Rosevalley - this is for you!

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  • M0mmyof3
    M0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,696
    edited November 2016

    Stinks that you are having a struggle with the scheduling of your appointments.


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  • Rosevalley
    Rosevalley Member Posts: 3,061
    edited November 2016

    I got in yesterday for navelbine but it isn''t working. My tumor markers jumped 327 points in one week. No wonder I am puking all over and unable to keep anything down. Sigh. explains a lot. It's not the chemo. don't know if I will make it to Thanksgiving I need to be able to take my DWD meds and not throw them up. why is this in italics. ugh..

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  • oriole
    oriole Member Posts: 72
    edited November 2016

    Rosevalley,

    I am so sorry that the navelbine is not working, I walked out to my garden and saw a late bloom and thought of you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Oriole

    image

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  • Noni
    Noni Member Posts: 327
    edited November 2016

    So sorry the navelbine isn't working. I pray that you'll be able to use your meds successfully as you wish.

    Hugs

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  • Kandy
    Kandy Member Posts: 1,461
    edited November 2016

    Prayers for you.

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  • Rosevalley
    Rosevalley Member Posts: 3,061
    edited November 2016

    Ugh.. my DD2 is at the State University and classes end Dec 10. Do I bail before exams and she is doing so well. If I stop treatment there is no way I will last for 22 days, not with tumor markers jumping 300 points in a week. I can't imagine doing more stuff then the 8 chemos I have done this year. If I stop cold, I won't stay hydrated can't take the meds. DD2's 21st birthday is in Dec. Sigh.. thought I would see it. So is my other DD1's birthday and a nephew and my brother. I should have done this sooner. Just focus on Thanksgiving. DD2 took off the day of and day after off from work so we could all be together. I am not sure I even want to tell her.. no long face last time we see each other. I knew this was coming. Funny how we always think we have more time then we do.

    Count down. Stephanie it looks like we might leave this planet around the same time. Meet you for a visit on some nice fluffy cloud?

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  • JWoo
    JWoo Member Posts: 1,171
    edited November 2016

    Rosie,

    I'm so sorry to hear it, but look how long you've made it since you thought you would first be gone! Lots of joy in that time.

    I would encourage you to insist all kiddos are there with you- everyone on thanksgiving. Enjoy the day together. Laugh and love!

    Then-a couple days later, let them all know the day you plan to go, so they can be with you. (Write them letters of what you hope for them, have your husband keep them to give them when you do go.)

    If I can offer my perspective as a child- I would be devastated if my mom was going to go and she didn't tell me so I could really say goodbye, or be with her as she went. Maybe like me, their mom means the world to them, and though it will hurt, it would hurt much worse not to be there to send you on with all the love and devotion that they could give you. I think it your kiddo would do much better in school if they were able to really be present for your departure, instead of having their head filled with so many "what ifs" That is my humble and unsolicited advice, offered with love for you and your family.

    I wish you nothing but love, comfort, and courage, no matter what your choice is.

    My heart is with you and your family.

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  • stagefree
    stagefree Member Posts: 2,780
    edited November 2016

    Dear Rose,

    You've been in my thoughts & prayers.. was especially glad you made it through the elections! .. of course we set new goals. Normal it is. I hope you have the best possible Qol and wake up each morning to have great moments with your family & friends.. counting days have become meaningless for me for some time now.. had some rough days and was away for sometime, yet here I am having just celebrated another birthday.. such a wild adventure this is. We cannot make plans, but then cannot let go of it all while still being alive..

    I love to just focus on the moment, that is relieving.. so happy to read you got to work in your garden! :) and yes spring is my fave as well.

    Cheers for having been blessed with this new morning.

    Hugs & love

    Ebru

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  • Zillsnot4me
    Zillsnot4me Member Posts: 2,687
    edited November 2016

    Rose you are such a mom to the end. I agree have a nice thanksgiving as possible then tell them the truth and let them be there. Can you move it up to Sunday?

    We don't want you to not be able to take your meds. I know you've been living on borrowed time.

    Everyone wishes you peace from the n/v. No one wants to see you suffer any longer and you really don't want to put yourself or your family thru that.

    Thanks for being brutally honest. Hope you and Stephanie and Percy find a nice cloud to watch over us.

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  • Noni
    Noni Member Posts: 327
    edited November 2016

    There is no wrong decision, whatever you opt to do. It's so personal that what's right for one may not be right for another.

    If I were in your shoes I think I would be honest with the girls, that the end is near. Have them see you and be with you and have a Thanksgiving meal if you are up to it. But, take your DWD meds on your terms when you deem it best. It could be in the middle of the night, with DH by your side, or at a moment when you just can't go one more second.

    Prepare them that it's coming, that's a luxury many do not get. Then know that there will always be something to make you second guess yourself and take a leap of faith

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  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 57,235
    edited November 2016

    Sending love and more love your way.

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  • Kandy
    Kandy Member Posts: 1,461
    edited November 2016

    Rose, you are so admired by so many people. I agree with Noni, there is no right or wrong decision, a verpersonal one for yourself. With that being said, us moms only think of others don't we? We seem to only make a decision that's right for everyone else. So as a mom to a mom, follow your heart. I hope whatever time you have left to be filled with the people that you love. Prayers for you.

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  • lalady1
    lalady1 Member Posts: 618
    edited November 2016

    Rose - please hang in there and be try to be upfront with the girls and the meds and your time. That way you have full support. If I was lucky enough to be part of your blood family, I would want to know. We are all here to support your decision and hoping you make it until Xmas. Tell Steph to hold off on that cloud a little longer. (())

    Claire

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  • PattyPeppermint
    PattyPeppermint Member Posts: 11,162
    edited November 2016

    rose. Thinking of you dear sweet one

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  • M0mmyof3
    M0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,696
    edited November 2016

    Rose, thinking of you and your family.

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  • Mominator
    Mominator Member Posts: 1,575
    edited November 2016

    Rose, so much good advice above, especially JWoo's really resonates with me. I know it's hard to leave your children. I know my children would be devastated if I left without letting them know my plans and giving them a chance to say goodbye.

    But it's also scary to face the suffering you went through last year.

    Maybe you could discuss with your MO how to take your DWD meds if the n/v comes back? Perhaps MO may have a few options for you.

    Rose, thinking of you, and sending loving kindness, and gentle peace to you. Madelyn

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  • feelingfeline
    feelingfeline Member Posts: 5,664
    edited November 2016

    Rose . Kandy's words on your Mom's heart.

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  • Rosevalley
    Rosevalley Member Posts: 3,061
    edited November 2016

    Wow we live at the very edge of town, but in the city limits of a town of 150,000. There was a blue Jay killing a little garter snake in our backyard. Never saw that before... we've had possums, raccoons, Flickers, Towheys, woodpeckers, owls, hawks and herons all manner of critters... but never a snake. The blue jay is definitely winning this battle and will eat like a king. I was gardening once and grabbed a big old frog that jumped out of my garden glove and made me scream and fall over. My DH died laughing yep..watch out for those killer frogs. Smart allek! You just don't expect a big old soft 5 inch frog to come flying out of your handful of weeds. It's startling. We have a tiny pond and the fountain attracts lots of birds and animals.

    As far as my kids being there when I pass I think it's a bad idea. Two of these kids are adopted and have loss issues, abandonment issues. One kid is developmentally delayed. One kid has mental illness and is doing well with meds but it would be sending the wrong message to check out with meds as a way to leave the suffering of cancer( which I think it's legit ), because you could run with that and turn it into a way to leave problems and a mixed message that suicide is ok. I certainly don't want that as a legacy. I won't have them with me. It's not helpful. I will tell them I will die and we will have a chance to say our goodbyes.

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  • PattyPeppermint
    PattyPeppermint Member Posts: 11,162
    edited November 2016

    rose. I am with you. I don't want my ds's there when I die or to see my dead body. I am being cremated. Maybe if they were older. I don't want those memories stuck in their head.

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  • M0mmyof3
    M0mmyof3 Member Posts: 9,696
    edited November 2016

    Rose, I agree it's not a good idea to put the kids through this.

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  • Kandy
    Kandy Member Posts: 1,461
    edited November 2016

    Rose, you know your kids better than anyone. I do agree with you but as I said earlier, follow your moms heart. You have and all the way to the end will make your decisions with what is best for them. I hope when that time comes that your children cope okay with the situation. As I have said in my post before, death is a horrible subject with Krista. She will not understand no matter what I did. So hard. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.

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  • Loveroflife
    Loveroflife Member Posts: 5,563
    edited November 2016

    Blue Jays are mean. Many many years ago I was walking down the street and out of the blue I felt a plucking on the top my head and a squawk right before. Look up and saw the Jay on a branch of a tree looking straight at me screeching and and croaking as if I had done something wrong. So rude!!!

    Rose, such tough decision. I wish you the wisdom to decide what is best for you and your family. I can understand not letting DD3 know about DWD. Have a heart conversation with DD2. Much love to you.

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  • Zillsnot4me
    Zillsnot4me Member Posts: 2,687
    edited November 2016

    I'm sorry I presumed to give you advice. You are such a great mom and think things through. Your kids are at the forefront of every decision you make. We all love you and support you. I wish you and your familypeace and acceptance of this very hard time.

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  • Rosevalley
    Rosevalley Member Posts: 3,061
    edited November 2016

    Loveroflife- that Blue Jay probably had a nest nearby and was protecting it! We had a mockingbird nesting some where in our back yard when we lived in Sacramento 20 years ago. We let the dogs out in the back yard and as they were trying to poop or pee they got swooped by the mockingbird. Our one dog a setter/doberman/shepard mix would try and bite the bird.. hilarious. We were highly amused. It was funny to watch. They are very aggressive as well as exceptionally noisy very early in the morning hours... man I wanted to ring his little birdy neck. Shut up it's 5am... There were some Bard owls near my husbands office that were swooping and clawing folk's heads at dusk as they left work and headed to their cars. It made the news! An owl swoop would scare me they are big birds and big claws!!

    Well all I can keep down is liquids.. I have thrown up everything else. I do get to go in for fluids on Wednesday. I should feel better for at least a couple of days. We will have Thanksgiving and be together. No eating but I have done this before. Then we will have the day after to get a Christmas Tree at one of the nearby farms and bring it home. This makes me feel good. Percy won't leave me... plastered next to me on the bed.

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  • Southernsurvivor
    Southernsurvivor Member Posts: 632
    edited November 2016

    Rose, I just hate that you are suffering so much from the N/V! It stinks when you can't eat and if you try, it doesn't stay down. I am glad you can keep down liquids to stay hydrated, as I know you want to be able to be with your family for Thanksgiving. So hope you can have some enjoyable family time for a few days.

    Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you tonight and praying for some peace and comfort for you. Wish I could see you to give you a big hug!

    Sheri

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  • feelingfeline
    feelingfeline Member Posts: 5,664
    edited November 2016

    image

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  • Rosevalley
    Rosevalley Member Posts: 3,061
    edited November 2016

    Your photos are amazing FF. I also loved the pink orange rose Oriole sent. Bet it smelled great looked like a Peace rose. Still the same.

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  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 57,235
    edited November 2016

    image

    Thinking of you Rose, my fellow crazy cat lady........

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  • Rosevalley
    Rosevalley Member Posts: 3,061
    edited November 2016

    Ruth I liked the fact that you understand my protective irrational love for my 3 cats. My border collie too... My DD3 had a friend over and to keep Percy from launching into their pizza to eat cheese and sausage - I locked him in the bedroom. I really think the cat is senile because he never behaved like this. My DH went food shopping yesterday and bought a cooked chicken for the cat. He shredded it off the bones and into baggies just for our skinny old man. See it's not just me! I didn't even ask him to do it, but he weighed him and he's just 6 pounds 9 oz. Sigh.. thyroid is full blast, still drinking up a storm. He used to weigh in at 10-11 pounds. He still acts like he loves life, petting and purring.... and eating!!! Yep I am a crazy cat lady.

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  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 57,235
    edited November 2016

    Henry has decided that he does not want to eat dry cat food anymore, nor does he want to eat the expensive Science Diet for Older Cats canned food, so I have been buying 48 cent cans of Little Friskies with gravy or cream sauce and mixing it in with the healthy food. He is getting so smart that he is licking AROUND the healthy food, only eating the gravy.......so yes, I get it

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