunny day, i did put some pics on facebook.

Kristy good luck with your new position !

Cristine sounds like your neighbours are real gems, I can't imagine having to put up with that! It's too bad that someone has to hold the high ground , cause i'm sure we could come up with some good signs for your windows !

Rock I also have been enjoying seeing your city through your pics , keep them coming !

Mush for brains......hmmmm,     I feel like i live with it everyday. Just seems like the thought process doesn't travel in a straight line like it's supposed too, but takes lots of detours that jumbles everything up !

Hope everyone has a great day

Ten lessons I've learned so far this month:

1. Three weeks is too long to live with your MIL and dh in a 2-room apartment, no matter how much you love them.  So we're going to try for 4 weeks.

2. Nothing is quite as humbling as adult incontinence.

3. Really good nurse's aides should be paid 3 times what they actually make.

4. A comfortable recliner is worth its weight in gold.

5. The ability to bend at the waist and pick things up off the floor is highly under-appreciated.  Try going 3 months without doing it.

6. NCIS re-runs are good even the 3rd time through.

7. The number of family crises that are taking place where you happen to be, will be exceeded at least 4-fold by the number that occur coincidentally a thousand miles away, where you cannot be.

8. Re: #7 -- A phone call reporting the latest escalation of the far-away crises will come at the very moment you are trying to resolve the most recent local crisis.

9. A 5-mg tablet of Lortab turns out to be an excellent cough suppressant. Take just 1/2 tab if a full tab makes you loopy.  It will also help with insomnia.

10. Spring cannot possibly come soon enough.

Hugs to all...

otter 

 Hope everyone had a great Valentines day...I cooked some chicken cordon blue with some swedish potatoes, steamed veggies and some apple crisp  for DH and his family and then watched the Olympics .It was a good day.

2 years ago yesterday was the day I had the mamo and the ultrasound where all this began. I remember being in the ultrasound and seeing that spot on the screen....I think that will forever be ingrained in my mind...what a way to remember valentines !

Just got back from my 6 month surgical follow up and he says things look fine...come back in six months, so I was happy about that.  He says he tailors the appt. to each individual patient and due to my pathology he feels six month visits is where I should be at as a year would be too long. I'm not sure how long he follows up but it gives me piece of mind.

Thanks for the link Jean ...that was cute !

Have a great week ladies !

How is everybody doing?

I will try to make this short..

First, Linda, it was wonderful to see you and your wonderful daughter. I was distracted by the fact that you are stunningly beautiful. And your daughter is so much like you... and a wonderful young woman. Good job, woman.  She's wonderful.

I'm sorry I was so out of it.  I have many reasons for being out of it. Including being POUNDED lately with, with... with let me list:  a young friend's father's prostate cancer. a young friend's mother's thyroid cancer. my neighbor's prostate cancer. my older friend's mother's hospitalisation. my ex-es father resurfacing for the first time in 15 years and the death of my ex-es uncle.  and, too, my friend's reactive arthritis (she's only 27) that they are having trouble resolving and she can't take anymore cortisone so is on megadoses of ibuprofen trying to stay out of a wheelchair.  when they get her stabilised, she is coming to stay with me for a few weeks where she will be less isolated.

i am fine. i really am. i love my friends and there is always plenty of love and concern to go around.  but trying to teach and respond to students and be one a search committee and respond to some commentary and finalise a report ....Linda, it was so lovely to see you and your daughter, to be reminded that there are good NORMAL things happening in the world every single minute.  And also because it made me give my apartment a much-needed hour of housecleaning!

I just can't seem to get it together and keep it together.  An outlet blows, a tax return is due, $200 of receipts needs to be submitted, a get-well card sent, my THREE chipped teeth fixed (I feel you, Julie, I feel you! and I take calcium every single day!) . . . . I just can't seem to get it together to deal with any of it.

Okay. That's it!  THank you for the good wishes, people.   your empathy, your humor...your patience and understanding as I STRUGGLE TO EVEN ORGANIZE A GLASS OF WATER, as Linda will attest!

Lots and lots of love, but not much else, I'm afraid. rock

Julie - book reports!  OMG I am so glad those days are behind me!!!!!!!!!!!!  Haha, what am I saying, I'll have my own reports and papers to write when I get my butt back in school.  Somewhere along the way I missed that your DH had been to the ED, chest pain I am guessing based on what you wrote.  That's so frightening.  As if you haven't had enough crap with sick kids, in laws, parents, root canals, and life in general.

Rovk and Linda - I am thrilled that you could meet!  Hoping it was refreshing for both of you.  Did I miss pictures here or FB?

Otter - great insights in your weekly learning

Cris - any more signs in your neighbors windows?

Kristy - wishing for a smooth transition to sales and marketing IT

Anyone - word about Dana?

This week is my 5th post op week, started back to work last week, doing pretty well. No pain pills except at night.  See my PS next Tuesday.  The new boob seems to be getting used to its new place in my body. The 4 weeks of firmness bothered me but now there are progresing areas of softness, far from jiggly though. Scars healing well, new belly button not so well. Tummy still very senstive, tender with some edema, don't have many clothes that I can wear without increasing my discomfort. Happiest in my jammies, can't wear those to work and church.

DH and I crusing in 33 days!  Meeting up with my fave sister and BIL.

Kids are great.  DD is now a RA, recovered well from her new years day appendectomy, actually enjoying her college math class and loving taking photos.  DS now living in Montana, still with YWAM.  He was co-leader of a group of 10 students to Taiwan and China for two months.

Two years out from BC diagnosis. Keep putting off the next appt with my Onco.  Simply don't want to walk in the office again.

OK...there was more but I think someone pushed the delete button in my brain.

Love to all of you!

OMG, this is so good:  "I'm a fan of having people read things out loud, or I read their work out loud to them.  Sometimes it is easier to hear the problems.  The other thing I recommend is an outline, and also a reverse-outline -- outlining a paper AFTER it's been written to make sure it hangs together.  The third thing I'd advise is a good bottle of cabernet savignon.  For you, of course."

I tried the reading-out-loud strategy for some of my graduate students, and I used outlining a lot (did you know there are upper-division college students who have no clue what an outline is???); but I totally forgot about the value of a good bottle of cabernet savignon.

The last book report I remember giving was in 12th grade.  I had not read the book.... at least, not past the 6th or 7th page.  (It was a terrible book, but one of those "classics" everyone had to read in high school.)  So, when asked to stand up in front of the class and tell my classmates about the book, I was a bit more creative than usual.  Actually, I'd been sleeping until my English teacher called on me to give the report.  I thought my in-class napping had been discreet, but, apparently not...

Oh, Julie ... I am so hoping that your dh's stress test will be fine. My dh had a minor boo-boo this morning and it scared the stuffing out of me (or maybe that was the stuffing in my foob).  I've decided my recent knotted stomach, excessive intake of Tums, and overall "blues", are due to my family's troubles, not whatever lingering fears I might have about my own health.  Yes, everything for us is "To Be Continued"; but at least that means someone is keeping an eye on us and we aren't being neglected (medically).  As for the family problems, though, ... they never seem to end.  Not just family problems, of course; but friends' problems, too (hugs, rock....).  I don't know why, but hearing of a cancer dx in someone else, or even watching those !&@##!! "Cancer Treatment Center" commercials on TV, is becoming more, not less, difficult for me.  I've decided to take all my cancer anniversaries and put them in my "ignore" folder, because otherwise they haunt me.  What's with that?

Despite what I said in the previous sentence, I'm going to tell Robin to go to that onco appt.  Get it over with.  Mine are every 6 months now, but will be less frequent after this spring, when they'll alternate at 6-month intervals with my BS/mammogram rechecks.  Fine with me.  I never have anything to report to my onco, and she doesn't do any BC scans, so there's not much to find.  I am scared of my next DEXA scan (this summer), because I'm expecting that Arimidex has not done my bones any good.  We'll see.

Jen and Robin, I noticed a thread on the Recon forum the other day that really made me think of you two.  Someone posted that she was "DIEPLY sorry", because her DIEP had turned into a TRAM (MS-free TRAM?) and her TRAM-boobs were unexpectedly and distressingly huge.  She might have used the word, "grotesque".  I was thinking about what that would be like, and whether it would really be better than being flat.  But, my flat left side is still giving me trouble, 2 years after my mast/SNB.  I do think I must have some truncal LE on that side, because it's never comfortable. It always feels like I have duct tape wrapped there and if I could pull it off, everything would be fine.  "Normal", you know?  Yeah, right... "normal".

With respect to my family, there has been no resolution of anything.  There is not, and probably never will be, a point at which I can relax and feel comfortable with the situation.  My dad is doing well in the nursing home/rehab center.  Really well.  His appetite is strong -- he's eating everything he's given; the staff makes sure he gets up and walks every day with his walker, so his legs are getting stronger; he's sleeping soundly.  Mentally, he seems to be having some "good" days now in which he keeps track of things that had been slipping away (like dh's name).  But, my sis is exerting her usual influence and is keeping me out of the decision-making; and I continue to trigger tears and anguish in my mom despite my attempts to be nice(r) to her. She calls with the oddest and most illogical questions that I know she can solve on her own.  It's as if she has decided to relinquish all responsibility for herself and have someone else take care of her... even if it's long-distance. But, when I offer advice (which i've become more reluctant to do), she'll usually ignore it and end up doing what my sister suggested.  And she is adamant that she will not have anyone else come into the house to "help" her, and she is "too old" to sell the house and move somewhere else that's easier to maintain.

We've postponed our trip northward until I recharge my batteries and can gain some confidence (or figure out a coping mechanism). I'm even thinking about talking to a counselor/psychologist about all this. After all, it's classic:  mother-daughter hostilities and rivalry between adult siblings.  There have been movies with less drama.

Okay, the sun is shining and the high for today will be in the 50's.  That's average for here, but is 15 to 20 degrees warmer than it has been in, oh, 3 or 4 months I think.  A long winter.  Gotta go outside and see if the daffodils bloomed yet.  Then there are the taxes to finish, and a trip to the courthouse to renew the registration for 1 car, 3 boats, and a travel trailer...

Hugs...

otter 

[P.S.:  Should I get the bright pink "BC awareness" license plate for my car?  The $50 fee goes to a good cause:  a local chapter of the Breast Cancer Research Foundation. But, I think not...  I'm not quite ready to advertise my affliction.  Especially if it decides to come back.]