My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

mara51506

Mae, really nice new ride for sure. I am sure you will enjoy it.

I did wind up getting a new microwave. DB and SIL brought one they had on hand but it did not have the tray that rotates and was a bit rusty itself which was why I was replacing mine. They not only brought the microwave to try out, they took me out shopping for the microwave I got new and set it up, got rid of the old one, will take it to be recycled and threw out my new microwave packaging. On top of that SIL crocheted a lovely blanket with the colours in my living room, how did I get so lucky?

GoldensRBest

Mae -

Nice ride! I have a 2007 Toyota Highlander Hybrid with almost 150,000 miles. I'm torn between taking it to the grave with me or getting something new. When I drive hubs new Jeep, I love the heated steering wheel, heated seats and back up lens. That's when I say I want something new. My buggy has heated seats but after all those years they're not as efficient. These vehicles are made to last another 100,000 miles or so. I don't think I've put 5000 miles on the car since we moved to Wisconsin in Oct 2019. Hard to justify a new car that sits in the garage! Enjoy all the places you can go.

Mara - you are truly blessed to have such wonderful family members.

Micmel

Mara~new microwave, not too shabby. How precious is that she made you a homemade quilt. I love love that stuff. Snuggle warm under it. How sweet...

Micmel

Goldens~I am right there with you on the vehicle. I have a 2008 Chrysler mini van. Barely has 103k. I go no where. No payments is also attractive to me. I can’t justify purchasing another either. Mae. I love it. Blue is my favorite color..

candy-678

Mae- Nice vehicle !!!! Love the color !!!

I have a 2005 Dodge Dakota pickup truck. Had it since 2006. Still a good old truck. Won't be buying anything else unless it gives out.

Anonymous

Mae - love your new wheels. It totally suits your personality!

Spending today doing crafty things, which means squishing wool into balls and then into egg shapes and dunking things in water. First examples I may need to stuff with catnip and turn into toys (they may pass for alien eggs... maybe) but I got the hang of it by the end and I should have some nice new decorations for the easter tree. Enough YouTube videos and you can do anything.

This morning I was half asleep contemplating getting up to feed the (loudly breathing) cat, when I felt the oddest sensation - almost like part of my primary collapsed. Like the tissue moved. It was a very vivid (not painful) feeling but I wonder if I dreamed it.

dutchiris

I am sorry to show up once again all stressed and am otherwise pretty much silent but I had scans and an onc appt this past Thursday.

The good news I guess is they are calling my bone mets stable.

Now for the not so good news (aka bad news.) There is a mass on my left ovary. An ultrasound originally called it a hemorrhagic cyst. On my last two CT scans it has grown. It is part complex cyst with enhancing septations and has a solid component. The report now says it is concerning for neoplasm. My onc says this is mostly likely not breast cancer related and most likely arising from the ovary. I will now have another ultrasound and see a gyn onc on Tuesday. I am holding my next cycle of Ibrance for possible biospy/surgery.

My onc apologized a few times for having to inform me of this development.

candy-678

Sondra- ?? Your "primary" collapsed?

We do have some weird sensations sometimes.

I am tired of how I feel. Today I got up early and went to the store when they first opened. Needed some items and staying away from crowds still. I was walking around the isles in the store feeling kind of short of breath. Not bad. But just a little. And the hot flashes were coming like crazy. Chilly out today so I had a jacket on. And my back, hips, and pelvis hurts. My knees too. Rainy, damp weather so maybe arthritis or most likely the Letrozole. I got home and sat down on my couch. I felt so tired and was thinking that I have the whole day left before bedtime. I changed my bed sheets today so I have an extra load of laundry to do today too.

I used to get up and go to work. Raring to go. Busy, busy, busy. Now, I just feel like curling up under the covers. My scans will hopefully look good on the 22nd. I hope. But my QOL sucks. I could tell my MO all this, but she seems like the kind of doctor that just discusses the latest scans and doesn't really want to stop and hear all this. Maybe my Palliative Care people? I have an appt with them a couple of days after my MO appt--- so we have the results of the latest scans. Maybe nothing to really do about this. If the cancer is stable, that is the important thing. I just feel so "sick" anymore. I say I want to do volunteer things, and I do, but then I don't because of how I feel physically. I was kind of looking forward to the store today. Look around at some things. But then I feel so cruddy I just wanted to get it over with.

Do any of you feel this way? Or is it just me? I know Mel feels fatigued.

candy-678

dutchiris- I am so sorry. Pocket duty for sure on Tuesday. Keep us informed.

runor

Mel, great news on the scan. Not just a good scan but a 'beautiful' scan!

Dutchiris - I am sorry about this and don't know how people bear more bad news. Prayers to you.

Mae, nice ride. Love hearing what everyone drives. I drive a 1986 Jimmy that I bought in 1996.  

Hello to everyone else, hope Spring is arriving wherever you are. I can hardly wait to get outside and light shit on fire!

mara51506

Dutchiris, I am so sorry to hear about your ovary. Last thing you need is another thing while still dealing with BC. I will be thinking of you.

Candy, totally understand what you are saying about the fatigue and not wanting to get up to do anything. I struggle before my first walk because I am so tired every day, just like a lot of us here. So easy for me to want to sit, but I know if I do that, I will get right into depressive symptoms and have a miserable day and sleep as well. I just eat and go without much thought because if I think about how tired I am, I won't get out the door.

illimae

DH put in a throttle accelerator on both our vehicles, we’re testing them out today. My RAV4 had an incredible response, DH calls it the rocket. Turns out the ability to zoom really fast (particularly while passing on the hwy) was desperately missed after only a day, lol

Now I’m heading out for a short walk to see everything this new Fitbit can do. It tracks HR, which I thought would cause me anxiety but so far it hasn’t jumped up for no reason, so I think it’ll be ok.

Wishing everyone a nice weekend

Rosie24

My new car is a 2021 Honda Civic, white. We already had a mid sized SUV (Mazda CX-5) so I figured I might like something smaller. It felt good in the test drive and should get good gas mileage. I liked being higher on the road in my previous cars and kind of surprised myself with liking the smaller car this time. Mae, enjoy the oomph of the throttle accelerator! Nice looking new car.

Monday’s my MO appointment. I’m wondering if she’s going to hold my Ibrance until after my second shot, which is April 1. I’ve been off since Feb. 8 so if she does hold it longer that’ll be a long break. I’ll do whatever she suggests, just curious what it will be. Vaccine eligibility is at 50 years old and up in Ohio. There are still people in the older groups trying to get theirs, but apparently there is going to be a lot more available now.

Candy, Sorry about your aches and pains at the store. I feel like I’ve really aged sometimes when I get up from the couch. It takes me a while to get moving without hobbling. I do think I sit too much and I know I should lose some weight.

Mel, I hope you notice less fatigue in 100 mg Ibrance. It was better for me, but I still have low counts.

Hello to all!

candy-678

Rosie- Why off Ibrance since Feb 8?

Well 2nd load of laundry in dryer now. I sat down twice today and dozed off. Haha. I just do not understand why I feel like this. The letrozole aches? The Ibrance fatigue? Why short of breath walking around in the store? I didn't used to feel this way. Is it cumulative from being on these meds for over 3 years? Having constant low counts? Or is it something other than the cancer and the cancer meds?

Just frustrating.

BevJen

Candy,

FYI, the last couple of months that I was on I/F, I complained a lot to my MO about feeling lousy, and especially feeling truly exhausted going up steps. I asked her if it was a cumulative effect of the meds (I was only on that combo 18 mos.) She said yes.

I don't know if she was really paying attention to what I was asking, but that was her response.

As my primary care doc says, too, there is also a tiredness that comes from dealing with all of "this." I'm sure that adds to tiredness in general while being treated.

Rosie24

Candy, I was off for two weeks before my ablation because my counts were pretty low at the pre-admission testing. They were actually normal for me being on Ibrance but i think my WBC at 1.9 and neutrophils at 1.0 sent up some flags. I had to retest right before the procedure and wbc was then 3.0 and neutrophils 1.4. I was expecting to restart a week later but MO said to hold off until my appointment on 3/15. She did mention giving me an Ibrance break after the procedure but never said how long. I’m glad I got at least one dose of the vaccine being off. There seem to be many different opinions on whether to hold Ibrance for the vaccine.

Micmel

chiris~I'm sorry hear you're having issues. I am sending vibes to you. I know stress from this damn disease is enough to put us in the crazy bin. Be safe.

Rosie~my onc told me to get the covid vaccine, did not mention stopping ibrance for it. I didn't think to ask. But he didn't seem concerned. But my counts don't run low. Maybe that is why he didn't mention it to me. I'm afraid to get it. I don't want to feel sicker than I already do.

I'm so sick of feelings. So sick of peoples feelings. Someone today told me they didn't think I took other people's feelings into account enough about how my cancer effects them daily as well. I wasn't sure what to say. I'm living with stage four cancer. What can I say? I feel how I feel. I am not all filled with joy and jovial and smiling ear to ear. I'm miserable and sick. Stable or not my body has been through absolute hell. I've had enough fighting with side effects and feeling like I have the permanent flu. Sometimes they don't have a clue how we feel. Ugh! People make me confused sometimes.

mara51506

Mel, all I can say is what the heck are they talking about. You think about others all the time and I am sure you take people's feelings into consideration judging by how you think of all of us. I hope you did not take that to heart and I don't think you should try to make sense of it.

Micmel

Mara~oh well maybe they were having bad moment. I am extremely close to this person so it was like woah. I’m hoping that my feelings mellow out because it hurt my feelings. I can’t help if I worry about a condition. I am not the same person I was. I’m sorry about that. I guess I’ll try to be more open minded about this just in case I can’t see outside my box. I don’t want to be close minded. I hope you’re doing good this afternoon (almost) day light savings time here today...

dutchiris

My anxiety is so high mostly regarding how this will impact my loved ones and my 5 yo granddaughter who thinks I'm the greatest.

I am on call for work and watching my granddaughter now. My stomach is queasy and I am so tired

candy-678

dutchiris- Prayers for you right now.

BevJen

Dutchris,

I just looked back at your last message and It says you are seeing a gynecological oncologist on Tuesday. Please try to stay calm until you have that appointment. I have seen a gyn onc for years. They really know their stuff. I think you will have a clearer picture after that.

Thinking good thoughts for you.

mara51506

Dutchiris, i agree with BevJen, try to go day by day. Hard to wait for information on what they found. I would do your best to wait until you have further information, enjoy the granddaughter and maybe take yourself off the on call list for work. If work would serve as a good distraction, then go to work if they call. Watch movies, go for a walk or a drive as a family if that is an option. The not knowing is definitely hard and the mind usually likes to go in circles of what if and that is too stressful for you. Anything to take thoughts off of what is going on. Put youtube on when it is quiet and listen to a calming meditation and that may help too.

I will stop throwing out the suggestions because ultimately, I am sure you have tried different things to be a little less stressed until Tuesday. I will be in your pocket on Tuesday for you appointment.

mara51506

Well, hanging up the sneakers after 10000 steps. I wanted more but really do not wish to walk for a fourth time today. Darned my socks as well as I have managed to wear holes in my favourite pair, I enjoy darning for some reason so my socks will still be bright white BUT the bottoms are different colour thread as these socks are only worn at home, have better socks for going out. I also don't have white thread at the moment.

candy-678

Hello all.

I should have tried walking on the treadmill today. Sigh. Mara's activity makes me feel I should do more exercising. Last night I had pain in my left hip while sleeping. I was laying on that side and awoke with throbbing. Was pretty sore this morning for a quite a while.

I did call a couple of friends this afternoon and visited by phone. Church online service this morning.

mara51506

Candy, I am sorry to hear about the hip pain, pain at night really stinks when we are trying to rest. Hope it goes away soon for you. Glad you could phone your friends and go to online church. Good for you, very productive day. As far as the exercise, I will tell you, it is still hard for me to get myself going on the first walk. I don't get up and do it automatically, I have to really tell myself to get moving. Once I have done the first one, it is pretty easy to add the others. Don't try to do the amount I am doing either. Start small, if the weather is nice, a couple of five minute walks would suffice, build gradually. If you can be outside walking, that is easier than trying to hop on the treadmill. The outdoor walking is just much less boring than the treadmill.

dutchiris

Thank you all. I am anxious and also tired. I took a lorazapam and managed to nap.

BevJen...I am trying to stay calm. I know all this worrying changes nothing. Why do you see a gyn onc?

BevJen

Dutchiris,

I was originally diagnosed in 2003 with ILC. In 2006, during a routine gyn exam, my gyn found a small polyp on my cervix that fell off when she touched it, so she biopsied it. It was a repeat of my ILC with same characteristics -- literally, there was a small area of ILC at the very tip. So my MO thought I should immediately go and be evaluated by a gyn oncologist. I did some screening tests, and nothing else showed up. However, because of the polyp, he recommended doing a complete hysterectomy -- everything came out (it was done laparoscopically). Nothing showed up on the pathology. Because of my MO's insistence that I continue seeing the gyn onc because "they are the best at identifying anything going on" with respect to anything gynecological, I've continued to see him once per year. Also, with ILC, it can go to places that IDC normally doesn't.

I will say that he's one of the most thorough docs who I've ever seen. He calls himself an "uncommon" oncologist.

emac877

Wow, I miss so much even being gone a few days! I was excited to hear you are stable Mel! I have been too. My first year milestone with stage IV was in January and, knock on wood, everything is still stable. I'm early in the journey though and still working through the upheaval to my life that all of this entails. I'm really struggling at work. I'm in healthcare. After my last two shifts this morning I couldn't hardly get out of bed. I ended up going straight to the bathtub with leg and back pain so bad I was queasy. Have spent most of the day with a heating pad on my back in between trying to get some laundry done. I don't cry over pain much but I cry a lot when I'm frustrated and that's where I'm at today. Just missing my old body and the way it used to work. That's futile I know and I try not to wallow there. Working on how to reinvent myself. I need to work. I'm single and at 43 can't afford to retire. I need my insurance and my paycheck. Candy - I really empathize what you've gone through with the insurance thing. I am sticking it out in my job as long as I can because the cost of these treatments are staggering. I still get the Xgeva monthly but hopefully it will space out soon.

Bought tickets the other day to go see my extended family in Arizona at the end of May. I'm super excited about that. I'm taking my folks with me. They are getting older and with my diagnoses I just want to prioritize time together. The three of us are fully vaccinated so I feel safe going. We've had a nice false spring in Southern Oregon but this week we are due for more rain and chilly temperatures. I'm looking forward to some warmer weather and sunshine. Hope all is well. I will try to be better about keeping tabs on this page. We are a busy group!

mara51506

Emac, glad to hear you can travel after having your vaccination.