Starting Chemo March 2015

Trvler

Theresa: You look great in short hair. You had really long hair though, huh?

Leigh: I know how you feel. I had really good hair until about the last couple of years where it started falling out a lot around the front and then it would grow back and I would have these tiny hair sticking up all over the place. It drove me nuts. I always had at least shoulder length hair, too.

I just want mine to be long enough by winter that my head isn't cold anymore. Although with hot flashes, sometimes that's a good thing.

Italychick

Allison, my hair was almost to my butt, and I wore it long my whole life except for a very short period. But I'm okay with short hair now. Well, at least for now lol. Especially if I look back at my pictures from about 3 months ago. Short hair is awesome compared to that.

Trvler

I am with you on that one. But mine isn't all nice like yours. Mine is curly. It reminds me of when we were little and had dolls and cut their hair. Cowlicks every which way.

Meme117

Leigh I also have hair envy and want to reach out and touch😳

At my MO meeting she's scheduling me for cat scans every 6 months. A bit relieved since the chemo report showed a little response. Waiting for precert to schedule.

SueH58

Well, another fabulous day. I went from my radiation treatment, to the hospital to have my skin cancer removed. About an inch of stitches to the side of my nose. Life just doesn't get any better than this....

eheinrich

Awww Sue - ((hugs))

ksusan

Sue, glad you have that behind you. It sounds unpleasant.

KBeee

Sue, I hope it heals quickly. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

shaz101

I'm at work but just wanted to log on and say a big thankyou to all of you. I feel much better mentally now. And reading all your posts and nodding my head, smiling and laughing makes me realise how special this group is. Love you guys.

Katy I read your email. I will reply tonight. I haven't got Skype but I will investigate

Hugs to you all. Xxx

shaz101

ouch Sue. 😿

Carrie37

so sorry I am behind in reading. We are a busy group! Karen, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. My prayers are with you, her and her family.

I'm sorry I can't respond to everyone's different situations (bad short term memory) but please know you're in my thoughts a lot. I am up for the meet up anytime. I can wait past March. Summer time might be better for me anyway.

I do have the bracelet now have been enjoying wearing it and telling its story when people ask about it. We are such an awesome group. I have a feeling that there will be lots of fun and tears at our meet up. I am willing to mail the bracelet wherever so just let me know in a PM Katy. I want add a charm and was going to check a local shop. If they don't have it then I will order off Etsy and then it can be on its way. It truly is special!

Hugs to all!

Meme117

Wanted to say Hi Sharon! Hope your feeling better!! I've you don't mind sharing, since we have almost the same dx what led you to now scheduling a mastectomy? I see this a lot in people's signatures and wondering if I made the right decision.

E I saw your post on Facebook regarding what to say about being a survivor. I also struggle with what to say as I don't feel like a survivor. I'm still in treatment so for me I'd say I'm fighting breast cancer. How does everyone feel about it?

Trvler

Sharon, I am so glad you are feeling better!!

Sue: That sucks. I hope today is better.

BBwithBC45

Maryellen - I also feel like I'm still fighting it. I keep saying I HAVE cancer, and my husband keeps correcting me that I HAD cancer. But I don't feel like it's gone.

molly1976

Yeah, same here. I still call myself a breast cancer patient most of the time. I still have 133 days before I'm done with Herceptin, after all.

It's weird with the hair thing, I actually think I look fine with short hair and I am getting compliments on my "haircut" a lot from strangers lately so I do think it suits me. But it's just not MINE. Like Allison said, it's all weird and curly and it just feels unfamiliar. I know I just need to be patient for a few more months and it will get back to normal but god, I am so sick of all this shit.

avmom

Sharon, it's so good to hear from you!

Sue, I hope you heal quickly, and feel better soon.

Carrie, I'm glad you are enjoying the bracelet. I'm looking forward to seeing it "in person", when it is my turn. I think I've figured out the charm I want to add.

Meme, BB, and Molly, I'm with you in feeling awkward about how to describe my current status. I don't feel like a "survivor", and "I HAD Breast cancer" doesn't sound right either. I usually just say that I was diagnosed with breast cancer in January of this year, and, depending on who I'm talking to, more details might come up. My surgeon has said that I have been NED since surgery, but that doesn't fit into normal conversation easily. I just haven't come to grips with the idea of being "cured" - it seems to me that I can count myself as "cured" only when I die of something else, but that could just be me, talking to myself deep down in my deep, dark hole.

I'm starting to think about my mx next Tuesday quite a lot. Pre op clinic is tomorrow morning, to meet the anaesthesiologist. I was looking through CDs today to choose OR music. Although they have some selection on site, I'm a bit of a classical music girl, and the selection is very limited - Vivaldi or nothing. I'm partial to Mozart, but had Segovia playing Bach for my first mx.

KBeee

Back in 2013 when I was diagnosed, I signed up for a local breast cancer event. I paused when the form asked if I was a survivor. I had been through BMX one round of chemo at the time. There actually was a nurse next to me who could sense I was mulling over the question. She said, "you are a survivor from the day you are diagnosed. Even if you are still in treatment, you are a survivor." From that day forward, I have considered myself a survivor...even when diagnosed again. I will not wait until my 10 years of Femera are up to call myself a survivor. Look what all we've endured? We've survived it. We ARE survivors...even though we still have stages left in this fight. I STILL listed to Fight Song every day........because no matter what cancer hell treatmetn puts me through, I still have a lot of fight left in me.

Trvler

Karen: Thanks! That's very helpful.

It seems like many of us feel awkward calling ourselves survivors and I am guessing like me wondered at what point you will feel like a survivor.

Jackbirdie

Avmom- somehow I missed the memo about your prophy mx on 10/20. Sending mojo, and it seems like the bracelet will get there while you are in recovery phase. That is good. I love classical music too. I'm sure you will make some great choices.

How about Stravinskt's Firebird Suite ... ? It always inspires me to "rise from the ashes".

Thinking of you

KBeee

I finally feel like I am turning the corner and feeling more like me. I still have a lot of pain from rads and have moist desquamation going on, but the area affected is not rubbing on itself like axilla, and it probably only has about 50% feeling, so for once I appreciate that.

During chemo, several times I was the recipient of random acts of kindness. I had people buy coffee for me at Starbucks probably 3 of the 5 times I went! I am not sure if they felt sorry for me because I was bald, because I looked like I REALLY needed the coffee, or if they were just being nice, but each time, I really, really appreciated it. I also had a ton of people make meals for our family. So the other day, when I was near my worst mentally during all of this, I was at the gas station. An elderly gentleman was having trouble with the pump to fill his gas can. I helped him with his pump. And when I went inside I paid for his gallon of gas. I just felt the need to pay it forward. His gratitude, smile, and shock that someone would do that (He found out before I left, though I tried to leave quicker) absolutely made my day. Today I spent much of my day baking for my neighbor who lost his wife, because he has family in town, and the neighbors are banding together to provide meals for him and his family for a few days, at their request. It dawned on me this afternoon how I did not think of cancer at all in the past few hours. Aaaah...the power of distraction. That man at the gas pump did more for me than I did for him and the realization this afternoon that I went a few hours without thinking abut the big C were huge. I am feeling a tiny bit more like the old me, even with more appointments on the horizen. So, if you are feeling physically able, buy someone that cup of coffee that looks like they need it, bake some cookies for someone who'd love them, go have tea with a lonely neighbor. It will not take away an ounce of your troubles or cure anything, but it might for 5 minutes make you forget about the big C which will benefit both you and the recipient. So I guess my moral is that sometimes one little thing can snowball. It did for me, and I hope it does for some others who are feeling down.

Trvler

Wonderful post, Karen.

Italychick

Karen, love it. When I do stuff like that, I wish I had a one way mirror where I could see the person's reaction and get to see the good part (their reactions), but at the same time not let them know it came from me, if that makes sense.

For years my husband and I bought Christmas presents for 24 children who were in a school for abused children, ages 7-8 years old. They were allowed to put whatever they wanted on their lists, no teacher censuring, and we made sure each child got one toy/fun gift, and one practical one, like a cool surf sweatshirt or something. No Fear, a San Diego company, would give me a discount on the sweatshirts I bought every year. I never wanted the children to know who we were, I wanted them to think there was a magical Santa Claus out there for them. As our own children got older, they got tasked with seeking out and buying and wrapping the presents, and none of them have ever forgotten it and they have always felt good about what they did. Sadly, the school closed and I have been unable to find a replacement where we could do something so personal. I do not donate to a charity unless I can earmark my money for a specific thing, like playground equipment, etc. My reward was imagining their little faces when they unwrapped their presents. The teachers had the kids write us thank you cards every year (I still have most of them), and some of the things children wrote made me cry.

I guess I just got sappy, but I agree, the practice random acts of kindness is a real thing. Thanks for sharing that Karen, took me to my own reminiscing, and definitely to a feeling grateful place.

Now I just want to hug everybody - aw!

Jackbirdie

Kbee and T- such wise and caring posts. I just wanna give you both a big hug. So inspiring.

IndyGal35

Hey there. Dad's doing well. He's downgraded from ICU, and he's started walking a little with a walker. He's still on a liquid diet, but he's making great progress.

I have to go to the colorectal center (i.e. butthole doctor) tomorrow to get evaluated for 'rhoids or a possible fissure. Can anyone tell me what to expect and if it's as awful as I'm picturing?

I also go get another PS opinion tomorrow on my TE's and future surgery. (I sure hope I haven't made anyone afraid by talking about my experience! The thought of getting some relief tomorrow or just hearing someone say, "No, it's not in your head. Something is wrong!" is huge tonight.

It is hard not to fall down the rabbit hole. I still call myself a patient too. Calling myself a survivor never feels right either, because I always fear recurrence. I think it was Whitney that made a reference to being a breast cancer thriver. I like that idea.

Oh, and I want to touch everyone's hair too. LOL! I feel like such a weirdo, but I'm glad I'm not the only one.

eheinrich

Lee - prior to my wonderful journey through the land of boob docs I spent last Sept-Dec visiting a number of butt-hole docs. Eventually diagnosed with ulcerative proctitis (managed with meds). Be prepped for having someone's bizz all up in your bizz. It's not the best way to spend an afternoon. Good luck with the PS. I get my next fill tomorrow.

IndyGal35

I soooo want to cancel this appt, but I'm tired of pooping glass, and I'm still on high alert "everything is cancer" mode. Ugh. Maybe I should drop an Ativan and an ibuprofen before I go. I'm hoping the exam isn't too humiliating and painful. I can already hear the last of my modesty exiting the building

SueH58

I just went through a huge stack of beautiful, caring cards I've received since February. I didn't want to throw them away, but I finally did pitch the majority of them. Maybe it's a way of moving on.

KBeee

indygal, remember that is what that doc goes all day. Though it is horrifying for us, it is no different to him/her then a podiatrist looking at a foot. I have found most GI docs to have a good sense of humor and most are good at putting you at ease. Remember how horrified you likely were at your first Gyn visit. They seem like nothing now.Relief and answers are the most important. I hope the appointment goes well.

ksusan

Nice sentiments!

shaz101

maryellen it's such a difficult decision. I don't want to do it but I feel like I have to. My reasons are that with the history of cancer in my family I had a 1 in 4 chance of having breast cancer. Now that I have had it once I have a higher chance of a second primary BC. I'm 47 so I have a long time for that 2nd cancer to get me. I didn't do well during chemo and I have no desire to have it again. Cancer has already taken too much from me and I want to reduce the chance of both a reoccurrence and a new cancer as much as I can.

Karen and Theresa, great inspirational posts.

I've joined a couch to 5 km running program. It starts tonight. I'm so excited about it. I just hope my joints get on board too.

Katy... I was out last night. I haven't looked at Skype yet. But i will.

I'm up and out of the rabbit hole. Just trying to find a shovel so I can fill in the hole. 😆