STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

Anonymous

I have been so sad that I lost my singing voice - love love love to sing, blues, R & B, folk.

Good thing is I have just tried to hold my throat on the side the vocal chords don't close right (nerve damage from cancer lymph nodes) and there is an interesting sound.

Micmel

I can agree with the insurance problems. I had a dog run me over. While walking with my DH in our neighborhood.A rather large dog and it ruined major surgery I had in my shoulder 2.5 years before. So since I am not eligible for that same surgery again due to a complication with my lung. All that surgery had been for nothing since the dog ripped every nerve that had been fixed again. I had no feeling in my arm. I had a concussion, three severely bruised ribs, a softball sized blood clot on my side and I bruised my hip pointer bone and deeply bruised my pelvis. I couldn't walk for almost six months. Correctly without pain. The blood clot took almost 10 months to break up and hurt like crazy. I can't write or type or use my right arm very much, because I lose feeling and it's replaced with severe pain. So here I was re-injured after healing for two and half years and I was not going to heal from it. Ever. There was no fixing this at all. It took almost four years to get it through the courts.... we ended up in arbitration with a retired judge. He ultimately ruled in my favor, thank goodness, but... 33.3% later to the lawyer and paying down credit cards I had to run up to live off of and support my family with. There was really nothing left. It's a viscous circle. Infuriating really. I hope you smack them to the curb in your deposition. Been there done that....they treat you like a criminal. It's ridiculous.. don't give up! Strong woman. Big hugs ~M~

Anonymous

Isn't this absolutely beautiful

https://www.pandora.com/station/play/3878582380470...

It will calm after all the anger is expressed, incl mine/

Jumpship

We are getting a new dog. What makes me mad is that I really want the big dog but at the end of day I'm too tired to walk the miles it would need. A small dog would be fine but my heart was on big-and I realize how old this body is and what cancer has done to it

runor

This is probably not the right forum to write this, but I'm not sure where to go with it.

FAKE POSTS.

Surely I am not the only one who reads a post from someone and thinks, ah, that's a fake post. That's a post written by someone with a mental illness seeking sympathy and reaction, but they sure as hell are NOT a person in the starting stages of breast cancer.

What does a fake post look like to me? Too polished. Too perfect. Too composed. They blurt out their situation in 2 or 3 neatly worded paragraphs and then end with some open ended question like 'oh my god, what am I going to do' and you can almost see them swooning across their sofa, arm draped dramatically over their forehead. There is just something 'off' about 1st posts that cover all bases, dump out well worded drama with triggering words and perfect emotion, then sweep off waiting for the sympathy and support to pour in.

Now, it is possible for a first post to be all those things. I have read such posts and felt they were authentic. But I read others and something smells fishy.

I would love to know how often those posters who dump the drama right from post one ever come back more than a few times or even more than that first time? What are they looking for? Content to sell to magazines who pander to panic? I get a ghoulish, vampire like vibe from some of these posts and I rarely respond to them. I see the people who do and think they are kinder and gentler souls than I am. This place should be for those who are broken, afraid, confused and need comrades to lift them up. I resent the intrusion of those who stop in to get a piece of the suffering, like looky Lous at car accidents, like desperate soul suckers. THey piss me off. But maybe I'm entirely off base (although I don't think so)

Meow13

I second that runor. My recent complaint with bco is the ad to donate money. I hate the sad bald headed lady, it reminds me of st judes hospital commercials or the abused animal commercials. I know that type of advertisement works. But I don't want to associated with sadness or baldness nor to I care to see mammogram machines. I might be a bit cranky now that I have lost 10 pounds with 10 more to go.

chronicpain

I had to put my big fluffy tabby kitty down, we had her since we she was a kitten She was 16, and she had stopped eating and ultrasound showed a 3cm cavitating tumor in her abdomen. And now it turns out DH may have prostate cancer. I look at 80-year-olds briskly hiking with their Leki sticks, hoping to live to be 100 and planning their cruises, and am unfairly angry about the unfairness.

DancingElizabeth

Dear Chronicpain...I'm so sorry...my sweet kitty passed away last year from cancer as well. I still miss her...

I'm sorry about your husband...cancer is such a f@ckig evil disease.

I too feel pangs of sadness when I see old people and think to myself that it wasn't all that long ago - that I thought for sure I would live a long life. I used to worry about retirement. Now, I feel like, I don't care, if God keeps me alive until I am old - I don't care if I'm living in a cardboard box - as long as I am alive - that's good enough for me....

Damn...

molliefish

Runor I don't get that at all from the posts I read here. Everyone has their story and their own way of expressing it.

Jumpship

Chronic pain I'm right there with you

Lula73

Runor- I have also seen some that didn't quite sound right. Some have no specifics and when other posters try to help and ask for specifics (ie stage, grade, hormone receptor status, etc) they either ignore them or all of a sudden get scatter brained. When the ones trying to help tell them where to look (ie the pathology report, the radiology report, etc) they disappear, say their doc won't let them have a copy or prevaricate some more and refocus attention on another crisis.

Here's a rundown of a suspicious post not so long ago with a little commentary from me:

Ex: poster states 'Went to breast specialist, so glad i did as she said I was high risk (even though no family history).' Then poster quotes the following stats: risk of developing bc IF I test BRCA +, risk IF mom & I both test BRCA +, (no genetic testing done by the way), oh and poster states she has a cyst in one breast and now needs to decide whether or not to have a bmx or just take tamoxifen... Um, what in the world are you even talking about?!? BMX for a cyst?!? Tamoxifen for a cyst?!? A simple clarifying question is asked on whether genetic testing was or wasn't done - pister slams you for asking (the answer was 'no testing done') & poster states that she shouldn't have to justify herself to "strangers". So now it's the 'poor me' factor and 'these strangers that i just gave all this (supposedly)personal info to are asking me questions?!? How dare they? They're so mean! Poor me!' When really the questions are being asked by people who are trying to help them.

I have no patience for the attention seekers. There are real people dealing with 100% real cancer and the giant bag of sh!t that comes along with it. Pretending to have cancer, even if in a board like this where you can put whatever you want in for your profile with no way to verify any of it, is just plain wrong, is a slap in the face to those who are genuinely trying to help, and it belittleswhat those who really have cancer are going through. Karma is a fickle b!tch and she will ensure those lying about having cancer for attention will get their comeuppance. I don't wish this awful disease that's tried to take me out 4 different times on anyone. But saying you have it when you really don't is just inviting Karma right on in.

Meow13

I don't get why anyone would pretend to have cancer. Right now I'm pretending I never had cancer and will never get it.

Really sorry you had to put down your kitty. I have 2 persians and I am so attached. I dread the day I might lose them. Both are 4 years old now. It hurt me terribly when I lost my old cat, took 10 years for me to get another.

wrenn

Molliefish, since this is the steamroom for anger I don't think it is fair to judge someone's expression of anger. :-)

My rant is about BCO allowing members to coddle those with health anxiety and convince them to "push for more testing" etc. I think it is cruel and could be damaging to encourage someone ( who even after multiple benign tests) to keep looking for it. I think they should be encouraged to stay away from a cancer site once it is determined that they don't have cancer and to seek treatment for the issue they do have or be sent to an anxiety forum.

Meow13

I am going to allow myself not to worry about my cancer, cats, kids, husband and mother. Everything is good, I am not waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am happy about this moment in time.

runor

Molliefish, I haven't read anything here on Steamroom that caused me to write about fake posts. It's usually when I'm casually cruising through the Active Topics and see some attention grabbing title and check it out and it's EXACTLY as Lula described it. Some super fishy, wibbly wobbly, makes no sense at all, won't answer any questions .... yeah, something is off about this.

I absolutely support each of us having our own voice and our own story and this is a wonderful place to come with all these new and unattractive feelings. But it's also really slimy and gross to slither in here when you don't belong and I get the sense so strongly from some posts and it offends me. Often those people drop their drama bomb and never come back again. I do NOT think everyone who posts here is legit. They fly in, drop a shit post and fly out, never to return.

Lula73

meow-I saw your post that was deleted earlier and I loved it!

Wrenn-so true for those that have gone all the way to biopsy stage and it’s neg. I guess I always wonder if they’re so concerned, just ask for excisional biopsy-then you’ll know for sure and if it’s nothing, and the lump is nowgone as well. To me it’s not rocket science. I had no problem with docs or insurance when I had a lump evaluated & excised -mammo & ultrasound indicated fibroadenoma, I just said it doesn’t belong so it has to go and lumpectomy was scheduled.

DodgersGirl

chronic pain— so sorry to read about your cat. We had to put my grand fur baby down the day after my dx. It is sure tough to lose a pet as they are family. Hugs to you.

Also sorry to read about you DH’s possible cancer. Please keep us posted. Saying prayers for you and your DH

Anonymous

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Dianarose

When the MO gave me a few days to live I posted my fears and what was going on. Needed some place to vent. Things started to turn around after several rounds of A/C and multiple blood transfusions and a ton of prayers. When I posted the good news I got a rude comment that it was nice to see me post without all the drama. Really!!!! Hate to inform that particular lady but some of us are really living her so called drama. How dare she judge what I was going through and was afraid to die. I don’t post much anymore because of her.

runor

DIanarose, do you mean someone on this site said that about your 'drama'? I am shaking my head. I hope it was somewhere else, like Facebook, where the worlds biggest collection of Jackasses can often be found.

Someone posted a link to an article in another thread and I thought it was a pretty good read. I did not find this myself but will attempt to add link here. Thank you to the person who shared this ... (can't recall who right now, tamoxifen brain)

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/26/opinion/sunday/cancer-what-to-say.html

Claire, I am such a horrid patient that my dentist's office doesn't call me anymore. When they ask me if I want to book my next 6 month appointment I say no, I want to ignore you for a while, ponder my teeth, grow concerned and then I'll call you in a year. Which is what I do. They gave up on me. I expect to be toothless any day now. But I think I would flip out if my dentist came at me with a BP cuff. That's just weird!

Dianarose

Runor, yes it was on this site. I don’t down anyone’s cancer no matter what stage. It’s still cancer and scary. Some people need not post rude remarks as each of us is fighting the same battle. When you are stage IV it’s not drama it’s our new reality

Lula73

maybe the dentist figured out they could bill for that BP and get paid by insurance. I just had to laugh out loud after the comment about the dentist office being the only healthcare some patients get. Perhaps that’s true for a small minority of patients, but I don’t know many who prefer the dentist chair over a dr checkup/wellness visit/physical. 😳

Sara536

Claire, I hear your rant. Maybe your dentist should be sending his staff to some professional development classes if he is aware of what is going on. I finally found a dental team that I absolutely love but the dentist, his assistant (wife), and front office person are all about to retire. They are as old as the victorian house they practice in. Oh well. My rant today is about the phone calls I get from my Medicare Advantage plan. Unlike the Original Medicare plan I had before, they keep calling to offer me a free complete checkup" in the comfort of my own home" by a "highly trained medical professional" -to be rewarded by a $15. gift certificate to Target. Oh goody! I keep telling them no thanks - my home is the one place where I can count on not being poked and prodded. If they looked at my medical record, they could see that I see plenty of doctors. I suppose they do this because I have reached a certain age, and they want to snoop around to make sure I am still alive and don't have any dangerous throw rugs around. I should be greatful, I suppose, but it feels incredibly invasive to me and the $15. gift certificate is an insult. If I were going to sell access to my body, I would demand a whole lot more🤭!

Lula73

Sara-good for you! I don’t want them in my house either. It’s my comfort place. I’m very Leary if the ones who cone to visit at the house anyway. If they need to come to your house it can send the message that you’re declining and aren’t comfortable leaving the house. This can lead to bias on the part of the healthcare provider visiting you in terms of your quality of life being low and your view of your health being poor. This in turn can lead to more of a palliative form of care where they start discontinuing some of the meds/treatments that are helping you stay as healthy and active as you can be. I sat and talked with one of the docs that does those visits and the things she said scared me to death!

Sara536

Lula, I did have some suspicions along those lines, but then thought, “Nah...I’m just being paranoid.” and dismissed them. I would really love to hear some of the things you heard from that doc. I figured it was just what they offer to anyone who reaches 72, but then, why would they feel the need to give you a physical if you have already had one by your own doctor unless they were up to no good...?

Artista964

i wouldnt be surprised if there are trolls here too. Theres always some on public message boards. I ignore them and feel sorry for them for to be like that, their life must really suck without having cancer.

Lula73

good one Rosabella! 🤣😂🤣

Meow13

Hi Lula, yes I read through all my posts last night and decided to remove them. I had a very difficult time this time last year. It kind of helped deleting them to let go of my anger toward my family.

Micmel

Meow~My family basically abandoned me before I got cancer, when it was known I would be divorcing they chose the wrong team, now out of three siblings. I speak to one of them. Out of a mother and step father and father and stepmonster. I only speak to my mother and step father. If my stepmonster has her way, I would be broke sick and alone. She's an evil seed that one. So bad. The anger I feel towards those people cannot be held in a category. It's more of an indifference that I have learned to feel. When i was diagnosed, my father called crying and wanted to plan to See me, he doesn't drive. My stepmmonster wouldn't drive him. So I have not yet seen him. That's honestly ok. I don't really have anything nice to say and I really don't know him anymore. My kids are growing up and they missed it all. They are not invited to the wedding. None of them. My mother and step father. Who really is my father. We were told yesterday that some xray showed a spot on his lung, so now we investigate this now. I just need to get them to live near me. I feel so helpless with them so far. Ever since my mother fell, she just cant walk well at all. It seems that everyone is sooooo young for sooo long and them you blink and everyone has aged and people start to die. Everyday seems like such a challenge. We here together have to help each of us get through the shit stew together.

Much love to all ~M~

GraceB1

Claire

Dentists in my town have been taking blood pressures for as long as I can remember. Mine is usually is little higher than usual as I hate going to the dentist but it probably saved a co-workers life. He hadn't been to the doctors since he got out of the Marines 25 years earlier but got an abscessed tooth and had to see the dentist. His pressure was so high they wanted to send him to the hospital in an ambulance (340 over 170). They were all surprised that he hadn't had a stroke already. Eight years later with blood pressure medicine and he's still doing fine but sees a doctor now.