Troll psychology

1Athena1

It bothers me too. Yesterday, once again, a post was deleted "by the community" that did not come close to violating BCO rules. It is quite clear who performed at least two if not the required five reportings needed to get the post erased. It was on the Stage IV forum, but the person I have in mind was not a Stage IV sister. This person has been stalking the victim and I am aware of at least five different aliases under which she has posted, often quite rudely and with the intent to stir the pot at given points. She is at times a troll and, at others, a stalker. Others have very likely fallen victim to her multiple accounts and deletion power (I may or may not be one of them - I don't know). I am outraged for the victim who got her non-abusive, non-rule violating post reported yesterday. This is harassment and is frankly reaching the point at which it could be actionable.

IllinoisLady

Lago, I had no idea this was happening to you.  Odd that someone would give you points off for being newly diagnosed.  That I think is when most of us devoured huge banks of materials.  Maybe some did not -- everyone's reaction to this diagnosis take a slightly different turn. 

Maybe some people just don't like anyone much who gathers the facts and is willing to share.  Perhaps they need to feel they are getting a high share of attention and feel you are taking it away.  We come here out of fear to an extent so it would be nice to keep things above board.  I'm sure you don't think you are being provocative, but maybe you are just TOO reasonable.  When there is an odd reaction you always have to wonder.  I think the high road is almost always the safest one. 

IllinoisLady

Wabbit

There are real trolls ... they don't have breast cancer and actually flit around from message board to message board only to incite some kind of riot so they can sit back and watch the drama.

Then there is 'trollish behavior' from legitimate board members  ... stirring the pot ... or deliberately pushing somebody's buttons ... or stalking another poster and attacking everything they say  ... or insulting someone without saying their name but knowing they will know it is them you are talking about then sitting back and acting all innocent.  Poking with a stick hoping to get something started.  Some other members know the background behind what is going on and see exactly what the deal is.  Others will stumble in with no idea and get all tangled up in the mess.  

Then there are times when a bunch of women just don't agree.  And since many of us are pretty strong minded ... and estrogen deprived and/or stressed ... it's just going to result in a fuss sometimes.

It's part of being on a message board.  The trick is to learn to identify which is which as best you can and then using some judgement about how/if you want to get involved.  I am not in favor of publically accusing any but the truly obvious of being 'trolls' ... because you might be wrong.

I think in this case Beesie was in the stumbled in and got caught in the mess category.  Whatever PM was sent might not even have been intended for her. 

And all of this is just my personal opinion ... disagreement is expected and even encouraged

  

lago

I was never PMed but anyone can block someone who is sending nasty PMs. To be honest I rather get the PM. I can block that… It  doesn't ruin a thread and bring others into it. Like I said it's sad that others have to see this.

marie5890

Athena,

It really pisses me off that one of the Stage IV sisters has been targeted.  

IllinoisLady

Disagreement is sometimes a learning tool.  I have learned some respect for one person and disdain for another.  Of course I won't name anyone....not fair, but both sides of the fence can inter-change --  just need to walk over and see how it looks from that vantage point.  I do however, think there are those who don't thrive well without excitement of some sort and having such a large audience here must make it very inviting for those types of people. 

IllinoisLady

1Athena1

No, the victim is not stage IV.

marie5890

Oh ok,

thanks for that clarification. Still though.  

1Athena1

It doesn't really matter anyway. We all have our difficulties, some related to BC and others not, so attacks are bad in equal measure regardless of stage, IMO. The injustice, the hurt and the outrageousness cannot be measured against a single known quantity (cancer stage), no matter how serious the variable in question.

Anonymous

I actually ran across that attack yesterday that you are reffering to, Lago.  Personally, I thought it just made her look very sad, pathetic and very immature.   When she insinuated that she was "older/wiser and more sophisticated" than you (and most on this board) it actually made me laugh out loud ~ as that is the exact opposite that she is portraying (at least in those posts).   It must be very hard to not engage with her.

Why on earth someone like that would continue to participate and frequent a board that they considered "unsophisticated" and unworthy of their presence is beyond me. 

lago

SusansGarden… that was nothing. There was another thread were she got 3 others to join in even though I refused to attack her (just her research backing her "facts"). I was getting PM from people saying how sorry they were I was experiencing this. I just assume she's a little off.

Remember good and bad people get breast cancer. When you think about it most of the people here are very supportive, share and do not attack even if we don't agree. That's pretty darn good IMO! 

katkel

Lago...

I took very long hiatus from posting last year due to a totally unprovoked attack on me.  It was very upsetting, so I can certainly sympathize.  I also saw the comment directed at you yesterday and I agree with Susan-  it made the poster look ridiculous.  She has shown her true colors, and you have shown yours.  Everyone can see through your posts what a level-headed caring person you are.  Just keep ignoring her and recognize that everyone has her number.  Once she realizes that I bet she will stop.  And just accept that you will never know why.  In my situation I drove myself crazy trying to figure out what I did to deserve the attacks.  A total waste of time, which I'm glad I finally realized.  I have been a lurker for a while and I have always appreciated your well thought out posts.

Kathy 

crazy4carrots

There are "response" posts that are mean and derogatory, and then there are deletions "by the community".  The response posts can stand on their own, for they generally say much more about the response poster than the targetted poster and everyone can see them for what they are and draw their own conclusions about the poster.

The nasty deletions "by the community" however, are to be abhorred for they cause the targetted poster to be put on suspension if it happens more than once. Likewise, if another poster or posters points out that the post is uncalled for/mean/derogatory, then those posters run the risk of also being deleted.  So, the nasty poster/stalker/troll has all the control -- much as the bully does on an unsupervised playground.  The underdog gets punished while the bully goes free.

The deletion problem really could be solved by a mechanism that identifies the deleting poster by name, for all to see.  Melissa tells us her team is working on that.  I hope we see evidence of it soon!

lago

No I don't get upset. She's just a pimple that shows up ever so often but eventually goes away.

We all come to this site for a variety of reasons. I have learned a lot as well as had some great support. I also like to give back even if it's just posting a positive attitude or making someone laugh… not unlike most of us here.  We all have opinions and we won't always agree. I'm glad you  have appreciated my posts… and were able to get through my "broken" English

IllinoisLady

Ah, but your spirit was broken. 

Jackie

YramAL

Lago-

I think some people just feel threatened by someone who posts with knowledge and facts rather than just feelings. I think that's why some people don't like Beesie either. I appreciate both of you.

Mary 

marie5890

Lago, I find myself a bit stunned that anyone would attack you or Beesie

Im with YramAL. I think that there are people who are uncomfortable with facts for whatever reason.

As the saying from Daniel Moynihan once said, everyone is entitled to their own opinions but not their own facts.

There is of course a grey area many times with that.  

lago

It's not that bad. Really… I only pissed off one person.

shokk

Lago I know you don't know me....as I don't know you......but I do want to give you a bit of advice.....

there is an undercurrent that runs through bc.org (as well as most other discussion boards).....that as I refer to here (because I think most posters are women) as the "Mean girls squad".....they are a group that for some reason believe that they are the bc.org police.......(I believe that they are self appointed).......even though they communicate with the mods on a pretty regular basis........

they decide who is liked and who is disliked or who is even ignored........they decide who will be attacked and accused of such things as you really don't have breast cancer.......you are a troll.......my favorite now is if you disagree with them about anything then you have "troll behavior".....you are troll like......

whatever you want to call it it is nothing but school yard bullying......nothing more nothing less.....

Lago I will tell you exactly what the problem the mean girls have with you.....you are too pretty......it is that simple.......if I were you I would remove the personal picture of yourself.....please take down your doctors name.......just by having that information they can get a location on you.......you have to understand lago it is not that they don't believe that you are legitimate even though that is what they will say but they don't like you because of the way you look......

if you really want to play their game put a cute little picture of a puppy or kitten in place of your picture.......(it's hard for your stalker to be mean to a cute puppy or kitten)........and go about your business......there is an ignore button that you can put these mean girls on and I think also there is a place to stop their pm's...........if not and you see who it is from just delete it.....don't read it and never answer it.......you don't have to put up with this foolishness.......and if they don't back off send everything you get to Melissa...(the mods).........good luck....don't let them win........

shokk

Beesie

lago, I don't post in or read many of the forums in which you participate, so I hadn't clued into the fact that you have a stalker too.  I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. I'm mostly amused by mine and in fact quite often her knee-jerk reactions to my posts force me to more clearly explain something that I'd written, so that's not all together a bad thing (not that I'm saying that I want the stalking to continue).  The line gets crossed however when posts that I've written start getting deleted, as happened last night.  The idea that someone thinks that it's okay to censor another member of this board just because of a personal disagreement is beyond my comprehension. I on the other hand am always happy to let any trollish and/or stalking posts stay; they say more about those individuals than any of us ever could.  That's my policy - why delete someone's post when it speaks volumes about who they are? I think that part of the reason why some trolls and stalkers continue to have the support that they do on this board is because most of more their outrageous posts get deleted very quickly and there is no record of what they've said.

WhiteRabbit, I think your description of "trollish" behavior of legitimate members of the board is exactly right.  As you said, " (s)ome other members know the background behind what is going on and see exactly what the deal is. Others will stumble in with no idea and get all tangled up in the mess."  It's because of those who stumble in that I've decided that I won't let that type of behavior stand - I call it out. Some might say that I am allowing myself to be provoked but in fact I'm making a conscious effort to "out" the individual and in doing so, I am also protecting my own reputation and the credibility of what I write.  

It's unfortunate that we have to deal with this sort of stuff.  I come to this board to help newbies and sometimes get involved in discussions on topics that interest me.  If only it were that simple! 

lago

Well if that's the case then I maybe I should replace my picture with someone really pretty. Which one do you think is best:

  or

Seriously that's her/their problem. I don't think this person is one of the forum police. I also don't think my appearance is the issue. It's my posts that bothers this person because they don't agree with her way of thought. 

But thanks for the compliment. My husband takes great photos but I don't understand how someone can really tell how "pretty" I am from such a small picture. All I see is a great smile and some really shiny wig hair.

marie5890

Beesie...

I like the idea of being amused by some "board stalker".. 

I remember a  saying I once came across.

"If you are offended by someone who means no offense, you can be seen as  foolish. If,however, you are offended by someone who clearly means to be offensive, then you are fool"

That has always stuck with me.

LAGO! I love that picture of you. I hope you dont change it.  

leaf

Iago, I always enjoy reading your well thought out posts.  You have always struck me as a caring, reasonable person.  I sure don't like it when reasonable people get attacked.  I don't care if you were diagnosed yesterday, last year, or last century. 

I'm going to have to remember that saying, Marie.  I don't think I'm mature enough to follow it yet, but it takes time to change.. Thank you!

Anonymous

It looks like Jennifer's left boob is lower and smaller than the right.  Maybe we could head her in the direction of a good PS - joking!

Bren-2007

Lago .. I think you're cute as can be!

I just don't think people are targets of trolls and stalkers based on their looks.  I think it's something within the troller or stalker .. some kind of personality problem that causes them to act the way they do.

Bren

lago

You guys are too kind. Cute? Never been called cut before. Ha too funny. I always though sophisticated/modern was more me.  But since I just turned 50 a few weeks ago I'll take cute and pretty any day.

Like I said you can't see too much in a picture where my face is the size of my pinkie toe.

marie5890

Lago,

I have a hard time thinking it's the "wig" as you are claiming

I call bu()sh*t on that.  

1Athena1

Lago - lol! Your comment about being cute reminded me of the other day when I was at my cardiologist's office. He ordered an echo-cardiogram, and, in speaking to the technician, motioned towards me and referred to me as "this young lady" (age: 43) - I was so flattered!!

But, since we are on the subject, I think you are attractive! As for what drives a troll.... we have spent pages speculating and we don't have the answer. It is many things, because trolls come in all shapes and sizes.

Anonymous

Well said ladies! Thanks for being vigilant!

bluedahlia

A troll by any other name............is still a troll.  hehe!