The Hermit Club

magdalene51

We can identify with the top one, right?

Teka

Home in the recliner. BBL

magdalene51

Wow! That was a fast trip!

Teka

Not fast enough.BBL

Slappy-Squirrel

Mags,

Love the spider!

Shirley

camillegal

Mags --

YaY Teka's home--now rest from u'r vaca, silly.

Teka

I did get to see a moose butt disappearing into the puckerbrush in Canada.

OncoWarrior

Hi Hermies;  I hope everyone has a happy, restful, fun, peaceful, whatever-you-need-for-healing kind of weekend.  

moos to all.

 Now, I think this next part is going to be kind of long and not so cheerful.  I hope the mods are OK with it.   I want to share a story with you because I need a little help and mostly some support.  I have a music partner/friend with whom I have been playing in ensemble for more than ten years.  We developed a warm personal relationship over that time, sharing lunch dates and even doing some outings with the families.   As chance would have it,  we both had surgery during a two-week period in November 2012.  She, heart valve and me, the bilateral mastectomy.  Both of these are significant trauma and require some time for healing and rehabilitation.  After that, our relationship  became rather unbalanced, it seems to me.  It was that I was the one making all the efforts at communications; she was withdrawing.  I made all the phone calls.  Not too many, she needed her rest.  In fact, she did not acknowledge receiving any of the cards and letters that I sent her every week for about 10 weeks after her surgery until I asked if she had received them.  Now, I tell you this, not to make myself out as "Mrs. good guy", but, rather to show how differently we were relating to each other.  I think that I had developed an emotional attachment to her and she was not so inclined.  (talking friendship here, not lesbo).  Or, possibly, we had both developed that attachment and she disconnected hers at surgery?  

Eventually we recovered sufficiently that we embarked on a little rehab together by visiting some the local YMCA programs.  All this at my initiative.  Then, she needed to stop going because of some family commitments out of town and when she returned we never started up again.  Several months went by and I asked her if she wanted to get together and revive our music ensemble.  We gave it a try in December 2013 and it proved to be too much for us, energy-wise.  Then, after more months went by, with very little communication, except when I called her, I asked about trying it again this summer.  She agreed to it and we started up an every other Friday session.  We were good with the music but the friendliness was just not there anymore.  I sensed a real distancing.  One can tell by the side-talk.  So I decided to work on myself to try to dis-engage my emotional attachment to her and have a more business-like attitude.  This was not easy, but I thought I was doing a pretty good job of it for several months..  Yesterday she called to say that she will miss practice because she is having surgery. Today.   Breast cancer.  DCIS very small, lumpectomy.  

I was the first person in my circle of friends and relatives, my age group, to have cancer.  The last time anyone of my people had cancer was my mother, in 1986.  That's a LONG, LONG time ago!  Now, I had not really given any thought to other people getting cancer besides me, but if I had, I would have expected that my reaction would have been one of the "older and wiser" sympathy and kindly detachment.  Mainly, because I feel that I have come a long way in dealing with the different aspects of my own cancer, especially the emotional.  I feel that I'm OK and rather "cool" about the whole thing.  

Well, surprise, surprise!  I was a complete emotional wreck today.  Thinking about her almost constantly and crying a lot.  Thankful  for Lorazepam!  I had to double up my dosage in order to function.  Now, her cancer is not nearly as big and bad as mine was.  So I'm not really worried about her.  She has an attitude of annoyance about it but acceptance.  This is good.  This is strong.  Not sounding scared or worried about the cancer or the treatments ahead.   So, what's my problem?!?   I don't get it.  I notified our rehearsal place that we will be temporarily on leave and I notified the park guy that we won't be playing for the Apple Harvest Festival this fall.   I found a nice copy of Dr. Horner's book to give her.  Also ordered a nice rainbow maker for a gift.  I plan to make up an information packet of all the different helpful services that I have known about, including BC.org, of course, and my support group.  I feel like maybe  I got a little bit crazy today.  And I don't really want to analyze this; I just want to get through it and feel better.  I do not want to be weepy or need more meds all weekend.  I feel that I should be past that.  Though, I'll probably have to journal and see what all comes out.  That is a good form of therapy for me, but it's a lot of work.  Good grief! I sound so lazy.  Actually, I'll probably do it tonight, or at least start.  The sooner I work it out, the sooner it will be over and I can move on!  

Thanks to all of you Hermies who took the time to read this. Please forgive me if this was too long.

I appreciate any comments you have to offer me, either here or as PM.  And if no comments come, that's OK, too.  Maybe no comments are necessary. 

from  your OncoWarrior,  in the hermitage of my own mind.  

moo (that's supposed to be a sad, confused face. )

camillegal

Onco I'm sorry u'r going thru all of this. I'm not of sage advice but like we know everyone does take everything differently and maybe her heart scared her more than cancer could. I know u reached out but she might have been in her own hell of her own and just had so much trouble getting out of it. Not even know she was hurting you. Maybe now she'll get back to u cuz she'll think u can understand. U hate to give up totally, u'r friendship means so much. Just wait a little and see.???

Teka

Onco,

She should be feeling numb from the neck up.   She may need time to adjust to BC treatment plan.

I would wait until after lumpectomy before giving BC gifts or information.

Slappy-Squirrel

oncowarrior,

You are a caring person and you don't just shut those feelings off like flipping a switch. Be proud of yourself!

Jazzygirl

Onco- everybody deals with things differently. And hearing of another's diagnosis or dealing with another health issue can pull any of us back to what we went through with our initial experiences. We are all much sensitive after what we have gone through. You got caught by surprise by your friends diagnosis, and may also may feel challenged by the earlier relationship issues.

Sometimes when I want to offer someone help, I just simply share this site with them. A friend from college who I am not close to told me of her partners diagnosis, and I shared this site with her. Another friend yesterday told me of a friend who had a reoccurrence and has to take horomone therapy, and I called back today and told her to share this site. I think we all like to be able to help our sisters who are dealing with a diagnosis or reoccurrence. 

You may want to wait until the friend has had some time to absorb the news and figure out her treatment plan. So much to deal with in the beginning. 

You are good soul to want to help.

Teka

Good Morning Hermits!

Jazzygirl

Teka- hugs back you this morning. Glad you are back in your recliner and hope you enjoyed your time away!

camillegal

Teka we can always use a hug, thank you--how's u'r recliner doing???

Had some calls this morning, took a shower (smelling like forever sunshine???) so I'm all relaxed now so it's TV time and scary movie time. That and action are about all I watch.

Teka

Jaws2 the movie!

Long relaxing soak in the tub this evening.

Jazzygirl

Rented and watched two good movies. In the Face of Love with Annette Benning and Ed Harris. Blue Jasmine with Cate Blanchett (one of my favorites). Both have excellent acting.

Love all things Jaws. Must still be shark week.

SallyS70

Cami, I hope you are feeling better than you were on Friday ... it sounds like you are.

I hide my head during scary movie/TV scenes, so I will be watching Adam 12 and JAG reruns this weekend.

camillegal

Sally I'm also a big rerun person so I tape things for the rimes there is like nothing to watch out of 200 channels, it seemed to me I watched more things easier before cable. but I do like some older shows, ever nptice in the older shows the bad guy gets caught but usually never got killed----now there are so many on one show a whole bunch of people get clobbered.

OncoWarrior

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OncoWarrior

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Bippy625

today i watched will and grace for hours. Made my first meal from scratch for hubster since my dx!  Teka, did you stay in the recliner all day?  I have been here for most of it! 

Teka

No, sitting here at the computer while listening to music.

blondiex46

Wow feels like I missed so much, 

Welcomr to the newbies, we love nu people, ee never get bored withh each other tho.

Cammie a date love that brt he wants the girl to like u, he is so cute

Jazzy, it is always something isn't it. 

Sally, teka big hugs

Mags how r u 

Well 27 29 came back 37.5 really, was 45 before, so no chemo n it goes down..but not testing 4 the bones n they r hurting.. whatever

Bbl

Me

Monis

Mmmm... Mark Harmon...

camillegal

Blondie I don't understand those numbers at all. Are they good? No chemo sounds good tho.

OK Jag doesn't have Mark Harmon--I think it's David James Elliott, it's NCIS with Harmon and abbie and reruns all the time Jag does have reruns but it's harder to find and not all over the place like NCIS, but my favorite is NCIS-LA--lots of action and actually fun.  It's sad when we know to much TV really.

Jazzygirl

Good morning hermit- I am taking a break and going to Santa Fe today to enjoy a museum and a few other things there. I hope everyone has a good day!

Blondie- tell us more about what those numbers mean. Sorry the bones are hurting.

Teka

Jazzy, have a relaxing fun day!

I'm getting caught up on the wash and doing some TV reclining ;o)

OncoWarrior

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magdalene51

Onco, did you know that he has been married like forever to Pam Dawber from Mork & Mindy? Talk about synchronicity, after the death of her costar last week.