please help

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  • geebung
    geebung Member Posts: 1,851
    edited July 2009

    Judie - naughty Judie! I'm so glad you are ok. I felt a rush of dread when I first read your post! xx

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  • geebung
    geebung Member Posts: 1,851
    edited July 2009

    Meg - thanks for asking! Not much news from me. Still doing my art classes and now doing an 8 week full time course in something very boring that will hopefully get me a job eventually so I am very busy.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2009

    In the wee hours of the morning following a most difficult day, I am finding myself feeling philosophical and grateful for the very cause of the pain.

    The story is too long and boring for this place, but I'll try for the highlights.

    My son who died last December at age 45 had a passion. It was music. He was a true audiophile. His new dream house included a state-of-the-art media room for his equipment and huge music collection, including thousands of vinyl records. He was a collector and especially loved quadrophonic records played on equipment using vacuum tubes producing analog music rather than digital.

    Those of us left behind don't understand the equipment and wouldn't truly appreciate it. Today a fellow audiophile and member of an internet board they were both very active on, drove five hours to help us identify and evaluate equipment and music. We made some decisions about how to sell it. I will be doing much of it on eBay, which felt utterly overwhelming to me, but I'm the only one who knows how and has time. It will take a couple of years, at least. By the time I left I felt like I had performed open-heart surgery on myself with no anesthesia.

    But after I got home, I looked at the items I had brought with me to begin selling...music mostly...records and high-end music DVDs. I played a couple of them and even I, with my cheap equipment, could appreciate thier specialness and quality. Soon it felt like I had brought a fragment of his spirit, his soul into my home. I feel like I know and understand him a little more.

    Its an example of how sometimes unimaginable pain can slip moments of unexpected beauty into the wounds and make one realize that all is not lost after all.

    Everyone here has suffered extreme loss because of bootface, as well as various other crises large and small. This place is one of those bits of surprising beauty that remind us of the good people of this world and the beauty that attends us when we need it. I love each of you. Thank you for being there for each other.

     

    Judie

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  • geebung
    geebung Member Posts: 1,851
    edited July 2009

    ((((((((((Judie))))))))))

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  • Makratz
    Makratz Member Posts: 12,678
    edited July 2009

    That's so beautiful Judie!  HUGS to you!

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  • dkhancock1948
    dkhancock1948 Member Posts: 433
    edited July 2009

    (((((((((((((((Judie)))))))))))))))

    I am sorry that you had to go through that, as well as everything else.  Your words were so touching.  I am glad the other person took time out to help you.  You must have felt overwhelemed.  And, then to have you to hear the music and feel the appreciation the way he felt it.  Just like Meg said, his spirit flowing through the music!

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited July 2009

    Judie, you made me cry...and I'm a pretty tough soul. Cry So glad your son spoke to you through his music yesterday.

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Hugs }}}}}}}}}}}}}}

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  • NancyD
    NancyD Member Posts: 3,562
    edited July 2009

    Judie, I feel we must be special people for you to share such a moving experience with us. Thank you.

    Cleo, I guess you have to get your head around the idea that death is a natural process, as natural as giving birth, eating, making love, getting sick, defecating, farting, belching...some of those are more pleasant than others, but they all are a part of our lives. We only fear death because it is the great unknown and we tend to fear the unknown.

    If you are a person of faith, there is the fear of punishment for wrong doings by God. If you have no faith, then the thought of death being the ultimate end of all thoughts leads you to great sadness. The first can bring regret for things that were done; the second for things that were NOT done.

    I like to put myself in the middle. I have faith that if there is life of some kind after death, it will bring a kind of fulfillment that I can't find here in this life. I hold that thought close and lean heavily on it, especially if the urge to "tie one on" ever comes over me. So far, the worst feeling I've ever had, physically, has been a whopper of a hangover, and I don't think the moments of inebriation are worth that.

    Meanwhile, I have tried to live my life after my bc diagnosis with more meaning: greater expression of love to my family, and I have been pursuing interests I might have put off to another time.

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  • portiasproudmom
    portiasproudmom Member Posts: 2,125
    edited July 2009

    Well, today is Portia's 16th birthday.  She had quite an exciting day--got her navel pierced and had her ears triple pierced.  She said it was her best birthday ever!

    Also, it looks like we'll have a building permit by the end of the week (knock on wood).

    I'll be back tomorrow to catch up with everyone.

    Hugs,

    Karen

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  • Makratz
    Makratz Member Posts: 12,678
    edited July 2009

    Karen,

    Glad Portia had an awesome bday!  That's must mean so much to her! 

    Good luck with the permit.

    Linda

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  • honeygirl
    honeygirl Member Posts: 1,718
    edited July 2009

    Hi Ladies and UB. Just stopping in for a quick post. Tomorrow at 7:30 , my ex-SO is having his surgery. They will be going through his stomach , to his groin and putting in two stents. Hoping this will help him in regaining circulation in his legs again. Please say a prayer for him. This is the most serious of all his surgeries. He will be in the hospital for a week. In ICU for the first two to three days , depending on how he does. I'll let you all know how it goes. Love you all. Mel

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  • Mary22
    Mary22 Member Posts: 779
    edited July 2009

    It is nice to have a little fun each day!!!

    Meg such lovely words. I completely agree with you, without these boards, I really do not know what I would do, especially now w/school being out. The music teacher at the school where I work was wonderful(she is a breast cancer survivor) She had a double mast, chemo and rads. this summer she is having a hyster. She was great to talk to and a wealth of information. Nothing like a common bond.

    Bless each of you!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2009

    Beautiful thoughts indeed, Meg. I really appreciated them. I'm so glad you're here.

    Mary, your presence is also a gift.

    My heart will be with you tomorrow dear Mel. You have gone many extra miles with this man. He is very lucky.

    Way to go Portia!!! From leaving her horrible home to having the best birthday ever. You're a great mom, Karen. Permit??? No. Can't be. But HOORAY anyway!!!

    I seem to be tolerating Aromasin so far. There are side effects, but doable. Fingers crossed.

    Another sad day here. Please send healing to my daughter who is not coping well. Cathi, if you have any magic spells for healing daughters, please send them along.

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited July 2009

    Mel, you XSO is in my prayers today. Please let us know how he does!

    To everyone, big, big HUGS!

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  • Makratz
    Makratz Member Posts: 12,678
    edited July 2009

    Mel Best wishes for your SO.  I will keep him in my prayers.  I hope you are doing well.

    Meg beautiful thoughts!

    Towee, sending prayers to your daughter.  I hope she heals quickly.

    Good morning all.  Sending hugs and prayers to all who need them.

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  • Mary22
    Mary22 Member Posts: 779
    edited July 2009

    Mel, sending prayers your way for you and your SO.

    Hugs to all. Have a good day.

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  • livesstrong
    livesstrong Member Posts: 1,799
    edited July 2009

    Hello all,

    (((((Judie )))) - I hope you realize how very special you are to all of us here - your post was sad yet beautiful.

    Mel - praying for your ex SO - it's aways so hard.

     Well UB is in the clear - his xray came out clear and it turns out he had viral not pcp pneumonia, which means no biopsy.  But he still needs to go back for 2 more rounds of chemo.  Baby steps, right?

    Hugs,

    AE

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  • Makratz
    Makratz Member Posts: 12,678
    edited July 2009

    AE and UB!!  Such great news.  Baby steps, yes, but they are still steps moving forward! I will keep you both in my prayers.

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  • lvtwoqlt
    lvtwoqlt Member Posts: 6,162
    edited July 2009

    That is great news AE and UB.

    I think about you all, I check in daily but don't always post. I will be off-line until Monday, going to a reunion with my sister. We are pulling a Thelma and Louise this weekend, running away from our husbands, but we won't be getting in trouble like they did and we won't be driving off a cliff!

    Sheila

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  • EWB
    EWB Member Posts: 2,927
    edited July 2009

    Shelia- have a wonderful time! what a nice gift- time with your sister; no matter how the reunion goes, you'll have lovely memories of your trip together. Safe journey

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2009

    Hooray for UB!!! Here are some baby steps for him:

    Oh Sheila! How wonderful to have a sister worth doing a Thelma and Louise with. You go girl!!!

    Any music buffs here? I'm immersed in preparing ads for eBay and enjoying being a part of the music in my small way. You wouldn't believe what some people spend for the ultimate listening experience, or for collecting music from the past. Whew!

    Hugs all around. Thanks for the thoughts for my daughter. They help.

    Judie

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  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited July 2009

    HELLO-HELLO-HELLO.  I think I have read all the posts of the past few days. 

    First have to say I am so glad for you AE & UB,  praying everyday that things become and stay stable - xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

    Nancy,  I have your dates marked,  not sure about our PA trip yet,  E is working on making sure he has people to cover while he is away -  he worries so. 

    Mel prayers for you and SO

    Barbe you have your surgery tomorrow right????   XOXOXOXOXOXO

    Karen sounds like Porta had a great 16th,  does anyone have sweet 16 parties anymore,  I had one - it was great,  my parents went all out for it.

    I know I am going to miss someone,  but,  Nettie,  Cherly, Mary, Shelia, Lisa, Linda,  Elaine, Sue, Shirlan and ALL-  Love ,  good thoughts and happy wishes  XOXOXOXOXOXO

    Now Miss Judie as for you and your DD,  oh I only wish II had some "MAGIC"  I would share it with you for sure.  My mom told me such a long time ago when the girls were little (only 15/months apart) and I was wishing they would just get a little bigger.  Be careful Cathi - Little Children means little problems -  Big Children means "BIG PROBLEMS"  Wasn't she ever right.

    Well anyway life has sort of been getting in the way (HA-HA) the past few weeks,  so been busy and half on the nutty side,  Onco's office called and wants to know when I am rescheduling my X-rays,  I am going to wait a bit,  I have been self DX'ing  this week I  have a Herniated Disc -  it didn't  cost me half as much to google  a disease as it does to walk into the DR's - LOL

    Got some great R&R today,   just lazed out in the pool for hours,  well Margo did get me out for a bit as I looked out and there she was eating and digging at Ed's prize Pineapple Plant -  he has not seen it yet-  WOOPS.

    hAVE A GREAT NIGHT ALL.

    xoxoxoxoxoxo

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited July 2009

    Cathi, disc problems can be very painful.....but better a disc problem than mets. Hope you feel better.

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  • cloudhowe
    cloudhowe Member Posts: 236
    edited July 2009

    Hi lassies



    Just back from visiting my brother in Blackpool, - a North West English seaside resort - and I am getting an echocardiogram tomorrow morning prior to Herceptrin/Chemo. Meant to be getting the Herceptrin on 3rd August, and the Taxtotre on the 4th.



    I have had to put it off because I need some dental work done, starting 3rd, and now will have to postpone THAT again as I am off to Clones in Co. Monachen, Ireland, where my Dad came from, and where my brother's ashes were scattered, at the family plot.Brother died on 13th July 2006. Yep the old bootface, Gullet. Inoperable. We are still getting over it.



    My wee brother Hugh has paid for the Ireland break, so I just have to re-arrange treatment dates. I know the cancer is not there, so there is no massive urgency, just so many bloody arrangments.



    So...... tomorrow,,,,, after the echo, it will be a lot of calls. Be nice for a few wee more breaks before chemo .... again !!



    Has anyone else has "The Yew Tree Poison", combined with Herceptrin, post surgery.



    Herceptrin day 1, Tax day 2.... with rads after a break and then 18 rounds of Herceptrin thereafter? - Seems such a lot, where when I had such good initial reports post op??????



    Any way ... Lisa, brilliant news. How great to to be told it's 'only' athristis. Or as as the old folk say here in Scotland Arthur Itis. Every old person here has a friend called Arthur. Either she/he has it so some bloody else in there circle has!



    But it is no joke, it's a pig of pain. But ... better then we know what than what we fear.



    Cheryl, where are you?



    Sweet Sue, try not too think too badly of your dad's partner. She might have been trying to spare you. Your dad might have been too. The first thing that would have sprung to your mind was not the thing that sprung to their mind. It's not bootface. Your dad had trouble with his gullet. Buhlieve meeee. If it had been bootcase, they would have known.



    Please sleep well, and try to see your dad soonest



    Take care



    Nettie



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  • honeygirl
    honeygirl Member Posts: 1,718
    edited July 2009

    Hi everyone , making this quick , as I am soooo exhausted. His surgery was suppose to be 4 to 5 hours long. It took eight. Everything below the groin was blocked. He is in ICU with a resperator. I got to see him for about 5 minutes after being there waiting for 12 hours. He looks very bleak , but that was to be expected. I called just a little while ago. His bp has come down , as it was a little high. And he is resting well. Which is what I plan on doing right now.

    And I'm not sure if I told you all or not , My friend that I had been looking for , and found out she had died , that I found her sister and wrote her a letter. Well today I got a letter from her. My wonderful , beautiful friend died of aids. She was working on cancer research up until she died. My heart is breaking for her. I pray she is soaring as the most beautiful angel ever...

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  • geebung
    geebung Member Posts: 1,851
    edited July 2009

    Mel - what a marathon for you and your XSO. Praying for you both - especially that he feels and is much better soon.

    Nettie - that's wonderful about eh Ireland trip - you certainly deserve to escape from al this stuff for a while. I hope you have a fantastic time.

    UB & AE - so pleased that you didn't need a biopsy UB. My best thoughts & prayers to you for your next  chemo.

    Judie - prayers and warmest thoughts to you and your daughter. It's so horrible when your children are sick or sad.

    I just heard that our dear Fumi's father passed away a short time ago. Please remember Fumi in your thoughts and prayers. ((((((((((Fumi)))))))))) - my best thoughts are with you.

    Love to everyone here.

    Jane oxox

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  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited July 2009

    Mel thanks for the update,  saying more prayers. Just to clarify I don't really have a herniated disc,  I am just using that as this weeks excuse - self DX.

    Nettie love the Ireland trip  - I was to go to Australia and Ireland some day. Well I must dress and gett Margo out to her nail appointment this AM. 

    XOXOXOXOXOX TO ALL

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited July 2009

    Ah Fumi, she was so optimistic about her Dad.....Cry

    UB, you done good. Laughing

    Mel, I had a best friend that passed away when we were 42. I am so glad that before she got sick I actually told her I loved her, but not in a weird way, if you know what I mean. Wink She took it very graciously, nodded, and changed the subject! hehehehehhe

    Nettie, if you'll be anywhere near the Blarney Stone, please kiss it for my DH as I don't know if we'll ever make it there. Money mouth

    Sheila! I didn't know Thelma and Louise drove off a cliff! Never saw the movie and now the ending is ruined....Surprised rats! hehehehhehe

    Cathi good point from your mom. Another one I've heard apparently from Oprah is "money doesn't solve problems, it magnifies them."

    Be careful what you wish for....

    Off to the hospital soon to give birth to Mick. Anyone want to adopt a pain in the ass?

    p.s. when I herniated 3 discs, DH had to call an ambulance because I was paralysed. I hope you don't reach that point Cathi. Apparently the pain is caused by the fluid when it leaks from the disc and irritates the area around it. Can last 6 months plus. I was on Oxycodone for 9 months. (narcotic equivalent of 25 Percocets a day!) and I still had to work, of course $$$$$$.....sigh.

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  • Makratz
    Makratz Member Posts: 12,678
    edited July 2009

    Mel, Your friend is defintiely with the angels.  So happy to hear you did get in touch with her sister.

    I will keep you SO in my prayers too.  It sounds like it's going to be a long road back to health. These things take time and your SO is very lucky to have you.

    So sorry to hear about FUmis dad.  I will keep both of themin my prayers.

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  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited July 2009

    Ok I apologize I am as naughty as Judie,  I don't have a disc problem just thought it was a better DX than when onco is leaning towards. 

    Barbe thoughts of you today as you give birth,  let us know time and weight -LOL. xoxoxoxoxoxo

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