Fuzzy's Romp Room
Comments
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I thank each of you for your words of encouragement and concern, and I apologize from my heart for having written that you did not care about my emotional state. I'm especially grateful to those who reached out in PMs and to Sheila who is giving me more help than any of my current health care providers. (Yes Sheila, I took and logged my bp this morning.
) I know you all are going through so much in your own journeys, and I know how we all do our best to support each other. I can understood that my whining is something no one wants to deal with. Hell, I can't stand it. -
DuneSleeper - *****HUGS*****
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Ladies......whine away....we all have those days......guess what, we earned them......God help us all......hugs...
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Yes, Ducky - its great to have a place you can just let it out!
Oh I saw this today and it made me laugh:
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My dear Dunes, I'm getting ready to call hope your there. If I'm correct we have already solved one problem. Will know when I hear your BP this am and the 11=12 one. What I said yesterday about reaching out is imperative when you reach bottom. You were reaching, out many responded.:) L&H&P's sassy
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Dunes, you whine all you want if that is what makes you feel better at the moment. We are here for you. ((((HUGS)))) and prayers.
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Dunes- whine, vent, scream, stomp your feet, have a tantrum, punch your pillow, cry, do it all a second time. I care. Yell at me...I probably feel the same way. We are here for you. Sometimes we are in your pocket. Sometimes we are there holding your hand or giving you hugs.
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Its wonderful to know that there is a place where rants and whinges are understood, where you can come when feeling low cause I know that this place is a refuge for me especially on thoses days when everything thing is wrong and you know you will kill someone when they sayonce again, "oh well now you have to put it all behind you and get on with life". What the ..... do they know, do they know what treatment has done how the drugs that hopefully killed the cancer have caused so many other problems, that you have had to give up a job you loved because of it and how much you would love your old life back.
Big big hugs, ((((((Dune, Veggy, Fuzzy, Ducky, GMa, Sas, Crog, Chevy, Linda, Luv, Martha, Ginger, Chabba, Wren, Essa, Rider, Kathy, Lily, Rider, Ptdreamers and everyone else))))))
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Hugs back to you Alyson....Yes, we've all been there.... Even if it isn't cancer, we can always talk about our lives here... xoxoxo
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DUNES! I'm here, darn this connection. The day you wrote about the pills, ice storm here, I wrote a post on romp room and it went nowhere, realized no connection. I was going to pm you next but no chance. When we got connection again, I was running to more appts I guess. Then asked where you were and guess what, a snowstorm. I think if I went out there and tickled the dish it would lose signal. Just now got the signal back. Came to check on you.
What I get from this is more of us need to have one another's phone numbers, in case there is no signal. We take emotional nose-dives so often.
I come here for contact, I have little elsewhere. For whatever reason, I feel isolated pretty much, here with Hubby. I know what you mean, feeling like no one cares, adding ..... but too I get it that everyone is living their own personal hell or their own lives in between hell. edit done, but missed making that popooint when I meant to before. I come here and tell stories to make others smile or something, I share where I am w the mets and drs, but sometimes days and even a few weeks go by and there is no acknowledgement that I even exist. And then somone is there to talk to a bit. The more into myself I become, the harder it is to repsond or feel I have anything to give. Then it becomes why even try to give. Been there and back dozens of times. But people do care here, it is just that the plummeting on the romp room is a place into some dark deep doo doo and the climbing back out is done with arms held down into the hole and a party because there is nothing else that can be done. So I do know how you feel, not just romp room but bco in general. I am glad Sassy is working with you on the ladder out of it.
Hugs, Fuzzy. Don't know where you are in the time with your mom. Every second now is a gift. One day, after Mom had been almost gone from us for a few days, she 'came out of it' for an afternoon and evening. I walked in the room and she smiled at me, she could not speak out loud, throat cancer, but she said, "My beautiful baby." I played beautiful music for her called ??? no memory (when my stepdad was not around to disapprove) and the night she crossed over when he left for dinner, my sister and I played the music and her breathing changed to the music tempo and she sailed away with it. The most beautiful experience of my life. Then I felt snowplowed to the ditch. We are here for you.
LOVEEssa
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Alyson - I appreciate the hug. This morning I was a mess. Cannot get answers I need no matter what I do, but back to hoping and checking for them again in a moment. You are right. Sometimes we just need to grovel in the mug a little while then we can get back out, but the time after time we are told, don't feel, just meditate and or look ahead and it's spilt milk and all that from people who have been ther and those who have not, those who love us and those who could care next to nothing. It seems to set me back even more bcz then I am going, well, I guess I should be ............ or I sshhouldddd.......... and I am just doing this all wrong. I know you are over the sea, so far away, but sometimes it seems like you are in the next house.
Sooooooo a month ago I had a PT scan that revealed lung mets among other nodes now affected. Aaaand I went to the onc on Monday and he wanted a lung x-ray bcz he was concerned I had pneumonia, so it was done. And the x-ray came back all clear, no pneumonia but also no mention of the cancer node in lung or all the tiny lung nodules that have been growing there for 18 mo and could well turn to cancer. Or the three cancer nodes between the lungs. How can that be? I am really asking this in many ways to many people and MDs bcz my initial pre-surgery and post-surgery x-rays were not conclusive and the mets that were obviously there then were not mentioned on the reports. And here it happens again, but this time I KNOW it is in there. And we wonder why I have trust issues, right?
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Fuzzy gentle hugs and loving thoughts are with you at this time
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Fuzzy - thinking of you x x
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Alyson....thanks for the hug.....big hugs back to you........
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Hugs to all. Bluebird can you just ask straight out what is going on? I know I sure would be hounding someone for an answer.
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DUNES: "I know how we all do our best to support each other. I can understood that my whining is something no one wants to deal with." Dunes - this is definitely the time and place to vent and whine - this is what's kept me as sane as I am. This is the group that completely understands and cares.
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Alyson - thanks for the hugs. I had chemo today (again). It's the new me. It's nice to come to a hug.
Okay, so after chemo we went to the Olive Garden. The waiter wouldn't look at me. He would ask my friend if everything was ok. Then he asked if we needed anything. When he left I asked her if she noticed that he wasn't looking or was I being dramatic. BTW I had taken off my monkey hat and sat there bald. Three more times and each time no eye contact. We asked to speak to the manager. He was going to have a strong talk with our waiter. He then went and got me a gift card for $100. The greeter asked what kind of cancer and told me that she had BC 28 years ago. A waitress squeezed my arm as she walked by and wished me good luck.
Monday at K-mart some woman stopped dead in the isle staring at me with her mouth dropped to the floor. My husband came and I spoke in a loud voice about how RUDE some people are... Like they never saw a bald head. Then I followed her around the store.
People are rude.
The new me is obnoxious and rude right back to them.
I play the cancer card and can cry on queue.
I have been bitterly depressed.
Two weeks ago I thought I was having a heart attack but it was only pneumonia.
I have cabin fever but I need to be careful.
Thanks for letting me vent. And if you got a chuckle out of this, enjoy. If I bring a smile to someone's face then I have done good.
Hugs -
....and it's not really even whining......it's being able to be authentic with being judged.... a true treasure.
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Veggy, you have every right to vent so vent away! The behavior on the part of the waiter and the woman at K-mart is totally unacceptable. You don't have to take it. So glad you followed her around. I've missed seeing you post. Glad you're back with us. You have given me so much inspiration.
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I have been thinking of doing a post listing everything I have lost (not things but more important stuff like feeling normal in my body) but then I thought it would be too self pitying but the fact remains all my losses are real and there are loads and loads of them.....
Veggy - you made me smile, good for you, Dunes - here as always for you x
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FUZZY, God bless you, child, and I will be trying to send some soft vibes your way.
DUNES, You are one of our more loveable and interesting personages, so not to worry. And if you were to leave our chatty group, I would be bereft. I must have missed your plea, for I have been sickly. But I care and I wish I could have given you a warm blankie and perhaps a new baby pinky budgie.
VEGGY & others who are being treated like crap, let's go beat up the meanies. I'm ready.
Lovin everyone's pics and links. FOLKS, I gotta tell you, I been gone from house and home against my will for a week. If you all shall recall, pneumonia and digestive problems were taking me down a tad rapidly, so as I said in my last post several hundred years ago, I went over to our small Urgent Care place just down the street less than two miles, figured a little I.V. fluids, digestive meds, blood draw (and thanks for tips Sassy) would do just the trick. WRONG. Whenever anyone ever gets to the question, "Do you feel like harming yourself or others," please say NO, unless you want a week of misery (or more). Also, NEVER tell someone who is pushing you around in some sort of roller derby bed, hurting thy compressed, broken back, that they be stupid. May I elaborate? It has to do with being ridiculously polite to authority figures.
In this entire last week, the ONLY thing I got for my digestion was two pills and a week in lockdown psych ward. WHAT??? Yup, they took all my clothes, pockiebook, and despite about three desperate days using, in my own mother's words, my "escape artist" abilities, there was only TWO ways to get out of all the doors: (1) Go with the program or (2) jump over the nurses' counter, go out a door about three feet away, right down the stairs and into our MOST unfortunate blizzard.
And by golly you best be nice to all authority or you get another effin day in the fifth floor nuthouse, where me and another rather attractive girl wound up with a scary old insane man walking right into our rooms whilst we were lightly dressed and gone to bed for the night. I screamed loud enough that if perchance you think you heard all of your hurts go off like an alarm clock last night around 11pm, hey, it was me for all of us. I screeched to the reasonables (hall walkers/ nurse/ social workers) that I GUARANTEED that if that sombeech so much as came within a mile of my room, while I could probably kill him, I'd just use my ju-jitsu to stick my knee in his butt and keep his broken, bloody, filthy nose shoved into the floor until the police cuffed and jailed him.
Sweet, soft FUZZY, heaven-sent, she give us this room so us women, who are trying so frikkin hard to be regular but are judged without magistrate or warrant, can come here and confess what we REALLY think about spending our afternoons coloring and coaxing our psych doc that, "I'm not supposed to be here," which... isn't that what all crazy people say? SIGH. Finally I got the hell out of there, walked right past my husband into the elevator on my way off Jail Floor Five of where I was supposed to get digestive treatments, but it cleared up on its own, so how could I not see my husband? I was partially blinded by an apparent need for hospital donations, until he gently took my hand, which I then cried all over his beautiful blue shirt, matching his blue eyes, and Harley hat.
Other than that, my gosh, to see my pup Smokey again, my husband sat with me a couple hours so we could catch up, and I did cry me a river when I walked into the "blue room" with the chandelier and felt the love I've ALWAYS felt for my life and home and the world just as it is, beautiful, but since it is nature, we have to accept it is indeed a place of struggle. But what go me in lockup was after two days of major digestive issues and a plea not to answer a bunch of questions, they did anyway and I did my best, but along about question 13, by having to talk I forthwith threw up dark brown grunge when they asked if I had a plan to do away with myself, to wit I go: "OH, SURE, how about if I was to take a hammer and bust out a window and take a shard of glass and cut my carotid arterty in the.... gazebo... no, probably the porch would be a tad cleaner, don't you think?" Sarcasm will get you into all sorts of unusual places. But I is home now, mazzer, plez don hit me no mo mazzer, i be good now, mazzer. I did learn how to better deal with stress, tho: SHUT THYSELF UP when you walk out your front door, and respect and love thy family and friends inside the door.
But despite my dramatic events, I'm not sure the telling was needed, except it was pretty funny in places, BUT of all of life's terror's, our comforting, cozy chrissie fuzzy fawny deer has lost her mommy, and I cry for her now and until the bitter struggles of life drift away again, for no matter what disaster may befall us, as the lovely pics and links here have shown us, accept tha living in a beautiful world that has been given to us is also sort of hard to maneuver. Keep switching that radio station to your fav, keep lovin them pups and flowers and friends, and keep on making money, finding the right lover, whatever turns you on, all my lovable sisters, for our world is indeed a gift from heaven. GG !!
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Gail--so, sorry about the lock up. You are right when they ask you that question which is required nationally. If you are truthful, they will lock you up. On the other hand, I have had times where I wanted to be locked up and was told i need a doctors order. Sheesh. At least you know and the rest here know now, what not to say. ((((HUGS))))
Alyson, this post is a bit unusual for you. A very good vent and rant, is there anything else underneath it that triggered it? (((((HUGS)))))))).
Dunes awake, call you in a bit......Hope you had a better night , Hopa, hopa (HHUGS)))).
Essa, call facility ask for the Director of Diagnostic Imaging and ask why a full reading was not done on the chest xray. It could be that the nodes are only visible on Cat(not likely ,but possible). His likely response will be 1. that he will have to look into it, and will get back to you---reasonable response. He will have to look at the films. 2.he may say the request has to come from the ordering doc. If this is so, then call ordering doc and ask that they have a 2nd look at films with a specific description of previously identied nodes reported . I aggree we should have each other phone numbers, definitely a help in trouble.((((Hugs)))))))). I had one radiologist twice miss my brain tumor--obviously made sure I asked for another radiologist.
Fuzzy going to do St. Michaels prayer as a 9 hour novena today.(((hugs)))))
Veggy-Go get'em girl. There are so many STUPIDS out there. Apox on them PHTTPHTT (on fingers) ((((HUGS))))))
Lilly Make your list, it will be helpful in many ways,please.
Sassy
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You guys! Sometimes I just crack up reading your posts! Yes Veggy, you did make me smile, and get mad at the stupid people you come in contact with. What obviously ignorant dinks! And I have noticed also, that my attitude has changed.... except I think my excuse is because I am older... MUCH older now, and just don't like to take any crap... or see anyone ELSE acting stupid. Yes, we WILL go get those stupid people you mention!
And dog-eyed! You are just a delight to read! You MUST have written fun things for a living? I know what happened to you is NOT fun, but you can write about it with so much humor. So you made me wake DH up, because I was laughing so hard! Bad girl! You KNOW I like this time alone, to spend with my "friends"...but now he is awake...
Anyway... I gotta go back and read it yet aGAIN.... Thank you for making me laugh! xoxoxo
And hugs to little Fuzzy.... and everyone else.
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It's a good thing we don't all live within driving distance from each other, I'm about ready to start shedding my rules about being polite and compassionate and start kicking some waiter avoiding, K-Mart staring, "do you feel like hurting yourself" idiots in the butt.
Three weeks ago I was 2 weeks post-op driving into Waikiki to a conference and in my post anesthesia haze, accidentally turned into a one way street and immediately pulled over to the side of the road. 3 police cars converged upon me and conducted the most humiliating sobriety test in broad daylight. I've never in my life had any close encounters with the police, I was shaking so bad I failed the heel-toe test, but passed everything else. Thank God I was in good physical shape. I was stone cold sober, no meds on board. I knew that if I protested or caused any fuss my post mastectomy tissue expandered self would have been handcuffed and sent to the barracks. When I asked if it would help to do a breath analyzer test they got real chill and let me go. Here I am a 57 year old cute fit lady heading to a Nurse Practitioner lecture on managing hypertension, make a wrong turn and the next thing I know I'm completely at their mercy. I probably helped deliver them when they were born back in the early 80's.
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Shellshine, ughh. In Texas there was a recent similar occurrence. Two ladies, neither made a fuss for same reason. BUT BUT, the female officer did a cavity search on each in front of the camera on the police car. Butt first on each , then vagina---with the same glove. The female officer was fired, the male officer suspended pending investigation. The ladies filed a law suit against the agency. Hope they win big. Oh yeah, there was no probale cause to do the search. Ewhhhhhhhh. STFU---opps wrong thread LOL
BTW WELCOME
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Gail, I think that is what they are trying to do to me right now. I am supposed to call the person back who I talked to last night, but she was so pushing me to go for an "assessment" despite the fact that it was snowing. And when she called the "assessment" place she did it on conference call, and they answered the phone "admitting." Yah. This is NOT good. I have no one to take care of my birds, besides the fact that I'm sure their stinking "assessment" won't help anyway. Well, Perry Mason comes on in 4 minutes and I'm watching that. Do you think if I don't call them back they will just go away???????
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Alyson, thanks for the hug. Other ladies, you are cracking me up, making me cry, making me totally angry with foaming-at-the-mouth, giving me belly laughs, making me sad ... all at the same time! I am so sorry for all the sorrow some of you are dealing with, the general crap others are dealing with.
Myself - well, I spent 11 hours at our multi-specialty clinic yesterday. DH dropped me off on his way to work at 7:30, I had an hour to read before my 8:30 appointment with interventional pain specialist. That went well, then had an hour before lab appointment. Then an hour before seeing MO, who was running late, so didn't get out of that office until 3:30. Had 2:30 infusion time set, so of course, that got started late, got to the infusion room about 4, drugs got there about 4:30, and I was done by 6. Stopped by pharmacy for tylenol (can you believe I would run out of tylenol, of all things????) and was grateful to fall into my own bed by 8 pm. Didn't get my walk in, so have to make up fo that today. Mostly I missed checking in with you all, but I did think of you often throughout the day. I saw only one woman with what I suspect was a wig, and only 1 woman with head covering, and no women with bald heads all day. I puzzled on that as I spent so many hours sitting in the waiting rooms where there would most likely have been a few more women with evidence of undergoing chemo. All I can say is "Hmmmmm......?"
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sas- OMG that is so disgusting and WTF! How could anyone think they could do that? Same glove! Let's hope they went front to back. Blech.
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Hi Adey, Nope and it's on camera no less. Ist lady --butt then down her jeans in front. Then asked the next lady to step forward --Same glove , butt first then vagina. She's the one that got fired--female officer. I'll find the link. I would have been in jail big time for assaulting an officer. BTW hello glad to see you here, hope all is well Fuzzy speaks sooooooo highly of you sassy
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Sas- Hanging out in the closet still. (c: May need your help sometime.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oq8nYgnE93Y
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