MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

Eph3_12

Thanks for listening to my Whine; I'll go have some of the grape now!  And I think I pretty much pray continually now about everything in the whole damn world!!!!!!!!!!

smithlme

Outsmarting our kids is our job! My oldest daughter use to slam her bedroom door so...I took the door off. She had to earn it back. My youngest daughter use to slam the toilet seat down so...I made her carefully lower and raise it...50 times. When my youngest son and oldest daughter use to argue I would sit them at opposite ends of the table. I'd tell them no talking. Within minutes I'd hear giggles and laughter as they made funny faces at each other. My childrens most hated "punishment?" Sitting at the dining room table with their hands on the table. No books, no toys, no talking.

The teen years took a lot of fast thinking because I was outnumbered by them. I've emptied out closets and dressers and made them put clothes away correctly. When my son would conveniently forget to empty the smelly trash he would come home to it in his closed up bedroom. If dishes weren't washed...you got it. They'd be in their bedroom. My favorite? If a tub of laundry was left in the washer and one in the dryer, I'd put the dry clothes in a laundry basket and the wet tub on top of the dry ones. They learned real fast to finish their laundry before they left the house.

I tell my kids to be sure they always have a job with good benefits because they'll need it to tell their shrink what a terrible mom I was!

chrissyb

Right on smithlme, you are a woman after my own heart and you have a great imagination for punishment.   LOVE IT!!!!!!

KeepingtheFaith

You ladies have given me a good laugh reading about your children and the punishments doled out. When I was growing up our chores were on a rotating schedule. When it was our turn to do dishes, if there was one dish that still had a spot on it we had to wash every dish in the cupboard. It got to where it took me a long time to do dishes, just to make sure there weren't any spots. lol

 One of my favorite punishments for my two when they were little was, if they were fighting I made them hug and kiss each other. When my daughter was a teen she came home once with a hickey on her neck. She wasn't allowed to go anywhere except school until the hickey had completely healed.

When my kids would tell me I was the meanest Mom in the World, I said, "Thank you, then I must be doing my job'. They hated that.

Blessings to you all. Deb

Meece

Oh, you ladies are making me remember my kids teen years with fondness.  I am fond of the thought that I am not there anymore!

We became empty nesters in May.  DS was always being reminded to clean his room and bathroom, and he had inventive ways of doing both, but the biggest issue I had was leaving a note outlining what was to be accomplished that day before he left the house.  I got "I didn't see the note" or "I didn't have time" most of the time.  I started taping the note to the handle of the fridge or across the coffee maker.  That eliminated the first excuse, but it was amazing when he didn't have time even though he didn't need to go to  work until 3 in the afternoon!

We went to visit him the other day and were amazed at how clean his room and bath were in his apartment.  I commented that I wanted to see HIS bathroom, because that one certainly couldn't be his.

bluegems

I have a poster in my classroom that was my motto for my kids' cleaning - If you don't have time to do it right, you must have time to do it over. Now the downside to that is, that I tend to walk by my own piles, because I never have just the right place to put it all! 

Mine are now 27 (mother of 2) and 23 (just moved out of the house). Of course, he  left his bathroom in such a state I'll need a hazmat suit - I'm holding the biscotti hostage.

chrissyb

I found both with my own children now 40 and 37 I had a motto of ' if I move it, you loose it" they would get two warnings.  I still have the same motto with my grandchildren when they come to stay.  Needless to say I do very little picking up after them.  Their mother has regailed them with stories of her own growing up and they take her at her word and when told to do something I rarely have to say it twice.  Just love it......Oh the power!    lololol

suzwes

I appreciate all of these stories ladies.  Misery truely does love company and you're all great company to have. 

elimar86861

I'm still in the trenches, fighting daily battles with older teens.  Once, my older one was told to put away all the clothes strewn about his room before going to a friend's house.  I think my wording was, "I am tired of seeing that mess in your room."  So, what he did was consolidate it into a pile and throw a bedsheet over it to "hide" it.  Who does that?!?  He did escape to the friend house before I had a chance to inspect it that time, but I learned from that.  What a coincidence that the laziness and the deviousness both reach a peak in the teen years.

Eph3_12

Ahhhhhhhhh!  I knew you ladies would lower my stress level.  Love the stories.  Just so you know, before I went to bed last night my DD gave me a hug & a kiss, said she was sorry & I'm the best mom in world!  Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I wonder what's being concocted now?

PauldingMom

Okay,my turn. Here is the excuse I got from my 21 year old that killed my plants.

I told her, "If it rains you don't have to water the plants except the ones out front because they don't get any."  I meant the rain doesn't hit them, they don't get any rain on them. She said she thought they didn't get watered, ever.     
Eph3 12 you totally did the right thing! and in the long run she appreciated it

chrissyb

I found when dealing with kids of any age that when you give them an instruction, don't trust that they understand.  Always get them to repeat it back to you.   Sometime you get the comment....don't you trust me?..........Answer?........Of course I do, I just want to make sure we haven't got our wires crossed.  no feelings hurt and no misunderstanding either.

elimar86861

Eph3_12, glad you had a rainbow at the end of your storm. 

Meece

I started writing my notes in great detail:

Go into your bathroom

Remove the clothes and used towels and take them to the washing machine

Add soap to the washing machine and run it with your clothes and towels inside

Return to the bathroom

Use Comet and Scrub the sink and tub

Sweep your bathroom floor

Empty the waste can from your bathroom into the outside can

Use glass cleaner and a clean towel and clean the mirrors and chrome in your bathroom

Wipe off the bathroom countertop

That way, I got the bathroom cleaned up in a half @ss way instead of not at all.

Eph3_12

Yes-more detailed instruction writing is in my immediate future.  Thanks, truly everyone, you have lifted my heart!

sheila888

I have been reading everyone's post and LOL. I can because I've been there.

Paulding...."They dont get any" can mean 'dont get any water' meaning dont water them.

This could be an honest mistake.

smithlme

So now it's decision time. I got a phone call yesterday and was offered a part time job. I really want full time so when I called back today to decline the job I was told that it will be full time hours and even part timers get benefits after 90 days. If my performance is good I can go full time in 90 days. The down side is working every other weekend but even that is negotiable. I told him that I need time off in October because I'm walking in the Komen 3-Day and that my doctor is 4 hours away because of my current medical insurance. He said no problem, just request it and go. Hmmmmmmm...are they desperate or just really want me???

Eph3_12

your reputation as an a$$ kicker preceeds you!  They really want & need you, desperately!!!!!

As outlined, it sounds like a decent deal--I mean if you don't like it or if you get offered something else, quit & go.  Right?

Meece

I second Eph's opinion.  Go for it Smithlme.

barbe1958

They seem VERY willing to work with you on the parameters of the job....GO FOR IT!!!!!

Some people don't hear opportunity knocking, even when it's pounding on their foreheads.

NativeMainer

smithime--I agree--go for it-- BUT--get all the things this person told you IN WRITING before you sign on.  Not to be a wet blanket but sometimes employers will tell prospective employees anything they want to hear to get them to sing on, then fall back on "That's not our policy."  It the offer is legit, they'll put it in writing, then it has the weight of a contract. 

suzwes

Hi Smith, I agree with all of thee above and NM has a very good point!  Congratulations on the job offer!

smithlme

The problem is I need a job but I don't want this one. Does that make any sense? It seems like the manager is offering a lot of what I want, but the job itself isn't one I truly want to do. I have an appointment with a career counselor on Tuesday and he'll be working with me to find a career I want. They work with businesses and will pay half of the wages for 6 months while you learn the new job. The other job I didn't get was one I wanted but this one isn't a good fit for me. ARGH! I hate this...

Eph3_12

smithlme: Does Ft. Bragg have a variety of jobs available? Or will you have to be throwing in commute time/gas for any good job?

smithlme

A variety of minimum wage jobs and most are part time. "Commuting" consists of going over the hill, which is 33 miles of winding road and takes about an hour. In the rain and possible snow, that's not an option I want to deal with. I'm really looking for a full time job with benefits so I can stop paying COBRA. My biggest fear is that I am out of the service area for my insurance but I am able to have it because I've had it for over 20 years. Once I get off of their plan I can't go back on it. I love my health care team and really hate to lose them. They are my safe zone in all this cancer crap. I need/want to have it but I can't afford it.

Eph3_12

Yeah, I'd hate to have to switch out my team too.  My fingers are crossed for you.

OG56

Smith, I too am looking for a new job but at 55 I am so particular that even though I want to move home I just can't make myself take something I don't want to do, so I get it!

Eph, My DD now 34 was a wonderful and loving little witch when she was a teenager, and I was always trying to stay one step ahead, so when I found that grounding her was really a punishment for me, because I had to look at that pouty, bitchy face all the time! I thought about what was really important to her and came up with Money, she was working some. Soooo, I wrote up 10 rules and anytime she broke them they cost her a set amount. Once she owed me $20 just to get out of the house on a Friday night! Then I would stash her money, but I always bought myself a little something and then would tell her "thank you for providing me with the money to buy this" it really made her mad (Ha Ha). Then when she graduated from HS I gave her all that money back!

My DD was just here (34 now) and she is 51/2 months PG and I got to be the first one to feel him kick and it was wonderous. She is now a spectacular human being and clean too! Just wait a minute and your DD she will make those changes too..

Hugs,

Linda

Eph3_12

What a fabulous idea.  She has more money that me anyway!  And how cool that you got to feel the kicking 1st (well after your DD I'm sure).

Kleenex

Ooooooh, y'all are some hard*ss moms!!!!! I am taking major notes here. Won't my teenage girls be THRILLED with my new ideas? I sense two common threads here: (1) hit 'em where it hurts them (so YOU aren't the one learning from the consequence), and (2) it can be fun and highly effective to be an over-the-top psycho every once in a while.

It's also encouraging to hear stories of seemingly untrainable slobs who go on to be functional adults living reasonably clean lives. I read somewhere that the "teenage rebellion" thing where they seem to break every rule is actually a demonstration that they know the rules. Yay? That doesn't make me feel better.

We returned from a trip late last night, and my 15 year old didn't get up until noon. She wanted to have a friend come over, however. So, WITHOUT ME ASKING, she unpacked, sorted her dirty laundry, put away all clean clothes in her room, picked up everything else out of place in that room, cleaned her bathroom (okay, it wasn't sanitized for anyone's protection, but the toothpaste globules and coverstick splatters were gone and no one will be afraid to brush their teeth in there), practiced her french horn and was starting in on things downstairs before asking if her friend could spend the night. Smart girl! Who can say no to that? I almost said, "Who are you?"

And I just remembered another thing - my husband and I left the girls home for a few hours a couple of weeks ago, and when we came home - CAKE! My 15 year old had baked and frosted a chocolate layer cake. The sink had a couple of things in it and there were some faint frosting handprints on some appliances, but the counter had been cleaned and most things were put away. It was AWESOME. Here I was fretting about what they were doing while we were gone.

Hopefully, I can remember these sorts of things during the inevitable ugly patches we're due to experience this year...

Good luck with the job thing, smithlme. I hate that the "c" thing adds to the frustration - hope you get to keep your "team."

suzwes

They always seem to know how to clean and what chores they should be doing when they want something from us.  Maybe we need to all write down the good things and pull out the paper when things get ugly - just so we can remember there is a wonderful child (almost adult) under the teenager.