The Hermit Club

markat

Hi everyone! I rested last night after my crazy 20 hour work week -lol! I'm so freaking out of shape. Before all of this I worked a seasonal job at a golf course and was on my feet running around for 8-9 hours a day. Now I can barely make 4! Each day is getting better and I do my crazy leg lifts while working. My feet hurt so bad when I sit down that it's not even worth it!! Whine over



I'm glad I didn't really have a choice about chemo because I may have said no. I tend to do that when given a choice. Nipples? No thanks. Radiation? No thanks. I'm surprised I had reconstruction lol!



Jazzy, just listen to your docs and do what you feel is best. You're the only one you have to explain things to.



Fl sorry about BFH (boss from Hell). I had one of those once. The stupider I acted the more she left me alone, or just did the jobs herself. She taught me to never be the best at something because then they're over your shoulder nit picking and biatching. I get pain/tightness in my axillary area where they took the nodes. So far no swelling.



Teka hope you're feeling good and having a nice weekend.



Camille hope the D stays away for awhile.



LL, hope you're having a nice restful weekend!



Whaevah our show's back on tonight!!!



Hugs and love to all!

markat

Oops forgot bgirl! You know better than to worry about whining to us! Hope your day is going good!

Jazzygirl

Bgirl-thanks for your input on the Onctype. I am inclined not to do chemo unless I hear something compelling that would make me reconsider. I know chemo is do-able, the short and long term SE are to be considered. Like you say, we all have to live with the reocurrence potential so I just need to know what that % is. I have spent some time researching this and will have good questions when the time comes.

And you are entitled to be whiney too- it is hard for us gals going through this. I find myself more intolerant these days.

FLWarrior-boy can I relate on the job stress front. Came home from my out of state treatment to my client site this week and it was SO difficult with lots of firedrills around our big project running late (that suddenly they realize is running late). I think it is hard to go through all this and work, but we need money and to have our insurance too, right? Hopefully by bringing the micromanagement to her awareness, it WILL be better Monday for you. Wishing you a better work week!

Hoping the rest of you are doing okay, feeling okay!

FLwarrior

Oh, Jazzy...I wish I had insurance.  I was at a job that I liked and did have insurance, but due to obama-care/medicare cuts...the company eliminated my position at all locations across the state the week of Thanksgiving.  I went to work somewhere else...I do not like it and there is no insurance...needless to say I am looking for something else.

Teka

I am staying up a little later, being a weekend.

I deleted the posts, and will try my damndest to live in the moment and keep prior BC journey off of the threads.

I am going to listen to some on-line music, then off to bed.

camillegal

Teka u know u can say anything on here and it might help someone make a decision, unless u really want to ut it out of u'r head that's fine too. 'Markat u sound full of piss and vinigar excet for u'r oor feet--I hope that gets better for u and I don't blame u for being tired u have to get used to a schedule not around Drs. now.

FL I hope u find a better job soon for u'r liking and insurance. U found this one fast, so maybe another one will come along too (((HUGS)))

and Jazzy do exactly what u want to do--something in u'r heart will feel right then do it--we're all here so let us know.

Ok getting bed ime--I've been sleeping on and off all day.

Skittle

FL... you and I have shared thoughts.  DH once asked what a mammogram was like.  I told him to think about stepping up to the open refrigerator, placing testicles gently by the door seal, and closing the door.   Then, change angles and repeat.  (He "got it," and has been all worried puppy eyes each time I have to go back.)  Sad to hear of your stress and insurance woes.  Insurance is one of the whys I keep working...  We all fight so hard.  It's ridiculous that $ has to even be a part of the equation.

Wishing each and all well.  Teka, of course I googled the difference in terms you mentioned.  I didn't know there was a substantial difference.  News to me.

Camille... you are so good at supporting us all.  Once that lottery is won, you have to have the nicest room at the spa. 

Jazzy... my onco score was 19.  MO chose no chemo for me.  You will make the right decisions to support what you need to do.  and all hermits will back you.

markat, bgirl...  hoping for healing and good days.

Eveyone off tomorrow?  Anyone know anything about splinting a thumb? 

markat

Oh man Skittle, I sure don't! Do they think it's a break that didn't heal right? Or some kind of arthritis? I'm off tomorrow and I keep forgetting, lol!



Teka, I can understand wanting to move on, but just remember that we all care about you and share this stupid experience together



Camille, thanks! How are you feeling today? What's your sweet grandson been up to lately? My little Katie keeps getting little presents from an 8yo boy in her class. She doesn't "get it". I just giggle and tell her that he's a sweetie.



I'm in full hermit mode today! Parked infront of the tv catching up on my shows. Anyone know anything about filing taxes as an independent contractor? This sounds fun -not!

Jazzygirl

Hi Fellow Hermits- got out of my weekend shell and had breakfast with a friend today I have not seen in a year. She also works at the client site where I am consulting (and did not share anything with her about the bc), but we had a nice visit and talked about some other similar shared situations with our families. Nice to NOT talk about it sometimes as you know and felt like one of those times of just feeling normal, for a bit. 

FL Warrior- I remember you saying you found a new job, but sorry you don't get insurance, especially at a time you really need it most. Since I am self employed, I pay for my own insurance which is like $600 per month and then I have the out of pocket to pay (and in the new year here, we start all over again). I am glad you found another job so you have income and do hope the next best job comes to you soon with some nice benefits.

Teka- we are here to share with you but I understand what you are staying. I feel sometimes I just need to stop with some of the stuff, and go on. Know we are here to listen.

Camillegal- everyone is right about you supporting us all. I hope you have had good rest today and thank you for supporting me with knowing the right decision I will need to make down the line from the onctype results.

Not off tomorrow, I tend to be off with the client site is closed, which they are not tomorrow. I kind of wish I were off though as I could use an extra day to myself and there are cool things going on tomorrow. I do plan to leave early though, which I can do as a freelancer. For those of you on holiday tomorrow, enjoy it. For those of you working like me, make it a good day anyways.

Blessings to you all!

FLwarrior

Thank you for the support and kind words about the job situation.  You hermit ladies are the best!!!

Speaking of work...I do have to work tomorrow.  Everyone enjoy their day tomorrow!

Skittle too funny about your husband and the fridge door! Good analogy to help him understand. 

Thanks Camille ((HUGS)) to you!

Skittle

teka... fond thoughts are floating your way. 

Jazzy... glad you had a good "normal" breakfast.  It's refreshing to get away from it a bit.

markat...  the se is a result of disappearance of calcium.  Joint pain to the point of not being able to walk is considered normal, but I've been lucky so far.  It takes a while to "warm up" from being still a while, but I shouldn't complain.  The thumb thing is just bizarre.  I never knew how dependent on that silly thumb I am.  Putting on shoes, turning door knobs, driving, carrying, writing... on and on.  pity party.  sorry.  There's no break, but a messed up tendon shaft that controls the flexing.  I'm going to hunt online for a splint, and see what happens. 

Happy Monday.  Hugs to each.

shambles

Hey there, iv just joined up and this is my first post besides my own topic so bare with me if I freak it up plz.. I'm 2 yrs diagnosed and can't even go frickin shop sometimes for milk, bitch at my partner for no reason and cry at ugly betty. Where is the normality? Sorry, ur the first iv replied to hope iv not been out of turn. Livestrong xx

markat

Welcome shambles! You are definitely welcome here-all are! Sorry you are having a hard time. We've all been there in one way or another. I pretty much hid the entire year of my treatment. I'm just now getting out.



Skittle that's crazy. I'm sure there's a YouTube video that can show you exactly how to do it.



Jazzy and FL, hope you have a good day tomorrow or it at least goes quickly. My DH has to work too,he took a personal day Friday to get his long weekend lol!

FLwarrior

Skittle is your thumb issue from SEs or is it an injury? I'll join your (pity) party...I have trouble doing the same things you mentioned, but mine is from nueropathy.  I have it in my hands and in my feet...good ole taxotere.  They sell splints at Walgreen's.  Do you have Walgreen's where you live?

Welcome Shambles.  Your "name" describes my life at this moment...

Thanks Markat.

shambles

Thankyou so much to the ppl who replied to me. I apologise, I'm not just new to this site, iv a new phone too so I can't scroll back for names etc without losing everyfrickinthing. I'm loving this as its 4am where i am yet u guys are up and awake so thankyou for being here xx

shambles

Can anyone guide me on posting a pic plz? I'm on a blackberry, no pc, and iv a week old pink ribbon tat on my wrist. I'd like to use this as my profile pic. Thanks xx

camillegal

Hi shambles--good choice for a name for all of us.--Welcom--sorry about u being here bu since u r be comfy with us--we all have had or have that feeling of leave me alone and I'm still pretty much there too. I don't know if this happens to alot of people but we admit it so I think that's some of a good thing. Tell us about u'r self--u live across the pond I love saying that.

Skittle u have to find something to fix u'r thumb. Not having a working thumb is horrible--One time I didn't and I couldn't even pull up my underwear---Hmmm that's why animals don't waer underwear I guess. That sounded stupid, but I know how important it is.

Markat u HOME tomorrow --Good ty relaxing--don't overdue my famous expression---U've had a busy couple of weeks thrown at u so this is good.

shambles

Thanks camillegal, well I live on the south coast of england, eastbourne. Been in scotland for 3 months where my partner lived (met him on the net, he's moved down here now with me) I'm finding it very difficult to adjust as iv lived alone for 7 yrs and went thro the diagnosis process alone surgery etc. Plz bare with me I'm still getting used to this frikin phone x

camillegal

Shambles I can barely type so don't worry about it.  Wow u met someone on=lin and u'r together that's amazing.  But I do kinda know what u mean cuz I lived alone for all my chit and now I live with my Dgt and her husband and my favorite person my grandson. So I see the difference. When I was alone I was better ecause I was alone and din't have to deal with talking, now they are so used to me I just stay in my room, but u'r situation is different u have to talk somewhat LOL This is a crummy time tho--U think when u get thru alot u should feel fine and u don't always feel like u think, there's a lot of hangovers from everything --I think-- so this is the place u can rant, rave, make fun of people--anything u want and someone will be holding u up--in this internet world.

shambles

Thankyou again camillegal, its nice to know someone's here.. And the others who replied to me, kind of didn't expect it. I'm not on facebook or twitter so I'm kind of a net virgin? Iv a lot of bad head things going on atm and try to explain to the other half but he isn't in my head if u know what I mean. To cut a long story short I came off of tamoxifen, didn't attend my last mammo or onci appt and basically dismissed everything cancer related. Now I'm thinking that was stupid.

camillegal

Shambles I'm really not here to judge whatever u do--but maybe that was all to much at he same time, cuz now u have some fear u'r not following the plan--Hey no one knows for sure what plan works but maybe u want o get back on board. I know that feeling of "I hate all Drs, and tests and meds" sounds like me, but so far I'm trying I don't know if anything is helping or not. I have no boobs so no mammos for me, or I know I'd miss going too. But u kind of know u'll end up going sooner or later, is this u'r choice or do u feel like cuz u'r in a new relationship u don't want to go thru this stuff. I can understand that.

shambles

No I went thro my surgeries and radio alone then kind of gave up. I had a lumpectomy and a second cos my margins weren't clear and what should have been five weeks of radio but I tossed that off after 4. I know that was mad and stupid but iv suffered from depression for twelve years and I just couldn't handle cancer. I lost a third of my breast and it makes me self concious every day. I know m lucky but our medical services here in the uk are so different to u guys, we don't have options for masectomys we get what we are told.

camillegal

Shambles I know that about the UK, but u've also had depression for a long time and I'm sure u'r on meds for tht. Did they up the meds while u were going thru this, sometimes they do that when problems arise or did they think they were the right level. U might have needed an additive to u meds---I don't know how hard it is for u to get meds there but I do know u'r medical things are different but with the same results. A friend of mine that I medt on line lives in England and she's been on Tamox for 2 yrs =now and I know she suffered alot in her bones with bouts od depression on top of that so she dis get help, but I don't think it was an easier to get than here. Wow u've got a lot going on and one big thing is u'r depression I'm sure--Is there a way to either change what u are on or a higher dose to help u?

shambles

Oh god I hope iv not offended anyone. Apologies if have

camillegal

Why would u think u've offended anyone, there was nothing said that was offensive really ==u'r fine.

shambles

I'm on the highest dose of anti d's but kind of miss some when I forget? Apparently that shouldn matter cos they build up in ur system? And no that's all the meds I take citalopram

camillegal

Dawn I just think u should give u'r self some time to really  think things thru, so u can never feel like u made the wrong indecisions, U want u'r mind to be clear on that---Actually I don't know if I made all the right decisions, but I feel for me I did and that's all I can do.

markat

Shambles you didn't say anything offensive! My mom did the same thing. I think she took Tamoxifen for 2 days then threw her rx out. Her doc(same as mine) threatened to fire her as a patient if she kept missing radiation. You just have to move forward and not think about the past. If you decide to start taking the meds, then so be it. If not, then only you can decide that. Same with getting your mammo. It seems like not getting it is causing you despair, so wouldn't it be nice to just know. I've said these same things to my mother and she brushes me off. I think you'd feel better by knowing one way or the other.

shambles

Hey markat. I'm new so don't know what's offensive or not but I do try to be polite .. Thankyou and yes iv heard of ppl shying away but never actually met any. If mention it I get called mental. Well I know that ffs! Lol. Camille, thankyou

Skittle

Shambles...  Welcome and be at peace here.  No one judges fellow hermits.  It's safe.  We're all in various stages of shambles and just share our day to day.  I'd offer uploading pic advice, but I'm clueless with blackberries.  I copy and paste from net.  sorry.  As for partner understanding, depending on personality, try comparing it to post traumatic stress.  You have been in battle and are a scarred veteran.  If he can truly understand you have been wounded in war, he might get it.  Cancer is an enemy that doesn't announce itself with any horrific noise, though.  And there are no volunteers.  It attacks the innocent.  It's stealthy and sinister.  And we aren't all armed equally to fight it.  When you're ready to get out of shell shock, we will each be here to hold you up and be with you on that part of your journey. 

camille... I had to laugh.  Droopy drawers came to mind.  Hadn't thought of that phrase in years.  Yeah... thumbs are more than I thought.  sigh