MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

barsco1963

barbe - So sorry to hear that you have been let go. It is unimaginable that you would not be able to get permanent LTD. I am not sure why I would be granted LTD and you are not. Our situations have so many variables but from what you have written, I would think that you should without a doubt, qualify. It was the insurance company that made the decision - I am thinking that the stage iv dx played a part in it.

barbe1958

barsco, there are a lot of stage IV women who are still working, though, so that didn't even cross my mind. Maybe we're more compassionate in Canada? I know our insurances will pay out early so you can spend it now. I really do like to work; I was off for 2 1/2 YEARS before they sent me back to work. My previous work wasn't available any longer, they never expected to see me again! I just liked the security of the non-taxable income....sigh. But I do like people more than I realized, I got gifted with wine and flowers by some of the customers and got back to hugs again! I missed those.

bluewillowskys

heartnsoul: ill join you by that fire and bring my book and blankie

barsco1963

Barbe  -  I was hoping to be able to continue working and did give it a go for about 9 months, but found it to be too much. Volunteering will give me some sense of being able to contribute something of myself. People are great creatures for the most part aren't they? And hugs? Well .... hugs are wonderful. I do hope that you can find something soon that will be more adaptable to your situation and that you are happy to do. It's not always easy to find that happy medium at the best of times. Best of luck to you.

((hugs))

NRiggs

I'd like to connect with others that are perimenopausal and taking Tamoxifen. I've been taking it for 2 1/2 years. My periods stopped briefly right after starting Tamo. Then I've had one approx every 4 - 6 months since. Do we need to see our Ob-gyn every time we have bleeding or can we assume this is normal perimenopause?

elimar86861

barsco1963, I hope it is a fairly smooth transition for you to join the ranks of the "forever wondering what day it is" group.  (That is funny and true!)  I think you will figure out what to do with all of your "me time" before too long and the volunteering sounds like a nice idea that will still get you out of the house and into society.  

barbe, What a stupid reason to be let go from a job (the walking) if you were performing competently otherwise.  Is that even legal?  The employer sure is not showing compassion.  I'm not advising it but it seems that, in U.S., people have filed lawsuits for less.  I don't know the prevailing economy of Canada right now, but have had quite a few friends having to search for employment in their 50's in the U.S..  Not impossible, but it took time.  Good Luck to you.

I'm enjoying the break from doctor's appts.  I think I am having a very slight improvement in my foot neuropathy, but it is hard to tell because the cold tends to make my feet feel worse.  Back when I was having acute neuropathy from chemo, I noticed it backed off in a certain way.  Now it is doing similar.  The numbness does not recede in terms of area affected, but the whole area gets less numb feeling, but only like 2-3% at a time.  That is why it is not easy to tell.  I feel like I might be 5% less numb than I was a couple mos. ago.  I think I should know more in another month or two. 

elimar86861

NRiggs, welcome!  I began Tamox. during perimenopause and was menopausal when I went off of it three years later.  Yes, I too skipped my period for intervals of a couple mos., then had regular monthly ones for a few months before stopping entirely.  (Last gasp of the hormones, I suppose.)  I don't think you need to be concerned about the bleeding (probably normal) if, and I mean IF, your Gyn. is already monitoring you in some way.  After my first year of Tamox., my Gyn. did an endometrial biopsy on me.  The second year, he would have done the same, but I opted for transvaginal US, which is not as conclusive but can monitor the thickening of the uterine lining and indicate if something is amiss.  Both tests are quick, not too costly and have only minor discomfort.  I did not go again until I had been off for a year, then had TVUS just to see if I was normal upon completion.

It is a good point that you bring up that, when on Tamox., we are cautioned about uterine bleeding, but that is difficult to monitor when perimenopausal or when the Tamox. itself interferes with you having a regular cycle.  If your doctor has not been monitoring you in any way for the past 2 1/2 years, I would definitely bring up one of both of the tests I mentioned.  While the U-biopsy is definitive for the uterus, the TVUS does have the ability to image the ovaries if you have any concerns in that area.

macatacmv

Hi all, welcome to the new gals!

barbe, I am so sorry your lost your job! I don't like who ever was in charge, you would be a wonderful addition for any company. We are worth more than any job. hang in there.

barsco, I am sorry you are joining the unsure of the day of the week club. I find that I am so busy now with dr appts, exercise classes, etc that I barely have time to "work". I might be an overachiever just like Eli. 

The volunteering sounds great. Teaching little bitties to skate, right? It's all about enjoying what we have and can do.

There was an article in our local paper today about reopening my shop. It was really nice and will certainly get the word out and the work in. The guy I have hired to do the work is happy. There was one sentence in there about my joints being so painful that I can't do the work I love anymore, because of the medication. No where did it say how I feel about that. Probably for the best. 

One of my duties is to call customers and tell them their shoes are ready I am always stumbling over my words saying I'm not sure what day it is or what time it is. lol

Another thing that is going on today for me is on FB. How come 2 articles have been posted in the last 2 days about cures for cancer? How women are poisoning themselves with chemotherapy like tamoxifen and not taking advantage of these natural cures. Makes me mad. 

I might be just a tad resentful. 

bluewillowskys

NRiggs:On tamox i skipped a couple months then the period came back but usually a longer cycle(29-32 days) and heavier to the point of having accidents when i never had them before  I took tamox. for a year but my joint pain and wt gain was too much to bear so I stopped. My periods have remained on the heavy side still....ugh

ive never heard of tamoxifen being called chemo....was the article worth reading? if so where can i see it?

macatacmv

no, I don't think the article was worth reading. I actually googled it and people were saying it was a scam. An advertisement for some supplement. I am just irked that it would be on FB, and in my face. Is it just targeting me with these posts or does everyone get them? 

mstrouble16

I was perimenopausal  for my diagnoses in 2011 but since chemo, I haven't had a period, my PCP said if I haven't had one in a year they (drs) generally say that it would now be menopause and I should have them again.  So far I haven't either.

bluewillowskys

Could someone tell me how long is a hospital stay normally for a BMX/TE surgery?

Anonymous

can only speak to my experience, I was there 2 nights, I think that's about average (have rarely heard 1 night stay and have heard of longer for probs). Trick to get out: show you can handle being home: get help walking, even if only to the bathroom, drink fluids, eat if only small bites, often. What do your BS/PS say?

bluewillowskys

i havent met with the BS/PS yet...i see them on tuesday....getting more anxious by the minute

Anonymous

bluewillowskys, ask for Rx for pain meds and muscle relaxers during appt so you can have them filled even before the hospital stay. Does your facility have a nurse navigator? The only time I asked for assistance was to get a local "breast buddy", someone who could be there for me. And that she was! I lucked out, I got the most wonderful lady (who's younger than me, btw) who's a life coach. Helped having someone close to talk to. I got friendly with PS's nurses too, they can be a wealth of info and support. As crazy as it sounds, write down questions and concerns, but try to keep it out of your mind and keep busy.

bluewillowskys

sorry didnt mean to confuse...im not scheduled for the BMX yet...still deciding if i will do it or not

barsco1963

macatacmv - I got quite upset with an article that was circulating FB a while ago. It made the reader believe that it was associated with Johns Hopkins hospital. It also made it seem that one could "avoid" a cancer dx by living a clean life and eating certain foods. I "shared" the article on my page with a wee bit of a rant - I don't often do that but felt that I had to on that one. A good site to double check if an article is true or not is "snopes.com"  

heartnsoul76

For anyone concerned about breast density, there's an interesting thread about different ways we may actually be able to reduce it.  Who knew?

http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/79/topic/816965?page=1#idx_2

elimar86861

Very confusing, HnS.  The first article mentions higher calorie intake associated with an increase in mammographic density.  That seems counter intuitive to me because if you have a high calorie intake you put on body fat.  Body fat (boob fat) appears less dense on mammo than the glandular tissue does.  It is the dense glandular tissue which appears white on the mammo, therefore harder to distinguish B/C which also appears white.  Another article is saying the more saturated fats you ingest the less dense the breast tissue, which does not make sense to me for the same reason.  [Edit:  Maybe this one does make sense if you gain weight and put on more boob fat but...]  In fact, we are also told that carrying extra weight puts us at increased risk for B/C.  Well, I don't see saturated fats and high cal. consumption as a way to keep off unwanted pounds.

I didn't see any clear conclusions being drawn (except maybe the alcohol correlation) and the upshot of the studies done was basically that diet needs to be studied further.  Meanwhile, I do like and use olive oil in plentiful amounts and do like the broccoli family of veggies, so that would be great if I get some anti-cancer benefit from it all.

Dense-breasted women are four times more likely to get B/C than a women with less density plus the density often masks small tumors.  Breast centers are now supposed to identify and notify women of their increased risk because of breast density.  I don't remember getting any notification, but it would be after the fact in my case anyway.   I know I do have them and they were good at hiding my small tumor.

macatacmv

thanks, barsco, for replying about articles on fb setting us off. I have a hard time with people trying to mislead people, especially about health issues. I don't like feeling like I have to be always on the watch. I would like to be able to trust. I have an open mind about different ways to get or stay healthy, but bc does not seem to follow any rules. Anyway, it can all be so confusing. Like the density stuff. weight on or weight off? 

my DS said to me this weekend, since I have been on a diet and lost some weight, Mom you can get thinner but you will never regain your youth. This was after a friend of his didn't recognize me at church today. lol I said I didn't care about my youth, I was more concerned about my health.

bluewillow, try to relax. (easier said than done) Go to your appt on Tues and get the info you need to make a decision. You can take the time you need. Write down all your questions and don't be afraid to record the docs. Take a friend or loved one with you. I found that there was more information than I could take in at once. I'm going to go back and read your posts to see what you've said about having to make this decision now. Ignore me if I am making no sense.

elimar86861

This weekend I was anguishing over tax preparation related thoughts and spent a lot of time reading publications on the IRS website.  Then, I realized that at least it was a change from fretting over medical troubles and treatment decisions and Googling my fingers to the bone about that stuff, and that felt pretty good.  Then, I knew I had moved yet another step beyond cancer to have had that last thought.  Then, I knew that cancer had made me a little crazy that I was making the comparison in the first place.  Then, I had some hot chocolate.  

There's my weekend.  How was yours?

staynsane

Eli- I received "the letter" about my "dense" breast (the one that remains with breast tissue inside!) after my mammo last year.  At first I was a bit taken back, worried that the words, "because you have dense breasts, we recommend another biopsy" or something of the sort would appear in the last paragraph.  But I was given the all clear.  I think you mentioned before that you have Kaiser insurance, as do I, so you can probably expect that letter following your next mammo.

Great minds think alike; last week I organized paperwork and receipts in preparation for doing taxes.  But I'm still getting various investment forms and the like in, so I will wait until well into Feb.  Turbo Tax is great!

Saturday was all about putzing around and then DH and I went to see American Hustle (enjoyed it). Sunday I moved furniture out of our bedroom and into our spare bedroom (DD vacated a year ago, and since confirmed she has a new apartment to move into, so she won't land on our doorstep).  Doing that provided opportunities to suck up years of dust behind heavy furniture, and my DH, the "collector," actually spent hours dusting all of his possessions before putting them back on display.  I am a minimalist when it comes to decorating, and hate clutter.  But I am surrounded by it.  I told my DH years ago that if he was going to keep and display all his stuff, HE was going to have to keep it clean.  That proclamation didn't really work, but I learned years ago not to sweat the small stuff, and in the scheme of things, dust is very small stuff.  So yes, you can tell, my mind is not consumed by BC anymore either.  

barbe1958

mac, I find your son's comment kind of sad. WE know you weren't trying to "regain your youth" by losing weight!!! Losing weight was for your general health. How did he not get that???

Our next door neighbour years ago had a VERY big head! He was a big guy. Well, one winter to the next he lost so much weight that I didn't even recognize him as I talked to him in his own driveway!!!! I was wondering who the guy was standing in Bill's driveway and he started chatting with me and it took me about 15 minutes until I realized it was HIM!!!!! Seriously!!! He used to have like a Fred Flintstone head and ended up with more of a Dino head. (Do recall that Dino has a small head on a big body.) I've seen people lose a lot of weight before, but that was the first time they looked so dramatically like someone/thing else!! Still gives me goosebumps....

elimar86861

staynsane,  My youth was filled with unrealistic dreams of cleanliness also.  Silly bygone days.

mac,  Have you retaliated to the comment by cougaring his friend yet?

macatacmv

ha ha, eli, that would show him. I think the comment was made half joking, but he probably did not like thinking of me as "hip and cool" How the friend described me. I think the kid (close to 30) was just really surprised by how much I had changed, it had been a few years. But I like the cougar idea in theory but not relalityy. ha ha

I am working real hard on letting go of perfection so that I can enjoy  how things are right now. I have such a glitch in my brain. But I just have to laugh at my silly mistakes. 

heartnsoul76

Eli - Yes, there were no clear conclusions but I think the upshot is - ta da! - the Mediterranean diet is good for you!

I think (maybe) that the stuff about eating fats applied to premenopausal women as carrying around a little extra fat is protective for them but bad for postmenopausal women.

Oops, misread what you wrote.  Geez, I have boob fat and dense breasts.  If I can alter the density by changing my diet, it's worth a try.  Losing the boob fat would be a bonus.  Just not quite sure what they're recommending.  You would think after 40 years of the "war" on cancer, they could at least suggest a fairly comprehensive diet for the different types of breast cancer.

I had a fleeting thought about my taxes today, but thankfully it's gone now. 

mac - Awesome job losing weight!

Barbe - so funny you didn't recognize your neighbor!  I call my yard man Fred Flintstone because he looks just like him when he's riding around on his riding mower.  I expect to see his feet pedaling.  I don't even have any grass - he just likes riding around on it.

I was telling a 40 year-old male friend of mine that if I went back to college I would be too old to be a cougar by the time I finished.  He said, "That's okay, college guys like jaguars, too."  Meow!  Well, as long as he's an older college student, like early 40's, haha!

elimar86861

HnS, the boob fat (along with other body fat) is supposedly no good because it can produce its own estrogen; conversely, it is good because it is less dense and doesn't hide cancer as well on the imaging.  Mixed message.  No way to do a side by side comparison tho', is there?  Ahahaha!

staynsane

All this talk of cougaring and jaquaring brought a smile to my lips!  Shhhhh!  We married ladies don't have to tell anyone.  Being very frank though, God forbid anything happen to my DH, but if it was just me and I was interested in igniting new flames, I'd definitely give cougaring a go!  Even though I'M the one who had cancer, I have more pep in my step than my DH (and no other medical issues) and since he's seven years older than I am, I figure going at least seven years younger would be doable.  And that's a 14 year swing!  Yeah baby!

bluewillowskys

Just came from seeing my BS. I asked about fat grafting and she says that she doesnt recommend it with my DCIS as there is reason to believe that it could FEED any remaining cancer cells not eliminated by my radiation. Also she feels a mastectomy would be difficult with my having had radiation...not that it couldnt be done but may be pretty difficult. SHe suggest I try a small implant to fill in my "dent" instead. SO I have appt in about 10 days to see a PS. In the meantime if anyone else has heard about fat grafting possibly feeding a cancer i would like to hear about that and/or if anyone knows about any studies i could read on it. Thanks

elimar86861

blue, All this time and I had not heard that mentioned, but it does make sense since (as I had even posted recently) we are told that our body fat makes some estrogen.  I never put that together with the fat grafting before!  I don't know how much credence to give it and might like to read more about that.  I do know there are a quite a few of ER+s around here that have mentioned getting a graft.  In almost 900 pages, I can tell you that it is the first time we came around to that topic on this thread.  That it would "feed" the cancer I mean.  Interesting.

p.s.  Check this (and you might find out more from the PS):   http://ps-rc.org/meeting/abstracts/2014/128.cgi