STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

Egads007

Mornin Steamies,

Hollie - I'm sending tons of positives your way for your chemo. Strange that the chemo units south of the border (I'm Canadian) don't offer the Claritin.....it was standard protocol here to take before the shot, chemo nurse gave me the stuff at each session to take before I had to do the jab the week after. Anyway, great advice from the others, take it!

Bluebird - Big hugs for the welcome...gotta love a board into cussing and drama.....I think I found my home! The onion analogy is perfect and I just might indeed be shedding a few layers here. Cheers!

Bcky - Your comment about not being loved. Oh yeah you are, by all of the sisterhood here. You're one of us so the love is a given, never doubt that. Your mom's comment was awful (mine did the same), but I like to think it's her freaked out form of denial. Having a child (no matter how old) with cancer has got to be mind bending for a parent.....still not right though and i'm sorry you suffered it.

Runcor and all the others that enjoyed the fact that I didn't tell my ex he was no longer a beneficiary - I'm gonna make your day. Up until this very moment I am still the sole beneficiary on all his policies.....yup, he didn't change it due to having no one else to pass it to. His family sucks right along with him so he left it all to me. How'd ya like dem' apples?

Also Runor, oh yeah, analpore is the new black! ROFLAMO @ your "analpored" comment to Penzance !!! Awesome that we can use it as a verb, noun, adjective, pro-noun etc......it really lends itself, multipurpose word....it's actually an $8 word it's so good!

Hope everyone's day is a good one, and if not please post it here, so much fun dissecting analporism!

Micmel

Lol at Runor. You're truly the best. And oh Bcky we all have those jerks that say things they really don't mean beacause A: they are mean. And they can't help it or. B: they are floating along the river of denial with my children and are deciding if they don't talk about it, then it doesn't seem real to them. Or C: its just a bitchy Mom syndrome, they rag because they have a mouth, and are used to it. Perhaps a little of b and c in my case! People just plain don't know how to deal with cancer. They learn there is cancer and you can even be ghosted 👻! At least your mom was there. My dad said basically oh hear youre dying. I wish i could hold your hand,. You do????? You didn't hold my hand at four when you left our family you fucker! Never heard From him again and this was over a year and a half ago.People just suck! No way around it. Just know. We can't pick our families, but we can pick our noses! Jk. Hugs and smiles much love ~M~

Egads007

Hi Micmel

Your “people just suck" statement...I've been saying that for years and no one seemed to listen. I'm overjoyed to see someone else say this...i feel a great sens of affirmation lol!

I’m so sorry about your father...he sucks large

Micmel

such truth isn’t it. The bad part is sometimes we don’t see this part until ... we are sick with cancer and desperately need support. It’s not like I was asking for a kidney or something geeze. Lol hugs ~M~

Egads007

Micmel,

unfortunately yes it is true...you could tell them you do need a kidney and then laugh knowingly when the scatter like cockroaches when a light is turned on. Ew, just grossed myself out. Hugs right back!

Micmel

they scattered with the word divorce. When the word cancer came along. They switched states. Lol they weren't taking any chances. Lol screw them. I've been a lot happier with out the drama. Yeah I have cancer. But they have a shitty personality and they are assholes. Aka analpores. As I said before. (Again giving full credit to sas. The owner of this thread)

My sister was a drug addict which is sad for anyone don't get me wrong. Or any family. But they loved her through that. She stole purses and used people's credit cards, committed robbery and went to prison pregnant 7months, stole from actual family to support her drug habits... but I got thrown away. My oldest brother was treated like he never mattered shuffling from Home to Home never really feeling loved. Now has relationship issues and he's as cold as a dead fish. He just had a major heart attack. He and I are very close and I adore him. He just lives in Arizona. He is the only sibling that likes me. My older younger brother is 53, he still has this idea that he will be a rock star at 53. He has that rocker fake blonde hair and his belly is catching up to him. Last time I saw any pictures, he is narcissistic at its core! My sister has four kids. Let my father and step monster adopt her, so she was my replacement and she got my life actually. But whatever.

My sisters kids are really messed up also, One gave birth in jail. Imagine telling your in laws to be. Oh yes she was born in a women state prison. Isn't that special! Welcome to the family !!! As it turns out which is terribly sad. That little girl was born in jail/prison. Both parents were in jail when she was born, so my sister had to take Care of her grandchild and still is. The little girls father who is 6 now at the time time was five got out of jail, asked my sister for a visit the next day.... he never arrived. They found him in lazy boy chair with a needle sticking out of his arm, over dosed by mistake. He had wanted a high so bad for over 9 months in prison. His body wasn't used to the amount. Died right there. His little girl coming up the stairs behind my sister , not knowing what was awaiting them it was horrible. And I wasn't even apart of it. It happened around my.diagnosis and my sister did call and ask to see me! I almost went to lunch with her. Then the day of the lunch I was speaking to my good brother and he says. Oh sis told me gma gave your family 20k!!!!!?? I was like what the hell are you talking about ? I hadn't even seen her in over 14 years or more and she was already making up lies about me. So I had already made the right choice. I didn't even know it. I saved my children from being around them and being so close to the flames! So always trust that gut instinct ladies!!! Always !!! Much love ~M~

Egads007

Wow Micmel....you deserve a Purple Heart for the malstrom you’ve endured...and came out of it with the ability to verbalized it so honestly....so unashamed- which you should. These were their choices and don’t reflect on you. You have done right by your kids and that in itself tells me you’re gonna be just fine at the end of the day! It might be of little comfort but the good folks here do care about you, I know I do, it’s a sisterhood thing...families are made almost instantly here. Glad you vented it all!

Gotta say...birth announcement from jail...wonder how it could be worded on a 3 x 5 crisp card with raised scrolled text lol

M0mmyof3

Really need to rant right now because if I don't my blood pressure will be sky high. So F*$# &$ P'/'&$ off at my mom and other family members I thought I could trust.There are two reasons that my mom is part of this.

To my Mom: If I want to have my ovaries removed because I am approaching menopause and since I know I am never going have a child of my own from my body, it is mine and my husband's decision, NOT YOURS!!!!! I WAS ADVISED A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO BY A DOCTOR THAT DOING THIS IS SOMETHING I SHOULD CONSIDER BECAUSE OF MY AGE AND IT REDUCES MY RISKS FOR OTHER KINDS OF CANCER COMMON TO WOMEN!!!!!!!

To a member of my family who betrayed a request of mine: THANKS FOR BEING A TWO FACED BACKSTABBING B*#$(!!!! When I made the request about if when something happened to my step-grandad that all I wanted was the one thing that my step-grandad had that had belonged to MY LATE FATHER AND MY MOTHER AND STEP-DAD HAD NO RIGHT GIVING IT AWAY!!!!!!!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE BEING HONEST AND TRUSTWORTHY WHENYOU SAID THAT YOU WOULD SEE THAT IT CAME BACK TO ME!!!!!!!!! NOW I FIND OUT YOU ARE GIVING IT TO MY MOM AND I WILL HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL SHE PASSES AWAY AND HOPE I GET IT, JUST BECAUSE MY MOM THROWS A FIT AND DEMANDS THE WORLD BOW DOWN TO HER?????

Thanks for letting me rant and scream, ladies. Tired of dealing with lying and Two-Faced family members!!!!!!

jaycee49

Hollie, if you think you might have an issue with diarrhea, get a script for Lomotil. Or even if you don't. I get D from everything and have kept my Lomotil around since first chemo in 2014. (I did TCH, no P. Of TCHP, three of the four can cause the big D, not Herceptin) For me, it works better that Imodium. Having it is just good to feel more secure. A backup plan. A plan is good. A backup plan is better. No pun intended.

Egads007

Mommyof2,

That was awesome! Did it help to unload? I’m thinking it might have. Hope so! Hugs

M0mmyof3

It did. Always knew my mom was like that but never thought I would see that from another family member.

DancingElizabeth

I just ranted on another thread - but - need to rant here - too!!!

Lately, I've been feeling so overwhelmingly scared...because I have my follow-up MO appointment. Tumor markers will be due and these scare me so much. I have been crying a lot and trying to not show how I feel because people - because it's impossible when people ask me questions and I don't know if I'm Ok (so I hate to say that I'm Ok - and jinx it).

But, I can't stand people assuming - that just because I can't reassure *them* that I'm Ok - that I'm not Ok.

Friends and people at work have been asking me questions and one person even pointed out to me - how - "on edge" I've been acting lately.

What I wanted to say - was - you would be too - if you were in my shoes. But, I can't even say that - without - them *ass-uming the worst.

I wish - it would be Ok - to say - I don't know if I'm Ok...because I don't and I am SCARED!!! I feel like I'm hanging onto a cliff right now by my finger tips...

Egads007

Dancing Elizabeth,

I’m right there hanging off that cliff with you. My recall mammogram happens Monday and like you I’m petrified. Let’s hang on together to lighten the load. I’m going to throw you a lifeline...hopefully reading the article below (posted by member Leaf back in 2015) will help put your thoughts into perspective and help you fight & deal that lion, or more likely just the wind (you’ll know what I mean after reading it). It’s really helped me reading this yesterday...big hugs cliff partner

Why is it so much easier to think the worst?

I heard a speculation about this - why we are so terrible at estimating our risks for something, and it made sense to me. OK, we all probably originated in the plains of Africa. In Africa, there were lots of lions and other preditors out there. When we see the grass move in the plains, we tend to be afraid it might be a preditor.

Statistically, the grass is VERY LIKELY to be moving because the wind is blowing, and not because there is a preditor. But to me it makes sense that we evolved to be afraid when we heard the wind blow. Why? Because if the grass was moving because of a preditor, and we thought it was just the wind blowing in the grass, we would likely be eaten by the preditor, and removed from the gene pool. Those that because alarmed when the grass moved would be at more of a survival advantage, because we'd be more ready for the preditor.

We all tend to want to be ready for whatever is ahead for us. That way we will be more prepared. But the worst case scenario usually doesn't happen.

Maybe this happens more in people that are more 'hyper', or have a history of being traumatized. But, to me, it made gut sense.

Anonymous

You go, ladies!

molliefish

Feb 10, 2018 12:42AM molliefish wrote:I was diagnosed in May 2015. I have a friend who was diagnosed in June 2016. I'm er\pr + her - she's triple neg. We aren't that close. I'm on my way to a longish future with tamoxifen and a very good prognosis. She's just decided to stop treatment to 'get a few good days before she dies'. She has a 9 year old daughter and a husband who lives and breathes for her. But for the grace of God (or whomever you believe in) go I. I have posted here before. I don't know what to say or do or how to act but I am running out of time to say it or do it or act it. Cancer stinks.

I just got home from a family holiday to find out that She's already been admitted to hospice and is currently so heavily medicated that she's not lucid. 35 days. between then and now. So horrible.

Lita57

Molliefish....

So sorry for your friend. I'm on the precipice of deciding what to do after Gemzar and maybe one more thing stops working. My 20+ brain mets are way worse now (they can't radiate anymore or there will be tissue necrosis and I'll end up a vegetable). My family has even noticed the difference in my response time at finding words and pulling together semi-coherent sentences. My brain just freezes up for a few seconds. I also get dizzy now even when I'm sitting down - very scary.

I plan on doing VSED (voluntary stopping of eating and drinking) when the time comes. I had thought about "End of Life Options" cuz assisted suicide is now legal in Calif, but it COSTS $5,000 TO GET THE DAMN PILLS!!!!! What's up with that? Who the heck has 5 grand hanging around just to use for that purpose? My family will need that money for my cremation expenses.

Depending on the state of my liver - when the time comes - VSED may only take 3-5 days. No feeding tubes, no hydration IVs. Your body just goes naturally. I WILL have Hospice support to keep me comfortable, however. I don't relish the idea of "palliative sedation," but if I have to be heavily medicated, that's the way it will have to be. VSED could possibly take up to 10-14 days, but that's better than 35 days, right?

Trying to plan a few day trips and overnight trips with family to make some memories.

This sucks. I originally wanted to rent a Winnebago or camper when I "officially retired" (b4 Mr. Cancer eloped with me) and travel to all the National Parks west of the Mississippi, but that ain't gonna happen. We'll be lucky if we get to go to Yosemite this summer, and I'll probably be in a wheelchair by then because all the numbness is coming back from the bone mets, too. They can't radiate back there anymore either cuz they've already gone in 3 times and RO can't go in from any other angles without tissue necrosis in that area, too.

The fun never stops...L

bcincolorado

molliefish cancer does stink. It affects so much of everyone's lives and continues to be never-ending in pain, worry, and scars both physically and mentally. I know everyone is told as a child "life's not fair" but cancer sure shows us that is very true. Especially when someone with young kids has to deal with this.

Egads007

Lita & Molliefish - I'm sitting in a parking lot at the moment, after having grabbed a tea from a drive thru window. I've been driving around for the last hour trying to avoid my negative thoughts about my mammogram call back happening on Monday. I've been glued to this community since the call came, and thought a drive might help. Here I am back again online furiously looking for a 'cure' on the boards. It's minus 8c and I don't even feel the cold after reading the exchange you ladies just had here on the thread, and now a feel a sickening sense of shame at my self pity. It's been replaced with a sense of sorrow at both your situations. Please know that a complete stranger has just shed tears in a freezing Canadian parking lotfor the stinking unfairness visited on your lives. Like you Molliefish I don't know what to say to either of you that would be of any comfort. I'm hoping my tears can only represent some kind of tribute to the stoic and brave beauty of your souls.

molliefish

I really do find this crushing to the spirit. I have had a long career n policing and all of those whose death I have investigated live with me. I see their faces. I remember almost all of their names but some how this one lady and her impending death is so much more. I fear not for myself. I know we all die. And I know the value of sharing your message having seen all of these people die. But this time. This time is different. I'm very sad.

Lula73

I really just can’t even put into words the emotions running through me after reading today’s contributions to this board. Very sad and very unfair all around!

Dancing Elizabeth & all those who don’t know what to say to people who ask after your health: I just say, ‘So far so good, fingers crossed for the tomorrows ahead to be able to say the same.’ It sums it up nicely without too many details and doesn’t jinx the future with a definitive statement that we may not be able to hold to.

Wishing everyone a peaceful uneventful night’s sleep😴😴😴

M0mmyof3

Guess my rant the other day worked. My mom is putting everything in writing that I get once she passes, including the cabinet that was my dad's.

Egads007

Mommyof 2 - the similarities on these boards is astounding...my dad’s cabinet (that he used to store tools in) was his mother’s china cabinet circa 1930s. It’s now an awesome book storage unit in my home. That cabinet will forever be in my heart, so full of good memories from my childhood...it still smells like my dad’s woodworking projects when it’s opened (dad passed from asbestos induced cancer in 1999). I’m so glad you’ll be getting it one day and hope it gives you as much comfort as mine does me. Funny how a structural piece of wood can become part of your life

kathindc

Oh, I almost lost my grandfather's tool chest he made and his tools. He was a carpenter and my dad was going to follow in his footsteps. My grandfather told him to go make something of himself. I showed an interest in my fathers woodworking projects. He taught me how to hammer nails in straight without holding the nail the entire time. He told me that the chest and tools would be mine. When he died, my mother was going to give it all to my brother. I spoke up and said nope they were mine, dad promised them to me and said brother could have the Craftsman tools. I got it! Lucky I did. Oh how I love the smell when I open that tool chest! Pocket watches that were our grandfathers my mom gave him and when he was dying he told his wife in front of me that he wanted her to bring them to him so he could give them to me to pass on to my son to keep them in the family. Never saw them.

Dianarose

I had some skin cancer on my forehead removed twice and now it’s back! I had a growth removed from my shoulder blade over 12 years ago and now it’s back!! Hurts like hell. Couldn’t even sleep. Can’t believe I have to go through this again. I sick of being on the sick train 🚂! I want some normalcy!!!

M0mmyof3

My dad's was a gun cabinet as he loved to hunt. Not that I would be using it for that purpose when I get it. I would use it for displaying other things.

bcincolorado

I knew a couple who when they were older decided to just not buy gifts and gave items to the kids they wanted to have them. That way there would be no fighting when they were gone. My DH grandma just put in her will that if anyone fought they got nothing. Good idea too. Cancer makes you think that is for sure.

Moderators

Egads007, yes, still the place for ranting with mild cursing .

We like lists!

mistyeyes

Dianarose- I am sorry about your skin cancer, I want normalcy for you too!

Egads007

Dianarose - when I was going through treatment I often felt the same and would often say ‘I just want my boring little life back’...I feel your pain! Hang in!

Kathindc, Bcincolorado, Mommyof2 - we all noted how the smell of the boxes brings on a wonderful memory rush. Makes perfect sense as apparently the sense of smell is directly wired to the memory area of the brain. Too bad my right breast wasn’t wired so efficiently lol! Anyway I made sure to open my dads cabinet today and take a big sniff in...I felt so much more at ease than I have all week during this god awful wait!

Mods - thank you! It’s so nice to have a thread to scream, mildly curse and blow off steam. The whole community is a god send

Anonymous

egads - there is no shame. We all have our individual walks through this, though together. Some walks are more frightening but the fear moves and fades.

((((Lita, molliefish, micmel, dianarose, all of us, moderators too)))))