Bonfire of the Goddesses

duckyb1

Yea wind burn.........other body parts sunburn, but the face does not hurt, just the other parts.....so I know that is sun.

Good let me know how you make out with the "natural Dr."........going back to the acupuncturist when I get home..................

Not doing a damn thing now....they went to the beach......more power to them.............but it is humid here too, and hot......I could go in the pool, but don't feel like it.........

jo1955

ducky - As I was reading your story, I was so hurting for you but wanted to laugh at the same time.  I can see you flying across the beach as you leave your chair.  I don't understand why anyone in their right mind would go to the beach on a cold windy day anyway.  I know the only reason why you went was to shut everyone else up.  Hope you feel better soon.

FK - It will take a miracle to figure out your body.  LOL!  Maybe this natural doctor can come up with something for you.  You have gone through enough all ready.  Let us know how the appt turns out.

As for me, it is hot and humid here.  I don't mind the hot but someone else take the damn humidity.

duckyb1

Jo, people who have to go to the beach every friggin day annoy the shit out of me.......I did that for years with 6 kids..............what do I have to show for it............wrinkles, brown spots, and skin cancer..............I tell all of them, but they insist, so let them learn the hard way.

Very humid here today..........suppose to get better tomorrow...........and yes Jo your right..........TO SHUT THEM THE HELL UP............

FK will let you know what the acupuncturist says...........we can share our stories........LOL.......

jo1955

ducky - They will someday look back on all of this and say - What in the hell was I thinking?  We would have listened.  Whether they like it or not, you can stay back and enjoy some alone time out of the sun.  If my memory serves me correctly - you didn't want to go to the shore in the first place.  I'm pretty sure you went JUST TO SHUT THEM THE HELL UP!  LOL!

gardengumby

Jo - thanks for the kind words about the letrozole.  It's horrid!!  However, I first took tamoxifen, and for me it was even worse.  Letrozole makes me think that being dead might not be too bad - tamoxifen actively tried to kill me!!  I wound up with a DVT and multiple blood clots in my lungs - I was a MESS!!  The generic they just changed me to seems to be lessening some of the side effects I was experiencing with the other one.  I still move like I'm 95, but unless I'm imagining things, I don't seem to hurt quite as badly.

Joan811

Ducky, sorry you had to leave the beach looking like a half baked lobster...your story is quite funny but not really...I remember last summer you kept saying you probably wouldn't go to the shore because it was too hard to go where DD wants to go and too quiet to sit at the house alone.  So, you did it...you made it...now next time, put on the sunscreen and sit by the pool or just stay in the AC.  Heck, you're still at the shore.  And that's a good thing.

I'd like to throw my letrozole in the fire...I forgot to bring it to California and went off for 11 days.  I started again, and had really pronounced joint pain, crawly skin, moodiness - like the first month I started it.  All over again.  Ugh....my skin looks like I'm 90 and the ringing in my ears is back and loud.  I didnt know it had gone until it came back.  
I guess I should be grateful that I can take a pill to ward off the beast.  But I'll never know who I would have been ...

FK hope you are feeling better.  

Hugs to everyone here...

duckyb1

Jo.........I have mixed emotions about the shore house now..........maybe its because I am so limited now to what I can do, and I'm tired of hearing  my one daughter (the one I'm with) tell me about how great this one or that one gets around........she does not realize how hurtful it is when someone says that to you.......my neighbor across the street and I had about a 2 hour talk yesterday sitting on her front porch while the others went to the beach......

While talkking to my daughter last night I said "I didn't realize Bonnie was 9 years younger then me"........she was saying it yesterday..........................then said "she has a bad back....a buldging disc.....then my daughter said.........Yea but she gets around a lot better then you.......she walks, gardens, and seems a lot better..........................I said............"she also didn't have a f---ing heart attack, breast cancer, or takes a pill that f/n kills you..................then she says.................well Sean's mother (SIL's mother) has breast cancer, and she does far better then you".......................I said "yea, and she gets no SE's from her Inhibitor, and she also did not have a heart attack"............................guess what her answer was.............then why don't you take the same pill she's taking........JO...............I am not looking or "sympathy, or pity..................just a little bit of understanding..................if I say "no", trust me to realize I can't do it"...................If I do decide to go...........walk a little slower, maybe don't stay on the beach quite as long...........stop trying to make me dependent and if your gonna, stop acting like you enjoy it..............

One thing will never change............I will always be the parent, and you will always be the child..........don't try to reverse our roles.........iits not gonna happen........PERIOD.............ok, I'm done..........LOL

FireKracker

good morning

Yes today is the day I'm finally goin to the natural dr.

Couldn't sleep all nite (wonder why?)

I feel all of ur pain from the s/ e from that one stupid pill

Ducky,damn my kids also try to become the parent,even my GD pulls that crap one in a while

That's one of the reasons I try to keep my distance even tho they live close by

About that pill,,,,,well I plead the fifth on that one,everyone knows how I feel and I hate repeats

I'll be back later to tell all of u the results.

Prayers goin out to all of u

I'll be back

FIREKRACKER

duckyb1

Joan........yea after much thinking I decided to come down.........but honestly, other then a little company, I can do the same  things here that I can do at home except at home I have my own car........my fault....I can drive down here, just makes no sense t waste the gas, drive alone, to come to the same address as someone else......but I give up my freedom to go where I want to go when I'm here, which trust me is super market, and now to look for a new dishwasher, and fridge..........................right now one daughter said when the dishwasher leaked water....."ok, Mom time for a new dishwasher, and while your at it I wold replace the Fridge too, since that is not keeping things cold enough when full, and its 20 years old....hardly energy efficient".....plus Mom, if it breaks while we are not here, that will be one horrible mess, and waste of a full freezer..................I agree...........now the other daughter who is here with me now says "you don't need a new Fridge....this one is not broke, and I'm not spending my vacation looking for a dishwasher"..................So WTF.........should have drove myself...........

But guess what.......I love you ladies.............and when I get down from situations such as above, I know I can vent to my best friends, and get the bullshit off my chest..............not that it changes the "bullshit", but at least I have someone to talk to who is not family, and says "oh boy, there she goes again"..................thanks for always being there...........hugs.

Fire........let us all know how you make out.............anxious to hear.......and yes.........that f/n devil pill........oh well shit happens ......right.

gardengumby

Ducky - I'm considerably younger than you, but like you, I'm on letrozole.  It's HARD to walk, HARD to move, everything hurts.  My hubby is really sweet about it - if he did what your daughter is doing, I'd be so bloody depressed that I don't know what I'd do.  Keep your chin up.  If your daughter has issues with your mobility, tell her that she can take this damn drug for awhile - and see what she thinks of how you're doing then.

Linda-n3

Ducky, I have been following your posts, and really "get it." My own mom is a lot like you, and I am a lot like both of you. We do things FOR others because it is expected, despite the inconvenience or pain we may have, so the least these folks could do is at least appreciate our efforts, or even just not judge us or compare us to others who have completely different circumstances. You cannot compare apples to oranges, no matter that they are both fruits! Until your daughter has the experiences you have had or that others have had, she will not be able to understand. I look back and am sorry I was not more appreciative of the efforts my GM made to do things with me when she was not feeling well, and then the guilt extends to lots of other people, and then I realize guilt is not a great emotion either, so am forgiving myself, just promising to try to be better and more sensitive to each individual's circumstances and needs. Sorry if I rattle on here - just want you to know I am sending you hugs and a little understanding.

jo1955

ducky - I, for one know you are not asking for pity or sympathy.  I can't imagine the pain you must be in and sure glad I was not able to take the A"Is.  All the horror stories I have read would scare me so much, I would probably end up throwing the damn pills in the trash and not look back.  Tamoxifen is no walk in the park either, let me tell you.  You just have to continue being the parent and letting your daughters need a reality check of some type.  I am sending lots of big hugs your way.  Sounds like you could use a few from someone who really listens and cares.

duckyb1

I am a whiner.........I just don't think they understand what goes along with this..............they think when its "over"........its .."over" but they don't realize it goes on ..........are we truly ever out of the woods..........I dare not think so, because the disappointment would kill me.........................I would not even think of the cancer, or what it brought into my life if it wasn't that I am reminded each and every day from the SE;s and the pain that "don't think for one minute your a survivor"................that word drives me nuts............

Do i want to be.......more then anyone can ever imagine............is there anyone out there with a sane mind who really believes that any of us enjoy this crap...................or are thrilled we have something to "bitch" about..............

Doubt it....................but we will go on.......and fight the good fight........why..........because we are who we are..........we are not all survivors..............but we will survive...................love you guys...GONNA HAVE THIS MADE POSTER SIZE FOR MY FRONT DOOR............

jo1955

ducky - Love the poster.  It says it all.  I also hate that work "survivor".  What in the hell does it really mean?  We do have daily reminds and those who have not experienced what we have just don't get it.  Okay!  You got me going and I am rambling like an idiot so I will shut up now.

duckyb1

Jo....not rambling.....just honest straight talk......hugs

jo1955

thanks ducky.  I knew you would listen.  Hugs

Where is everyone?  The bonfire is quiet.

In fact, WHERE IS FK?????

Alyson

Lots of things to put on the bonfire but too tired. 

My grandies love me too much and want to sleep with me but then I don't sleep bit it's only for another ten days. 

Alyson

PS Kracker get yourself here. 

FireKracker

I'm here

Just been busy

Went to the natural dr. Yesterday

I'm gonna live!!!!!!

ILL BE BACK,ITS KINDA LATE NOW

Huggggs to my best sistas

FireKracker...

Joan811

Hi, had a wicked week of long days at work.  I miss being here, but I just fall asleep at night.
FK, glad you are back and that there's hope!  You are too quiet.
Ducky, don't know where to start.  I have 3 DDs and mostly they ignore me.  My DD#2 who moved away recently usually showed me a lot of respect but now she's getting a separation and running around like a teenager and I never hear from her.  (I miss those kids so much..)

I'm at the stage where I can't say anything negative or opinionated to my DDs or they cut me off. I make the mistake of knocking myself out to be with them and keep up with their activities.  So far I can do it.  I kind of like that they don't talk about my aging but my mind is probably the most vulnerable right now.  
I totally see how they are responding to you.  But to say those things is very immature, inconsiderate and out of line.  They should focus on the positive and be patient.  You've earned it.  Part of it is they do not want to see you getting older.  Part of their words are denial. 

Sounds like DDs are trying to avoid any stress for themselves.  I know how that goes.

It might work better if we respond with one liners then do what we want.  Like, "What I am hearing makes me feel badly and I did not come here for that"....always the "I" messages, not "You did this or that".   Our feelings are our feelings and they can't argue back if we aren't accusing them.
I'm rambling...Ducky, just know we're here to listen.  If you like to be at the shore, then go to the shore.  If you want a new fridge, buy a new one when you are ready.  If it breaks, you'll deal.  Bring your complaints here.  We'll throw them in the fire.

Love you, ducky! 

It's a beautiful day here.  Lots of work around the house, but I will be gardening and that could be nice. 

 

FireKracker

hey all

Just checkin in

Actually lookin for Blondie

Anyone hear from her?

She has been last seen on May30 

duckyb1

Joan.....love you back.........your advice always makes me feel better........I hate to see others dealing with the same crap, but it is nice to know I am not alone in my feelings........or how my kids act sometimes.........they should be glad they don't have to deal with making decsions for me................

Hugs........

Sent a PM to Blondie........her last chmo was kicking her butt, so maybe  that is it....as soon as I hear I will post............promise..........

FireKracker

does anyone think I have angels for kids????

I too get plenty of grief

As my daughter Tracy always says to me U THINK WE R THE ONLY ONE

EVERYONE HAS IT BUT THEY DONT ADVERTISE IT.

Into the fire all that bulsht goes.

I hope Blondie is just takin a break

duckyb1

And bullshit it is................thank God we have each other.......

My kids are wonderful kids......probably some of the best I know.........., but sometimes they just don't get it...........and Joan maybe your right........maybe when my mother had her cancer I was the same way.........I don't  know............it just hurts when your looking for "understanding", and not pity...........

Maybe their right..........maybe I need to try harder, and i want to, just don't have the old "get up and go anaymore".........like I say "shit happens.........

To be sure.....if I had to pick 6 people I would want by my side in a crisis itt would be them......but they need to cut me a break...........

RedReading

Aww crap. My post disappeared. How does that happen.

Ok, here we go again.

Hello lovely ladies. I know it's been a while but life got complicated. My mom's home flooded so we had to move her out to another unit. She has been very needy. My son is a fish farmer (Talapia) who has been told that he's not allowed to have fish in his backyard anymore. So he is looking to move his family. They finally caught the son of a b*tch who was making cyber death threats to my daughter, so there's been court etc. My autistic grandson has been kicked out of school because he's a runner. They all are, he is so sweet, how will he socialize now? My daughter is devastated. My treatments aren't going well, my SE's are pretty severe. My MO said, 'well, we didn't really think it would work, but we had to try it'. So we start over. And money has become a problem too. Never mind.

It isn't all doom and gloom though. 2 of the grand kids are graduating in a few weeks. One from elementary school and one from middle school. The weather is finally co-operating. My long awaited anniversary holiday is only a week away (Italy). I don't have to take any drugs at all for 2 weeks (then we start again). I have a wonderful family and great friends. And TODAY I got to meet Alyson!!!!! She is as sweet in person as on line. I thought you might like to see some pics.

About to have lunch

The big girl bloomers, which everyone signed.

From left to right we are 208Sandy, Susan, Lassie11, Curlylocks, Alyson, hrf, RedReading, Barbe and Mumito.

We had a lovely lunch and it was wonderful to be able to talk to ladies who 'got it'. My only regret was not enough time with Alyson. Hopefully, we will have another chance to meet in the future.

Hope all is starting to go a bit better for you ladies. I gather, like me, your lives have become more complicated too. Into the fire with complications!

Hugs,

Deb

FireKracker

awww Deb,I'm sorry ur havin all this stuff all at one

Please no I pray for all the sistas daily

Thank u for posting the pic,the only one I no besides Alyson is Barb..

U r right about Alyson,she is like a calming breath of spring..

I'm sure the rest of the sistas r the same way

Lucky barb for her second time around

I'm jealous

Thanks again

Nuthin stays the same,the good,the bad and the ugly..

I wish things get easier for u

Xo FireKracker..

jo1955

Deb - Thanks for posting the pictures.  I love reading stories of sisters meeting other sisters.  What memories we take away from those times. I am somewhat fortunate and met a sister on BCO and am able to see her on a regular basis.  She only lives 70 miles from me which is a little over an hour.  We have met regularly for lunch and have spent weekends together.  Her and hubby manage a campground and she is always inviting me to come stay in one of their cabins.  What good times we always have.

Sorry to hear about all the  stuff going on.  Life can get complicated in a hurry and I hope yours gets back on a smooth course real soon.

Where is everyone?????? Let's liven this place up.  Like Deb said, it is not always gloom and doom.

duckyb1

Here Jo.........got home from the shore last night.............had the babies christening today....very nice....my son is amazing......he spares nothing when it comes to his children and grandchildren.......she looked like a little Princess.....and slept through the entire service........very good baby.

Had to go buy 2 chargers .......one for my Ipad, and one for my phone.......left them down the shore........I swear I put them in my bag but if they are there, then I'm Stevey Wonder..........$65.00 for both.....damn......well at least now I don't have to worry about bringing them back and forth........I have one for each place..........hugs girlie

Linda-n3

Ducky, so glad you survived your shore trip. I did a beach vacation last year with my family that turned out to be a good family vacation, but the worst beach vacation I have ever had because of the stupid LE. But I survived it, now getting ready to travel to mosquito and black fly infested geography for a vacation in a couple of weeks, taking gallons of deet with me, hoping for no bites. Tossing LE into the fire yet again - it just complicates our lives!

You also had me chuckling over the chargers. I had borrowed an adapter from DH for the iPad to download photos from the camera, and could not find it anywhere. He looked through all his stuff, I looked through all my stuff, it was not to be found. Finally bought another one, and within the day found it IN MY CAMERA BAG WHERE I LEFT IT and it just was hiding. So now we each have one. I still know where mine is ---- IN MY CAMERA BAG WHERE IT BELONGS!!!! Unless the gremlins have gotten in there again ....

Deb, sorry you are having such difficulty. Keeping you in my heart.

Jo, FK, and all the rest of the gang: enjoy the fire tonight, know I am thinking of each of you.

duckyb1

Linda.........I love hearing from you ......enjoy the trip......watch the mosquito's................I have LE too, and yes.......it sucks........hugs sweetie.....