The Hermit Club

duckyb1

Sally...your not alone....I am in you age bracket 70's......letrozole is killing me.....arthritis doesn't help.....then opening my gigantic dining-room table alone was the icing on the cake....plus 35 people xmas eve (all family, just my kids etc).......and invited to xmas dinner at my grandaughter's.........

Guess it eventually got to me sitting alone after everyone left, and thinking...is that all there is.......began crying, and thought of my husband who tied 22 years ago, and was diagnosed on xmas day....operated on. the day after New Years 1989.......

Was so sore, and hurting xmas day (dining-room table stunt) that I was crying again......guess it all hit at once....."did go to my grandaughter's, but being driven home by her mother, got in an argument with her......and more crying when I got home....

So you are not alone......thus is why I dislike this time of the year.......just take it easy. You need to....hugs

Tomboy

cami, it just about made ME cry, your story about Joey. What a sweetheart you have there! wow, such a sensitive young person, thanks for sharing. Hope every one is having a wonderful after Christmas day. i am still in slippers and robe, and plan on staying that way, till at least 2:00 !   Jazzy girl, i did  my very first dexa bone scan, after chemo. and before arimidex. and i was slightly osteopoenic in a couple of places then. well i just had another a couple of weeks ago, three months after being switched to tamoxifen, because of severe pain, and guess what? i am now severley osteoporotic in several places, and now they want me too see an endocrinologist, to figure it out. and the tamox finally was making all the pain and other symptoms come back full force. i had called the triage, and they told me to stop the tamox for two weeks, and then to call my onc back at that time. she said it had many of the same toxicities as arimidex, even though the way it works is completely different than Ai's. so happy to, i am just so done with feeling this bad. i might be one of those women who find them all intolerable. and i am only 53. and my whole life has been a big exercise! as was all my physical work! and i was always remarkably strong, for such a truly skinny person most of my life! even 5 years after meno, was still on slender side, just skinny came naturally to me. so yeah, not happy about my bones dissolving.

camillegal

Kath u sound like me too I'm on Aromsin--had the scan and I had moderate vertebrae and 2 lower discs dissolving (tho they don't call it that) -I can't think of the words I want. LOL then 3 months later it went to severe, plus extreme arthritis all over and scoliosis, plus my moving liver pushing into my ribs cuz my intestine is growing up my side and pushing my liver, plus 3 hernias--PLus other things but in 3 months--I mean give me a break--I laughed cuz I said I can't even grow an eyelash in 3 months and yet my bones and organs are having a circus in there--so I'm sent to another Dr. by that time 2 months later and test they found more--WTFI said u gave me meds to ruin my bones, why can't u give me stuff to take care of them????? I got a 2nd opinion on my liver and that Dr. said This is almost impossible the liver is like the heaviest organ (as everyone knows I call them my flying organdos) well it's happened--And there is nothing they can do cuz they said this is a dangerous operation for me. That is it with this 3 month thing was my whole point. How could so much go so wrong in 3 months. When I started my bones were fine but I did have some arthritis, some now of course it's severe--I've been to PT, I've been to LE PT and so on. I still have everything and it just gets worse.I know I'm repeating myself but the 3 months caught my eye--maybe if we waited 4 months we'd be OK, dumb 3 months.

Ducky why oh why did u move that table, u do know better, u'r hurting u'rself more Please don't do those things. I'm sure by Christmas day u were exhausted and in pain, I am truly sorry for that--it ruins u'r day so much with that combination. I know u are used to being independent but u have to slow down physically it'll just make u feel worse.If I wrote books one would be How to be a lazy Ass and feel no guilt. I've honed that to perfection. LOL

duckyb1

Cam......"my grandchildren bought me a sweatshirt that said...."

CAN'T STOP, WON'T STOP............maybe that isn't true anymore""

SallyS70

ducky, I hope you are feeling better and resting.  Cooking for 35 ... yikes.  Thank you for for your post.  I am sorry that you too had Christmas tears. (((hugs)))

kath and cam (((hugs))) and wishes for some good bone news ... some good health news.

CCFW

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Jazzygirl

Sally- the anastrozole will have you tired, on top of all the rest you have gone through. I had surgery in November of 2012, radiation in Jan and Feb of 2013, and then went right into the AIs in March. I was tired for a REALLY long time and even now, things still wear me out pretty easily. So be gentle with yourself and know that fatigue is a very common part of all this, and the meds pretty much compound it. It does get better with time though. I was highly emotional the first few months on the anastrozole.

Visit with MO went fine. I will see him again in April. 

Spent a few hours in Old Town today with all the pretty decorations. Did a bit of shopping and it was very busy there today. One might think it was still before Xmas, but people who are visiting for the holidays often go there. I ended up mid afternoon on a patio at one of my favorite spots next to a roaring fire eating some mushroom brie soup (oh yum) and reading my book. Tonight, I will go to the gym for a yoga class. Back to work tomorrow for one day, then on to the weekend for more time off.

Hope my hermits here had an okay day today.

Teka

I wouldn't mind some mushroom brie soup right about now!

duckyb1

Jazzy...never heard of that soup.....

Been beat up by AI's .....surgery and rads was the easy part....

Teka

Hubby & I had potato leek soup at Arnie's a local Italian restaurant. Delicious!

blondiex46

Hope everyone had a good xmas and are all feeling well...

Cammie....I am so jealous would love to live with my grandson Andrew (but can't stand the daugthers person she married) he wants me to live there also...

Jazzy I sure hope you are taking care of yourself....

Ducky, knock it off....you aren't taking care of yourself either....

tomorrow supposedly back on chemo the red devil one, they called didn't have me on the schedule, had me on for today....they screwed up, now might not get it done tomorrow, and been gearing myself up for it too....damn....

have a good night bbl

Spookiesmom

Cami. Sprint is a wireless (cell phone) carrier. 

We had a nice day at DDs, the boys were bouncing off the ceiling, so many toys. And they got new bikes. I'm so glad it's all over. Even though I didn't do much, it wore me out! Slept most of the day, ready for more soon. 

Jazzygirl

Hi hermits- two days off coming to an end. Tired tonight and early morning tomorrow. I hope I can sleep!

Blondie- hi and yes I am taking care of myself. I had a good talk with my MO today about food, sleep, exercise. He likes the things I am doing to take care of myself and thinks I am doing well. Thank you for caring about my well being. Prayers that your next round of chemo won't be so hard on you (but I can tell you are expecting it to be).

I found a recipe for wild mushroom and brie soup! After reading it, I am convinced I had more calories in that bowl of soup than I had in two days worth of meals. Oh it was so good though, and since I don't eat desserts anymore, it was my splurge!

Nite hermits!

grammaB

Hi hermit friends!

Geesh, I don't know how I got so far behind!

I am always glad to get to the other side of Christmas. It was my late DHs favorite holiday and we did it up BIG!! Since he passed I haven't had the heart for it. I put up a few decorations, not much. Had good visits with friends both on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Chatted with my kids and grands in CA. But I am glad it is done!

I don't think I am even going to try to respond to everyone, know that I have read your posts and am thinking of you. I am so sorry for those of you having bad se from the AIs it really sux that the med to help one problem causes so many more! Pacing is really hard, but we each have to find what works for us and then try not to go over the line. Yeah, easier said than done!

The weirdest thing for me is that I have yet to cry. I had one cry before sx, I was frustrated that my DS and DD were having such a hard time arranging their schedules to come a help me out after sx. It was brief and since then no tears. But then I am not taking any meds or having chemo or anything else besides x. I don't know, maybe I am heading for a big crash somewhere down the road.....

Teka, thanks for the invite, I'll pop over to the Insomniacs thread and say hi there soon.

Jazzy, love the photos and the soup sounds really yummy!!

Spookie, I am with you, I hardly did anything and feel so tired today!

duckyb1

Gram......hope that day does not come.....I get down too......sometimes it's hard not to......,

I do believe this website helps so much.....why.......because we know the tough part is after the initial shock, surgery, chemo, rads., and finally AL'S..........for us it never really ends, but for others once you seem ok......they believe everything is ok......

That is when I come here for the support, that we lose over time......here we never do......love you ladies....could never have gotten this far without you all.........hugs

SallyS70

CCFW, thank you for the reminder that even happy situations deplete energy as well as phone and online talking. You mentioned Boxing Day ... are you British?  Do you have a celebration on Boxing Day too?  A former neighbor from England told me that her family had a big family gathering on that day. 

Jazzy, I start rads on Jan. 6.  I will need to be very careful to pace since I will have fatigue  from both the AI and the rads ... plus the AI emotions.  Were you in Old Town, Albuquerque?  I loved my two visits there.  From your brief description, it sounds like it's as wonderful as ever ... if that's where you were.  DH and I used to visit a small California town for it's ambiance until most of it's quaint, local shops gave way to tourist t-shirt shops.  We were so sad.  Hope you got a good night's rest and today, Friday, goes smoothly.

Hi Teka.  I love potato leek soup. 

Ducky, even though I had read about anastrozole side effects, I guess I was caught off-guard.  I am thinking that the general breast cancer diagnosis emotions are compounding everything.  I am so glad that I have you Hermies to support me.

Blondie, did your chemo treatments get straightened out?  How frustrating! ... scheduling errors on top of everything else!  (((hugs)))

Spookiesmom, since you are in Florida, the grands will have nice weather to bike ride.  You said new bikes.  Are the kids into neighborhood riding or trail biking or stunt biking?  Out here we have mountain biking ... scares me to think of my grands careening down a mountain.

grammaB, I am glad Christmas is over too. 

Teka

Lucky me, not a poor UPS or FedEx driver being raked over the X-mas coals!

I try and finish up my on-line shopping before December.

Also, only have adult kids.

Daughter called, and was able to get an artificial tree & decorations for 1/2 price & less.

duckyb1

Sally glad it's over too.....too much fuss, and thr true meaning is gone.....

camillegal

Hi everyone--wow, I didn't realize I was so not caught up. Been a little busy with work. going to my other DD'a tonite which I don't feel like going--I'm just dragged out.

I'm sorry I don't remember who asked, but yes a lot of my decaying bones are from the Al's and other things they haven't really seen much of so they don't know and they're not sure if my heart thingy is from Herceptin--no one really likes to say exactly why but most of us know. We're all screwed up even after a lot of chemo and then rads. I had 2 yrs of chemo all different types so who really knows. And I did have the red devil and honestly others were worse cuz I too was expecting horrible things but was a little surprised. And then think of all the meds we take that can't help--I take 15 different types of pills a day, but some a couple of times, I think they all have side effects so add them together and wham we're stuck  Rock-------us--------hard place.  OOh I'm moaning again.

U know I have never cried about  any of this at the beginning or now, maybe my tear ducts dried out too with the rest of my body LOL

Ducky I'm glad this is over for u, u can't help u'rself to slow down, but maybe now u can. And it's true everything takes energy that we took for granted before and it zaps us out more--Even my silly job, I have to act nice and pleasant and caring to people--when I'm  not in the mood to talk to anyone. And it's nothing really but It makes me upset, I've noticed cuz I have to do it when I don't feel like it. If it wasn't for all of the great women here I probably would be in a loony bin, cuz no one gets this all and my sister who is Stage IV never had chemo or rads--on I shot every 8 weeks--she said not bad--all different type of cancers than I had. I'm glad she's doing so well and she still works FT and she'll be 75--she's a wonder to me. But she has no more party of any kind at her home her kids have everythin now so she doesn't go thru that chit and she just gives cards for the holidays now so she doesn't have to shop. So she has slowed down somewhat.

dutchiris

Oh I cried several times thinking of my children losing their mother.    Their father has not been around in years but I know my sister and parents will help them if needed. I've been a sobbing mess but crying changes nothing.  I can't cry for me.  What will be, will be.

LaurieParr

Thinking of all of you and praying for you always. Lily....I am so sorry for you. I hold you in my heart.

Ladies....where is Skittle? Is everything ok with her?

XOXOXOXOXO

Laurie

LaurieParr

"It was his only defense."   LOL!   This reminds me of me a lot through this BC journey!

Lily55

thank you Lauriei just feel beaten.....i have been to get dressings changed five times now and at four of those people totalky unconbected with my care have walked in on me topless being bandaged even though i asked for screens etc, they just walk round the screen and chat to the person attending to me, i feel like nothing, a freak and i just feel beaten, i have no more fight left

camillegal

Lily yes u do, u have a lot more fight left. I know u feel defeated, but this will not last u'll see. and u sound like u're very modest. so that must be difficult for u and I am sorry for that, I hope u get more comfortable with others seeing u'r body cuz sometimes they have to. Hell, I was showing myself to a cleaning lady, I thought she was a nurses aid to check on something, I'm not saying u'll do that, but sometimes u will feel more relaxed. It's nothing to the people who see u, but I understand it is for u. But I just hate to hear u have no more fight left, just take it slowly and don't look at this down the line, just one day at a time, one moment at a time--Don't be so hard on u'rself and relax to heal. Please

Skittle has been busy I know with work, thought we'd hear from her over the Holidays and we probably will.

duckyb1

Lily find it ever occur yo you yo get as rude as the people walking in on you......they gave no right.....when someone intrudes on your spec tell them to get out...that is your right....

Mention it to whoever is in charge...this is wrong, and her is such a thing as patient' rights.please speak up, and not not allow them to do this....worst case tell yourDr, or go to the head of hospital public relations....remember the squeaky wheel gets the oil....

Please don't give up.we need you and are here for you.....hugs and prayers...

Teka

Lily55,

I know of female BC patients who refuse to allow male X-ray techs to give radiation treatments.

Insist on patient privacy ;o)

duckyb1

ok Lily spell check sucks......lol

What I tried to say was did it ever occur to you to get as rude as the people walking in on you...they have no right...if they intrude on your space tell them to get out..........need to get rid of spell check, or get another stylus......lol

duckyb1

first day of my Rads my son took me......we were waiting and this adorable black haired, blue eyed Addonis walked toward me.........I said to my son....."oh no, then said, oh maybe he is just the delivery boy"..........not....he took me to an area right near the  Rads room where I had to get changed, then into another room and there were 2 women in there...very friendly, very sweet.......

His name was Mark.........Told me to get changed into the robe......I did....when I was finally called by Mark, I thought ok, he is not the delivery boy.........as I entered the room where they actually do the rads he looked me in the eye and said....."ok Genevieve you can remove your robe.........I looked right in his eyes and said......OK, MARK.....IF YOU CAN HANDLE THIS, SO CAN I........he and the 2 women laughed, and that broke the ice, and it was the beginning of a 38 week relationship...........Loved them, and Mark, and he was as old as my grandsons......he was wonderful....and a gentleman.........

grammaB

((((Lily)))) and ((((cami)))) sending prayers to both of you.

Lily, ducky is right you need to say something when these rude people walk in on you. That is just wrong.  I know it feels hard to do, but if you don't they will continue to do it.

ducky, glad you had a good experience for your first rads.

Hugs!

duckyb1

gramma.....it was good....to be honest this may sound strange, but I actually missed them after it was over.......