STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

Lula73

Rosabella- your MO should be able to get your insurance to pay for aromasin by filling out a prior authorization or medical necessity form. He just has to make sure he sends it to the pharmacy benefit insurer not the medical insurer.

pajim

Forgive me for writing this out but I'm hoping it will get my mind off it. I woke up this morning thinking of a friend. Specifically of her children.

She died of this disease about five years ago. She was the best friend of one of my college roommates. A lovely person (aren't we all?). A husband and three pre-teen children. He did the best he could for a couple of years and then committed suicide. None of his friends had any idea he was in that much pain. Those poor kids! I was angry then, and apparently am still angry. I'm not sure what exactly I'm angry at -- a little at him, a little at the disease, a little at the world. Still angry at his parents and half his [very catholic] siblings who didn't show at the funeral. Really? Your religion is more important than your grandchildren? Of course I don't know the family and my impression could be totally bogus.

This is the second family I know where this has happened. My cousin's family blew apart when she died (also of this disease). Dad just left. The kids live with a neighbor and they don't speak to him.

Sigh.

Money was a major issue in both cases. I wonder if money can at least buy peace if it can't buy happiness.

goodprognosis

WC3

...."I love her and forgive her but how can someone have such a big lapse in awareness?"....

Sorry WC3 - Its simple I'm afraid. She's Self Consumed and unaware of it!

Wishing you well, hugs, GP

Lita57

WC3...so sorry to hear all this. How could your sister try and "use" you like that, knowing your circumstances?

Your sister is a selfish, totally self-absorbed B$&%h C@#t. She just doesn't get it.

Kick her to the curb. You do NOT need people like that in your life. You're dealing with enough right now. Some people never change, and I wouldn't expect her to. Family can be the absolute worst :>(.

Hugs to you,

L

WC3

Thanks Lita57. She did make up for it but I still just do not understand what she was thinking that day. I'm an aspie and even I don't have that much of a lack of social awareness.

WC3

goodprognosis:

That day she certainly was!

I think part of the issue is that because I never talk about my financial problems or ask my parents or siblings if I can borrow money, they think I am just cheap and stash it rather than relatively "poor", and they don't understand the dynamics of budgeting with disabilities. My disabilities put me at risk for chronic unemployment/underemployment and homelessness so I can't live it up when I get a little extra cash because I can't rely on my ability to get more in the future. They really just don't fully understand the impact of my disabilities on my life.

Artista964

sounds like maybe every day she is. If she were my sis I would have kicked her to the curb. My fam doesn't know about my bc stuff because they can be like your sis. You're very nice. Hope the support from her is > than being selfish and uncaring. Mental health is very important. Cut out those who don't help keep you going mentally.

Anonymous

Mominator, yes it's difficult not to be angry but my sister and I are very close and joke a lot. We've certainly become my Bosom Buddies. I think we'll manage...don't have a choice really. Plus we both have a daughter and grandchildren. Now there's motivation!

They're doing an Oncotype DX on my tissure. Will get a report before then end of the month. Though I've read about it I don't completely understand it.

Is that something my sister should get too?

What about each of our daughters? One is in here 30's my daughter is in her mid 40's. Now that two of us in our family have cancer, I'm wondering if the two girls should start testing early.

molliefish

@pajim, money does strange things to people, but I these cases I don't know it it was driven by the almighty dollar. Terribly tragic they most certainly are and my heart goes out to the Kids.

edwards750

I am Catholic as is my family. My husband converted. I can’t imagine not going to the funeral because it was a suicide. By the way there is nothing in our religion that precludes us from attending any funeral no matter what the cause of death was. The decision to go or not shouldn’t have anything to do with being Catholic.

I truly feel for the kids. Of course it’s hard on the ones left standing like the husband but our priorities should always be our children. So now they have lost both parents. So sad and tragic.

Money or lack of changes people and many times not for the better. I know this first hand. It typically doesn’t buy you good health and certainly not immunity from diseases. I’m pretty sure St. Peter won’t be checking your bank balance at the pearly gates.

I think we are all angry at the disease and the fact we have it. I was bitter at first but now I’m grateful to be here 7 years out.

Diane

Meow13

Lately, I have noticed acquaintances and others have really short fuses. I have been repeating myself and have been forgetful and I am getting hostile responses. I feel like getting away from everything. I hope this gets better. Anyone else getting this? It started at the end of July. I mean hostility at the doctors office, with a floor contractor, a house painter and online.

marijen

Meow, yes I have noticed. I attribute it to the heat. Records have been broken this summer.

Meow13

Yes, I think you are right. My husband and Mom had noticed too. My poor Mom got so upset when she asked a question of her hardwood floor installer and he snapped at her that he had already told her the answer. I had similar crappy responses when I asked my house painter what days he was planning to be at my house. I got "stop harassing me about schedule" I found out my husband had asked him that earlier but I didn't know. I want to go on vacation and not deal with people. I feel kind of down just had my MRI and am waiting for doctor's report. I take it not hearing is good news. I am not as good with my memory as I used to be, I think they told me my doctor will call if there was an issue.

marijen

I see you get an MRI every year. I wish I could because like you, I had to stop the anti-hormonals because of my eyes. You should be fine, but the fear of recurrence is always present, Try not to think about it until Monday and then just call them.

KatyK

Meow13- sometimes you do just need a break from people. I’m feeling that too right now. My husband and I are going to the Oregon coast right after Labor Day and I can’t wait! We both feel the need to just be together and leave the rest of the world behind for a while.


I’m scared about the future right now - I feel pretty good now and I am quite capable but I worry about how long this will last and the impact it will have on my DH and our marriage. We are very much equal partners in life and I am quite independent. I can’t stand the thought of not being able to do what I used to and contribute to the household. My DH is very understanding and supportive, these are my own fears. Sometimes I don’t think about it too much but today it I still bothering me. I hate this f@$&*# disease. No one really knows what we go through unless you have experienced it.

Meow13

KatyK, hope you have a good time. I really feel the walls closing in, I can't wait to see the ocean it really helps me.

mustlovepoodles

All right, I'm about to post a diatribe, so buckle up. I had my phase 1 DIEP last week and we returned last night to Atlanta. It was a rough surgery, but that's not what this is about. When we got off the plane I had a message on my phone from my sister: "its ovarian cancer."

I can't even think of something bad enough to say. Fuck doesn't even begin to cover it. I'll say it anyway. Fuck you, cancer! And all your cancery friends!! Is it not bad enough that you've rained down multiple cancers on every generation! You side-swiped sister P with a tiny DCIS and uterine cancer 5 years ago. You hit me head on with an aggressive IDC and took my hair and breasts. My precious mother fought you twice, before succumbing to kidney cancer last year. My dad, who was generally a bad dad and all-around not nice person, you smacked him upside the head with mesothelioma. A reward for faithfully working in the Navy shipyards all that time, down the tubes in less than a year.

What about all the grandparents, aunts & uncles & cousins? Cousin G, dead at 42 with non-smokers lung cancer. Aunt A, dead at 76, also of non-smokers lung cancer, after battling breast cancer at age 43. Grandpa T, killed in 28 days by pancreatic cancer. Granny B, survivor of uterine and breast cancer, killed by 2 bouts of colon cancer. Granny Bs parents, who each died of rectal cancer. How about her 6 sisters & brothers, 5 of whom died of lung, breast, or colon cancer? Seriously, did you have to tap my 20 year old nephew with lymphoma, too?? When is it enough?

My dear little sister. 53 years old. It's not bad enough that she had to get type 1 diabetes, which makes her life hard on a daily basis. No, cancer decided to show up 2 years ago in her uterus. This week, cancer decided she needed blast of ovarian cancer right to the gut.

And where were you United Group Death Care? Three years ago, when we found out that I had two gene mutations and Dear Sis begged for genetic testing. You told her it was too expensive. Well, now you're about to find out what expensive really means!

I am heartsick. Dear Sis goes to surgery Sept 14. Why so late? She's at Burning Man. She got the news and decided she'd rather stay there than give over one more thing to cancer. So, she doesn't know exactly what she's dealing with, but when she gets back home she knows that heavy-duty chemo awaits. Her beautiful long red hair will skip town before her 54th birthday in October.

FUCK YOU, CANCER! My sister, my best friend in the whole world. We've shared so much. Physical and sexual trauma. Suicide attempts. Bipolar disorder. Even though we live on opposite coasts, never a day goes by that we don't touch base. And now, when she needs me and I need her, our hands are tied. I'm a week post-op DIEP--i can barely feed myself. Forget flying out to Seattle to help her in her time of need.

fuck you, cancer. you have broken me, body, heart, and soul...

Mominator

(((HUGS))) Poodles

I'm so sorry cancer has stalked your family. Cancer sucks. 

Since you seem to know most of the family history, I would suggest making a family tree for each side of your family with all the cancers listed. You can check with other family members to see if your list is complete, and give the trees to your family members to take to their PCPs and get genetic counseling and/or testing. 

I realize that you're positive for PALB2 & Chek2 genes. PALB2 is associated with breast and pancreatic cancers & Chek2 is associated with breast, colon, and prostrate cancers. Yes, mesothelioma is caused by exposure to asbestos. But all those other cancers? Bad luck? Exposure to chemicals or radiation? So many different cancers, it doesn't make sense. Maybe there are other mutations in your family as well. 

I also suggest contacting PROMPT or another gene registry to see if they wish to follow your family. Cancer sucks, but maybe researches can track the cancers and help future generations. www.promptstudy.org They may have suggestions for future screenings for family members to beat cancer now. You might try calling them directly or emailing with a list of cancers. If I were a researcher, I would want to helping your family. 

Big (((HUGS))), Madelyn 

Lita57

KatyK...let others help you. Because of my extensive bone mets, I just can't do that much housework anymore. I do try to cook meals, but I literally have to sit down at a table to prep vegetables, cut up stew meat, roll out crusts and dough, etc., which I NEVER had to do before. Also have to sit on the bed to fold clothes. Used to be able to do that standing up, too, but not any more.

You have to pace yourself. I wanted to Swiffer my bedroom floor today...but I'm just too tired. Making scrambled eggs for b'fast and getting a roast in the oven for dinner was about all I could accomplish today, and I'm okay w/that. I can tackle the floor tomorrow...or maybe not ;o).

L

Artista964

Rip john mccain. Stopped aggressive brain cancer tx yesterday and gone today. Regardless of politics, he was a good man.

DodgersGirl

back to the sweating talk.

Since treatments last year, like many here, I sweat MORE and in different spots.

Since having lymph nodes removed on right side, I don’t seem to sweat in the right arm pit any longer. Now my body likes to sweat along my hair line. I will sweat from the slightest amount of physical work. HATE it. The summer weather is so much harder on my body than ever before

This morning, was doing light yard work and now my hair is wet. Then found a NEW sweat location.... my shins seem to sweat now. They were both wet to the touch. Yep shins. I remembered reading Lita’s post about chin sweat. My body must have decided chins are shins and now they sweat. UG

Castigame

I am still grateful that I took the beatings reasonably well.  that was what I thought.  chemopause I loved it.. hysterectomy w miniscule issue.  Arimidex daily since last November without skipping. 

Everything calmed down and settled but out of the blue sky I started to sweat profusely at work.   I may have to carry another outfit to work. dang it go away 

goodprognosis

Poodles

I couldn't believe your post. I almost couldn't read through it. It's an unbelievable list of horrible cancers - Hard for you to even keep track of it all.

I'm so sorry you've been side swiped again with your sisters diagnosis.

Can't type any more --- arm problems!

You're in my heart.

GPxxx

mustlovepoodles

Thank you, GP. I didn't even include all of the cancers. What I wrote just borders on the unbelievable, unless you're a member of my family. Going back to my dad's grandparents, every generation has been afflicted. His mom, 5 out of 6 of her sibs, himself, and so far, 3 of his 5 kids, two of whom have had cancer twice. Oh, and 1 grandchild. Mom's family is a little better, but not much. Her father's sister had BC at age 24, back in 1912, when the stigma of cancer was so bad, even doctors would hardly say the word. Her father and 2 of his sibs, her sister, a niece. So many of the same cancers. There HAS to be a genetic correlation.

Micmel

Poodles~ I really have no words. I am already exhausted from my battle with cancer, your generations and generations are way enough for your family. I'm so very sorry. I hate cancer more than I can express. There really are no words to express the sorrows and feelings associated with it all. Torture is one that's come to my mind. I'm sorry about your sister. That comment about the long red hair really got me. I lost my chestnut long hair as well from the beast. It gutted me morethan anything. Then my breast was gone too. It's a horrible battle. I will hold you both close in thought.

Roseabella~. John McCain was a real man. A real fighter and class A patriot, he truly didn't leave any man behind. He was going to be let go but he said no way. Five years in torture in Vietnam Nam. Five years! They wouldn't let him raise his arms higher than to reach forward, that's why he was never able to raise his arms above his head anymore. They didn't give him proper medical care and he starved and was drinking basic muddy water or whatever they could find. He never complained about it. He wrote books to teach people to really come together. As American patriots. That is what should come out of his death (From effing cancer none the less) the country needs to finally unite together. Finally become one again and help each other live in this shitty world, and make it through the horrors we face as a human beings together period! Thank you good sir.. for you.. for Meghan....for all you did for this country.. These young ones could learn a thing or two about pride from you.Rest In Peace. The last lion!. John McCain!!

Much love ~M~

KatyK

RIP to John McCain, a good man.


Lita57- thank you. Right now I’m still quite capable, it’s my fears of what the future may hold. I do o.k. But those fears of uncertainty get me sometime. I do my best to live in the present.


Had a call from a niece this morning- almost never hear from her or get any support and she lives very close. She wanted emotional support as she lost her job - I get it, that can be rough. Then tells me what a rough week it’s been, o.k. But never asks how I’m doing! My week was pretty rough too with scans, blood work, oncology appointment, and zomata infusion. I mentioned I know what a rough week is like and she still didn’t ask how I was doing! I finally told her that it hurts my feelings when she doesn’t ask about me - she didn’t say much and really didn’t get it. Unreal, the lack of empathy! I’m still capable of caring for others and offering kindness and compassion but when it’s not reciprocal it really gets me. This is the side of family that does not seem capable of empathy. I give up!

mustlovepoodles

Thank you, Micmel, for your kind words. And for your tribute to John McCain. There is a National POW Museum in Andersonville, GA, home of one of the worst prisoner of war camps during the American Civil War. It covers American prisoners from wars stretching back from the Revolution to current day conflicts. John McCain is featured, along with many unknowns. It is a gripping experience and one well worth going into the middle of nowhere to see.

I salute you, John McCain. You were a true patriot and you certainly didn't deserve brain cancer.

Micmel

wold love to see that poodles. Worth the trip I am positive!! He is one man. I honored always. Voted for him. And I agree he didn’t deserve brain cancer. Although, no one that is good deserves it. The thing that gets me is the murderers and rapists, live to see a ripe old age. I and us who have stepped in the pile of shitcancer wonder and worry. Everyday.

goodprognosis

I salute John McCain too, from across the pond. What a loss. The whole world is poorer for his loss.

Wonderful decent and honest man. A rarity iin a politician.....

My husband met him once, many years ago. He was visiting our Government offices and they met - believe it or not, in a local café. He was very cordial and chatted to my husband who is fascinated with American politics.

GP

DancingElizabeth

Vent:

So - I made the mistake of telling my psychiatrist that the only med that seems to make me feel better is Ativan. I was on 15 (0.5 mg) per month.

Now she thinks I'm addicted to it and wants me to be off it. I don't take it that often. And, if I need to feel better - I f&cking need to feel better. I have a lot of anxiety. Who wouldn't with breast cancer!?!?!

Furthermore - when I was telling her that I didn't like my life. She told me that *she* doesn't like my life - either. Really!?!!? How in the world am I supposed to feel better when I'm cut off from the only med that helps me and my own psychiatrist thinks my life sucks.

I feel pretty alone and misunderstood...