STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

Indigo29

Scared67 - yup, totally agree. My daughter was with me at the time and she gave me a look that said, “ no mum, slapping the man is not the answer; put your hand down NOW!!

Another annoying one that I have heard is, “ smile; it may never happen". Sorry bud but it already did.

Anonymous

Indigo - LOL - she knows you too well then?

bcincolorado

Indigo too funny! Attitude--hmmmmmm..........as much as I try sometimes you just have to let go to people who know and understand with no judgments. That's why you all are so great. You get it and all those emotions we have to try to hide from everyone else.

Meow13

Annoyed at my husband. My older son uses one of our cars to drive for his job. He has to go to many different locations everyday. His company now wants him to increase the property insurance from 50K to 100K. We talk to insurance company and they suggest we put the car in my son's name and his insurance will go up $320 per year. Ok sounds good, now my husband wants to sell him the car for $5000. We don't need the money and would wind up paying state sales tax 10%, $500. I said sell him the car for $1, my husband said the state would see right through it. What, my father sold me my first for $1 but it was hardly worth anything.

I think my husband is a bozo sometimes.

Indigo29

Bluebird-DE - Sometimes I look at her and could swear that there is a 40 year old trapped inside of a 17 year old body!!!

bcincolorado - you are right, this forum has definitely been a blessing especially when I need to vent!.

Now I just have to work on my facial expressions. Another gem of wisdom from my lovely daughter is, “ Mum; you had better be careful; that look on your face could curdle milk!”. She makes me laugh out loud!!

marijen

I gave my old car to my son and asked my tax accountant if I needed to put a price on it and pay taxes. She said no, not necessary

7of9

Bluebird and company....I have one best friend who we fall in and out of touch but she's the ONLY one who jumps into the trench with me...muddy, wet, depressing...ok, trench warfare...why are we pissed and who or what do you want to rant about it. Sometimes being in a black foul mood is so called for and feels so RIGHT. It doesn't usually last...but it's like when I try to put it off, other people work so hard at "keeping it on the up and up" We'll deal with it, It'll work out, it's God's plan, if the Lord leads you to it, he'll lead you through it...my LEAST favorite of these sayings. Attitude helps...fake it and keep the idiots from crawling up my rear to cheer me up with a pink teddy bear or bracelet. PLEASE. Rather go to a movie, get to go or go for a hike. Give me a break.

Dianarose

Bluebird- my daughter got me a shower chair and when I feel weak I use it. Works great. I hate taking s shower as I have to disconnect both leg bags and cap off the tubes. It’s a pain in the ass! I hate have these tubes and bags!!!!! Yesterday one leaked and my jeans were soaked. Most people have no freaking idea what we go through

ShetlandPony

Indigo, didn't you know that we women are supposed to smile so that men will feel good?

Indigo29

ShetlandPony , lol, yes; God forbid we disappoint by not showing our pearly whites and upsetting their mood

DancingElizabeth

I feel like a 12 yr. old trapped in a 50 yr old body!!! Where did all the time go!?!

I feel like my young-healthy-carefree life and body - is gone. It's hard planning ahead. I don't even want to plan vacations - because I don't know - if something will happen and that will be that. There are things that I think about doing or trying - but - I'm afraid to do them - because I don't want to get attached to anything and have it taken away from me - if I become unable to do things...

I want to live - but - I'm afraid to...

ShetlandPony

You conveyed what you feel so well, S67. I know that one day cancer or cancer treatment will take away the dancing I love, but I decided it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. The other thing that helps me is to have a plan B. If I can no longer dance, I will turn to gardening, transferring the time and money I now spend on dancing to making a beautiful garden, hiring a garden assistant to help where needed to implement my design. There is a stage iv lady here with troublesome mets and a husband facing cancer surgery, and they are planning on two cruises this year! I'm sure they bought good travel insurance.

I wonder if changing your screen name would help you move away from feeling so scared. I don't mean to say you should not be scared sometimes, as we are human beings, but there are other things to be like dancin', cruisin', cookin'... What's your secret desire? Can you take a step toward it? Defy cancer!

I'm sorry, I know the steam room is for rants, but I really wanted to offer some encouragement. I hope that is ok.

Micmel

I know exactly how that feels wow! What a day this has been. Can't wait to sleep. It's the only place I am safe from thinking about cancer! ~M~

Dianarose

I can’t even enjoy tv. Almost all the commercials are for some kind of dam drug! It instantly reminds me of my own situation. Why the hell do they need to waste so much money on ads for drugs. Shouldn’t they just educate the doctors. Maybe spend the money on research or to bring the cost down. It’s out of control

Meow13

Thanks, we ended up gifting it to him, 30 something dollars to tranfer title.

indahood

wow, Raidergirl, I love your comment "the person who has the cancer gets to say when they are grateful"

I'm pissed off because since I've been introduced to the cancer world, all the doctors keep downplaying my cancer and telling me it's so "easy" to treat. "Stage one" "early stage cancer" etc etc. Someone, not an oncologist, even told me it's might just be a blip in my life. I listened but I just had this feeling, in my gut I kept waiting for the shoe to drop. I was right, today it did. It's not just a blip. Just came from the MO and he has told me that contrary to what everyone has said and thought so far. I will have chemo and radiation and hormone therapy. Luminal B, progesterone neg est positive. And to top it off, they came back with a new take on the pathology review, my cancer is not stage one but stage 2. Now I have to readjust. FUCK

Meow13

indiahood, I was er 95% and pr less than 1%. I had one ilc and one idc with lobular fatures, both mitotic score 1 amd just barely grade 2. Each tumor was 1cm. My oncodx score was 34. I didn't do chemo I took hormone inhibitor anastrozole and exemestane.

I will post a link showing some interesting results for you.

I am 6 years NED

http://www.cancernetwork.com/articles/anastrozole-...

Should discuss with your doctor.

https://www.cancercommons.org/tag/luminal-b-breast...

Anastrozole is proving very effective for luminal b hormone positive cancer in former link but they are also able to boost effects of anastrozole.

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/264088331...

This last link you need to read through to the end but AI drugs are proving much more effective than tamoxifen in er+, pr- individuals. This is dated 2014 the first link I gave you is 2004. For 10 years the seems to be the same conclusion.

7of9

As I sit and wait to go into the lab for treatment (zometa)....I hate how everything is white and light wood and glass in this new building. Boring. Bland. I feel like a lab rat.

Anonymous

I feel like whatever treatments we go through - whether we are in trials or not - it is still trials, the info can be used and should be. Though it is not. Takes them years to provide updates on SEs that weren't obvious in the trials, etc.

Read all the comments from my last post to here, so much insight.

Meow - that is a decent gift, and now not on your insurance. Good deal, glad your hubby budged.

Dianarose - I can't imagine. I feel for you. With the iffy-ness of possible diarrhea which has hit when on the back roads and no toilets - ugh - I still carry a change of clothes and a box of baby wipes in case. Everywhere, most of the time.

What I thought I looked like. I don't even have a photo of me in the last year, the light and health is gone for now. But soon it will be back. I believe that off the txs that caused the terminal nose-dive that I couldn't handle, I will regain the zing and look better soon too.

Until I was 58, last year, I felt and imagined that I looked like I was 30, I think that was when pic was taken, really I did. Then one day I saw the old woman in the mirror and realized I had been forced into my old crone years. I thought when I got to be an old crone I would at least have cascading grey hair and bright eyes and the energy to do everything, even if I was slower. This is unacceptable. But here I am again picking myself up, dusting it all off and trying to give it another go anyway, whether I was told to call hospice or not.

I am not being morbid, really. And when I die I will look like this ---- I think we could all pull out our favourite photos and imagine ourselves there again. Here I look so much like my mother.

Scared - I used a username called Essa for awhile. I got slammed by some who did not like my point of view and treatment choices and so I turned my name to Mad-Bluebird and used that icon. But I got over the mad and and running on the defense and wanting to punch people in the nose. So now am Bluebird-DE. My initials. Have collected bird statues and porcelain birds for years, love the bluebirds too. I think of the bluebird of happiness. hahahahaha well, maybe not all the time. So, see you can change your username and it will still keep all your posts, old ones will have the new username. If you want to do that.

DancingElizabeth

Thank-you Everyone - for being such a great ear and support...

ShetlandPony - I think I will look into changing my username!! I love dancing...

Micmel - I - too - feel like sleep is the only break I get from cancer. Sometimes - I can't wait until the house is quite and I can sleep...

Dianarose - I don't like how there are so many commercials for things that don't even seem like a real problem. I mean - "dry-eye" as a health issue?!?! I hate that commercial.

Bluebird - You are very pretty!!! I'm 50 and I too get surprised sometimes - when I see the wrinkles - it doesn't look like me!!! But, then so much of myself, is not myself anymore...

Ok - going to work on figuring out a new username...

DancingElizabeth

Just changed it...

bcincolorado

Bluebird you are beautiful. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Dinarose-love the comment about all the drug commercials and "ask your doctor". Really??? Do you think they are so dumb they don't know what you need? And of course then they quickly read side effects which make you wonder why anyone in their right mind would even take that stuff!

7of9 love that "lab rat" comment! Lab rat and pin-cushion!

Dianarose

I’m pissed and depressed at the same time. My tumor marker had been coming down with each cycle on Xeloda until now. Went up after this cycle. Sucks

DancingElizabeth

Sorry to hear about that Dianarose!!! I've heard that - its very easy for them to fluctuate - for reasons - OTHER - than cancer. But, I know that's little comfort... Tumor-marker tests create a lot of stress...

Jumpship

Bluebird I hear you! I just looked at photos of myself pre-treatment and then the last 3 years. I've aged 20 years and I don't look like me. Eyebrow ms how I miss yiu

Indigo29

DancingElizabeth, love the name by the way! - This “new normal” of ours is something that may well take a while to get used to and it can get overwhelming at the best of times. For me, the way I cope is just by taking one day at a time. As for vacations, maybe start off by going somewhere that is not too far from home so that if you do feel unwell or uncomfortable you can get home within an hour or so . Sometimes just getting away from the house and our usual routine for a couple of days can do the world of good to our well being!. I love Music and it makes me happy so I make sure to stick the headphones on everyday and crank up the sound and sing to my hearts content and for a while - even if it’s just for a little while - I can forget all about breast cancer and this “new normal “ of ours . . .

ShetlandPony - very well said and I like the idea of having a plan B!

Micmel - yes, sleep used to be my place of solace too but now thanks to the letrezole, if it’s not the hot flashes waking me up 2 or 3 times a night then it’s just plain old insomnia - I have perfected the art of counting sheep!!!

Dianarose- I agree, recently it feels like every other commercial seems to be an neulasta onpro commercial !

Meow - I bet your son was very grateful for the car

Bluebird - you look lovely but I know what you mean; when I look in the mirror I don’t see the person I was just a year ago - damn cancer really does do a number on us

Jumpship- I have my eyebrows back and my upper lashes back but I don’t know what the hell happened to my lower lashes - thank goodness for eyeliner!!

7of9 and bcincolorado - so true; “lab rat” and “ pin cushion” sums up just about every doctor and hospital visit these days

TaRenee

I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who has aged visibly in all this. I used to love having pictures taken. Every time I got together with friends. Now, I see myself, and I think WHO is that? And why does she have black eyes? I do t like having my picture taken now. I used to look 10 yrs younger than I am. Heck, I got carded going out until I was almost 40. So what to do? I need a haircut and then I’ll color it. I guess I should start wearing makeup again. Bleh

jaycee49

The commercials that bother me the most are the Stand Up to Cancer ones. Especially the one with Jimmy Smits on immunotherapy drugs. They are all thinly veiled commercials for big pharma. This one is "supported" by Bristol-Meyers Squibb.

"PSA campaign, supported by charitable donation from Bristol-Myers Squibb, raises awareness about the promising new approach to cancer treatment that uses the body's own immune system to fight the disease." from SU2C website. Do those do-gooder actors not know they are being USED by the drug companies?

DancingE, love the new name.

Dianarose

I did a paid survey for Ibrance and did speak up about why not use the money wasted on ads and find us a dam cure or at least better treatments.

runor

I also look in the mirror and look like The Crypt Keeper. The skin around my eyes is so crepey and so many wrinkles. I hear women say that being ON hormones keeps their skin much nicer. You'd have to expect that the reverse when you BLOCK your hormones. I love the look of aged, rustic leather. But not on my face! Thinking about procedures. Or new carpet. Toss up!