All Alone Husband divorcing me please help.

You really can.  I left our home of 19 years.  I had two teenaged children, and worked part time.  Somehow I made it.  We did without, ate lots of scrambled eggs and top ramen.  My kids came home with a dog as well.  Just keep your eyes open.  Something will turn up.

Think positive thoughts.  You can do t.

Keep close to God, he is there for you.

meece

Oh Cinde,

I am so sorry you have to go through this, too! You said that your husband isn't working? Is the house in his name/yours or both?  If it happens to be in your name since you are the only one working...change the locks while he's visiting the girlfriend. You stay put! Have him move out!..I don't know what the laws are in FL?? Any ladies out there know?? Seek some legal advice from maybe Legal Aid in your area to find out what the best thing to do is. Don't move out yet, though as hard as it may be.  This may be construed as you abandoning the marriage and he could keep the house....it happened to a friend of mine.....

I will keep you in my prayers as I know many, many others will, too!

God Bless you and may you find a solution and peace soon....

~Anne

Cinde,

How are you doing? After reading your story, I felt mine happening all over again. I may not have had your years, children, marriage, but I had to kick my significant other out for the fact of him being mentally abusive. Long story short, his stupidity has hoed himself to the next victim. Don't be that victim and know time will heal your pain. It's down right inhumane for a any significant person to do this at this time. He may think this is a "fair weather" marriage, but Trust that God will take care of you and certainly take care of him.

The best revenge, is fighting your fight with Pink boxing gloves and know you will come out the WINNER!!!. I too had the fight and finished and now Glowing with a renewed self. It took therapy, family and friends to help me heal. I'm still going through some rough times of remembering the pain, but this too is passing.

Cinde, just know that this will smooth over and keep the Faith and Fight on yourself and not this fool. He is a total fool for doing this to you. Move on and concentrate on the best person ~ YOU!

Ditto on the staying put and getting legal advice, you will feel more comfortable for now, hopefully your house will sell and the two of you can go to your separate lives...If you have close friends, try having them over as much as possible while your slut of a husband is home, hopefully he will not show his uglier side when company is there...In the mean time, try to find support groups in your area and have them over also so your slut of a husband can see that it is not just you alone and take advantage of your situation to make you even sicker than you are........I don't live that far away from you...My son drives to UCF everyday....So I would be happy to meet you somewhere and take you to dinner (my husband would also come} he's the opposite of yours so you will know what to look for next time!!!

I thought of something, if he is going over to his girlfriend's, why not tell him he should just stay there?  He obviously has a place to go during the day. Lawyer is a good idea.  Get things moving..including your husband...out.

oooh, Merilee, that is an excellent idea!

Conde, my ex left many years before my bc, but it was during another illness. He was so unsupportive then, that I cringe at how he would have behaved during bc treatment...maybe spiked my chemo so I died a "natural" death, lol.

Anyway, check with your Human Resources dept at work (if you have one) to see if they offer referral services for things like lawyers. My company uses a third party service put it's free to get the names of providers for things like psychological care, social services, child care, and lawyers.

Quite often, divorce lawyers will offer a free initial consultation of an hour where you can ask questions and they will give you the state laws that apply to your situation. If you are comfortable in an online bulletin board setting, you could also try divorcesource.com...other people who are in your situation might have information that you can use (but note, that info is not from lawyers, just other laymen).

The emotional wounds will heal, but living with your soon-to-be-ex (or not-soon-enough-to-be-ex) does not give you time to do that. It's like picking at a scab. So the first thing to do is find out what the laws in your state say. Then act so it puts you in the best situation to heal.

Call a LAWYER!!!  Tomorrow!

You have rights.  If he''s not working and you are - if you are paying the bills and he's not-  you have to protect your assests before he goes through them.  If you move out you may end up giving ground you'll never get back.

This is not the time for emotion -this is the time for action. Protect yourself and get a lawyer!  

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.  I hate stories like these.  I wish I could come kick your soon-to-be ex husbands a$$ for you.

Cinde, I'm so sorry you're going through this...

Let me add one more chorus of "Lawyer!"  NancyD's ideas of asking HR for a referral, AND getting a free consultation, are very good ones.

Every state has different laws.  If you move out, you may be seen as "abandoning" him -- whereas in fact he has abandoned you.  Don't move out!  But changing the locks may put you in a bad position as well in some circumstances -- check with a lawyer first.

As for you working if he is not, or you bringing in more money -- unfortunately some judges can see this as a "status quo" that should be maintained!!!!  As morally unfair as that seems to be!  But the fact that you are in treatment and your husband is leaving you at night to sleep with another woman ought to go a long way toward convincing a judge that you need everything you earn to support yourself.  As far as joint ownership of the house -- even if it is only in one person's name, you have both been living there as a married couple for so long that it will almost certainly be considered marital (joint) property, especially if you have made mortgage payments from a joint checking account, or you each have made payments from individual accounts.

Sorry to be so technical about this -- my ex moved out 12 years before I had BC -- we just had a home to deal with, and a 12-year-old child who was not in good health, which was more than enough heartache and headache -- so I really feel for you going through both BC and divorce at the same time.

I always worked fulltime, more than my ex -- who only worked part-time just because he felt like it.  That's how I found out the hard way that courts considered that to be the established status quo in our marriage that should be upheld in our divorce  -- rather than considering him a deadbeat who didn't pull his weight!

Anyway, I did a free consult with a lawyer, which was very helpful to find out what assets and financial obligations would be considered "his", "mine" and "ours."  Then we went to a divorce mediator, where the two spouses work out an agreement with one person -- much cheaper, my ex and I did the arguing in front of this one person, who didn't have an incentive to run up hours and mislead each of us about how much we were going to "get" from the other...  Doesn't work for everybody, but worked for us and cost $1000 total, compared to tens of thousands each for a contested divorce. (Maybe not so essential in a state that has "no-fault" divorce, as most do.  NY still insists on "fault" divorce, so going to a mediator can really help preserve the family assets instead of lining the pockets of attorneys...)

Once you do talk to a lawyer, I think raising the question of him moving out to stay at his girlfriend's, and/or you having a roommate move in, is a good idea.  It's just obscene that he's living in your house AND staying at a girlfriend's.  You need a home that doesn't have him in it!

Many hugs and best wishes, Ann

You must not let him drive you out of your own home.  He's the one who has abandoned you and whored around while you've dealt with breast cancer. Plus the fact you are the only one working not him. Why should you make it easy for him?  He's a man slut.  Please see a lawyer and get some support from friends or close relatives.

   I'm so sorry to read you are going through this.  When this happened to me (before I got cancer), the very first thing I did was open a separate bank account.  And I mean the first thing .. the very next morning after I caught him with his secretary.  (And I cried the whole time I was at the bank.)  Then I started moving joint funds into that account.  He was a lawyer, and at that time, my business was down to about nothing. His girlfriend wanted my home, along with the man.  I had to protect myself from the get-go. 

   Start separating your accounts ASAP, then see a lawyer and get some kind of paperwork filed, even a legal separation filed.  You don't want him running up joint credit cards or other kinds of debt you may end up being responsible for. 

   I know the hurt is unbelievable .. truthfully, I have never recovered from what he did.  But, I did move on, sold our home and left the state.  I met someone after three years of being on my own and I'm so blessed now. 

Sending you a big bear hug,

Bren

Cinde,

Well I guess by now you know that you have lots of support and lots of ideas. You can always count on BCO for opinions LOL. I pray that God will guide you to the best choice for you. If God is whispering in your ear to go see a lawyer...do it. Your husband should be ashamed and if he isnt...I am sure someday he will be. I know you said that you dont know how to live without him but apparently he has made his choice. The sweetest revenge is to show him that you indeed will be fine without him. I can not fathom how you are living under those conditions...it has to be one of the worse emotional pains ever known. Meece has a good idea....if the other woman wants him so much then let her have him and all his belongings. Luv & Hugs, MaZY

Just have to jump in and agree with all of you.  I was going to say the same thing that BinVA said about the bank accounts.  I would open my own and start socking away what you can..........before he has the chance to clean it out.  Also............many, many years ago when I went through a divorce I didn't think of Credit Cards...............I would close any and all that are in both names.  Good luck to you.

Denise