MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

NativeMainer

There's a website, called Lotsa Helping Hands, where you can create a "community" and set up a caledar with needs.  People in the community can sign up to take care of the needs, and it will show on the calendar.  The volunteer even gets a reminder e-mail.  The site is at

http://bidmc.lotsahelpinghands.com/caregiving/home/ 

Sorry I don't know how to make it a link.  I used this after my reconstruction, and it was a God send.  I could keep everyone up to date easily, my freinds and family could easily see what I needed for help and sign up for the things that they could do on days they were available.  It is an amazing service, and all for free!  

Eph3_12

wow NM-wish I'd know about that website in '09!

marlegal

j3239 another thing I'd recommend is getting her to visit this site and join the discussion boards.  If she can use a computer at all, it's not hard to navigate BCO.  This site was a lifesaver to me during treatment and even now, 5 years later.  There is no question we won't try to answer, and particularly on this thread, we try to have fun too.  We even have cyber parties every now and then and they're a blast    I mean, who doesn't like a good party now and then, right?  I wish your MIL a successful journey and kudos to you for being proactive about how to best lend support.

marlegal

Barb, I can easily pick you out in that picture, because I am sooooo fortunate to have met all four of the other ladies in person!  I miss my Florida buddies   (I met them at various annual gatherings of BCO chatters by the way!)

chrissyb

Hi all, the birds are Emu.  Actually, their feathers are downy soft and quite fluffy.  That particular bird is a pet and you can get real close to it but it's not recommended with the wild ones as they can rip you open with a large spur on their feet.  This particular bird follows you around like a dog.

susantm

I finished rads last week and spent three days out of town for job training this week. Nobody there knew I had just been through breast cancer, and it was refreshing just to be a regular person like everyone else. The only time I even thought about cancer was morning and night when I put on the Miaderm. (Breast is getting closer to normal color every day!)

Much as I appreciate all the concern shown by family and friends, it can get tiring to see those concerned eyes when someone asks, "How are you doing?" or to have people gently touch my arm and say, "You look so good!" as if I should look like I'm going to drop dead any minute. I enjoyed a few days of being normal!

jo1955

susantm - I am with you.  I get so tired of being asked if I am okay or how I am doing or you look good.  Does one look different after cancer or are we supposed to be different?  I haven't figured that one out yet.  What drives me crazy is when people who do know I had BC and did not go through chemo they still ask me if I lost my hair.  I have all my hair.  I can up with a new answer to that one and I tell them, yea, I lost all the hair under my armpit.  That seems to shut them up.

I would love to leave town for a short time and not have to deal with all this and feel like a normal person again. 

marlegal

Susan and Jo, I find it slightly amusing that even now, more than 5 yrs after BC, friends and relatives who haven't seen me for a while ask how I'm doing with that concerned look when we do see each other.  I remind myself that they're asking from a position of caring, and after saying I'm fine I just pose a question to them so that the subject is ended.  I can go for longgg periods of time without thoughts of cancer intruding now.  I wish the same for the two of you after a while.  As a matter of fact, I wish that for anyone reading this post

jo1955

marlegal - Thanks for the words of encouragement.  Talking about BC all the time gets really old and fast.  I have so much more interesting stuff going on in my life and those are the things I would like to focus on.  I do know people ask out of a position of caring but it seems like that can be overdone.  It has only been 4 1/2 months since my dx and I so want to have those periods now when I don't think of BC.  

jo1955

                         

annettek

I got flirted with today! made this old gal smile as he was not thinking about BC.....

jo1955

annettek - way to go girl friend

Paula66

Had a fun night tonite.  It is a bitter sweet one though.   One of the great loves of my life will be moving soon and it was her going away party.  My daughter is moving to Alaska in 2 weeks and its riping my heart out.  We come from a very close knit family, so if she never left home I wouldnt really have to much of a problem with it.  But clear to Alaska from Illinois is riping my heart out.  I knew this was coming because she told us back in Oct., but I was hoping she woulda backed out by now.  I guess I will have to put the big girl panties on and deal with it, but right now Im not ready to.  Whenever I see her I still see those  big brown eyes looking up at me and squeezing me so tight and telling me she will never leave me.  UGH!!! I long for those days again.

sheila888

Paula...I can relate to you when my daughter announced 2 years ago she was moving to Hawaii.

First its a shock until she leaves is bitter sweet and after a while you get use to it.

And you will still stay a close family in heart.

you go and visit and you feel much better.

Hugs

Sheila

annettek

Paula....i say it is time for you to start an alaska trip fund....aren'tyou lucky to love someone so much that it breaks your heart that they are leaving? I think about that when someone I care about is going...that is part of the deal with love I think. Anyway, she is one lucky daughter to have a mom like you wrapping her in all that caring before she sets off an this great adventure!

karen1956

dear caring and wonderful DIL....just saw your post and wanted to say HI....I live in Denver....need to get off the computer now, but I will write later...probably will send you a PM....where is you MIL have her Tx...in C Springs or Denver?  TTYL  Karen

shells43

I bet we have a travel agent in our midst who could get us a group rate for the Alaska Cruise! 

marlegal

Paula I can imagine your pain but really liked what Annette said about being lucky that we have someone like that in our lives to love, even though sometimes that brings pain too.  Amazing how someone can see things from another perspective, isn't it?  Our eldest daughter lives about 2 hours away which is far enough that you can't just pop in, it has to be arranged and planned, and doesn't happen nearly enough for me.  But I was with her last weekend, and will be going to a Broadway show with both dd's in a couple months, so I treasure the "looking forward to getting together" time during those in-between weeks or months.

JeanH

Paula,

I think that everyone is so right it is wonderful that you are so close with your daughter, it will help keep you close. When ds left for college in Chicago last year I understood what my mom meant when she cried when I left for college (so many years ago !) I was not going far but she started thinking about what her Mom felt like when she left Ireland for the united States. Today we have e-mail, cell phones and Skpe which can help bridge those miles.



Start that alaska kitty now!



Hugs to all



Jean

Paula66

Thanks girls.  Im better today.  I started my Alaska fund right after she told me, lol.  I am blessed by both of the kids I have. 

susantm

Paula66, Yes, get that Alaska fund going! When our older son moved to Japan four years ago, husband and I started a Japan fund. Last May we finally got to visit him, and it was wonderful! And this coming June we will visit our other son in Pittsburgh. I jokingly ask what we did wrong to get them both to move so far away from Oregon! But at least they come home around Christmas every year, and with cell phones and Skype, we can keep in touch. It's hard, but we adjust.

Eph3_12

Really Susan-what did you do wrong?  Why oh why would anyone leave Oregon?

jo1955

Looking for a way to get rid of all the BC crap?  You know the pamphlets, tee shirts, etc.  I just started a new thread called Bonfire of the Goddesses in the Moving Beyond Cancer forum.  A few of us have started the fire and we need more fuel to make it huge.  Come join us - it should be lots of fun.

3jaysmom

great discourse on the "w" word, glas. Elimar!! the lightning was delicious, as were the goodies for the party, ladies!! Elimar, i must say.. your'e the BEST when it comes to taking care of your ladies on your thread. i appreciate you.      3jays

elimar86861

I had to catch up on this thread this morning.  That crazy pop-up survey thing held me hostage for two days.  I wasn't even going to do the survey, since I had done one in the past, but the pop-up was so insistant so I did take it just to be able to go on to the forums.  Only then, even after I took the survey, it STILL popped up and would not go away.  Had to do some computer housecleaning to get beyond it finally.

So glad that j3239 and abender have been welcomed to the thread.  If a friend or relative has B/C, it is helpful to go along to some of those informational appointments to listen and/or take notes.  The diagnosed woman is sometimes reeling from everything thats getting thrown at her and it is easy to miss some info.  Also, both chemo and rads. can range from mild fatigue to totally wiped out, so anyone who can pick up the slack and help with errands and household chores is giving the gift of rest to the B/C woman.  Thanks for mentioning the Helping Hands group, Native Mainer. 

jo1955

elimar - check out our new thread under Moving Beyond Cancer -  the topic is Bonfire of the Goddesses.  You will have fun there.

susantm

Eph3_12, I think my mistake was letting them go out of state to college. As that old war song my mother used to sing says (probably not in these exact words): "How ya gonna' keep them down on the farm, after they've seen Paree..." 

elimar86861

susantm, congrats on your completion of rads.  Glad you did fairly well skin-wise.  Are you left with an extra-firm rads breast now, or what I like to call "brick-boob?"  All that micro scarring, and fluid in the rads area kept mine feeling like a brick for some months, but it gradually got better to now only being just slightly firmer.  I don't imagine it will get completely like the other one because the firmness is the scar tissue in there.  Doin' the happy dance for ya!

                                                           

susantm

Thanks, elimar! No, my breast didn't get that way. It seems a bit lumpier, but not really firmer. And it shrank a bit, so that it matches my other one now--a little side benefit, I guess!

elimar86861

Lucky!