January Mastectomy

Anonymous

Regina love the parade pictures.  It looks like it was a fabulous time and you look great.

Debbie, oh my goodness.  You really have to wonder sometimes if people even think about what they say/do.  Hats off to you for not just lashing out at her.  Also sorry to hear about your lymphadema.  As if you haven't been through enough.

Sally what a heartwarming story.  It does sound like you daughter goes to a wonderful school. It is so strange to read through these stories and to see how things can and do go to such extremes.  When I read your very nice touching story about what your daughters school is doing and then to read what that horrible woman did to Debbie. 

Robin that is incredible about your daughter to have done so well from so long ago. That is almost twice as long ago as when my daughter was born.  My daughter also dropped to 685 grams when she lost her birthweight. I have to tell you, I was pretty scared when she was born so early because just 1 year before, I had lost a baby who was also born premature at 24 weeks. My son lived for 2 hours and then died in my arms. It was a very difficult time.  I have read another lady on here who has a signature line that reads, "I know God won't give us anything we can't handle, I just wish He wouldn't trust me so much." Mother Teresa

I am starting to feel like this.

Take Care

Cathy

pbebow

Wow!  Ladies, I am so behind!  Took a couple days to get caught up and I just don't know where to begin... forgot some of the stuff that I read yesterday, so sorry if I don't comment on each thing, just know that I am thinking and praying for all of you.  I have to say that I was having a rough time the other day, I don't know if any of you keep up with the EC, but one of our sisters just had a recurrance.  It has really shaken me up...  She was dx with DCIS (just like me) and had BMX w/ TE's (just like me) and has had her exchange (just like me), now they found a lump and went in and it is DCIS and IDC!  How can this happen!  We think that we are doing everything we can, being so agressive for what some call "pre-cancer" (I didn't buy that for a second), and then it comes back.  Kind of knocks the wind out your sails... I can't imagine what she is going through right now.  But, anyway, I am trying not to focus on it too much, otherwise I wouldn't be able to sleep.

Laura, I posted on your picture thread, I am so sorry that you are upset, I know how you feel... but give it some time sweetie!  It'll get better!

Debbie, WTF!!!!  What a b*tch!!!!  I just can't think of a good comeback, other than knocking her on her a**!!!  GRRRR!  What is wrong with people!  That reminds me of Sally's (I think it was Sally's) nurse that said "show me your bobbies"...  unbelievable!

I went for my 2 week check up yesterday, everything is good.  He took me off all restrictions, said I could go skydiving if I wanted to, I settled for hitting a few golf balls last night.  He said that I don't have to wear a bra at night anymore, which made me extremely happy, although, I still felt a little guilty last night, because I've read about so many women that wear bras 24/7 for years after exchange!  I just can't do it, if he says I don't need to, then I'm not!  Sorry!  And I can wear whatever kind of somewhat supportive bra I want.  He took some pictures to send to the insurance company to get approval for fat grafting, my step off (divots) are really bothering me.  He said that we could do it before the 6 months (if we decide to change out for bigger).  But then he set me up my next appt for 2 months (July 5th)...  2 months without a doctor's appt!  How will I ever get through it!?  CRAzy!   Anyway, the nurse said when they get the approval from the insurance company they'll call me to set that up and he said that we'd schedule my tats at my 2 month appt.  But if they don't call before the end of May for the fat grafting, I'm going to wait until after summer...  I don't want to be laid up and not be able to do anything all summer.  I want to swim with my kids and golf and play.  But we'll see, I have no idea how long it'll take to get approval even though he said its just a formality, they have to approve it.

So, that's my life right now, nothing special, but moving along.  My b-day is tomorrow, Cinco de Mayo!  Funny, but I think that birthday's are going to hold a whole new meaning to me now!  I will count each one as a blessing!

Chin up ladies!  Have a good day!

Paula

jizogarden

Thank you Robin, Burley and bc,

I'm much better today.....I swear my foobies looked a little rounder this morning....I many be imagining it but I'm going with it

I'm staying away from bras until I have more drop and fluffage....my gp just called me to reiterate her own experience.  She said that even after 6 weeks she left Victoria's Secret in tears. He is now 10 months from her own exchange and she still sees changes.  She promised that I'll be fine...even pretty.......ok.......I'm going with that

Thanks for all the support and kindness...

Peace, courage and healing,

Laura 

bcincolorado

Paula:  Happy Birthday to you!  What a year to celebrate getting older!

Laura:  I'm glad you are feeling a bit better today too.

binga

Happy early Birthday Paula!  My pharmacist partner at work is pregnant and is being induced in the morning.  She will have a cinco de mayo baby just like you!

I was going to start work tomorrow but they called today and said could I please come in and cover the rest of the shift for the other pharmacist who was sick so I went in and worked from 2:30 to 8 and I am beat.  Every prescription that gets filled comes to my work station where I unscrew the lid to look at the actual medication in the bottle as I verify it with the written rx.  I never realized how much I used my pec muscles to open those darn child safety caps!  After about an hour of that I told the techs to put easy open lids on everything and I would change them out at my station so I could avoid having to take them off.  Those muscles are so tight and having spasms now.  But all in all it was great getting out of the house and going back to all my fellow workers who missed me!  I had several customers who saw my car in the parking lot and came in just to see me.  That really means alot!  Gotta get ready to get up and do it again tomorrow.  So glad I told them I would only be able to do half shifts this week.  I can't imagine a 12 hour day.

Have a great night!

Becky 

faithandfifty

Flew 'home' today. Have two nights in my own bed, then off to Pittsburg for quick hop.

A day w/kindergardners tomorrow. Cinco de Mayo, indeed.

Becky, glad that you were able to problem solve the caps & received a warm welcome back.
Laura, hope that you continue to see improvement.

Lynbob. Maria, Gina. Thinking of the three of you in the healing process.

Paula. Here's some happy to start your day:

robinlbe

Oh, Cathy....I"m so sorry about your son.....you know, little boys have more troubles....I know that's no consolation to you...When I was pregnant with my daughter, I ended up in the hospital for two weeks before she was born.  I had never known anyone with a preemie, so I was able to meet with a neonatologist.  His first question to me was if I knew the sex of the baby.  By that point I was 22 weeks and had had 13 ultrasounds, and we had found out I was carrying a girl.  He immediately said that was a good thing, because girls are fighters.  We saw that played out over and over again in the NICU....it broke my heart.  But the doctor was right. 

It's funny...we think that boys and men are rough and tough, but actually when it comes down to it, I think we girls and women are much stronger, and we are the fighters.  That's why we are the ones who give birth....that's why we have such a strong sisterhood with the commonality of BC.  I don't think I've ever seen men's groups of prostate cancer or any other kind ...maybe some of you have, though....

BTW, my reddish area is going area (the one on my chest)....must've been a bad bruise.  Can't figure out why, though.,...or what the tiny red spots were.  The area had grown to the circumfrance of that of a small bowl.  It's getting better, but is getting sore and is sore to reach for things. 

Think of you all often...and pray for you all continually

blessings...robin

faithandfifty

Thanks to all for your moral support w/my insensitive ding-bat of the year story.

I saw this quote on FB today & I have to admit to laughing-out-loud:

"Some people are like slinkies. Not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs." Author: Jerry West

Little did you realize I have such an evil side. LOL

xx00xx00xx00xx

To each & all who continue to make adjustments of one sort or another.

Encouragement to all of our chemo-teamers as you finish treatments.

xx00xx00xx00xx

faithandfifty

Robin. We were posting at the same time.

Glad to hear that what-ever-it-was is going away.

I see my 'new' Ohio PT on Thurs. Would sure appreciate prayers that she has brilliance, insight and an amazing skill set.

(((((((((((((((((Cathy)))))))))))))))

Anonymous

This was sent to me today, thought you all might like it; I guess it is Sister's Day?

Sister

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.

So love the people who treat you right.

Love the ones who don't just because you can.

Believe everything happens for a reason.  

If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.

If it changes your life, let it.

Kiss slowly.

Forgive quickly.

God never said life would be easy..

He just promised it would be worth it.







Today is sister's day,send this to all your sisters,

mothers, daughters, girlfriends.

Happy Birthday Paula!  Hope you have a good one!

Cathy

Anonymous

I am starting to count the "sleeps", one week today until I have DIEP surgery.  I am so looking forward to not having this concave chest.    I can't wait!

Cathy

KatRNagain92

Happy Birthday Paula!  What a fun day to have a birthday on

Cathy, I'm counting sleeps too!  I have 7 more sleeps until I get these rock hard coconuts out.  I'm so happy for your DIEP....I know you will have marvelous results!  I am doing everything I can to stay away from any stray germ at all.  Nothing can disrupt my surgery date! 

I have only been watching on EC and it breaks my heart about the little gal with the recurrence.  She is so sweet and young and pretty and it just doesn't make any sense.  I know she's BRCA + but maybe this recurrence is a different type.  I'll have to see if she's posted yet as to what the path was.  I remember my onc saying that is what they look at...incisions.  I think I need to do some research on what to look for on your incisions.

I was supposed to go off of my Tamox 10 days before my exchange surgery, but I gotta tell ya....I love this stuff!  I went off for just a couple of days and the waterworks started, the bitch from within surfaced and my face broke out....I told my husband, screw this noise, I want my Tamoxifen back!  Plus, if I've got that much free floating estrogen that would cause such extremem changes after stopping it for 3 days then I don't want to risk a recurrence.  I slept like a baby last night being back on it.  The doc said it can cause a blood clot but I'm plenty active and I don't smoke so he thinks I'll be safe for a quick outpatient procedure.  I also asked about a bra and the nurse said I get sent home in one and that I wear for a couple of days.  She said any bra will do for a week after that so that makes me happy.  I don't want to order bras before my exchange even if I can return them.  I want to be able to wear my old bras and then see exactly what size I'll be.  Bra's are just too damn expensive!

Have a great day everyone and again Happy Birthday Paula! 
Kat

jizogarden

I see so many posts to catch up on...rushing to go teach.

Some new photos and questions on the forum

Happy Happy Birthday Paula!!!! 

Back soon Strength to all,

Laura 

pbebow

Hello ladies!!!  thanks for all the b-day wishes!  You are all so sweet!  I'm giving myself a little pampering this morning... coloring my hair right now (really need to go rinse, so this has to be fast!), then going to do the sugar scrub thing in the shower (Need  a Margarita is what it's called from BAth and Body Works, love it!)... then probably a little micro-dermabrasion on the face, and I'll probably do a tooth whitening treatment....  maybe a foot soak too... who knows, have to enjoy this day!

Glad that everyone is doing fairly well...  can't go into everyone's details right now, have to rinse!   But just know that I'm thinking about you all and you are the best!!!

Happy Cinco de Mayo, have a margarita tonight for my b-day!!!!

Paula

neversurrender

Oh, where to begin.  I have been reading along for the past few days, but not posting as I have been in a really crappy mood.  Let's see if I get everyone. 
Paula - Happy Brithday !!!  I hope you are enjoying your day!

Robin and Cathy - It sounds as if the two of you have very special beautiful daughters.  They sound tough...like their mothers !

Laura - I'm sorry you had a rough time with the bras.  I went looking for bras on Saturday with BF, and was not happy with the results either.  BF and I did get some weird looks as I took her into the dressing room with me.  She had not seen me since my last surgery, so she had to check out all the changes and help me figure out the bra issue    I left you a message over on the picture forum.  I see the drop and fluff starting - yeah !

Gina - Did you hear from the onco on Monday? 

{{{Debbie}}} I am so sorry that you now have LE issues to deal with.  I hope that your sleeve is helping and you can keep it under control. {hugs}  I am still in complete shock about the woman's comments to you.  I hope that the next time she sees you, she will have learned some manners and picked up a little compassion.

My DD2 sold 435 lillipops for the fundraiser.  That will give her a little over $100.00 from her 6th grade friends.  Some of the teachers are donating also, and DD2 is now the top fundraiser for our entire team.  She is very pleased with herself !  A boy at the school helped with the sale.  His mother was diagnosed after me, and is currently in chemo.  When we posted the school's donation to our team site, my DD suggested we put it in honor of this boy's mom.  She will get a little card in the mail, letting her know that the 6th graders made a donation in her name to Komen.  DD2 is really growing emotionally through this experience.  I am so proud of her .

My friend (the one watching my childcare group) and I had a long talk about my return to work.  My PS would not release me for 12 weeks due to the lifting, and then my phase 2 happened and it was pushed back again.  Anyway, she said she would prefer to just keep them the rest of the school year (only 24 days) rather than move everyone around.  Her group of kids has gotten attached to my group and she thinks it will be harder for her to seperate them all.  We decided that I will go to her house each day and work there.  That way, I can work, she can have help, and 'my' kids can have me back.  So hopefully this will work out and we can make it to summer break.  Then by fall I will be good as new and ready to start a new school year.

To those we haven't heard from in a while.....I pray that it is due to things going so well for you that you are just to busy to stop by. 

Hugs Team January !

Strength and Courage !

Never Surrender !

ariesrottie

Happy birthday Paula!!! Sorry January sister that I haven't posted.. just in one of those moods... Getting hot flashes most of the time now... I decided that next week I am going back to work.. Only a few hours a day for a week or two and then full speed ahead..Money is getting limited and need to get this on order...It will do me good... Still have dr's appointment but will work around them.

Debbie- People can be so mean... what are we in high school..

Sally- {{{HUGS}}}} and Tell your DD I am proud of her...

Kat- glad you are doing ok and are sleeping.

To all my other sisters... Exchange no exchange you are in my thoughts and prayers everyday.... From my first morning prayer to the end...

Hugs,

Donna

jizogarden

Hi Kat, love your new photo nice to see your pretty face  Glad your resting well....exchange day is almost here! =D

Paula sounds like you have a perfect b-day planned...enjoy the pampering

Debbie I hope your sleeve with polka dots arrives soon.....so sorry you are having to deal with this.

Sally you must be very proud of your daughter.  I hope the arrangement with the last few weeks of daycare works out for you and your kids

Donna...hope this lovely weather is lifting your spirits

Strength and healing to all,

Laura 

burley

Happy birthday, Paula!  I hope you enjoyed your pampering.

Big meeting with the IRS tomorrow...made her a copy of my bill from the hospital showing the charges were $106k, and a copy of my most recent bill from my oncologist showing the chemo.  Both of those and my bald head should clue her in hopefully!

I hope everyone has a great evening!

faithandfifty

I just am so appreciative when so many of our team check-in, give an update, remind us of the challenges and the joys that are being experienced.

Again, as always apologies for not attempting to give individual "shout-outs" as my brain is taxed to it's limit, apparently, but enormous hugs & prayers as so many are again at crossroads of one sort or another.

Tomorrow is my first appointment with my 'new' Ohio-PT.

I think I probably was unclear in my earlier emotional blathering about my arm. I have not yet been dx as having LE (Lymphodema.) What I have been documented with is 'edema' in my arm. It is swollen. A tad larger than what it was in Janurary. According to the evaluation, it is too soon to tell if this edema is lymphodema.

Are you following this??

What they are doing is having me wear the compression sleeve and gauntlet..... tomorrow I am guessing that they will begin to intervene with various techniques to help reduce the swelling (which is very small)...... which would no doubt look like treatment for lymphodema, which we don't know if that is what I have. LOL??? Or COL? (cry-out-loud)  

That's probably more than you want/need to know, but I didn't want you to think that I'd formally and totally been given the LE dx. There is still room to hope that this is a temporary situation brought on by my infection, which could still resolve itself.

So here's to hope.

Here's to praying for the possibility of resolving with therapy.

I'm offically worn out now.

Therapy is at 7:45 a.m., seriously across town. Then leave for Pitt. My DD is going to accompany me this trip and do all the driving, lifting yada yada.

Group hug.

xx00xx00xx00xx

Strength and courage.

Strength and courage.

Strength and courage.

robinlbe

Lovely ladies...You all are just the best....I am so proud of Sally's daughters...Way to go!

Happy b'day, Paula....

I just made my birthday plans....I signed up to make the survivor's lap at our local Relay for Life.  It happens to be on my birthday   The food services of our school system (where I teach in three different elementary buildings) make up a team, and they have been raising money all year.  I have participated in some of their efforts, and even bought one of their "fight like a girl" hoodies.  Sometimes I feel guilty saying I'm a survivor since I didn't go through chemo or rads, and I only had DCIS.  But yet, I still had to pay a price....losing my breasts should count for something.

A friend of a friend, who is now my friend and who is fighting BC shared this video (her brother and SIL are *in* it)....I thought I'd share it with you all....it's from KFC and their bucket for a cure...

ok...I'm going to submit this NOW, so it doesn't go into cyberspace someplace and the video will be on my next post...

blessings...robin

robinlbe

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFe9c0zPSFM

hope this works.....

pbebow

Robin!  It worked!  Nice video!  That's great that you are walking the survivor's lap for the Relay!  I have had a team for the Relay for 7 years now, it will be especially emotional this year, I will be walking in the survivor's lap this year instead of cheering them on.... Not sure how my mom is going to be able to handle it.  We started our team the year after my Grandma passed away from cancer, also the year that my daughter was born.  I was pregnant with my DD, Gracelyn, when my Grandma was losing her battle.  After Gracelyn was born and grew up a little, she'd be sitting there and she would just start crying and saying that she missed Grandma Bott (and she never met her).  One time we were going to watch the 4th of July fireworks with my husband's family and we were walking through the cemetery (sounds weird, but best spot to see) and we walked up to my Grandparent's grave and Gracelyn said to her cousin "Meghan, you know heaven?  It's right here", she was like 4 years old, I just started crying!  She also hums all the time which my grandma did all the time, she is totally attuned to my grandma and seems to know things about her that she couldn't possibly know, it's really crazy sometimes, but I feel that she is channeling my grandma or something.  She keeps her alive for us, that's for sure.  She is 7 now and our local Relay for Life is held every year right around her birthday, so we usually have a little b-day party for her at the Relay, she loves it.  This year, our Relay theme is more Birthdays, so the whole Relay is going to be birthday themed, so it will be especially special for her.  Ours is in August.

Wow, hadn't planned on going there, had tears running right down my face typing all of that about my Grandma!  Anyway, I had a wonderful birthday yesterday!  Thanks for all of the well wishes!  Gracelyn and I had a fun girly day, went and got our nails and toe nails done and everything!  She also made my b-day cake, with a little assistance from me with the oven part.  Then my oldest, Kevin and his family came over and we all went to a mexican restaurant for dinner.  It was a wonderful day!  Since I've thrown 2 out of 3 of my kids names out there, I figure I shouldn't show favortism, my youngest is Grant.

Have a great day ladies!  And Debbie, I'm thinking that you should maybe lighten your schedule up a little!  Take a little time to smell the roses or tulips or whatever!  You deserve it!

Paula

TNgolfer

Mornin' January sisters,

Paula, I replied to your PM.  Thanks so much for all the info.  As a point of interest for the rest of you, I celebrated Paula's birthday yesterday with a couple of Corona's and a bar-b-q on the deck with some neighbors (made some sausages that I found with cheddar and jalapeno in them)!  Again, Happy Birthday, Paula.  I agree - birthdays take on a whole new meaning for us, don't they?

Here are some updates.  While I planted my PINK garden this year and have a yard flag that is the PINK cancer ribbon, I took pictures, and still can't figure out how to insert them into a post!

I got great news.  The genetics lab at the hospital called and I am BRCA NEGATIVE!  That is good news for my daughter and 2 sons.  Though my daughter does know that because I had breast cancer, she will still have to be monitored closely.  I'm so glad she got my blue eyes and my sense of humor....but I pray to God she won't get this awful disease!

I am meeting with the PS today for my pre-op visit with the exchange surgery set for next Friday the 14th.  A lot of great advice from all (especially whippetmom and Paula) on the Exchange City site.  Going in with tons of questions.  And, of course, starting to feel a little anxious, but starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Only have today and one more session with the psychologist in the Breast Cancer and Depression clinical trial.  I could write and book and would certainly be willing to share a lot of the information I learned along the way.  The group I was in used "activity" based behavior.  There is nothing like a little exercise, some fresh air, and a healthy snack to make you feel a little better.  A short summary is that just like anything that is a problem...first you need to identify it.  I kept diaries and logs of what I was doing.  Was it something I enjoyed or not.  You need to track where you are spending your time.  Just like those who are trying to lose weight need to track what they are currently eating to see what needs to be cut out and what needs to be added.

I plan now.  I make dates with girlfriends for lunch or shopping.  I invite neighbors over for coffee or a cookout.  I volunteer.  I keep in touch with family and friends.  I make time for ME.  I play golf.  I exercise.  I do what I enjoy.  We have all learned how short life is....Carpe Diem!

Yesterday, while surfing through the EC website I learned of a sister who had a recurrence way too soon.  None of us know when that might (if ever) happen and we can't worry about it.  Time is too precious.  Do your homework.  Do your research.  Take whatever action you need to get healthy and live every moment of every day.

My daily prayers will ALWAYS include all of you!

Love,

Marianne

neversurrender

Just a quick note....Paula, my youngest DD is 7 also, with a birthday in August. 

I took a picture of my 3 DDs and was going to add it as my avatar, but I am still trying to figure it out

I am off to 'work' at my friend's house with my babies.   I had an interview last night for a new family for the fall (they are expecting a boy next month).  Turns out that they know a couple of people that I am good friends with, so the interview was a formality.  They has already pumped the friends for info and had decided to bring baby to me. Yeah !  I lose two of my kids to school next year, and it is always a worry wether you can fill their spots.

Sally

ariesrottie

Morning Girls! Just stopping by for a quick hello! I wish you a good day with happiness..

In my thoughts and prayers,

Donna

pbebow

Marianne!  I answered your PM and just want to say that I am so honored that you celebrated my b-day with me!!!  That just makes me smile over and over!  I hope that your appt goes well today, will be waiting to hear how it goes.  I agree totally that life is short and I don't intend to waste it worrying about this horrible disease!  I am so happy for you that you are BRCA Negative!  I know when I got that call I just cried I was so happy!  For myself and for my daughter and my sister and neices!  It really was the best news, other than my path report after surgery saying they got it all and my SNB was negative for cancer too!

As far as posting pictures, I will try to help, I am not a computer guru, but I'll see what I can do...  I'll have to do it step by step myself, to remember how, so I'll find a picture to post...  Okay, here we go....

1. Go Photobucket.com and open an account, then follow their directions to upload your pictures...

2. Okay, now in Photobucket, put your cursor over your picture and a little thing will pop up underneath it, go to the one that says "HTML Code" and right click on that code and copy.

3.  Then come back here and click on the little picture of a tree "Insert/Edit Image" and go to the first line "Image URL" and right click and paste.  Then for some reason I always end up with 2 pictures, so I just delete one of them, but that's how I get it to work... it might not be the right way, but it works for me...  This is a picture of my beautiful granddaughter and grandson, Mara & Eli!  Aren't they the cutest!?  Almost as cute as my kids!  If it doesn't work for you let me know and I'll try to figure out something else, can't wait to see your flowers!

Paula

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pbebow

Sally, can't wait to see your picture of daughters!  Maybe my instructions will help you too, can't remember if I had to use that method for my avatar or not...  Congrats on the new baby coming to your daycare!  That's awesome!

Paula

jizogarden

Marianne, congratulation on being BRCA- wonderful news for your daughters!

Paula such cuties!

Kat, I don't remember which site I read about your final appointment before surgery. My last ps appointment before my exchange was during my last fill. I called in the next week and asked for one more appointment just so I could go over any last minute questions and one last time for reassurance before we met in the OR He was great about it and said many of his patients like to touch base one time last time before surgery to go over last questions they might have

Happy Mothers Day to everyone, full of healing, surrounded by those you love. Andrew and I always go to White Flower Farm and pick a new plant for the garden.......Graham and his dad use to pick out something for me every Mothers Day....I now have so many beautiful plants that were chosen by my sweet boy.... Hug and kiss all your kids!

Strength healing and courage,

Laura

ariesrottie

Marianne- So happy for you that you are BRCA NEG.... Yeah you... I am meeting with the genetic counsel next Friday to talk about me also being Brca 1 NEG and 2 who knows... But I am taking the ovaries out or having a total hestocectomy.... by the enc of the summer... Need time to recoup[ and enjoy instead of feeling the effects of chemo......PLEASE PLEASE send us pictures of your garden.....

To all my other sisters getting ready for next weeks exchange enjoy the weekend you are in the thoughts and prayers everyday....

Love,

Donna

TNgolfer

Donna,

Kat was a peach and let me email the photo's to her.  She sized them and put them somewhere else so I could send the link.  I tried to insert the photo's on another site but feel like a technological failure.....

Will try to attach them again.  If it doesn't work at least you'll have the link to see them!!

Marianne (Duh!  had to use the "insert image" icon!!!)