The Hermit Club

Tomboy

Lily55. if i was standing next to you, i would so give you a hug! i am sorry, for people who just dont know how to act, around us and our diagnosis. just remember, it is more about them, than you. i hope you have at least one person whom you love, and loves you back, and that you can confide in. until then, you can be your own best friend, and treat yourself, as you would treat your most treasured friend. i would so hold your hand, swinging arms, walking down the street, heads together, laughing wildly! i would. please just always know we care for you here. Dang. i wish we all lived on breast cancer island together, sort of like lepers! so we could really support each other in loving and concrete ways. do you suppose we could all get together, and buy a small tropical island, and have it be open for women like us, to come and stay and heal in all ways, for as long as needed? i wish

camillegal

Kath u'r words are so wise to Lily and Lily I hope u read all of this//U'r place is dark right now and I'm sure it has so much to do with u'r son. Oh what a horrible scenario for u, to have a DIL that's like that--I'm so sorry for that--but at this point u'r probably doing the right thing nd I cn't imagine anyone putting up with that forever. Lily u'r whole life is worth so much every minute of it or u would not have it. U are a good person no matter what the so called friends feel or say and yes this is not just a hppy time for many it is a very sad time for a lot of people, u feel like a cloud is right over u'r head and thoughts go wild--I know tht--but u have to get control whether it's thru meds or on u'r own, it is under u'r control now--I know we cn't control a lot of things and no one asked to be in BCO, but we are here and we'd like to think we support each other and we're her to support u. Kth is so right u r u'r best friend and I'm sure if we were all together we could hug u tightly so u can  feel how we feel. Please listen we are all unique in our own world and u are too. Don't ever forget that, and it's u'r DIL's influence and that can be brutal, but it can't last forever. Hold on to this wild Merry-go-round we loose our place sometimes but we end up OK.

Lily55

THank you - i vote for our own island so long as dogs and cats can be there too........

I feel so disappointed in my son as I raised him alone and he treated me like dirt for the last 13 years we were in touch, just deeply selfish and angry at me (as his Dad was not around I got the lot) and lacking the balls to tell his wife to treat me with some basic courtesy and decency yet .....I did my best for him and changed my job and everything to give him as much of a normal life as I could.....

But I also feel really abnormal again....physically......i still have no mirror in my bathroom..........

I will think of skipping along holding hands and tk u............

Jazzygirl

Hi ladies- go live is still going okay! I was at the hospital again this morning and there are the expected issues but tomorrow is really the big day. And the full longer days begin for me. I have back up help when I need it, but December is going to be a LOOONGGG month with this project.

Cami- I probably do come across as up, because it is really a good feeling when you get to this point to be able to bring the system to the end users. I like working with the business, the clinicians, etc. Today I got to talk to a HOT doctor that I worked with years ago. I remember when I met him, I thought he was so handsome (10 years older, a bit grayer, still handsome!)

Sally- I hope your trip to Starbucks is really enjoyable. I love meeting friends there for a hot drink on a cold afternoon. Their holiday blend coffee is really delicious. I got some Thanksgiving Blende there earlier in November, then the Xmas Blende more recently. Totally yummy! I found some sugar free syrups at the grocery store yesterday and am now adding those to my coffee in the morning for an extra treat! No sugar or carbs, and makes my coffee tasty!

Oh and Cami, the Starbucks are in the hospitals here too. It helps to keep our project team going through these go lives too!

Blondie- I am glad to hear you are doing better. You have had a rough road with the breathing problems. Good to take a break from the chemo too. I hope you can feel better to enjoy the holidays with your family and friends. And wishing you a better 2014.

Going to go relax for a bit. I have to be at the client site early tomorrow and must sleep well tonight, which has not been happening this week. I suspect the return to Arimidex may have a bit to do with that. Will take something tonight to sleep better.

Blessings for a good week my hermits!

Jazzygirl

I saw this on FB today and thought it was hilarious! For the cat lovers out there (and perhaps the dog people too!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIkpma_KqTU

camillegal

Jazzy u'd better take something to sleep all the time for a while so u have u'r energy and feel better, busy month for u.

Lily of course our furbabies will be there, my Katie_kat sleeps with me all the time and she's so nice and furry. Lily I don't understand why u'r DS is the way he is, but it's not u'r fault, it's very hard to raise kids without a father and I honestly don't think our kids realize that. Oh they know, but it's just different. U know u did right by him and now he's still under some spell, who knows? But u put those mirrors back up wherever they belong--believe me if u saw me u'd think, Holy chit I thought I didn't ant any mirrors. So don't judge u'rself. Please.

Tomboy

Lily55. you are so welcome. we could skip for sure! i did that a little, downhill by myself early one morning a few weeks ago. it was so much fun, it made me laugh! its a way to cover more ground so quickly. as for looking in the mirror, get yourself some candles, and drape a pretty spangly scarf over some of the mirror, and light the candles, put on some really shiny lipgloss and your prettiest outfit, or pajamas! and give yourself a flirty smile. you will see how pretty you are! and then keep practicing. once, i used to make faces at myself in the mirror cause i felt i was taking myself waaaay to seriously. and you keep making faces, till you laugh! works everytime. crack myself up! so you can see why some people might think i am a little disturbed. But of course dogs and cats! ABSOLUTELY! sounds like your son needs a lil smeksmeksmek. not really,i do not condone violence at all, but you are his one and only mother. Jazzy, Hope golive is all you hope for! & hot doc? ahem....woW! I dont really know what golive is, can you tell me more? or should i just googlyize? Cami quit that job. Lori, where are you. Teka thanks for just being you, and introducing me to alyson, she is one sweet woman, and good. so thank you.

Jazzygirl

Lily- so sorry to hear about your son. Being a parent is the hardest job ever, doing it alone more so. It sounds like you did a lot to try to give him a good life, but maybe he is just resentful and taking it out on you. Several of my single female friends went through that with their kids, the absent father was the "hero" and they were the bad ones. Until later when those kids really got to know their fathers and then realized they were lucky to have the parent they had. Maybe things will get better in time, but I am sure you could really use his support right now with all you are going through.

I just don't think it is easy to ever feel okay about our bodies after all that we go through. I did not do the mastectomy route, but between my breast surgery and major abdominal surgery last year, I used to look in the mirror and think I had run into jack the ripper. I never had any scars on my body, suddenly there were five and one really big ugly one. A year later, many things look better but I honestly have a hard time thinking about ever being naked with a man again. My body image is definitely not what it used to be. Yet, I feel incredibly grateful to be alive.

Kathyec- a "go live" is when you bring a new computer system "live" for a customer or client. So new software, or perhaps a software upgrade gets installed/designed, built, tested, trained on and then you bring it up for the customers. The period when you do that is called the go live and/or stabilization period. I am a project manager for these types of things, so I have many people who work with me to support these things (58 in this case) and we support thousands of end users with this particular go live. It is a whole lotta work.

Teka, Markat, FL, Lori, Bgirl, CC, GrammaB, Granydukes, Blondie, Fur, Survivor, and all the rest, blessings to you and hope you are doing okay!

Teka

Lily55,

New Year's Eve a puddle of tears.

New Year's Day got on with life.

dutchiris

I'm having a hard day.  I can't seem to stop thinking....thinking it is my fault that things are this bad....  I'm thinking how my kids (20, 19, and 17) won't have a parents house to go to for Christmas anymore when I'm gone.....  What happens if I can't work anymore...should I post this here or somewhere else.....should I post this at all...pity party right?

camillegal

Dutch of course u can post this here. This is relatively new for u and u are in the throws of WTF has been happening really---this first part does go way after a while and u balance out more--I'm not saying it will be like life was before, but it will still be and how we make it for our family is what we can do. Just don't overthink all this because there is so much to fight this disease now more than every. And that's a plus for us. My sister is still working with Stage 4 for 6 yrs now --full time--well not me but I decided to retire anyway so it was time just pushed into it a little early. BTW my sister is older than I am. So think like day to day nd each day will get a little bit better for u mentally and physically--Please be kind to u'rself and give u'rself the credit u deserve for facing all this.

Teka

Welcome! dutchiris

This is my 4th holiday season on the threads.

New Year's Day is downhill to spring. Works for me!

camillegal

Teka OMG I've only been on 2 holiday seasons and do I talk a lot. WOW

Teka

camillegal,

Yes, but you've suffered through 7 years of misery!

SallyS70

I just want to say "sweet dreams" to those who might be awake and check in here tonight. Today has been an emotional journey day. Knowing that I can say anything I need to say here and be understood, is a safe feeling ... a safe feeling that helps me sleep.

Teka

dutchiris

I'm not stage IV at this point. I feel like it's there we just haven't seen it yet.  It's coming.

SallyS70

Teka, I am sorry that you have had 7 years of misery ... may 2014 be a better year in ways of your choice.

Teka

I edited my prior post which is about, camillegal.

I'm coming on 4 years of misery.

camillegal

Dutch u don't ever have to be stage IV--I was out of the gate that stage, so that doesn't mean u will be and all the crap u have had should really get it. So arsenal was thrown at u and it killed it all. Tht's the way to think.

Teka u'r sarcasim always makes me laugh.

Teka

Sarcasim, no

Compassion, yes

camillegal

Teka AWWWWW now I feel bad cuz I thought it was funny. hahaha

Jazzygirl

Dutchiris- welcome to this thread. Nice group of women here and no judgement zone. We are here to help one another through the days like you are having. We all have fears about the future. A reoccurrence, a metatisis, or some complication that arises from our treatments. There is just way to know the future. Be compassionate with yourself and let us know how we can help?

Teka

camillegal,

camillegal

Teka

blondiex46

welcome dutch

Lily I am so sorry, it is really difficult when you have boys, they really do go with the wifey, it happens all the time...I have friends that have lost their sons to the dil cause of jealousy or things we can't figure out.....girls really do stay with the family, boys on the other hand.....

Jazzy, hope you are doing ok...

alll others.....happy monday!!

camillegal

Remember A daughter's a daughter all of her life and a son is a son, til he takes a wife. I remember tht from yrs ago and my mom was lucky my SIL's really cared about my mom and dad so my mom didn't go thru that at all. But many women do and I think it is jealousy from the DIL--she wants to come first. And that's a shame because there are so many levels of love that we are capable of giving to many people, that's one thing we can't run out of is love and for another person to not understand that is sad.

Tomboy

teka and cami----!!!!!!!!

Tomboy

......okay, you guys, if anyone needs a laugh, we are having some fun on the " moving beyond cancer" forum, under the topic "lets conduct our own study on how we all got breast cancer." it is cracking me up, but, not for the squeamish, or judgemental. i know my hermits arent! see ya there!

Persephone40

Hi everyone! I just joined the discussion boards today and have read some of the posts regarding being a "hermit". I just started my chemo treatments on November 22 (6 cycles, one every 3 weeks). I do feel so much like a hermit nowadays because of the fear of catching any sickness (especially because it's flu season!). I especially don't like going out a week after my chemo as I think that is when my blood count is the lowest. Any tips out there on how I can feel less of a hermit while not taking a big risk in going out and catching something?

Thanks!