The Hermit Club

Teka

I remember Grams brother-in-law farting and saying "there's a kiss for you".

camillegal

OMG hahahahahaha

Teka

His wife would say "you old fool" and he would wink!

camillegal

I imagine a wife doesn't appreciate those things, but I do. LOL

Teka

Men are such piss pots!!

Skittle

Seems Hermits everywhere have zapped into the new year with busy schedules and major changes.   Full speed ahead.

Camille... I do hope you are able to feel better soon.  The drs should be massively proud of you for being such a trooper.  I'm more of a knockmeoutcold kinda patient.  I don't want to hear, see, know procedures.  Just do it and send me home so I can pretend all's well.  (Obviously doesn't always work, but I often wander off into the Land of Denial.  I feel safer there.)  As for venting... with me, it's like chocolate or jalepeno Pringles.  If the container is closed, I'm fine.  Once I get started, it's all over.     My main whine... I'll try not to jump off the deep end... is pain.  and a thumb that won't work without popping out of socket each time it bends (yep, an se from meds).  When typing, grading papers, brushing my teeth, trying to grip anything becomes a challenge, I get frustrated.  The half a breast and scarring are a piece of cake compared to the daily challenges with hurting and skin rashes and joint struggles.  (Ok.  I think I'm done.  Thanks for listening. )

Fl, Teka... thanks for kind words and understanding.  I just want to scream sometimes, and that's not like me...  Normal is gone, and I guess I haven't properly mourned for it yet.  (when Deep Denial becomes your mental mailing address, Harsh Reality can be a pretty icy plunge.)  sigh

But I love being here and being able to be with those who get it.  Like most, I haven't shared this bc mess with many... and those who know have for the most part been kind and prayerful, but not understanding.  How could they?  I can't expect it from someone who hasn't had their own personal earthquake.  But all of you have been so kind and patient and funny and unique.  Thank you.

Markat,  FL... Best of luck with jobs!  It can be a wonderful way to focus outward.  :-)

Happy Thursday.    Any Big Bang fans?

camillegal

Scittle I'm glad u'r back and telling us what's going on. U'r thub pops out--what a strange happening. But see u have things to do so it has to be aggrevating. I think that's what gets us--all this crazy stuff happening and it just goes on and on. Cancer never scared me but all this stuff is a pain in the A$$--Of course when u finish everything it's good to know u'r doing well, but all the SE's are a mess. No one tell u about that--Oh and by the way after u'r going to feel like Sh*t in one way or another and we don't know how long it will be. The drs, did their part now it's time for more Drs. LOL So that's why we understand each other so well. To me going back to work amazes me whoever has cuz I couldn't do it. So we're here for each other and ourselves too. LOL

Skittle

Camille...  thank you.  Love you... 

markat

Aww Skittle, you can always talk to us! I hate pain. Pain has been my biggest complaint through this whole process. My whole body aches. I'm just an aide in the cafeteria. It may be the best (easiest) job I've ever had. I couldn't support a family on the pay, but it will be nice for some extra cash (another cancer woe is me). I haven't stopped itching since hearing the word lice at school. Totally psychological, I hope. I love Big Bang!



Camille i'm with you about hating to be put under. Remember how long it took me to bounce back after my exchange!? You've held our hands through all our down times! Thank you for being our wonderful friend!



Fl, glad the job is going better. Training and learning stinks. Especially with our jumbled brains



Hi Teka!



I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. It's going to be a long day!!

camillegal

Markat u'd better be sleeping now u have to go to work. It must feel funny still, but u'r right about the word lice ick, I' itchy and Markat we've all held each other up just at different times.  I have to say this thread doesn't fit everybody but whoever xomes on sees that it fits them and we know it fits us. Altho u have come a ery long way and I'm so happy, so I hope u don't stop letting us know how u'r doing. And as I said so many times--u'r so funny too. LOL

bgirl

Oh how I love you all.  Hope you all feel free to share whatever is on your mind good or bad.  I think we all commiserate and cheer each other on.  I think no matter what, we are all working on figuring out how to live with the new normal.  It is easy sometimes to put on the face and pretend that it is all better.  But mentally and often our bodies know different.  I like it when you all complain ... it actually makes me feel better and not so alone.  Your humour also reminds me to laugh, I always had a good sense of humour (albeit a bit twisted) but feel like I have lost it sometimes in the last few months.  I know 40-something is supposed to be about finding myself as a woman, but this really wasn't what I expected.

My body changing is the hardest ... meno symptoms this early mixed with crazy hormone imbalances.  The injury to my SI joint area according to my PT said it should heal in 3 months .... it has now been 13 and not really any better ... MO said it can be harder for joint/muscle injuries to heal on tamoxifen.  Tired of pain!  Hair on radiated area on breast/underarm comes in and then falls out again in less than a week ... obviously the body cells in that area aren't working normally either ... no wonder it still doesn't feel normal and probably never will.

It is hard because I know my diagnosis could have been worse and I appreciate everything that has been done.  But perhaps you are right that we still need to mourn what was even as we forge ahead with the future into the unknown.

Ok. That is my rant for the day.  Thanks for listening

camillegal

Jane I'm not trying tomake this sound worse, but this takes a while it's not like u get a treatment and all is well. If only. Rhere are so man variables added to this beast and I like being alone, it has become ery easy for me.So at least I'm thankful for that cuz some of my friends say aren't u bored or how can u stand it--I'm neither bored and I enjoy it. But I do like to be with my family and close friends. So there are a couple of threads that I really like and this is certainly one of them and it strikes me funny too that we tell tthings to each other that we don't really talk about with other people--we've never met, but somehow we feel somethin in what people say or how they say it and we click. And our ages vary so much it's comical in a way. But this is what has helped me the most sayin what I want and how I feel--it takes a load off and then to find others saying some of the same hings makes me feel sane at least or we are all crazy.At least I'm in good company. LOL

whaevah

MIA

Oh my, what a season it was! I won't go into too much detail but sweet baby cheeses, the surprises kept on coming. Lost my sweet darling cat, the hunter, along with 2 close friends and 2 friends/acquaintances. Fucking hate funerals. Mom ended up in ICU, now she is on a ward. Stable.

Rads are fine, sick of it all really. On the *bright* side I finally have answers to my wonky eye that I have been whining about since my first AC...chemo induced cataracts, both eyes. Oh the joy. I had an eye exam in July prior to diagnosis so we have a real baseline. Not going to talk about taxol se's. 'Nuff said..

Missed you all, and will try to catch up. I am also working so not much time. Looking  forward to the last rad on Jan 22, then will grow a new skin!

So that's the news , I  look forward to an attitude adjustment. Have a date with Pinot Gris soon as the effin nausea settles from the rads that do not cause nausea...like the chemo that does not cause cataracts. FC

Pain meds are just fine Hugs to all~

markat

Oh Whaevah, I'm so sorry for all the painful losses and about your mother, and the cataracts I hope you feel like enjoying your wine. I'm glad you checked in with us.



Tomorrow I need to finish putting all the Christmas stuff away. Not quite as fun as putting it up. I knew this would happen lol! Then Sunday is my oldest DD's 9th birthday. Crazy!

camillegal

Oh Whaevah I just thought u were busy with the holidays and tired too. I'm glad u told us what's going on--I'm so sorry u'r going thru all this crap---I hope u get to relax somewith peace in u'r heart too.

SE from thing that aren't supposed to be---we all know about that. 2 cataracts Oh geeze--I'm sorry I hope u start feeling better quickly.

Teka

Hi Everyone,

I came down with a cold - flu.

whaevah, when it rains, it pours.

Nap time in the recliner! zzzzzzZZZ

markat

Teka hope you feel better soon!



I need to begin the decluttering!

Jazzygirl

Hi fellow hermits:

Couple shout outs to a few of you to start:

Teka-feel better. Flu season is bad this year as we are all hearing. The stress we all go through wears us down along with the side effects of treatment.

Whaevah- sort of stunned to hear you got cateracts from chemo. I have not had to do chemo, but my sister did recently and may mention this to her as she already has one eye with a catheter forming previously. That is right, my sister and I have bc at the same time.

And Skittle- I love the Big Bang Theory and have lived it too. I have a BS and MS in science and have worked in science and technology my whole life, so I have been around alot of those characters. There was a guy in grad school who reminds me of Howard, brilliant, but struggled with the ladies. Lots of Sheldon's in my life too, the super analyticals that seem hard wired to use their brains, but you also got to see a softer side on occaison too. And always a Penny in the picture, the lovely lady who was the prize to be sought after. I guess that makes me Amy Farafowler?

And for all those that comment they feel a bit bad about "whining and complaining here", I see this as a safe haven to share the physical, mental, spiritual, financial, and emotional challenges of bc treatment. I joined this site and this group because I find I cannot talk a lot about this with some of my friends. Like everything else in life, it is good to have people you know going through the same thing and can really listen to you vs. waiting for the response they are looking for. My sister and I share a lot through our own medical processes too.

And I thank all of you who have supported me here to date, provided feedback, shown interest in my process, etc. I hope I am doing the same for you?

Updates on my internal rad treatment- finished yesterday and all went well this first trip and my left side where the invasive was located has now been treated. Catheters came out and that was not painful at all. The areas where the holes are look red and angry but will close and will be left with little white dots that will fade with time. Fortunate to not have any infection through this but watching it carefully. I do a follow up here in town with my local doc on friday. Flew home last night and so glad to be sleeping in my own bed once again. One side down, one to go in February.

Going to be a total hermit this weekend to get grounded back into my life. I have come to value the hermitage opportunities.

Blessings to all of you my sister warriors!

camillegal

Jazzy I'm glad u'r all done with that--it still sounds strange to me bbut I bet it's better than the other--so good for u. And u'r sister has it too, My sister and I both ave the same stage and got it about the same time too----it sucks I'm so  sorry for u 2/

Teka I'm sorry u don't feel well this stupid thing is ataccking so many. Just rest and take whatever u can.

markat

Jazzy so glad it went well and you are back home. Sorry that you and your sister have to share this terrible thing.The school I work at specializes in Aspergers and ADHD. Thursday, I felt like I was sitting in the cafeteria with the group from Big Bang. They informed me that the lunch provided didn't meet federal school lunch guidelines and that it was an outrage that the cost was so expensive for services rendered. It made me smile.



Oh, and my eyesight is terrible since chemo. I was born with cataracts and I swear that my vision is worse. I wonder if the cataracts have gotten worse.



I'm not doing very well with the cleaning. Lazy hermit.

camillegal

Oh Markat u'r getting to know more gossip now U'r world is expanding.LOL

Skittle

Markat--good for you!  The cafeteria ladies are so much more important than most people realize.  At our school, the school meals are sometimes the only food they eat all day.  And for the majority, the only warm nutritious food (instead of Dr. Pepper and Monster for breakfast, and chips and candy for lunch, and whatever poptart they can scrounge for dinner, if at all.)  I'm sure it's not easy hearing the criticisms.  Kids think they know it all, especially if they hear it at home and it echoes what they already think.  I hope it stays entertaining and the $ makes it worth it.  Hope, too, your holiday whatsits aren't too energy consuming.  I still have some ribbons and paper to put away.  Can't believe Valentine things were out before January 1... Commercial spirit.  And I hope your pain is not a constant... so you have times of normal and coping.

Jazzy--what kind of science?  DD2 has bs genetics/Purdue, and MS entomology/Nebraska.  She laughs with me at Big Bang, having known--as you--Leonards and Sheldons and Pennys.  I never had the brain for science.  And your sister.  Wow.  Quite a partnership for this crazy awful journey.

whaevah--I am so very sorry.  Loss after loss takes a heavy toll.  If you find the key to attitude adjustment, please share.  I need one, big time.

bgirl--so glad you're here.  Funny how I never look at others as whining or ranting, but when I do... ick.  so you go right ahead, and we'll all vent together.

Teka--is it flu!??  Please take care.  Hope you feel better soon.

And dear Camille--hope meds are pushing away infections and woes.  Hope your drs figure out a path to feeling better for you.

Storms expected tonight.  It's 71 now, and is supposed to be 28 by tomorrow night.  Everyone stay safe, wherever your January may be.  Hugs to each.

camillegal

Good one Skittle.

 hope everyone is feeling better--this is shit that we have.

It's sleeting out here now--was in the 50's today, now it 30 so ice is comeing down--the worst to drive in too. Hope it stops by tomorrow.

markat

Camille your weather must be heading our way. The high today was 70 and Monday its supposed to be 36.



Thanks Skittle. Instead of putting away stuff I decided to make Abby one of those Barbie cakes with the doll sticking out and the cake is her dress. Much more involved than I would have liked lol. She better like it ;-)

camillegal

Markat I love those cakes--never out row them--sounds so sweet. U'r doing well markat--I only baked when my DD and GS baked--makes me want to tho. for a minute.

Jazzygirl

Camillegal- 2 degrees in geology. I worked in oil and gas, then environmental science for years. Made a career change to information technology (computers) and have been doing that since the late 1990s.

Teka

I was supposed to go to a small family gathering this morning, but decided to sleep in with a cold.   I now buy BD cakes, except for husband getting a devil's food cake or cupcakes with seven minute frosting.   Valentine's Day cupcakes.!

Skittle, Tuesday the snow woman sees the MO and lets just say "no eating the carrot" if told to lose some weight.

whaevah

Well I am up and at it. coffee that is;)

bgirl, FC is hard, no matter the treatment , radiation is no walk in the park either

Teka, yup...it poured. Surreal for DH and I, the randomness of it all in such a tight time frame

camillegal, thanks for your support and I bet you are the queen of SE's ...unfortunately... but TG you still have your humour

Jazzy, yes mention it to your sis. It was frustrating for me to hear "it must be a preexisting condition, or it will go away" , neither was true. Knowing is better than hoping for what will never be

Skittle, that thumb issue would drive me crazy, seriously. I would have to shove it up some MO's azz while waiting for an answer. As to an attitude adjustment, I see a therapist at the cancer center. Love her and find her tips really helpful. I need a new normal, hope and some peace of mind. Otherwise my shovel collection grows

Markat...the barbie cake sounds divine! Lucky Abby and really I cannot picture you with a 9yr old! Could it be because you have formed a vision in my mind of melon heads and Kramers, and every time I think of you I laugh, in a really good way Not sure if you have caught the series "Willfred", but it seriously cracks me up. Language is inappropriate, which appeals to me, as are the topics. BTW, loved all the Downton Abbey series . Can hardly wait for "Girls" to come back on HBO. Brilliant comedic writing, imho. very edgy and raw.

I bought new glasses yesterday!!! Well, ordered them and I do love them. The shop owner thought they complimented my skin tone. Cracked me up, DH and I could not look at each other for fear of laughing uncontrollably... still sportin' the glow in the dark tone

hi to any I missed!

camillegal

Wow Jazzy u have quiet a resume that u should be very proud of--u had to work hard for all of it. Good for u. U've been doing what u enjoy doing in life and that alone is happiness.

Whaevah how are u feeling? Isn't that adorable whay market did--I whish she could take a pic. for us and put it on here so we could see it. well I don't know how to do that either.

And Teka how are u doing? I hope better. I get confused where everyone lives so just stay in and nurse u'rself.

Again it's that dampy cold here so I'm still in. But I did take a shower and changes my nitgown. LOL

NikkiLiz

Hi everyone-

I'm new to this group (i hang on the Jan 2012 chemo forum) and so glad I found it! I have been a hermit ever since my diagnosis 12/17 but really don't tell anyone I Have been. My house has become a nice little cave that i never want to leave (except for my fruits and veggies for my juicer). Worse is I have a job that allows me to make my own schedule and to be quite honest I haven't worked since my diagnosis and because of obvious reasons i dont get in trouble. i feel like a hack, but seeing as I cant stand my job I really dont care.

I start my first of 4x AC weds and want to hide out until then, actually until June when I'm done with everything. *sigh*

Hope you all had a great weekend-

Nikki