STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

GR4C1E

I'm struggling. Since the Abraxane shortage, I have been on Taxotere. I started in October 2021 so I'm about four months in, and got the news that I have bone mets. So, now Xgeva has been added to my treatment regimen. I don't know if it's the Taxotere or the Xgeva or the combination of the two, but I can barely move from the extreme fatigue. I was tired all week last week, which ended with a significanlty rapid decline in mobility over the weekend. I didn't have any fatique when I was on Abraxane. I'm both exhausted and pissed off that this is happening because I can't get the treatment I need. There has been no updates on the Bristol Myers Squibb website except to say that updates are coming. They actually issued press releases stating they'd be issuing another press release - month, after month, after month - the same press release. The "update" has continuously been that they'd have more information "next" month. What the hell?

ctmbsikia

Hi. Have another issue at my house. I woke up to water on the floor. Not a lot. I think it came in through a window that is in need of replacing but I have one of those landlords that is currently residing in Florida for the winter. I asked my son to investigate. He and his girlfriend recently had covid. Both are doing OK as am I. I cancelled some things to be safe since I was around him when he was probably contagious. Had my booster last week, no side effects what so ever. Was invited to my nieces for a brunch yesterday, so instead of just not going I knocked on the door, dropped off deviled eggs and stayed outside for about 10 minutes to see my family. Best 10 minutes of the weekend. Then my football team lost-oh well wasn't expecting much. Not looking forward to doing any repairs, but if I can afford it and the landlord will pay me back I need to order a new window soon and stop this madness before the next wind driven rain or snow storm comes by. Ugh!

Hope you all had a good weekend. On Saturday I had a weird episode of being a little out of breath and sweating profusely after doing the floors. I almost jumped in the shower but went outside on the porch instead since it was a very cold day. Then just as fast as it came on, it was gone. Been fine since. Have a lab appt. this week, and MO next week. It best all be routine.

bcincolorado

Oh ctmbiska that is all you need! Windows are not cheap either. Maybe some heavy duty plastic weather proof stuff taped up around the window in the meantime will get you by in the meantime so you haVe no more water coming in.

KIDI919

Ctmbsikia, Maybe you could try that spray foam that seals cracks. Or caulk.

ctmbsikia

I'm doing the best I can out here all by myself. You know I'm not the sharpest tack in the box! I also don't want to bother my son everyday with one thing or another! Upon further investigation I now feel confident that the water on the floor came from the humidifier. It didn't leak, it was just set too high for conditions. The storm that rolled through started as snow and quickly changed to rain all while the temperature went up to almost 50 degrees. The day before was cold and dry. Anyway, that would explain why I can't find any evidence of wetness on and around the sad window. I did spray foam the sill and then made a hole with a screw driver so water would drain out.

Today, on my lunch break I am going shopping for a new area rug. That is something I know how to do and I'm pretty good at it!!

bcincolorado

Well hopefully just a humidifier issue only and not a window. Keeping good thoughts your way!

Spookiesmom

Retail therapy is a good thing.

KIDI919

ctmbsikia, well thats good news! Good luck shoppung

ctmbsikia

New rug looks great!

Today's challenges. Failed attempt at putting air in my tires. The light is still on. Ugh. This morning went for bloodwork and just read the results. My total cholesterol is 210. Triglycerides went from 325 to 528. Alk Phos still elevated. Fasting blood sugar just over at 108. Bah. I really don't know how to explain my feelings. I want to keep living for awhile, but I really don't want to change. Haven't I been through enough life changes? I can make minor adjustments, sure. But, if I want wine, I'm gonna have it, and if I want to go buy a pack of smokes, I'm going to. They are still legal. I know perfectly well of the risks and having already had a cancer I damn sure know that one day something is going to show up and whatever doctor I go to that month is not going to be able to fix it. I know this. So, I struggle with a bit of anxiousness of wanting to be left alone. I don't know if feeling like this is rational or not. I know where I'm going, my name is on the stone. Neither myself, or any doctor is going to stop it. I just don't know when or how, so in the meantime, you know, can I just live and stop all this testing and appointments?

/medical rant. Maybe I should ask them to up my meds!

bcincolorado

ctmbiskia we eat pretty much low fat most of the time here and very little meat but we do splurge on sweets sometimes even though DH is diabetic i very small amounts. Sugar free sometimes as well. We have even found no sugar added ice cream we like and a scoop is good.

Imagine your doc is like ours and be reaching out to change your meds arounds. I know DH had issues with triglycerides and they changed some meds around as a result. He sees an endriconrologist who manages that one . Primary keeps track of it all of course.

Hang in there.

AliceBastable

I smoked heavily for years. When I had endometrial cancer, the doctor said there's no real connection between smoking and that type. When I had breast cancer, my surgeon said the same thing. When I had kidney cancer, the urological surgeon said my smoking was a major contributing factor and I had to quit before surgery or he'd slap patches all over my body in the operating room. I did quit, and without a problem, but I do wonder about my Dad's kidney cancer since he never smoked (a few cigars a half century before), and most of the nephrectomy patients I've connected with weren't smokers. So it's hard to tell. But at least as a non-smoker now, the cold (or Omicron) I've had for the last few weeks never got deep into my lungs like previous colds always did. So that alone makes me happy I quit.

ctmbsikia

The GI doc that tested my liver referred me to an endocrinologist. When I see my primary in a few weeks, if they also refer me, then I guess I'll go. I suppose they could up my statin from 10mg to 20. Maybe that would help.

I hope you and hubby are doing well. I don't know how you do it, and listen to me whine about things too. Thanks bc!

ctmbsikia

Oh Alice I hope you're feeling better now? I was sick with bronchitis last month and it was easy to not smoke. Afraid I've stumbled a bit after the New Year. I signed up for a healthy lungs program to try and gain some more incentive. Everyday I just keep trying. A couple of days I'm good, and some days I find myself at the store. A pack will last me almost a week as I still try to stay away even though I have them. It's a merry-go-round.

Sunshine99

ctm, I commend you for making the effort. At some point, though, I think we all say to ourselves, "Who cares???" Know what I mean?

AliceBastable

I had absolutely no incentive to quit until I had the big health threat. I used the patch system, and Hubby put them on my back (my idea) so I couldn't peel them off. I hadn't even tried to quit or even cut down in decades, and smoked about two packs a day, so maybe I had hit nicotine saturation.

KIDI919

Sunshine, I kind of have to agree with you. If you take away all the things you enjoy in life, are you really living? Just so you can have an unspecified amount of time? But a few more years of what? Endless dr appts? LOL. I sure don't have any answers and I sure as hell can't speak for others.

bcincolorado

I smoked when I was young and when I first got pregnant and had to go to a class (DH was in the military and military system) we heard about how it could kill our babies if smoked when we were pregnant so I quit cold turkey right then and there. I had been a 3 pack a day smoker back then. I am glad I did it too myself. My SIL smoked and could not be around my FIL when he went on oxygen a lot of time and we could be there with him.

Sunshine99

Wow, I admire those of you who are quitting smoking. I have never smoked, but I can imagine that if I smoked it would be a major effort to stop. Interestingly, my first MO always asked me if I smoked, My red cell counts were always high. I guess that can happen when you smoke and your body has to work harder to get oxygen. Turned out, I was diagnosed with polycythemia and had about a year of therapeutic phlebotomy sessions. It resolved itself, so now I just get stuck with needles for regular blood work and infusions.

ctmbsikia

I so appreciate this thread. While I feel I might lose my mind from the loneliness and trying not to get into bad habits too much. You guys understand. Some of it is seasonal for sure. I want to reach out to my non cyber friends but I wrote about this before and I have to take care of me. Some of my friends have losses going on too. It’s too much for me sometimes to reach out but I know they need my support. I received a thank you card today. My daughter calls every night. We face time too. Haven’t seen anyone except co workers. It’s too early to just go to bed. My kids got me a new mattress for Christmas and I am actually sleeping in the bedroom now and it’s very nice. I retailed therapied a new comforter set. Haven’t used melatonin in 2 weeks. These new things are comforting to me. I still have work to do to finish some unfinished business. Like getting this sad window replaced. Tomorrow morning it will be covered in ice. And finishing the beach cottage. I hope to start a project next month making a headboard for the cottage. It might fail but I can at least try and it will keep me busy through the rest of my winter blues.

Thanks again for listening when I just want to scream and go to bed and never get up. You all inspire me to keep going. Here’s my new rug and sad window.

JKL2017

What a beautiful rug, ctmbsikia!

I can only imagine what a difficult time this is for you but it's clear that you have some wonderful people in your life. Let them lift you up when you are feeling down. And always know that you can come here for support and comfort. Wishing you a peaceful night …

AliceBastable

Wow, beautiful rug!

Rah2464

Ctmbsikia - your "old" window looks to cozy and I agree with Alice that rug is very pretty. Hope you will post pics as you work on your headboard for the beach house. I am jealous of those with artistic aptitude.

bcincolorado

Agree. I have no talent for that at all at all. My mother in law was so creative as well and made so many pretty things out of nothing really. She made these neat little window shade coverings that were made out of little little scraps of lumber and some tree branches and nailed them in them there in the frames.Put in hinges and set on the window shades. She did not like blinds and thought they looked pretty and rustic in that room and it worked well in the room she had it in. Made a headboard by using an old sheet and some batting and staPeling the fabric to the back of board with heavy duty staples. She sheet matched her comforter of course. She also recovered my own dining room chairs which I still have today and I have a painting she did and a picture she drew as well. I am very jealous of creative people. I draw stick people and can barely color in the lines.

AliceBastable

When I was in the Air Force decades ago, I worked for a WAF captain who was from an almost frighteningly talented family. She had a nice apartment and her brothers had built all of her furniture, all with gorgeous woodwork. She did the upholstering. She sewed or knit or crocheted everything except her uniforms - she had one crocheted suit that looked like a Chanel, and when she got engaged, she crocheted her full-length dress, train, and mantilla, using white yarn with subtle silver bits for a winter wedding. Plus she played the organ and piano and some other instruments, and sang beautifully. And cooked great meals, of course. If she hadn't been so nice, I'd have hated her.

Sunshine99

Alice, I thought you were going to say that she played the organ at her own wedding! Wouldn't that have been something?

AliceBastable

It wouldn't have surprised me, because she was the church's regular organist! But she took the day off.

Sunshine99

That's funny. This is a passage in Proverbs 31 about the woman who does everything. I read a comment about her being the woman we all love to hate. I knit scarves - does that count?

My apologies if I offend anyone. I'll delete the post.

10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Vandercat

Hello all - I'm a newbie, diagnosed with DCIS eighteen days ago. I am alternately furious and despondent. I imagine the anger will subside with time, but the despair is another issue. I have been dealing with depression for a long time, on meds for nearly 40 years, and was maintaining myself adequately until this cancer happened. I went to donate blood today. It was to be the last good thing I could do before the shit hits the fan. But I was turned away. I sat in the car and sobbed.

Looking forward, everything I read seems to list fatigue as a side effect (rads, meds) and for me, depression plus fatigue equals darkness visible. I can't imagine what this is going to be like.

GoldensRBest

Sunshine -

That verse is beautiful. My best friend can’t sing nor is she artistic, but her home is always welcome and wonderful food is plentiful. She works at her church in the food pantry and kitchen and her husband is president of the mens club and although retired, is busier now than when he was employed. That verse fits her beautifully. I am blessed to have her in my life

bcincolorado

I was blessed with having an amazing breast surgeon who hand made cards for all her patients and was and amazing person. She was ranked as a number one doctor in our area. She said it was her own therapy.