MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

kaza

barsco1963 thankyou for the welcome i am so pleased to have found you all.

I so agree with you elimar.....this not being in control is so hard sometimes..as you say it is not because we are control freaks. being independant makes this sneaky uninvited guest harder to cope with, forever trying to shake it off, its like a dog with a bone keeps coming back for more, one day they will get rid of this beast..for good!!!!!x

staynsane

Guilt...such a heady topic!  I do not experience any guilt about getting cancer.  I don't know, maybe if I did something more likely to cause it I would, but I've eaten in moderation and kept a consistent weight all of my adult life.  I haven't bathed in pesticides and actually wash fruit and veggies prior to eating them (although not always in the recommended soap solution)!  No major clues to WHY I got BC.  No control over the situation = no guilt for me.

Where I DO find myself feeling guilty is when I zero in on everyone's signature lines.  My cancer has a good prognosis for being a single incident.  Surgery is behind me and I feel almost like my old self.  While I feel empathy for those with "worse" stats than mine, at times to the point of tears, I also feel blessed that I did not (yet) have to experience what they did.  And that causes a degree of guilt; since my situation is not as "serious" as others, how can I justify complaining about it?  But I think we all experience the fear of the unknown and the fear of prematurely dying and being able to share our feelings validates them.

barsco1963

staynsane - Like you, my guilt is not directe towards feeling that I could have done something to prevent getting cancer. But even with a stage iv dx I feel guilty about not having gone through what other metsters and even some earlier stagers have gone through. I know that eventually I will experience some of the same. But right now I feel pretty good for the most part. I have learned however, that I need to listen to my body and take the time to rest when it tells me to which is why I have taken the past couple of days off work.

TAB55

Hi ladies, here's some good news for those of us who enjoy adult beverages!

elimar86861

Wow, TAB55, they like to flip-flop on that one (and the benefits and dangers of coffee go back and forth almost as often also.)  So, we can all drink up in moderation until the next nay-saying report comes down the pike, right?

Chin-chin everyone!  That's Chinese for chug-a-lug, rough translation.

                                                          

TAB55

My approach is to believe the studies with results I like.  I know it's not a rational approach, but it's fun!

Momine

Coffee too, things are looking up: http://www.thelocal.se/47526/20130424/#.UXjtcStgb8k

NativeMainer

Staynsane--I hear you about reading the signature lines.  There is always someone with a worse situation than mine.  I know that I am lucky in many regards that way.  Still, it's a big hit to my psyche, body and life.  There are a lot of times during this journey that it has been all about me, and I think that is universal.  Like you said, we ALL experience the fear and validating our feelings is important. 

TAB55--your approach may not be rationale, but it makes life easier!

barsco1963

Not being much of a drinker, I haven't had a problem giving up the alcohol. But just try and take away my coffee!

Momine

Staynsane, I do confess that once in a blue moon, when someone with DCIS or stage I is being all manic about purging sugar from her diet and taking 35 suplements, some small part of my brain lets out a huge "seriously!" 

But then I think that if I were lucky enough to be "only" stage I, for example, I would probably feel the exact same way. Cancer is a scary sucker, any which way you cut it, and I am glad for all the ladies here, stages 0 through IV.

elimar86861

Jeez, Momine, can't you remember that I am only taking 33 supplements!  (Kidding.  I do take a few.)  Commenting on what you said, I think we all try really hard to keep things in perspective, at least after we go through the initial period of shock.  Most times when you see and early-stageer going on about the horror proportions of their Dx, they are new to these boards.  After they read around a while, they settles down.

I like to over-dramatize my situation (but I inject drama into everyday life in general, for better or worse.)  I definitely remember calling myself "disfigured" in this thread (don't ask me what page...I'm not that good.)  Well, I still feel that way whenever I look at my scar HOWEVER I never lose sight that my Dx could have been so much worse.

Do I think all cancer stages are equal?  No I don't.  Some of us have a more extensive and challenging ordeal to go through.  Yet when we first hear those words Breast Cancer, we all enter the dark side of our minds.  We all get the scans and go through the anxiety that goes with them, but for some of us the picture does lighten up when we hear "no nodes" or "no chemo."

I also admit that DCIS doesn't seem as scary to me either, being a "pre-cancer" but I realize some DCIS ladies have had a more extensive surgery tha I have.  Because that pre-cancer spreads through the ducts, rather than try to extend beyond them, often the area involved is quite large.  Many choose Mx, and even the ones that get Lx get a bigger lump out than I did.

Momine, I'm not really writing AT you.  I just used what you said to have some opinions of my own.  I love this thread because we have all stages here and our perspectives may differ a little because of what stage we are in, but support is here for ALL.  I really like how we can speak out and "get real."

(BTW, one recent thing that I liked was when staynsane was getting ready to fly for work after her recent revisions/fat graft, and a bunch of us said, "don't do it" and she did it anyway.  Way to know your own self, staynsane.  Words are only words, it is up to the individual whether to apply them or not.)

staynsane

I found the following article to be very thought provoking.  Unfortunately I am not able to attach a link, but it's worth a read (very long though).  Really puts so much of what we thought we knew in perspective:

Ny Times Magazine, 4/25/13 Our Feel-Good War on Breast Cancer

elimar86861

I found the article to be a clear and concise summary of the current state of the many incarnations of B/C and their treatments. 

HIGHLY recommended reading and here is the link gals:  Our Feel-Good War on Breast Cancer

Something not touched on in the article was the recent advent of ultrasound screening (especially suitable for dense breasts) in which early detection is possible, but without the accompanying risk of the mammo radiation.

Something I disagree with is what was said about SBE (and by association CBE.)  Personally, whether self-exam is precisely by the calendar month or not, I feel it is an important tool (again, particularly for the dense breasts) because the better you know the topography of your own breasts, the better to detect when something is amiss.  I am biased, yes, because I found my 7mm lump that escaped mammo detection.  Had I waited until mammo picked it up, maybe the outcome would have been the same, but maybe not. 

p.s.  Yes, it is a long article, but it does save you from having to get all the info. from about a dozen or so shorter articles, so put the effort in and stay with it til the end.

jocanuck1951

Thanks staynsane, I thought it was a great read...makes me wish it was a man's disease...when I look at the progress AIDS and prostrate cancer has achieved......well

Momine

Eli, no offense taken and I sincerely I gave none either.

That NY Times article is really good and is also being kited around Twitter.

elimar86861

Mo, I know.

Sherryc

Hi ladies thanks for the comments regarding parents.  Last week was a night mare as my FIL passed away later that night after I had posted.  It all happened really fast.  He slipped into a coma and the hospital called and said his breathing had changed.  DH and I went to the hospital and realized we needed to go get my MIL so went to her house and got her and my SIL and took them to the hospital.  The nurses where so nice they brought in a recliner for her so she could keep her foot propted up since she had just had surgery that morning.  They put it by the bed and she held his hand until he passed.  One of our sons that lives an hour away came and we were all there when he passed.  It was all very peaceful. My MIL is actually doing really well.  I think she was so tired and overwhelmed with taking care of him that it is kind of a relief to her.

elimar86861

Sherryc,  So sorry for your family's loss.  Even tho' he was in the hospital, I know he was expected to go on to the nursing home so I am sorry about the suddenness that must have taken everyone by surprise.  I thought your FIL was just in with a bladder infection?  Was there more or did he just "wear out" at age 90?  Your poor MIL has had a heck of a past few weeks.

heartnsoul76

Sherry, I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL.  I hate it when it's sudden like that.  I hope your MIL can find the time for herself to heal now that things have calmed down.

NativeMainer - I took your advice and went to my MO and I'm glad I did.  She prescribed Levaquin and methylprednisolone, which surprised me.  Looking at the pharmacy printout, it's either for allergic reaction or immune system (?).  I'm not sure, but a regular doctor would have just given me the antiobiotic and a decongestant or something.  I was wondering aloud about it with my son and he said, "Yeah, like Dr. Jay doesn't know what she's doing."  She's been voted Atlanta's best oncologist according to Atlanta Magazine several times so he made me laugh at myself.

staynsane - looking forward to reading that article when I can focus better!

Jo - I agree, it's a man's world.  I still would like to see them have their scrotums squashed in a machine. 

elimar86861

Do you mean like in a prosto-gram, or will any machine do? 

marlegal

Caught up on reading, but no time for posting much. I love Eli's last comment about putting the squeeze on "will any machine do?" So many great visuals there



Lots of good commentaries in the last couple pages. We're a very diverse group and I just love us all

heartnsoul76

haha, Elimar! Maybe a "scrotogram".  Some female urologist should invent that - doubt if she'd have too many takers, though!  If I was rich, I'd go ahead and put a patent on that - can't you just see all the male lawyers cringing?

Valjean

Sherry, I am so sorry for your loss. For your FIL to be with loving family at that gentle time is very special.

proyalty

I am 50 and diagnosed with IDC. Stage 2. I have surgery May 8 lumpectomy with radiation. And breast implant removal with mastoplexy. I think thats what she called. Anyway I will go from a 34DD TO an A or B she says. Freaks me out. I also have fibromyalgia and am wondering how radiation will effect me. Getting nervous.

barsco1963

proyalty - sorry to have to welcome you here, but you will find it to be a very supportive, crazy, serious and fun group to be a part of. I don't have any experience with rads or fibro but am certain that there will be someone come along soon that will be able to comment on that.

We often hold pocket parties (PP) when one of us has an appt, tests, scans, surgery etc. We all jump into the pocket of the sister who needs our support and hold a virtual PP with all the snacks and drinks we want. (there is no calories or bad effects from virtual snacks) So if you are willing to host a PP for us middies we will be there with you on May 8 for support. No one goes it alone here! 

elimar86861

proyalty, welcome!  I had lumpectomy (Lx) and radiation (rads; and check out the link at the top to learn all of the helpful abbreviations) but without any downsizing taking place.  I have fibromyalgia (FM) too.  First of all, good luck with the upsoming surgery.  Secondly, then find a thread on here for rads in the month you will start yours and you can compare notes with all the regular side effects, etc.  Thirdly, I do not think you will experience a worsening of the FM, especially if you can get enough sleep.  Finally, although this looks ahead a little further, if you will be taking the drug Tamoxifen and take something for your FM, please ask and check the interactions of the two because some do not go together very well.

staynsane

Eli- Thanks for posting the link to that article.  I hope others will take the time to read it.

Sherry-  Sorry for your loss; I hope that everyone in your family will take comfort now that your FIL is no longer having difficulties and that positive memories will leave you smiling.

Thanks all for the morning chuckle about squashing scrotums!  I wish neither sex was subjected to squashing body parts, but I certainly agree that men would just be less likely to endure it!  After my second and last baby, I told my husband that I wanted him to consider a vasectomy.  After all, for him it would be a minor snip.  Having my tubes tied would have been a bigger surgery.  He hemmed and hawed and told me I didn't understand what I was asking of him!  Bastard!  Somehow we are not on an equal playing field.  But I wore him down and supplied the required bags of frozen peas and after all was said and done, he said it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be.

Valjean

Welcome proyalty ~ I also had Lx & Rads. This a wonderful place of support. And if you want to rant, don't worry about offending anyone here. We ALL go through it, early on & even further down the road. Like elimar, I did not downsize, but, unlike her, I do not have FM.

I will also be in your pocket May 8. It gets sorta full sometimes as we all jockey for our space - "jockey" - hummm, that goes along with the male smash talk further up the page, doesn't it?!

staynsane ~ Oh my goodness, your tale of the DH giving you fits for having a vasectomy could have come from me! After having our two daughters, I went through the same thing! You'd think I was asking him to cut off one of his you-know-whats!! (that rhymes with you know what!!)

Valjean

E ~~ That is some freaky, walking dead picture up top!

luvmygoats

LOL, Valjean I agree. What are those women wearing? Wax lips? Blow the pic up real big and look at them.

Sherry - It sounds like your FIL had a very peaceful passing if somewhat sooner than expected.  (((HUGS)))  Prayers for your DH, MIL and your family.

Welcome proyalty. We whine, b***h, love, hug and generally get nutty at times. Jump right in. Questions always welcome and if someone doesn't have the answer we can point you in the right direction here.

Heartnsoul - Hope you are feeling better.

Have to make eye doctor appt. These glasses have gone to hell in a handbasket. Lenses are 2 years old. He said last year change was so minor in RX that no change needed. Well, they are getting changed this year. I'm pretty careful with them but I think microsratches are on them.  He's a good optometrist; wife BC survivor. Also beginning cataracts per last visit. Interested to see what change in them. DH had it done 10 years ago b4 the fancy lenses. He uses reading glasses. Looking forward to no glasses even though eye surg. is really creepy to me.