STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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You are methodical? I answered anyways.
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That snow is crazy.
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I like "snow poop". : )
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You sure that car is not a minivan?
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Dinarose how terrible that weather is! I know all the people who MUT get to work too are in bad shape! May you get good sun on your way and warmer weather! You all sure deserve it!
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Ok I got one answer which is cool...so here goes...something I’ve needed to get off my chest for the last four years but never could either online or off. In my methodical way (thanks Marijen):
1. Dear Doctor Asshat, thank you so much for letting my tumour grow from stage 1 to 2 by doddling along for 4 months AFTER confirming malignancy....thanks for the ‘oh, how long has it been since the biopsy report came back?’ And then proceeding to FINALLY stage me, get chemo rolling etc...all while I watched the lump on my chest grow to proportions that required a Mount Everest Sherpa to navigate!! Strange how it took me having a begging, bawling breakdown before you took this deadly lump seriously. Thanks a ton.
2. Dear Ex Husband, thank you for calling me AT WORK days after diagnosis, and when I might add, was hanging by an emotional thread, to enquire if I had life insurance. You didn’t stop there did you? Your kind supportive self continued on to tell me exactly how you were going to pay off your mortgage and bills when/if I died from the disease I had JUST found out I had! Thank you for the meticulous financial planning that didn’t include anything to do with our child. I also can’t thank you enough for foolishly assuming you still were beneficiary after we separated. Seriously? If I do die nothing will give me greater pleasure than to look down from the heavens(or up from the other place) to see the look on your face when the lawyer reads my mother and sons name. You had no idea and I wasn’t about to blow the surprise you big piece of excrement! fuck you very much for it all.
3. To my dearest friend B. You have been a ray of sunshine in my life for a very long time. Words can’t express what your support has meant to me, that and your friendship...I’ll love you forever. That being said if you dare tell me one more story about someone you know, friend of a friend or coworker that was recently diagnosed and then almost instantly drops dead I’m going to wring your lovely neck. Silly bitch! Still love ya!
4. Last but not least...definitely the hardest, Dear Mom, the day we went to lunch and wig shopping...I had put on so much weight and all the meds gave me a face the size of the moon. I tried mom, dressed with extra care and even wore a pretty good makeup. Mom your comment of ‘you look like a fat girl trying too hard’ didn’t make me mad, it hurt...to the core. I was mid-chemo, eating manically and in need of support...not a disgraceful callous statement. Years later and it now makes me mad...not to mention lose respect. I’ll love you forever too...but that comment fucked with my head to this day. I wish I could bring myself to talk to you about it, but I can’t. It’s just too much and I’m afraid of what I might say and how hard I will cry saying it. Still love you though, that doesn’t change.
Done. What a diatribe! Thought I’d feel better than I do right now. Oh well, stay calm...you know the rest.
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Egads~Very well written and heartfelt I honestly hope it felt good to get it out, because I felt like I was cheering for you while you were doing it. Kinda a cleansing. If an x husband would even think he would be the beneficiary of your life insurance policy needs to refer to the Webster's dictionary and look up definition of X husband. As Sas—- says who made this thread. What an Analpore!!!!
You found the right place to let it all out. That's for sure! I'm glad you finally let it out. My mom is in denial. Apparently she doesn't care what we talk about as long as it's not my serious Illness. Nope she just can take take it. She bought a ticket to the river of denial. I hear it's nice there. Hang in there ! ~M~
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Hi Micmel, and thank you for actually reading all that spew I posted. Not sure if it helped but hoping there's a delayed reaction! I do know one thing...the tea I was sipping while reading your reply shot out both my nostrils when I saw the 'analpore' reference...haven't laughed that hard in a long time...love it and will use it liberally in the future...thank you!! I'm sorry your mom isn't on the same page...it hurts I know. Meh, never mind we rise above it after the ordeal we have been through. Analpore....still laughing
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Well I just had it thrown in my face by my analpore husband to get over it because, “You don't have cancer anymore, you're cancer free." So I shot back, “No shit Sherlock, I don't have a chest anymore." This has been going on since I was six months post BMX and God forbade I would react to any nerve pain and now I can't scratch an itch in his presence. Come June it will be six years. Getting VERY tired of it. Kicker is he throws the fact that he's had basal cell carcinoma in my face. On top of that we have several medical conditions that are the same. He doesn't even try to take care of himself where I'm proactive and I'm suppose to feel sorry for him. Feels like he tries to drag me down his road but that ain’t gonna happen. Needing to put myself first when it comes to health. It was easier raising three children. Man, that felt good if for no other reason he doesn't like me on BCO. Doesn't like me having any camaraderie with my friends either in person or here. As a friend of mine who has ovarian cancer says, we get it.
Egads, you're Ex is a piece of work. The nerve to ask you if you had life insurance and on top of it to think you would name him a beneficiary. Shaking my head at his behavior.
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I was dx several years ago. I am supposed to do watchful waiting but my employers have refused to let me see a doctor or have any tests ever again: it's easy for them, I work f/t, and hospitals don't do MRIs and ultrasound scans on weekends. They just refuse to let me book leaves, so I haven't seen a doctor for nearly 3 years now.
I still get meetings after meetings where they give me a choice between being fired or resigning. Yesterday I was summoned to another such meeting by my new manager (during my lunchbreak, so I didn't get a lunchbreak). First she tried to make me confess I knew I was going to have cancer and hid it from them when I was hired (one of the angles is that my employers think cancer mostly happens to Jewish women and they are deeply xenophobic and antisemite). I explained I had done genetic testing and no, I do not have 'The Gene for Cancer' as she calls it, and no I am not showing her my test results, and no I do not have a family history. I tried to give her an example of how I get letters inviting me to have cervical smears and finger prick tests for high cholesterol, when I am at risk for neither. She went 'Oh, but you can get cervical cancer without having ever had sex in your life'. I said, no, it is like getting pregnant, and cervical cancer cannot get transmitted from mother to child like AIDS. Then... she insisted a woman can get pregnant without having ever had sex in her life! I am not sure whether she views it as spontaneous generation, but here we are. Manager who claims to be an expert on cancer, disagrees with my doctors, and... thinks women can get pregnant without any sexual intercourse being involved (and no, she didn't mean IVF either). She used her favourite technique of shouting at me and threatening to fire me on the spot, and I have another meeting with her and two managers today, they want me to leave at the end of the month, because they are frightened I might get unwell, and they told me over and over that the company cannot afford to pay for me to go on sickness leave... I don't have family or a partner who can help me financially, I don't have any savings, and I am renting... The worst bit is that they are encouraging me to look for another job somewhere, telling me that as long as I don't say I have cancer, I will be able to go on sickness leave with my new employer! Such honest people...
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Penzance, if you live in the US you might want to contact the Department of Labor (DOL) as it sounds like your employer is not in compliance with labor laws. My husband had an employer who wasn't depositing 401k money properly. I contacted DOL and they did an investigation. Whoa, the things I found out about the company made me cringe. I made a call and they directed me to the proper office. I think it would be well worth it. If you fear being overheard, try calling on your cell phone at lunch or break time. I eventually used e-mail from my home account once I had the person assigned to the case. Sounds like your employer is living in the dark ages. Hmm again if you live in the US, if they fire you after so many weeks you can file for unemployment compensation.
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Kathindc: your husbands insensitivity runs deep...seemingly to the point of being jealous of your medical history....imho that takes meanness to a whole other level. Along with him not wanting you here in the forms, it reminds me of my exhusband’s behaviour while we were married. You better than anyone knows how precious and short life is...how do you deal? In your place I’d seek marriage counseling, this is so unfair to you...you deserve support, before, during and after, especially after. The stress you must feel can’t be helping your battle. That said I do realize I’m dispensing my opinion on this,which you may not want or need. His behaviour is horrible, I just couldnt help but chip in with my two cents. Im really hoping you find peace...soon!
Penzance...I agree with Kathindc, I’m sure your employer is in violation of labour laws...many of them. Reach out to the resources in your area for legal advice and advocacy. I would also strongly recommend that you start a written diary, dates and names clearly stated every single time they pull this total bullshit on you..they need to learn it’s 2018 and not 1918!! As I said to Kathindc, life is too short for this crap, you need peace too...go git’ em’ girl!
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Pen honey ~ that is harassment. I would call up the first contingency lawyer you can find. Next time you have a meeting like that, ask them if they mind if you record the meeting, because you're growing concerned about your position with the company and you want to be sure you understand everything they are saying clearly. Keep documents. Of times and dates these things happen, and of course the names. Do not accept this behavior. They cannot discriminate because of health issues. You have a very strong case for wrongful harassment and or termination, if it gets that far. The only testing you would have to submit to, if required is a drug screening, and mostly all companies have that policy. But be VERY careful going forward. I would start now reaching out to attorneys that work on contingency agreements. They are out there. I don't know where you are from. But this is a classic case of harassment, and it seems like they are poking at you. so i would take precautionary measures, like in a meeting if you're all alone with management, say oh excuse me, do you mind if I record this. Usually they willl say no. The reason is because they aren't honest and they know it. So it’s a way to hold them off until you can find someone to help you stick it to these jerks. Also throw some sexual harassment in there, Work should not be talking inappropriately about pregnancy and things like that. That's offensive and none of anyone business. You do not have to divulge and information to them unless you're going on disability, which look behind the scenes to see if they offer that. Sounds like a small company. What they will try to do, is give you so much work, that they know you can't possibly do... then they will use the lack of production issue, to try to have you let go. They sound sneaky to me...Be very careful of that trap! Much love ~M~
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Along with Micmel and Kathindc’s excellent advice You might also copy over your post into the employment section here on the boards in a new thread...the more resources the better...this is so wrong on so many levels! Here’s the link to the board:
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Penzance...I don't know where you live, but in any state, I think you have a potential LAW SUIT against this company of analpores! I am in agreement with micmel. In California, all you have go do is go to the Labor Commissioner. You wouldn't have to pay a dime. They will investigate. It's definitely harassment AND discrimination.
Egads...you ex hubby AND your mother are both BCs "Bitch Cunts" !!!
Glad you got some of it off your chest.
L
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Penzance, my heart aches for you. I just retired last July and am supremely grateful I was not dx'd until retirement bc I'm fairly certain my employers would have wedged me out due to the critical job I did. I second the others advice "get an attorney". You need one. I might also record the next meeting simply to have it for detailed note taking. As the others have said, log date/time/place/witnesses and comments anyone else may have overheard and let you know about. Any undisclosed recording will not be admissible in court, but for your own note taking it would be invaluable.
I had one friend who was a long time General Electric employee whose super did not like him. When called into the office (he knew it was coming), the super started his tirade and my friend said "hang on a minute", dramatically pulled out a notebook and pen, dramatically looked at the clock and began to write. The super shut right up. I'm not telling you to do this, I'm telling you because I want you to know there are people in every workplace that do this shit and sometimes, just sometimes it works in YOUR favor.
Huge huge huge hug to you, if I were anywhere near you, I'd be happy to show up like a guard dog the next time you are called into a "meeting". -
my rant (thank goodness for here) is about a close relative. I was only dx'd at the beginning of February of this year. Close Relative (CR from now on) had BC over 15 years ago and is terribly frightened for me. I am usually a pretty organized person, and plan ahead for the things I can. So when I knew when the first chemo was to be, I made my plans which included a person to drive me, who would not be able to be in the infusion room due to nursing a baby at present. I'm good with this. I've been told I'll get benedryl via my port and benedryl knocks my socks off + it's early morning and I'm sure I won't sleep well the night before. All of which equals sleeping during treatment. I'm at the Excellence level of napping and sleeping any other time, so I think I'll be fine. CR has apparently been all kinds of fretting and worried about me being in the infusion room by myself. Now I'm 61 years old and have lived alone for the past 26 years. I've never burned down the house, the dogs have never died of starvation and I managed a critical job for 27 year without help. I think I'm mostly competent. So when CR called me to express that she felt like she needed to be there, I asked why and she couldn't verbalize it. I did a cost/benefit of disrupting my plans so CR could see for herself I'd be fine (mostly so she'd leave me alone for the next 5 treatments) and decided to let her come. But, and this is a big but, she also needed to know I was doing this for HER peace of mind, not because I needed it. That didn't go over so well. At the end of the conversation, she was coming but 15 minutes later she decided she wouldn't come (after I rearranged my plans with my driver), and when I called her to talk, she would not answer the phone. That was when I got all kinds of pissed off, act like an adult and deal with this, don't hide behind email and electronic communications where nuance is lost. Haven't heard from her since and will likely not update her. She's may be left wondering how it went. And I don't care. She'll either get over it, or she won't. Either is good with me.
Oh, and the driver was smarter than I was, and didn't cancel the sitter for the older kids so we're still a go. -
The extent of how badly people behave is bottomless! You’re a better woman than I because if she’d done that to me my butt would have been in a jail cell instead of a chemo chair that day! Thank goodness your thoughtful friend didn’t cancel...and that’s the shining moment in your story. At least you can take comfort in the fact that there are indeed good people in your life and they all don’t suck as much as CR does!! Hoping the chemo goes easy on you...cheers sister! Glad you got a chance to rant!!
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Hollie~I noticed that your signature line says starting chemo tomorrow? If that is the case I’ll be sending up some strength and thoughts for you. I have been there. And... I’ll be here if you need a shoulder. We all will. Good luck. I’m thinking of you ! ~M~
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20 minutes ago Egads007 wrote:
The extent of how badly people behave is bottomless! You're a better woman than I because if she'd done that to me my butt would have been in a jail cell instead of a chemo chair that day! Thank goodness your thoughtful friend didn't cancel...and that's the shining moment in your story. At least you can take comfort in the fact that there are indeed good people in your life and they all don't suck as much as CR does!! Hoping the chemo goes easy on you...cheers sister! Glad you got a chance to rant!!
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fortunately, she's 12 hours away! And thanks for the cheers, I trade a high 5 back to you! -
14 minutes ago Micmel wrote:
Hollie~I noticed that your signature line says starting chemo tomorrow? If that is the case I'll be sending up some strength and thoughts for you. I have been there. And... I'll be here if you need a shoulder. We all will. Good luck. I'm thinking of you ! ~M~
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awww thanks! Daughter Youngest will be arriving this evening and staying the weekend in case I need help. Daughter in Love and Son are 20 minutes away and I think Daughter In Love is more frightened than I am, she is going to be there as well. Double support! From what I read over on the March 2018 chemo thread, the bad day(s) may start Sunday or Monday and I am sure if I don't check in with Daughter in Love she will be calling and/or texting me to see how I'm doing. Blessed to have that sweetheart in my life. I will be doing TCHP+Neulasta, so Monday may be a stay in bed, take my own benedryl type of day! -
Hollie~ start taking Claritin today!!!! Take it tomorrow and the following day and from now on. That Nulasta is ROUGH without it. Trust me. I didn't know to take the first time, and I suffered with terrible bone wrenching pain for 24 hours. It was horrible. I don't want you to go through anything like that ever!!! If your allergic to it of course, obviously that's another story, then get on the phone to your onc and see if you can take another form of Claritin. The bone pain in not something you want to to deal with. So you're having chemo Tomorrow and then back to the Center for the Nulasta shot?? The next day? That gives you 3 days to start. If you don't have it, please get it. It may be the difference between minor aches and pains, compared to terrible pains even in your toe bones. Not trying to scare you, just don't want you to suffer like I did. I also took some aleve in the am. For during your infusion, have them slow down the drip speed I.e 45 mins infusion vs 30 mins...it makes a big difference and eat breakfast while your having your infusion. That also helps. Never an empty stomach it will help absorb acids, and the Claritin helps with inflammation and irritation that your body will experience. I just want you to be as comfortable as possible. Hugs hugs ~M~
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Egads - yes - still the place to rant and we love cursing and drama too. Don't worry, we do not offend. And you can list by number or bullets anytime. Then I found your other post - I think you will find that each of these and more ar layers of an onion. Several onions. Just keep peeling each one. BTW, I love love love that you did not tell him he is not on the life insurance policy. Love it!
MICMEL - LOL ROFLMAO - from the cartoon, just the way I want to say it and never do.
My brother - I am not mad at him. But his new thing instead of "Keep getting better" is now "Keep taking good care of yourself." By Jobe - I thinks he got it! He also has NOT been late or blown off one dinner or brunch since I spoke very clearly to him 1 1/2 yrs ago. And I just love him.
That is one giant snowman to dump all that poop.
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McMel, I'm having the unit that attaches to an arm or your stomach as the infusion center is an hour away and this time of year driving is chancy. I don't have claritin ordered for me, that's not over the counter is it?
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Hollie- I also had TCHP and was ok the day after, but bad on the 2nd day.
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perhaps I should have gone and looked it up. It IS over the counter and I plan on going out so will pick some up.
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yes Claritin is over the counter. It’s an allergy medicine
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A minute ago mistyeyes wrote:
Hollie- I also had TCHP and was ok the day after, but bad on the 2nd day.
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I hope for the 2nd day, that would be Saturday and Daughter Youngest will be here to help. Assuming the diarrhea clears/begins to resolve before she has to go home. -
In reading peoples posts I am struck by the level of cruelty people seem so unashamed to use. Here are the cruel things said to me.
My mother, while I was lying in bed recovering from the mastectomy. "I don't want to hear about this (meaning BC) for the rest of your life."
My Aunt,when I told her I needed the pillow in the front seat of my Jeep "Remember that song? Short people have no reason to live."
Many many other cruel things said and done by them and others. It is shocking to see how little I am loved. Cancer taught me things I didn't
want to know.
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Egads ... changed beneficiaries. I cheered! Take that, you analpore husband.
Analpore. Why am I always somewhere else when the good new words are invented?
Penzance, seems you have been analpored on! So rude!
Analpore. Now I can't get that out of my head.
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