Rosevalley - this is for you!

KDs-Husband

Rose,

I really LOVE your spirit, and your stories. You constantly amaze me with your strength and determination.

All that you are going through right now, and you are looking forward to preparing and delivering the food for your DD3's celebration.

This is why I have this as one of my favorite threads. I need the inspiration that I get from you and Stephanie.

Louis

mara51506

I hope Sunday will be a good day for such a big occasion as well. So sorry that the N/V keep making their nasty appearances.

lalady1

Hi Rose - hoping you have a better time of it tomorrow. You can throw in my degrees too - since my dad said "take 4 years of math so you always have a job". Well he's correct, since I got a BA, MBA and JD. Go for the vote! Reversal of fortune as my 401k and IRAs are outliving me too! So I made a nice donation to the zoo today. The animals need our help. Hope Percy is hanging in there. (())

Rosevalley

Lalady- your Dad was right. The degrees paid off eh?Wonderful you donated to the zoo they can always use the funds. I try to get memberships to our aquarium because I feel sorry for the critters who depend on the funds. I am a big otter fan.

Percy continues to decline and yet as skinny as he is he's bright eyed and eating up a huge quantity of chicken and tuna and salmon. We live life week by week.I don't know how long he will continue.

Well after yesterday's puke fest I got my chemo upped a little and down the port. My break from chemo drove my markers up 176 points to the highest they have ever been 1250. No wonder I feel lousy. I have a bad headache this morning. Hopefully we can break from this tradition of "chemo breaks." I mean all my labs are fine so I don't see why I need the breaks. They clearly are not benefitting me and there isn't a reason clinically since my counts are normal. Maybe we can skip them. It's not my call.

I have an observation for those of you in long term relationships. My DH and I went to the same high school and knew each other for 10 years before we seriously dated. We have been living together for 30 years and known each other for 40. We can finish each other's sentences and regularly watch a news report and "wonder" about the same things exclaiming, "I was just wondering about that!" This morning my DH mentioned something and made a funny passing reference to a camp letter our oldest wrote years ago. We both got the reference and giggled about the recollection. Kids write hilarious letters from camp. We enjoyed them all. After he left for work I sat there thinking how much of our lives are richer and connected from these shared experiences with kids and decades of living together. When I die, all these funny references to things in our shared past will fade from view, unless the kids are present. It's such an odd thing to think about.

NoUGo-CA

Hi Rose, I hope after yesterday's chemo you'll be feeling better.  I've been thinking about a statement that you made a while ago about not planting any bulbs for the first time.  This made me sad but then I was thinking that maybe you should plant bulbs. You're worried about the family when you're gone.  Plant for them and you!  It would be a cheerful hello from you each time a flower blooms.  Plant them where they can see them waving when they look out the windows.  I know you don't feel well enough or have the energy to do this on your own.  Can you get helpers to plant the bulbs for you?  You can just point where you want them planted even if it's just one small patch.  

Just something that's been on my mind that I had to mention before the weather gets worse. Thinking of you and hoping for a lot of good days still yet to come.

feelingfeline

Rose I know what you mean. There are photos that no one will know who the hell these people (or cats) are after I am gone. And there are the same in my parents house.

But I do not believe any thought in the universe is ever wasted. They will all still be there.

I watched the new version of the Cosmos series, with Neil De Grasse Tyson, on Netflix recently. Although it was a "science" programme I found it was artistically beautiful, hugely spiritual and enormously comforting. I could hardly wait to watch each new episode, it was so good. Sometimes realising how small we are can be comforting. Another thing I found comforting was when he demonstrated over and over how everything in the universe is continuously remade. He said "Nothing in the Universe is ever wasted". That really struck a chord with me. Another interesting theme in the programmes was how often in human history one lone genius had come across a truth, didn't really matter whether it was by accident, by intuition or by brilliant work. In many of the stories he told this person is still not a household name. So often the forces of ignorance or corporate culture conspired to silence the person and keep the truth down. Yet always the truth prevailed. Sometimes it was due to heroic action, sometimes simply passage of time, but always truth will out. I saw many parallels in modern culture with the stories he told. I don't think all that much has changed, just different corporations or interest groups. But the message really was, it didn't matter, long run, even if the person died before their work came to fruition, it still bore fruit. It mattered. It had an impact. It made a difference.

Definitely plant your bulbs. Spiritual and physical. Think of you every time I go out my back garden and see my foxgloves, which are still flowering due to a very mild Autumn.

KDs-Husband

Rose,

I agree with Feelingfeline. Plant your bulbs. But also, Plant a Tree!!

Plant some beautiful flowering or fruit producing tree that will be an example of the eternal love you have for your family.

Let it stand there always continuing to give, just as you have always done.

Blessings to you,

Louis

Mominator

Rosevalley, yes, plant your bulbs. I love Louis' suggestion of the beautiful flowering or fruit producing tree.

Rose, you have had a roller coaster this past year. And yet, you're still here, and you voted! You have exceeded each goal. We don't know what the future holds, but you are here today.

I hope your doctor reconsiders your chemo breaks and develops another plan.

I'm hoping for another Christmas season for you, which you can enjoy this time, and many more milestones.

Much love, Madelyn

Loveroflife

Rose, there are a lot of wise people here. Yes, plant your bulbs and a tree as Louis suggested. Regarding truth.... what I have learned over the years is that truth not only prevails but truth is still truth whether we believe it or not. You are always in my heart.

ruthbru

Thinking of you, Rose.

M0mmyof3

I planted a Japanese Maple in honor of my dad back in '09. He died when I was very young back in '79. Every year when summer comes I plant petunias under it. Though I plan on moving Wisconsin where I was born, I plan on planting another tree for my dad, along with another one for my older sister out there

Rosevalley

Every place I have ever lived we planted trees. I went back to one of my childhood homes to see if the weeping willow I planted as a kid (placed in a low spot where water collected rolling down the hill) survived. It not only survived it was HUGE! I was quite thrilled to see that. Here we have planted a red flame maple that is just lovely in the fall and dwarf cherry and 2 apple trees in the back yard. We make lots of apple cobbler! The cherries we scarf right off the tree and we give away the rest. Yummy. My favorite trees are pine trees. Doug Firs are particularly magnificient in Oregon.

I will plant the bulbs when my DD3 comes home from school. She can help me. No N/V yay!! Just tired and sore joints!

feelingfeline

Rosevalley

I finally feel better... oy such a rough night. Diarrhea off and on all night and then vomiting at 6. I am so tired and wiped out it's 1pm and I just got dressed. They upped my chemo from 20 to 25 to 30mg per kg I think.. not sure of the dosing. But N/V and diarrhea are to be expected. So I just need to suck it up, rest and keep trucking.

I have the baptism to prepare for. My DH is so sweet he took my list of the 3 things I needed to get and will pick them up when he swings by to get DD3. She is tired and excited. I am making meat and vegan tea sandwiches and vegan cupcakes, munchies. My DH is a very good cook so if I run out of steam bless his heart he can take over and I know things will be yummy. It's a wonderful thing to have a husband who likes to cook and who does things around the house. I am extremely blessed and I know it. My gratitude knows no end.

Please keep Longtermsurvivor/ Stephanie on your prayer list. She is heading to the end of her journey and she is a compassionate loving person who gave so much to BCO and hoped to aide anyone on their journey with lovingkindness. I will miss her posts so much but her suffering needs to end. Blessings Stephanie.

lalady1

Hi Rose - glad you are up and dressed no matter what time! Worried about Steph - have you heard from her? I will pm her asap. She is so loving and kind and wise, much like you. FYI I'm getting jaw rads after my Germany trip, but the insurance has not approved dx yet because they only want 10 rounds, whereas Dr wants 15. oy on Cigna today. (())

Rosevalley

Lalady- Yes I heard from Stephanie and she is clearly tired and spent. I want her suffering to end for a sweet release into the universe. It's been long enough. Luckily we have her posts to refer to and her sweet personality and comments to shine her light for future BCO women to benefit. I read what you wrote about Cigna deciding 10 rounds was enough raditation- since when do we want insurance deciding our medical needs? Oy that's scary. I hope you get what is medically necessary to take care of your jaw mets/pain and someone with an MD after their name makes the final decision. Have fun in Germany!! Send pictures when you can.

feelingfeline

Hope you have a wonderful day Rose. Take all the help and TLC from DH and enjoy DD's day.

lalady1

Hi Rose - I heard from Stephanie last night, she is planning to cross over soon. Such a lovely wordsmith and kind lady. You both have shared so much knowledge, experience and encouragement with our BCO board. I hope Percy is purring today. Here is a my favorite Lord Byron poem for you and Stephanie:

She Walks in Beauty:

She walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes and starry skies;

And all that's best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes;

Thus mellowed to that tender light

Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,

Had half impaired the nameless grace

Which waves in every raven tress,

Or softly lightens o'er her face;

Where thoughts serenely sweet express,

How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,

So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,

The smiles that win, the tints that glow,

But tell of days in goodness spent,

A mind at peace with all below,

A heart whose love is innocent

Rosevalley

I will miss Stephanie's presence here so very much. But I will never wish her suffering to stay, so we must hold her in the light of lovingkindness and pray for a peaceful transition unto death. Thank you Stephanie. Fly free with love from all of us.

The Baptism went very well. DD3 was very happy and pleased. SHe made this decision a year ago and followed through now to join the community at Deaf Church. It is a place for her to feel accepted and shares a long tradition of prayer, community service and spiritual education. I think it is a good choice for her and speaks to her. I wish her well. She wishes to follow Jesus and she should follow her heart. May this decision bring her comfort, peace and meaning to her life.

My DH made the vegan cupcakes which were wonderful. We made the tea sandwiches together. He thought I made too many but they ate it all and vegan sandwiches went first- who would have thought. It was nice to see the Deaf kids signing among friends and happy and communicating. The minister joined and prayed for the lives and spiritual journey of the 2 deaf teens that were baptized. It was very moving. Nice for our family and friends to be able to share this with DD3. Blessing kiddo!!

feelingfeline

Great news Rose! So happy you all had a wonderful day.

ruthbru

Sounds like a wonderful day!

P.S. I am jealous of your cooking husband!!!

Rosevalley

109 little kids tonight! All the candy is gone. Some teeny weenie kiddos! So adorable when they can hardly get the candy into their bucket and say the politest Thank you happy Halloween. Our neighborhood kids all so polite.

Chemo tomorrow wish me luck. Ruthbru I know I am lucky. Wish I could stick around.

feelingfeline

Best wishes Rose. Glad you had a happy and safe Halloween.

lalady1

Hi Rose - Fab to have 100+ tricker-treaters! My nephew was born yesterday at 4:55am - whew - I am too tired for this. lol I stayed at hospital nearly all night (since my brother is working on the Sioux nation in SD, took a nap and went back to see him last night. He is named after me, sort of like one life exits another starts. Well, I'm not exiting yet and neither are you. I voted! Had lovely email with dear Steph - thanking stars for her and you on these boards. I will send Germany pics in December. How is Percy? My 17 persian grew in his lion cut and voila - he is hanging in there too. We are survivors! (())

PattyPeppermint

rose. Thinking of you. Stephanie will certainly be missed but I now she is ready to e free of that body.

Rosevalley

Lalady- congrads on your new little name sake! That's a great reason to be kept awake. Poor parents will be awake for years.. haha. Glad your persian cat is doing ok! Percy is muddling through too. Eating constantly, hyper thyroid and drinking water non stop (kidney failure) he's all purrs and meows so we keep feeding him.

I went for chemo yesterday and my labs were good. My tumor markers only went down 65 points 1185. Not a very big drop but at least it's down not up. I keep having this annoying pain across my back that just aches and aches.. driving me crazy. Can't find a comfortable spot. The joys of cancerland.

I am wishing you a fair send off Stephanie. May the journey be a sweet separating. Leave cancerland forever and be free.

Bestbird

Rose, it is lovely to hear that the events on Sunday went as planned! And it's good news about your TMs. Believe it or not, I know a patient whose TM's were in the 7,000+ range and today he is doing phenomenally well (on Ibrance and other AIs). So one never knows...

I hope that your N/V stays away for a long, long time and that focusing on spring bulbs fills you with joy!

Rosevalley

Thank you Bestbird- Wow tumor markers in the 7000! Yuck. I wouldn't want to know what that felt like. I am putzing along.. trying my best to live life around cancer. I still have more bulbs to plant. Spring is my favorite time of year. One of our RHodies has put out a handful of blooms in Nov. never did that before. It was extra specially nice to see.

Our wayward possum came back again. I watched him as he walked away after falling over and he's gimpy. Maybe an injury. We don't feed our cats outside. There is no food. Weird that it's in our back yard. The apples have been harvested and I doubt that possum could get through the garage door- cat door. There is a medium sized doggy door in the back of the house but the dog sleeps right near that door. She would go nuts if a possum went through the door. Wake up the neighborhood. Poor thing. I feel badly that it's gimpy.I might call the wildlife center.

Wasn't that Cubs vs Indians a nail biter? I am not a baseball fan but we watched the game and you have to root for a team that hasn't won in 108 years! They deserve it. I thought it was super cool that Nike did a commercial for the Cubs after the game celebrating their win. Someday became Today. Very neat. We are a soccer family. But I found myself praying for the Cubs to be "one with the ball" !! A little lovingkindness never hurts anyone.

feelingfeline

Was even on Irish news.

Loveroflife