MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

elimar86861

Eph, I don't really know, maybe equal to two flights of stairs to get to the top of those slides.  Low water flow made it a slow slide down.  Probably fast enough for a child's weight.

I went to my RO today.  He said I looked healed up (and if I didn't tell you I had a bit of buttcrack peel when treatment finished, then I'm telling you now.  It was exactly like my breast had done, one thin layer turned a ghastly greyish color and then peeled off.  No biggie.)  So, he told me he would not be seeing me again unless I made an appointment.  I asked him if he would get the reports of my surgery, to see whether I got my Complete Response (in other words, if I was in the 10%-er club) or if I should just stop by to do a happy dance if I did.  He told me he would be watching for my report, hoped I was in that 10% and said I was welcome to stop by anytime.

The RO gang was my favortie group in my team.  They had a rockin' candy dish assortment AND one of those waiting room aviaries with about 17 or18 birds.  (Yes, I did count them every time because once I had to report a dead one in there.)  With the amount of time I have spent in waiting rooms lately, the decor can make all the difference, don't you agree?

marlegal

Eli, loved the pics and stories. I so wish my hub liked to cruise. We did one and he loved it, but has no desire to do another. How is that possible? Ha! Your comment about waiting rooms and decor got to me. I totally did inventory in each hosp waiting room, all drs, etc. I had totally forgotten about that. Is it just another thing in a long list where you and I are similar, or do we all do that? I'm really curious to see others' answers.

Ossa

Dianarose.. beautiful song.. thank you just what I needed tonight

luvmygoats

I could tell which waiting rooms had only "medical" type mags or business/hunting types or a few tattered women's mags.  Hate going to my gyn.  Only baby mags.  What about us old farts?  And most of them are way tooooo cold.  My glaucoma doc has blankets available in waiting room.  Now my germaphobia won't let me use them but I do think it is thoughtful.  The very coldest place I've been in this year long journey was of all places the breast center where my wire loc was placed.  For heavens sake you're already half nekkid in those places.  I PTL was wrapped in blankets from the warmer.  Bless my transporter's heart.

Eli - Glad you had a wonderful cruise.  No blown engines or Norovirus.  And I guess lobster is back on the menu.  Hoping for the 10%'er club for you.

Dianarose - Love bakeries.  Do you deliver???

MameMe

Wow, what a cool break that must have been, cruising around and just kicking back in style! Sounds like you earned it, Eli.

I just saw the waiting area in the new cancer center building I will be going to, and I was impressed! Modern, clean, aesthetic, and with a huge fish tank front and center. The treatment waiting area, for rads or chemo, was actually nicer than the general waiting place up front. As much as I hate going to treatment for stupid cancer, I appreciated an upscale and well kept atmosphere. It takes the edge off a little.

Take care, all.

Mame

jocanuck1951

Eli, I'm so happy you're back I missed you! Thanks for the running commentary...love it! xoxo Jo

elimar86861

Thanks.  There is more to tell, and I'll try and put that on later.  I wish every one of you who has not yet cruised could go on one...the week of no cooking makes it a pretty good vacation just for that reason alone.  (That chore was always a drawback to camping or condo at the beach.)

Mar, One of my favorite parts of the cruise was when my husband made this comment on the second or third day, "I have a confession to make...you make going on a cruise fun."  What he meant was, he would not remember (or not bother to read the daily newsletter about) what was going on all over the ship, but I did bother and so he could just follow along without any effort on his part.  He liked the just showing up for meals too.  That, and vacation sex.  Ahahaha.  Now, back at home, he has already said, "I'd go on another cruise sometime."  Now it is just up to me to pull through my surgery.

Jlynn0807

Ah, a group I fit in.  Diagnosed two days ago with Stage IV, and I am 46.  I have three boys, 20, 18 and almost 15.  They are sad.  Understandably so.  I also have another boy, my husband.  He is 53.  A rock.  Takes such wonderful care of me that I feel guilty having him.  Yesterday, I spent the day sulking, and swearing I wouldn't do it again today.  That said, I kinda am....so need to find a way to snap out of it.  Seems like every time I go to do something, I hear this nagging voice in my head reminding me that....You've got cancer, how long before it hits your liver, lungs, etc?  Then whatcha gonna do about THAT?.

I keep reading post after post.  Such strength and compassion here.  So many people on this board who have never met, yet brighten the lives of the other everyday by sending some word or two of encouragement.  Does it matter that a stranger is sending you good wishes?  I think it does.  I've reached out via PM to two women.  Both of their answers left me in tears.  Seems like I find hope here that I can learn to LIVE with cancer, not DIE with it.....and then I read of an angel, and think no....you're going too....just a matter of when.  I've an aggressive cancer according to the biopsy.  I have always been a fighter, and have had many orthopedic issues since birth but CANCER?  No way.    So, another day....and I keep saying to myself you should book that cruise you wanted to take, and then I stop and think about all of the tests that my onc keeps ordering and their co-pays, and my mortgage, and car payment, and everything else, and I think "are you nuts....you're gonna go on a cruise....NOW???".  You know.....I may just go anyway.  What's the worst they can do to me?  I'd love to feel some warm air on my face, and look at some crystal blue water (the Jersey shore oceans....you cannot see your feet a foot in.....not so clear!!). I am lucky to have insurance in the first place, as I've read posts from others who do not, and my heart breaks because I cannot fathom that. 

Anyway, whining and venting.  I don't know how to stop, but I do know I must.  Mind over matter maybe.  I don't know. 

May all of your days be just a little better than yesterday.  Find myself struggling to think of what to say to anyone with this disease, as I don't want to say some of the stupid things people have said to me.....I don't blame them at all.....but when my husband says...."we're gonna deal with this til they find a cure"....my heart breaks for him.

Lynn

elimar86861

Welcome Jlynn0807!  I hope you will post again and tell us more of your diagnosis, or you can enter that info. into your profile and have it appear at the bottom of your posts, like some of us have it, if you want to.  I'm asking for the info. because this group is women with all different types of B/C (but I bet we have some similar to you and similar in treatment.) 

With your Dx being so new, just allow yourself time to sulk and be angry.  It's very normal to have ALL the possible feelings just come flooding in.  With cancer, you kind of have to go through those stages of grief.  In the beginning, all those tests and appointments can really make your head spin, but hopefully it will settle into a more low key kind of maintenance schedule.  I'm sure you will get some comments from the other Stage IV ladies here, on how there does come a time where cancer does not occupy your every waking moment.

I got my B/C diagnosis when my two sons were 19 & 17.  They did not seem overly concerned.  My husband didn't either.  For quite a while I thought it was because they didn't have breasts and just didn't get it BUT later it was revealed that (because of my Stage and the early detection) they all felt like this was something I could easily beat.  Well, so far so good, but I have had plenty of time to re-educate them about slow-growing, estrogen fed cancer so now they know it is not all "treatment and done," and that I have to wait and see for a long time to come whether I am truly done with it or not.

On this thread, we never shy away from the cancer talk, but we also just talk about daily life and all the "fun" of being middle-aged.  You only need about five minutes on this thread (or any on BCO, really) to know that you are not alone with this awful disease.  We are together in this and we understand each other here.  Glad you found us and I am terribly sorry that you had to come looking.

Sherryc

Elli sounds like you had a great time and daredevil you eating lobster. 

jlynn welcome this is a great group of women.  We have all been at the whining sulking stage at some time so don't feel back coming here and doing it too.  But we also have lot's of fun.

Momine

Lynn, welcome and of course you are freakin sulking. This stupid beast sucks. All the same, we are happy to have you, sulk and all .

elimar86861

Caribbean Cruise - Part Two

I forgot to mention that, as a return customer, I got an invite to a Captain's welcome party, with the main benefit being free drinks.  I had a tasty rum punch, and nothing says Caribbean quite like a tasty rum punch!  At $8 a beer, you can rack up a hefty bar tab if you aren't careful, so I did tend to show up where they had a free glass of something.  Like my Alaskan cruise, this cruise also had several art auctions (free glass of champagne.)  My DH got a steal of a deal on a print, and then won a raffle for another print, so we both enjoyed the auctions.

The next port was Belize City.  A lot of people don't even go ashore here.  We wanted to because since the bay is so shallow, tender boats have to come out and take you to shore.  Never did that before, so it was a little boat ride (pic #5.)  There was a little, but not much, shopping around the port and, of course, the side excursions, but for people hoofing it around (like us) there was not much nearby.  No nearby beach within walking distance.  Belize City looks nice enough from the water (pic #6,) but the area around the port was a poor, ghetto-looking area.  I don't want to say it was squalor, but that doesn't mean that it wasn't.  I'm not just commenting because the common housing materials were stucco, concrete blocks and corrugated sheet metal, but because things looked dirty and had black mold on them.  We walked past a few Catholic schools and could hear the kids doing the lessons inside.  There were street sellers (not part of the cruise ship monopoly) with various goods.  I slowed down to look at a panther carved from local wood.  When I declined the seller's offer on one of them, he informed me he also had some "medically grown."  I declined on that too, but considering that my state doesn't offer any "medically grown," maybe I should have heard him out.

    

We weren't on shore very long here either.  It was after this third day that some of the evening shows started to appeal to us, and we saw a different hour long show each night.  First up was a Second City comedy troupe, skits and improv; then Sharkbait, a comedy-juggling duo who've been on Letterman; then came "Shout," a musical with 5 girls in swingin' 60's London; and finally a show called "Elements," which was full on costumed, dancing in the aisles choreography plus trapeze acrobatics, interspersed with several segments of illusion magic.  I honestly could not believe this was a shipboard production, that is how elaborate it was.  If you ever read the online ratings for cruise ship entertainment, Norwegian does rank pretty high.

In case you were wondering about my trivia team, we were in third place, just a few points off from the two lead teams.  The two teams that were doing better were groups that were travelling together, not like ours who had just met.  Our team name:  The Misfits.

Neither my husband or I really made too much of an effort at photography this trip (sorry) and then we also like to take weird pictures.  Like when we noticed our ship had been in a fender bender (pic #7.)  Or when I discovered that ALL the Norwegian lines like to surprise you with towel animals in the room (pic #8.)  But don't worry, there is one more installment, and I am sure that some of you will be shocked that these pictures will have me in them.  Yes, really.

    

sheila888

Thanks Elimar...I'm really enjoying your vacation with you.......

Eph3_12

jlynn0807-howdy!  My 2 cents-take the cruise!  And please know that venting & whining is fine here whether you are 2 days from diagnosis or years away.

AnnieLane

Thanks for the welcome, everyone! Sherry, it's good to hear from someone from my neck of the woods. I had my lumpectomy at Methodist, My surgeon is Dr. Rosenthal and he's doing my port this Friday at Christus Outpatient Surgical Center. My oncologist is Dr. Lon Smith at the START center and I have my first chemo treatment March 7. I'll have 4 cycles plus two more if I tolerate those well enough.

To those of you fighting with insurance companies, oh my goodness, can I relate?! Things seem to be ok for now with Humana, but in the beginning of the year they somehow accidentally deleted me from their system, so when my surgeon and radiologist were trying to call to verify coverage Humana had no record of me. Aetna handles FMLA for my employer and I cannot call them without them messing something up. I just dread having to contact them. This is hard enough to deal with now when I don't feel crummy!

Overall right now, though I'm doing fine and feeling calm and optomistic. I'm thankful to have lots of great friends and family praying for me and available if I need them.

maryah930

Hello Jlynn0807 and welcome!  Feel free to sulk, whine and bitch here.  It's the place to go where you will be understood.  Yes, you may not see your toes in the Jersey shore oceans, but what I wouldn't give lay on the hot crowded sand, to walk the boardwalk, and have a cheese-steak sandwich! Oh wait, Seaside, the way I remember it, is no longer! Okay then, a cruise it is!

heartnsoul76

Welcome newbies! Please feel free to vent and whine - we all do it and this is the place to let it all out.  I'm approaching 3 years out and my family and friends don't even think there's an issue any more, but oh yeah, there's an issue.  There's lots of issues!  And I know the ladies here understand what I'm talking about.  So we got yer back!  As far as trying not to worry all the time, I think I've mastered what they say men do - I compartmentalize things now.  So cancer and scans all go one place, which I ignore. Happy things stay front and center.  Dreaded responsibilities like bills go in another compartment, which I will pull up about once or twice a month and deal with.  Now I know how men handle it all, and how they can be oblivious of anything wrong they've ever done - it's not accessible in their brains.  They don't know what you're talking about, haha!

Welcome back, Elimar!  So glad you got away for a while.  I love the vacation story so far - the entertainment sounds great.  Okay, you sold me - Norwegian Cruise Lines it is.  I like the idea of sailing out of New Orleans and going down the mighty Mississippi.

Everyone's medical centers sound so nice - mine is so depressing.  I almost chose another onc because I remember how depressing her office was when my mother had breast cancer.  But she's the best one around, so I went with her.  But I am NOT in my happy place when I visit there.  Of course, I guess none of us are.  I wish I could redecorate it for her.

Marlegal, at first I thought you were right about having a 24-hour bug but I continued to be wiped out after the scan last Tuesday.  Today I finally felt a little more energetic.  I got my hair trimmed and some layers put in but now I'm exhausted.  So, I think I'll go lay down for a minute... or two.

barsco1963

Welcome jlynn - so sorry that you had to find your way to these boards but you have fallen upon one of the best places for support, encouragement, laughs and tears. I hope you come by often as we would love to get to know you better. Stage IV is a scary place to be for sure. I wouldn't say that you'll ever be comfortable with it, but you will find that the happy thoughts begin to creep back in more and more. ((Hugs))

marlegal

Jlynn, another welcome. I live just outside Phila, and we have a place in a campground outside Cape May Courthouse. It's on the bay side and we usually just use that beach unless we have company who want to go over to Stone Harbor. Where are you from? I hope we can help you smile as much as possible, but we'll cry with you too if necessary. Gentle hugs.



Eli, love the stories so far. The one cruise we went on was with Norwegian and that's the only one I would do if I'm lucky enough to go again. I agree about the quality of the shows. Can't wait to see your pics of YOU! Please don't delete till I have a chance to see them

Momine

Heartnsoul, I have a girlfriend who always says that I think like a man. I guess she may be right, since I do exactly what you describe. Here I thought it was the femara

barsco1963

Eli - love the elephant in the room. I wonder how one obtains an job such as folding towels into animals on a cruise ship - and what would the job title be? Towel artist? Can't wait to see and hear more about your wonderful cruise.

elimar86861

There was a towel-folding demonstration one day, so regular people could learn this fabulous skill, however I didn't want to spoil the magic of just having them appear in their animal states in my room.  (Besides, folding animal towels feels a bit too close to folding laundry.  Not on my vacation!)

Meece

Welcome, Jlynn.  My boys were 15, 17 and 19 when I was dx'd.  They all had different reactions/responses to it.  One just seemed the same ol same ol (Although sad inside), one was overly protective and the other was in something like denial (he couldn't stand to see 'cousin it' [my wig] hanging on the chair wearing my sunglasses).  I was going through a divorce and felt I had to be strong for them.  I had a few meltdowns, but mainly when they were behaving like they used to with a lot of bickering.

I made a couple cruises with NCL in the 80s and 90s.  The last one the engines broke down just outside San Diego so we never made it to Mexico.  They used the mooring screws to putt-putt back to Long Beach.  As a consolation they said we could have 50% another cruise if we went on it within the year.  Who could afford even a half priced cruise in the same year let alone get more time off to go on one?  We did like the smaller ships of NCL.

Jlynn0807

Wow.  What a nice welcome!! Thank you everyone.

That said, I have decided to go on that cruise....so rather than asking for medical advice, or se's of any of the drugs coming my way, I'm going to ask this instead:

To any of you cruisers.....any suggestions?  Best cruiseline to go with?  Sadly, I do not have a passport, so need to work on that or I won't be going very far at all!!  Debating on children though....have promised them we'd go on a cruise for a while, but at the same time, I'd rather be alone with my husband right now. Toughie.  I may just have to take two then!!

Wishing you all the best day you can have.  Thanks in advance for any input!!

Lynn

JoyE1947

I have cruised with Royal Caribbean and Norwegian.  Both were excellent.  Hope it all works out for you.  It is very relaxing.

Meece

If you do decide to take the children, some cruise lines are better for families than others.  Couldn't tell you which aren't.  My first Caribbean cruise in the 80s there were no children on board.  I was a nice atmosphere but I really don't know if any lines are like that any more.

Jlynn0807

Oh, to Mar....

I am in Mercer County, near Hamilton/Princeton area.  When I go to the shore, I usually hit Avon beach.  So sad the mess there now though.  We were very fortunate during that storm.  Just lost power for a couple of days in my home, but luckily we had a generator so the biggest issue was waiting on line a little bit for gas....which I am not complaining about.  Was surreal what people went through, and are still, going through.

My onc dr. has a Stage IV patient.  I mentioned it in a post somewhere, so if repeating self, sorry.  She takes a trip to Cape May yearly with her family on vacation.  She has been with him since he started his practice....12 years ago, said she is older than I (not sure by how much), and her cancer had progressed further than mine has at the time of her initial diagnosis.  Some reassurance there that it can be treated as a chronic condition.  Sure he failed to mention some others but since I sitting before him with tears streaming down my cheeks, I know he was trying to assure me in some way.  He really is a wonderful doctor.  I am lucky!!

Lynn

Meece

It does sound like you are lucky!

elimar86861

Jlynn, I don't know the other cruise lines, but last year I took a 21-year-old to Alaska on Norwegian.  He enjoyed it and I stayed with Norwegian to go to Caribbean this time.  Many, many Stage IV ladies do travel.  One BCO member came over here from Australia a couple years ago and visited other BCO members across the U.S.  I'd say look into cruises embarking from any port you can drive to.  That is the only way to get a last minute deal and the savings can be pretty awesome.  However, planning something well in advance gives you something great to look forward to.

elimar86861

Caribbean Cruise - Part Three

The next port was Roatan, a Honduran island.  We knew (internet reading) that if we could find the local bus, it could get us to where we wanted to snorkel for a mere $2/ea so we set off on foot.  The main street coming up from the port was modest, yet clean, and showed that with just a little elbow grease and whitewash (or greenwash, in this case) how not to look like Belize City.  After walking almost a mile, we still had no idea of what a bus stop looked like, so I enlisted the help of a local woman carrying her groceries.  Using my elementary Spanish (and I mean the equivalent of a two-year-old with LD,) we had a nice chat.  I commented about liking all the dogs lolling about.  She asked if I had a dog and my exact reply was,  "Yes, I have one.  She is old and she is dead."  (With me, everything is present tense.)  She was so nice and took us down a side street to the mini-van that passed as a bus, then haggled in our behalf for the $2 fare.  We hugged her and set off.  That van was jam packed, every single person had brought something to eat, and the roads were twisty and bumpy and so it was some of the REAL Honduras.  We got to West End in no time and Half Moon Bay was where we snorkeled (pic #9, there I am.)  Lots of sea grass, lots of fish, and really good specimens of brain coral and that other delicate coral that looks like a lacy fan.  It was a tourist beach, but not overly crowded.  Locals do stroll around trying to sell trinkets and two very friendly girls wanted to braid my hair.  The funny thing was, they had ridden up on the same bus without uttering a word to me.  The other photo (pic #10) is just of the port approach, showing the hills.  I think it would be fun to spend a week on this island.

I should mention that all week long, the ship holds theme dance parties, stating around 10:30 p.m.  Most nights, I was worn out by that time (missed a fun 50's/60's night) but this night was the "signature White Hot Party."  Unlike in Alaska (when I had no clue about this party and no white clothes, not to mention no age appropriate dance date) I was ready for this one.  They had ice sculptures, black lights, glow sticks, and go-go boys wearing feathery angel wings BUT the music was too reminiscent of Danceteria disco 1982, and it drove me away after about 20 min.  Too bad the music wasn't more Caribbean for the party.

    

We already had a plan for the next day, because we had been on Cozumel before.  Last time, we were able to get right in the water from the rocky shore in front of the hotel we stayed at and do some decent snorkeling, and it was a short taxi ride to get there.  The best part is boats and shore tours were bringing their paying customers to the same exact area.  There I am snorkeling again (pic#11) and you can see people on a tour behind me.  The other view is the rocky shore, which is only semi-perilous because the water is shallow getting in.  You can notice some others being taken in by the restaurant for their shore snorkeling tour (pic #12.) Way in the back of this pic, the Norwegian Star and sister ship, the Dawn, are docked side by side.   The coral here seems to be suffering from the ship traffic tho', and did not seem as plentiful as I had remembered.  Less fish too.  The next shot (pic #13) is of people dwarfed between the two ships.  Finally me again (pic # 14, and you have seen so much of me now!!!) viewing the Punta Langosta port.

    

    

Big chocoholic buffet on this night (which I was already familiar with from last time.)  Glad this didn't happen on the white hot night...too messy.  DH and I must have shared 10 different desserts and ladies, don't hate me, but when I got on the scale at the end of the trip I was a mere two pounds heavier, and it is weight I am supposed to gain before my surgery.  You would think that you could gain a lot more but, if you avoid using the elevators, all the walking and stairs keep some of the pounds off.

The final day was at sea, and it was mainly eating and sunning a bit more.  You can see, above, that I was good about the sunscreen and never got red.  There was a Karaoke Idol singing contest all week, and we went to the Finals and I'd say about 3 of the 8 finalists sounded about ready to record.  It also was the final night for trivia.  Turns out, The Misfits had won the last two daily rounds, and going into the final we were actually in the lead by 3 points.  It was progressive trivia, that got progressively HARDER.  This night, I swear we really just guessed at half of the questions, and only got 10 correct out of 20.  We did get the 3 pt. bonus (How many eggs does the peacock lay in a year?  I'll let you all guesss at that one too,) and so ended up with 13 points total, which was still higher than the rest of the teams, and so we were the BIG WIENERS!  The prize?  No, not a cruise.  It was a bag o' Norwegian schwag; but the best part was walking around the ship with that bag because everyone knew we had WON something.  Oh, the PRESTIGE!