The Hermit Club

camillegal

Teka

lizlori

Hi Hermits,

Blondie-so good to hear from you. Sounds hard to have to be on O2 all the time.  Any chance for second opinion?

Teka-your morning glory is beautiful.  I have been planting perennials like crazy...just planted Russian Sage, and it smells lovely. My sister is giving me some lavender this weekend. (I read they are good for getting rid of knats, fruit flies and all othe annoying insects that fly.  Historically I have not had good luck with plants, but maybe my luck will change.  Oh and I bought Hens and chicks plant.....so cool to grow and look at.

Skittle-what a drag not not be in your room....whats the hold up..jese louise...Hang in there

Lilly -glad you are doing better, I can relate to having pains and thinking its the cancer. But fortunatly that thought leaves when the pain leaves. Over all for some reason I don't obsess over mets...I just refuse, because worrying will just make me miserable and won't change a thing...easier said than done for some.  I just want to enjoy life....the best i can.

Cami- its soo nice to hear that about your kids math, (thought I was the only one scratching my head) it is strange how things change through the years....

lizlori

sorry didn't mean to send so soon....damn fingers.   Jazzy-your cat is beautiful....

Today we are leaving for a wedding that is tomorrow.  It is in a barn, with no air conditioning. But has fans...My great neice is into the western thing and wants everyone to wear their western attire. (I have nothing)....should all be interesting. Anything goes with weddings these days. I am curious if she will be wearing a cowboy hat with her wedding dress.  Have a great holiday weekend everyone.....Hugs and warm thoughts....Lori

blondiex46

thanks cammie and nope it started about 3 - 4 months ago, they have no idea other that they say the air that goes through my lungs is not getting to my heart....think I need a cardologist but they want to go through the pulmonary person first I guess....

thanks Lori we don't have a definative diagnoses, fired the first pulmonary dr. lets see what the next one says on the 12th...

Lily55

Sounds like you might need an angiogram?

camillegal

Well I hope u get a new Dr. that really delves into this and figures it out so u can be comfortable again Some Dr.s are very aggresive with their way of finding things and that's what u need.

Jazzygirl

Teka

camillegal

Jazzy I laughed out loud at that one.

camillegal

camillegal

Just trying to open u'r eyes up. Good morning.

I going to my other DD's today--of course i don't feel like going but once i get there I'll be fine-- I just wish I had more oomph to do some things sometimes==We're going this afternoon and Joey has such a good time there--My DD has a bonus DD that's 11 and Joey and her get along fine unless she has a girlfriend over, but then he now understands why--he;s learning about females the hard way, but he's understanding more now. I told him if there are even 2 it's a pack and they protect their territories-but if there are teenage ggirs there they are great with him so it evens out.

I hope everyone an enjoy this weekend, it starts a whole new time now.

Teka

Rainy day!!

Soon the leaf peepers will be checking out the fall foliage in the North Country.

Jazzygirl

Cami- meow! Look at those washboard abs! Thanks for the morning pick me up!

I am off to get my hair cut and colored and wishing everyone here a relaxing holiday this weekend. My favorite month of the year, September, is about to begin!

Teka

October is my favorite month with pumpkins & spooks.

Lily55

Have hit a downer, this feels never ending, totally fed up just sit in front of TV And avoiding going out f house, haunted by stupid thoughts like if i get hit by a car and they open my shirt everyone will find out how abnormal i am......... Feeling really sensitive about my mutilation and so NOT attractive.......

BayouBabe

Lily - I so get this right now. Been having those moments myself lately. Spent over an hour last night crying in bed last night over how hideous I feel and how angry/ sad I am over losing the last year of my life to this crap. Husband has been wonderful with everything, but I mourn all I have lost and will never get back - time, nipples, real boobs, sensation, no side effects, feeling good (can't remember the last day I felt good, had to have been before my diagnosis). Ugh. Skipped a family event this very day, because I can't stand the thought of being around people. I get angry over how wonderful their lives are, yet they bitch about the simplest things. Some day I will work through all this, just still feels like I am at the bottom of the mountain and still need to get all the way over to the other side. Hugs Lily from a fellow hermit!

Jazzygirl

Lily and Bayoubabe- I am sorry it is such a rough time for both of you. Whatever our treatment, all our bodies have changed forever, inside and out, from all this. We also change alot emotionally too, I know I am still figuring out who I am post treatment. It is just not anything anyone understands unless you have gone through it, which is why this site and the Hermit Thread is so helpful to all of us.

I also think holidays are a lot of pressure to be up, to be expected to spend time with family and friends, to go to picnics, etc. I am not doing any of that this weekend either, just keeping to myself and staying home, doing some self care, etc. It was a year ago this weekend it all began for me, I was heading into have a biopsy the day after Labor Day and just sort of knew it was cancer.

So I am having a lot of feelings this week into the weekend about what happened the past year since last Labor Day 2012. I tend to just retreat during holiday weekends or other times that I know will be hard for me. I don't come from a particularly warm and empathetic family, so comforting myself is something I learned how to do a long time ago. I live alone and don't have family in the area where I live, so that makes it easier to just remain private when I need to. We all need to honor our need to remain private as we are all still healing in some way.

A little self care goes a long way during times like this. A nice nap, soak in the tub, or a meal you enjoy can really help. 

Sending hugs to you on this Saturday afternoon.

Teka

Lily55 & BayouBabe,

((Hugs))

Teka

Jazzygirl,

I'm going for a soak in the tub.

Jazzygirl

Teka- that sounds so nice!

Lily55

Thank you, understanding and hugs help......I did not expect recent surgery to stir up so much!



BB - yes its so hard, i cannot even put it in to words except all the time i am reminded of how different i am to most people around, and vast majority of people i knew who have had BC had small lumpectomies or immediate reconstruction.



jazzygirl, one year on......glad you are looking after yourself.....its a big turning point so roll on wednesday!



H U G S back xxx and thanks for being there..

Teka

I changed the calendars and now ready for a nap in the recliner.

Humid day!!

Lily55, the recent surgery is like picking off the scab!

Lily55

Yes teka think youre right and scab was not tough enough.....! On edge of tears again....

cvmarilyn

I love you all - I haven't writen in a long time - I think I was trying to  be " normal" and not think of any of this - but I  can't.  I am so changed by everything I went through - and I am having a hard time putting up with people whining about their stupid stuff.  Which makes me feel pretty insensitive - which I never thought I was - but I have a really full plate - 21 yr old son SUPER physically disabled with eplilepsy - and then my "thing". So my husband (who is the best) and I take turns going out - and we have "friends" who come over and talk about their vacations to exotic places. My husband and I say it's like telling somone about a great meal when all they've had is bread and water. Where is the sensitivity?????  I know I am so blessed in so many ways - and I have to focus on all that is good but it is hard - I want a life. 

Teka

cvmarilyn,

I've a tough hide, but wouldn't hesitate to discourage friends from talking up vacations.   I think they know that you & hubby are a captive audience!

Skittle

cvm...  You sound exhausted, and rightfully so.  Is there a support group anywhere?  Like a respite caregiver or someone who could give you a break so you and hubby could actually spend some time together?  I don't know, but could there be a chapter of an epiliepsy foundation or some such who could offer skilled care while you take an afternoon or weekend away?  Please put yourself at the top of your priority list at least once a month.  Your sanity, healing, and heart depend on allowing yourself to be human.  When I cared for my mother 24/7, only for a few months, my sanity dipped and my frustration level soared.   I cannot imagine the devotion, time and love your pour out every minute of every day.  Hugs to you and your dh.  Wish I could "spell" you for a while. 

Jazzygirl

CV- good to hear from you and sorry to hear you are having a hard time adjusting post treatment. I have had some challenges there too and have been reading article on line and researching the post treatment experience. Many say the much harder part is post treatment and all that follows with figuring out the new normal, and living with the anxiety of reoccurrence. 

I am sorry your friends are not being more sensitive and realizing hearing about their great times and vacas is not helpful to you. Like Teka said, they had a captive audience and I often have to let folks know what is okay or not for me these days too. You have a lot going on and finding those people that can be present with that is very important.

Went to a good yoga class to help my stiff body, a trip to Sam's Club (always spend to much) and just talked to my BFF in CT for two hours. Might go see the Lone Ranger later today at the dollar theater.

Lily- sorry your day is still hard today. More hugs coming your way.

Teka- hot here today, low 90s which is not what usually happens here in Sept. I am ready for the cooler weather.

To all my other hermits, peace to you on this sunday.

camillegal

Hi guys, I'm home and glad about it.

BB, Lilly, and CV it's a different feeling and a sad one and so many mixed emotions for u.I'm so sorry this is so hard on you and cry it's certainly all right sometimes u just need to. Everyone heals at different times in different ways it's all part of this crap----I still don't care about doing some things--I used to do everything but I hear oh u sure must be feeling well and of ourse I say I'm fine. After all it's been forever ago, I thought once I was going to sit down when people say that and tell them every single operation and test and all the times I was in the hospital and ALL THE SE'S every day just to shut every one up, but I can't even do that LOL and CV I think Skittle has a wonderful idea for u, but u2 are the only 2 that can decide that.  This feeling does pass but it's still real and it's so difficult to go thru day after day--I wish we could really help u but all we can do is be here and I sending (((HUGS))) to u really big and comforting. (I hope)

camillegal

 GROUP HUGS

BayouBabe

camillegal - yes! Group hugs all around. Was trying to think of the right thing to say in response to everyone, but was at a loss. So glad we all have each other here! Need a magic wand to make all our days better. Hugs to all my brave BC sisters!