STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

WC3

Annabella2:

Can you discuss the lump with your BS or MO tomorrow?

Annabelle2

They said they're 99% sure its scar tissue. They could see me if I really wanted.......but really it's nothing to worry about. Really?? Every single thing is going to send me spiraling for the rest of my life. But as I've been told over and over, I just have to deal with it and worry about what I can control.

WC3

Annabella2:

If it's distressing you I think they should biopsy it. Fingers aren't a substitute for pathology reports.

Micmel

Annabelle~ my first thought. If it's at a surgical area. Is fat necrosis. I just had one cut out myself. It was out patient and I was awake. It's hard and not really moveable, just like my original tumor had similarities! Dont panic! The fat cells don't always survive around the surgical areas. Take a deep breath. It is beyond common. Just have it looked at. My plastic surgeon was very reassuring and informative.. hugs to you ~M~

WC3

This isn't something that I am horribly angry about. It's just something I am tired of. I was reading articles on breast cancer a while back, and while a lot of the authors only mentioned women (I disapprove), some of them were aware enough to mention men as well, and good for them as it should never be overlooked that men get breast cancer. But the thing that irked me was, one of them used the phrase "men and women". I know this is going to seem like small thing to a lot of people, and some might take issue with me even saying this, but I was irked that I as a female had to come second again, as a result of the built in sex bias of our society, even on a subject that predominantly pertains to females.

It got me thinking how ingrained it is for people to say "men and women" to the extent that saying "women and men" never occur to some people even when it would be more appropriate. I don't know how these type of things have affected most girls and women. I imagine most just shrug it off or accept it as the way things are but it has always made me feel second or like an after thought in society or like I wasn't really part of things or relevant or counted and I felt like I had to remind people I existed. Maybe these sentiments were exasperated by the fact that I spent most of my time others in male dominated environments and had little exposure to other females and what was going on in predominantly female realms.

I'm not a raging militant on these things. If people want to talk about men and women who play baseball or do woodworking or race cars, fine, because it is mainly men who do those things and I am "second", but I am tired of spending far more time in the backseat than the other half of humanity and to have someone try to stick me in the back seat on the subject of breast cancer was a bit much. Scoff if you will but that's just how I feel.

By the way, congratulations to the city of Melbourne for acknowledging that women also cross the street.

AMLmom51

Annabelle2 I'm sorry you're going through this too. Thank you so much for replying! I felt lost in this process. I'm sorry to hear that the rad techs aren't kinder. At this point I am also getting that vibe, no attention to the emotional side of all this. The social worker did return my call today and she was great to speak to. No one else returned my call, unbelievable.

I hope you find out soon what the lump is near your surgery site. Sending prayers and hugs!

Annabelle2

AMLmom - I'm so sorry I meant to come back and reply to you this morning, but then our power went out so I had to drive to the gas station for coffee. Priorities!! ;-)

What I wanted to share with you is that we had trouble with my husband's FMLA paperwork as well. He can't get time off without it (even though he works for the same hospital I'm being treated at). Anyway, we brought the whole packet to the first appointment with the BS. The nurse kindly said she'd get it all taken care of for us. Hubby even mentioned the due date since it was a very quick turnaround. Nurse says "Yep, I've got it".

Well several weeks later, hubby gets notified that all his FMLA has been denied because they never got the paperwork. We were both worried sick, because he was in danger of being fired which would be the loss of our primary income and my insurance. Anyway, I had chemo or something the next morning, so I go boldly in to the breast center aiting room and explained to the receptionist what happened. There were other patients in the waiting room and I did NOT use my inside voice. They wasted no time getting us back to a conference room, the nurse came in and said she "forgot" to send it in, but she would call the FMLA office and get it taken care of. I was livid. Still am actually. I had my MO write a letter to put in hubby's file so he couldn't get fired for someone else's mistake.

My whole point was - fill out as much as you can, insist that a nurse fill in what you don't know, refuse to leave without a signature, and turn the paperwork in to your employer yourself. Oncology & breast clinics everywhere are overworked and understaffed, and while I'm sure they mean well you definitely have to be your own advocate / healthcare / paperwork manager.

I actively avoided the medical setting for 39 years, and now I am absolutely astonished (disgusted?) by the lack of empathy, compassion, basic organization, honest communication, you name it. It has been a shi!t show from day 1. Honestly, if I were to have a recurrence I don't know that I would do any further treatment because of how awful it's been. I truly wish I had reached out on BCO months ago because I had no support, so feel free to PM me if you want to vent or have questions.

**I see my RO this afternoon so I will ask her about the lump. I cannot believe they would just let something like this slide. Especially after missing my cancer on mammo 10 months prior to this.

DancingElizabeth

Annabelle - I agree with what you're saying!!!

I think the lack of compassion - is something I've mainly faced from the mental health people. They say it's a "no judgment" zone. But, man do I ever feel like I'm being judged!!!

So...long-story-short - my 11 yr old DD is struggling with her first year of middle school. I wouldn't be so freaked out - if she hadn't struggled so much towards the end of 5th grade. I tell my psychiatrist about it. She suggests that DD visit their pediatric psychiatrist.

I pull DD out of school - to have her visit him. And, feel the ENTIRE time that I'm a bad mom, because she's too involved in sports. And, made to feel guilty - if I don't take her out of school - for THREE days to have special testing.

And, told she would be fired as a patient (that wasn't their words, but you know what I mean), if I didn't have her scheduled to come back - in 2 weeks. Even if that means - that I need to pull her out of school during the day and she misses math class (ironically she is struggling in math).

All the while - getting ready to have breast reconstruction surgery.

It seems that the mental health people (that I'm seeing) are really only interested in pushing their agenda....

molliefish

Yesterday we visited the family of my friend who passed from mbc triple neg on 20 March. They have come such a long way in such a short time and I continue to struggle with my own emotions. I almost backed out of going but decided that I would stop shielding myself and go. It was good. Brenda before she died had designed and orchestrated a Reno of their home and it is so beautiful. Their poor dog is 14 years young and struggles minute to minute. You can see that the two of them, father and daughter are also struggling, wrestling with the new reality, but committed to each other and moving forward. I am glad that i went despite my private tears. My daughter received a couple of Brenda's purses and tops, (she had great sense of style) and she wore one today. This whole journey of life is a process, and I'm lucky to be here.

TaRenee

Friday night one of my former students was killed in a horrific ATV accident. The funeral is Saturday. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through. He was in my class for 5 years in elementary school. I just hate this

WC3

TaRenee:

That’s horrible! I’m so sorry

Micmel

Renee~I am deeply sorry to hear of such a terrible loss. I don't understand whenthese types of things happen. I don't think it's fair at all. That poor family. I am sending you a virtual hug and support over the miles. Sooo very sorry, there are no words. I hate that this has happened.. I'm truly sorry. Much love ~M~

Mominator

TaRenee:

(((HUGS))) I’m so sorry. 

Sending prayers and strength for you and the family. 

Madelyn 

molliefish

I'm sorry Renee,
Such terrible news. By now you know I didn't make it through my friends memorial. Wa sit because she had cancer. Likely so, though I think it is so appropriate to be devastated by the loss of a young life, a promising future. It will be appreciated that you share your emotions, and if you feel like you can't tolerate it then it's ok to head out early. I wish I could give you a big hug ..

lovepugs77

I live in the area where Hurricane Florence hit, and I didn't evacuate. There are a LOT of reasons why people don't leave. Most of us are not careless idiots. Here are a few reasons:

1. Weather forecasters make every storm sound like the end of the world, and most of the time it is nowhere near as bad as they say it will be. They stand in ditches to make flooding look worse than it is, and pretend that the winds are stronger than they actually are. Because of these exaggerations, people don't trust the forecasters. It has become quite a "the sky is falling" situation.
2. When you evacuate, it can take a really long time to get back home. I evacuated during Hurricane Floyd in 1999 - I was lucky enough to have a friend that lived pretty far inland, and I went to stay with her. Much like this storm, the interstates flooded, and there was no way for me to get back home for over a week. I was a teacher at the time, and the local schools were still closed when I made it home, but most of the retail businesses in the county had been up and running for several days by the time I got back. There was flooding in the counties surrounding us, but relatively little here, so things opened back up fairly quickly. I can see why people who work in retail are afraid of losing their jobs - the sad reality is that many employers are not reasonable at all about things like that.
3. I couldn't afford a week and a half to two weeks of hotel for myself and my cats (and there's no way I'd leave them), and honestly, I can't imagine staying in a shelter for that long. You're not talking 1-2 nights. It's more like 7-10 nights of crowded conditions with people you don't know.
4. Some of us have elderly parents/family members who refuse to leave. My mom was one of them. She needs a hip replacement surgery, is in a lot of pain, and didn't think she could tolerate being in the car long enough to evacuate - with traffic, a 2-3 hour drive is doubled at minimum. There is no way I was leaving her behind knowing that I probably couldn't get back for at least a week. I had several friends (I can think of five offhand) who were in the same situation. They really wanted to leave, but just couldn't deal with the guilt of leaving an elderly parent behind.
5. The people who are hit the hardest are usually the ones that had the least resources to begin with. See #2 & 3 for why they don't leave. People can say what they want about shelters being available, but I understand why people don't want to go to them for a long time. They aren't pleasant, and some of them are outright unsafe. This video is of the school where I used to teach. My old classroom is shown at 0:14, and the hallway at about 0:35 is usually used as a hurricane shelter. Luckily, they decided not to use the school as a shelter this time. Most of the school had significant damage, and several other schools in the area are the same. I'd hate to think of how terrifying it would be to be in there during that storm. https://www.star-telegram.com/latest-news/article2...
6. By the time the mandatory evacuation was announced, gas stations were already running out of gas, so the fear of getting stranded on the highway was a legitimate concern. My brother went to every gas station in his town and could not find any.
7. Someone mentioned that you have tons of time to prepare for a hurricane, and while it is true that the storms are tracked for a week or so before landfall, most of that time isn't actually useful in terms of evacuation. There is a ton of uncertainty with hurricane forecasts. You really don't know where it is going to hit until it is very close. When my parents evacuated for Hurricane Floyd (1999), they went inland about 2 hours and ended up trapped in a hotel with floodwaters all around them. Sometimes the place you evacuate to ends up worse than home - that's what happened to them. I'm pretty sure people experienced the same thing with Hurricane Hugo. By the time you have a good feel for where it's going to go, you run into issues with gas supply and availability of hotels. They did a pretty good job predicting Florence's path, but it still changed very significantly in the last 48 hours before it hit.

My point in posting this is simply to ask people not to judge those who decide not to evacuate. It isn't something most of us take lightly.

DancingElizabeth

Lovepugs - Very well said. How very sad and traumatizing...

I can't imagine having to go through that. And, I can't imagine having to leave a pet behind...

Just impossible and heart-breaking... :-(

TaRenee

Thanks friends. It’s been a hard few days. I’m going to the visitation and see how I handle that. It’s right before the funeral so I could leave before the service if I need to. I feel so terribly sad for his family. His siblings (both younger) are lost without him.

Micmel

Renee~ just speechless. May you find the strength somehow. It's so difficult I know. In June in our small little town my son had one of his x girlfriends murdered in what seems to be very strange circumstances. We still do not know what happened to her. She was 20 years old. And two weeks shy of her 21st birthday. She was beautiful. Something so senseless made no sense just like this. I went to the calling, because I was drawn. I knew a lot of the kids and I knew her. Her mother wasn’t even aware of what was going on. It was known she had a breakdown a month later due to the grief and and sadness of loosing a child so violently. My heart broke all over again,I can’t even comprehend. It's just so sad! Sending you hugs many hugs! ~M

molliefish

farewell Patty Peppermint. It's time I left BCO. Farewell friends. Much love.

candy-678

Molliefish-

Did I miss something, some post?? Why are you leaving BCO? 

candy-678

I just read in the Bone Mets thread that we lost our sister PattyPeppermint. So sad. And that our sister babs6247 is choosing palliative care now.  

I HATE THIS DISEASE!!!!!

DancingElizabeth

I hate this disease - too.

Much worse than I ever imagined. HIV+ people seem more lucky than us - my opinion.

JJOntario

I was just diagnosed with Basal Cell Carcinoma. It's in a tricky spot right under my eye. I'm just frustrated because the last few years I've been concentrating on BC..... I know this is highly treatable but it's also unnerving to hear the word cancer again

bella2013

JJ, I get it! I was just diagnosed with Melanoma and Basal Cell carcinoma. Enough with cancer😡.

AliceBastable

JJOntario, ten years ago, shortly after I had endometrial/uterine cancer and a thorough hysterectomy, I got my first basal cell diagnosis. It felt like such an insult, like the cancer version of toilet paper stuck to my shoe and trailing around behind me. This year, two days before my lumpectomy, I had a CT scan that found kidney cancer. So not only am I a cancer crap magnet, they come in twos! If I get any other cancers down the road, I'll just ask the doctors to start looking for its evil little friend hiding somewhere in my body.

DancingElizabeth

I have lost too many friends already from cancer. When will they ever find a cure???

Not in our lifetimes...but when??? Probably not in my DD's generation either..

What generation of people will not have to suffer like this???

Lita57

Alice, I feel bad for you....nevertheless, THANK YOU for bringing up the reality of other cancers. During Pink %@$ctober, everybody seems to forget about all the other cancers: Skin, kidney, liver, prostate, colon, pancreatic, etc. People are dying from these, too.

ALL CANCERS MATTER! (Not just breast cancer...)

I made a button, saying "All Cancers Matter," and when I get back home, I plan to wear it.

L

JKL2017

---

Alice, you made me laugh with your description of your basal cell diagnosis! It really resonated with me - I was in the dermatologist's office getting a biopsy when I received the call from radiology with my BC diagnosis. When the skin biopsy came back positive for a pre-melanoma it was as anti-climactic as toilet paper on my shoe! Love your sense of humor!

Maire67

%@$ctober... thanks Lita I needed that today. I like All Cancers Matter ... I will have a meme for my FB page

bcincolorado

Lita love that description of this month. All cancer matters and not just this stinking disease that mutilates us. Other people are dealing with same issues and surgeries and chemo and dying all around us. They sure don't have month for all of them.