Lets get to know each other :)

Lovegolf

street

Glad you foun this place.  I had bilat mx 5/1 with no reconstruction.  My partner had been very supportive. I have made a few comments about looking like Dr. Frankenstien..finally she told me to stop it.  She loves me and I am alive.  I did just finish dog ear repair on 10/28 so that is making look and feel better.  I think everyone is different after this...no way to go through it and it not change you.  When you were fighting the cancer 5 years ago you made choices..sounds like you fought like hell doublling up chemo time etc.  Sorry even afte that you have had other medical issues and relationship one.  You have a great quote post for you ..Cancer did not take your womenhood but it did take your breast.  It will jump up even years later to remind it was there and took its toll.  You have paid alot and are more than entitled to be angry and sad.  

I know I fought a battle and have scars to show for it...but I fought and won. You did too. I look at my scarred chest now I know I can whip anthing .  I got mad going through it all and made it a battle in my head...(ok so I am slightly competitive)  I do not confess to have a pink cloud but just a warrior spirit....I read some of your other post about your Indian history and hope that spirit can help you through all this..pink cloud or not.

chainsawz

Streetangel - what a great deal to go thru :<  I am so sorry you went thru the heartache of cancer and then with your partner.  The loss of trust and betrayal is a hard wound to heal....maybe you could talk with a counselor who can help you figure out what is best for you? 

I had a bilateral mastectomy without reconstruction last year, and it is a big adjustment.  To help myself accept the "new" me, I stood in the mirror everyday and touched my scars.  Like lovegolf, I view these as battle scars....I was attacked by a monster and I survived.  These remind me how strong I am and lucky to be alive.  It takes time to get used to these changes.  I think with time we adjust and get our "mojo" back.  Our bodies have changed, but our hearts are the same.  They just need to get back in sync :>  Our partners need to be patient, but we also need to be patient with ourselves....we have been thru a lot!!  

Lovegolf

Happy Holidays

I want to thank everyone here....each of you helped through the past months and I will never forget the support.  The Komen race here(Savannah) will be 4/17/10, which is a year after my lumpectomy.  I am training so  I can do the 5K and plan to carry each of your names with me.Enjoy the holidays.

Ab

dee1961

TO ALL!

Dee~ 

casaredonda

Hello everyone, I just happened upon this site/forum.  Had bilateral mastectomies Jan 2007 (without reconstruction), 6 rounds of chemo with taxotere, cytoxan and adriamycin (kicked me good), 6 weeks of radiation and I've been on Arimidex for just over 24 months, That part of the treatment has been tolerable but has several annoying side effects, bone pain, sore muscles, insomnia, depression, anxiety, headaches and things like that.  Not everyone has them but for some women they are so intense they quit the tratment.  I take lots of Calcium and extra Vit D which is supposed to help with bone pain, something for depression along with the Arimidex and trying all kinds of things for the insomnia. I'm grateful that treatments have progressed so much.  My mother had cancer in the early 60s and the surgery that was standard in those days was very radical.  She underwent cobalt radiation which really causes severe burns and there were no support groups.  

3 more years left to that treatment.  My partner and I have been together for 29 years and she's my hero.  Held me up during chemo brain days and other times when I felt so sick I wasn't sure I could take the 6 chemo treatments.  We were married in June 2008 shortly it was legalized in CA.  Yipee !!!!  I had my own business for 7 + years but it went down the tubes with the new economic picture, and I just started a new full time job which requires lots of walking, bending and some lifting to that will keep me active when I don't feel like going to the gym.

 Stay strong and happy holidays

dee1961

Welcome to you and Happy Holidays casarendonda!!

dee1961

dee1961

Where is everyone? Hope you are doing well! 

twosparrowsflew2

Hey.  Am totally new to this forum, diagosis Nov 09.  3rd surgery post diag was mastectomy, 4th surgery drainage of haematoma the next morning.  I have added my profile so I hope you will able to see it.  2nd chemo this coming week.  Totally unprepared and confused.  I do live in Australia but have not been able to find a local forum like this.  If you (or anyone else) are aware of any please post me some links.  I do need help ASAP.

twosparrows

dee1961

Hello and welcome twosparrows,

Sorry you have to join the BC club, but glad you are here at BCO. You can find a lot of support no matter what type, stage or beliefs you have. I do not know of any groups in Australia, but in the mean time I hope we will do  

Take care !

Dee~ 

jezza

twosparrows

There is a very active breast cancer forum in Aust. We meet up for gettogethers etc.I will PM you the link.I am from Melbourne but we have members from all over Australia and NZ.

Hope to see you there soon. This site is great and you will find so much friendship on the Aussie site as well.

hugs

jezza

twosparrowsflew2

Thanks Dee, please have no doubt that I have read all your links since your first post and feel priviledged that you have responded to me after all that you have given to others over the years.

In anticipation of my soon to be hairily challenged state I had a very close shave cut just after my first chemo and everyone thought it looked pretty cool.  Although never ever concerned about this scalp challenged issue today it began falling out in clumps.  Wow that me feel slightly unsure of my previous non caring , take it as it comes, she'll be right mate! attitude.

2nd chemo this friday so as you know BRING IT ON!!

twosparrowsflew2

JEZZA thanks heaps I am originally from melb myself (Balwyn) and my mother is still there in a

retirement village.  I could not connect to the link so please send again. XXX

twosparrowsflew2

What an amazing thing to say!!  Please know that I need all offers and I hope thatI perhaps soon i will be able to return 100++++++ the same.

twosparrowsflew

Lovegolf

So sorry to see new members...but I will say this site helped me so much.  Although I am not close to offer direct help I will send healing thoughts your way and listen here.  None of us were ever ready for this.You will learn you are stronger than you ever knew and that you will fight like hell.  Even when you do not feel well still fight.  You can get to other side of this cancer. Along way be kind to yourself.

jezza

Hey twosparrows

See you joined up so you must have figured it out...lol.

I live not far from Balwyn...small world.

Good luck with your chemo.

hugs

jezza

Raili

Hi dee, jezza, twosparrows, and lovegolf!

I'm pretty new to all of this, too.  I wish the lesbian forum was more active!  There are hardly any posts!   And the thread I started here only had replies from straight women (who probably found the thread through the "active topics" button), which was kinda frustrating... I often feel misunderstood in the breast cancer world.

My story in a nutshell:

I was dx'd in Nov 2009, at age 30 (although I'm now 31).  I had a Stage I Grade II mucinous tumor, and Grade II DCIS, and FINALLY now have clear margins, after the 2nd re-excision for my lumpectomy.  I'll be starting radiation in about a month, I think, and am also using natural/alternative methods along with the conventional ones.  I live in New England, USA.

I've never had a relationship with a man, never had sex with a man or even kissed one, etc., and until my biopsy, no man had ever EVER touched my breasts... so that has been one of the most difficult aspects of all of this for me - strange men touching my breasts.  It's been traumatic, and I've requested female doctors as much as possible, but it's not always possible.  I had planned on spending my whole life without letting a man near my breasts, and I hate that I've lost control of that.  I'm at the point where I'll choose to get a mastectomy if any more men have to touch my breasts.

Most people think I'm being "ridiculous" or "extreme" because of this, but I'm beyond caring.  It's my body!!

dee1961

Hello Raili,

Welcome to the club no one wants to join. Sorry you didn't get any responses to your post, but I think a lot of the women might be posting in other forums that has to do with their type of cancer, stage or types of treatment. Wether it be chemo, rads or hormone therapies, recon..We even have the holistic natural threads too. As far as wanting all female doctors I think that is a matter of preference and if that's what you want then seek them out. I know there are many female docs out there. Take your time and find the ones that make you feel comfortable. It is your body and your choice. Good luck to you with your upcoming rads, I am wishing you all the best!

Dee~ 

Lovegolf

I was lucky enough to have female surgeon and radiologist...hopefully after radiation there will be no need for men to toouch your....start looking for female docotors for a go forward basis.

twosparrowsflew2

Hi Raili,  Totally get it.  You go girl!  I was diag 30/11/09 and have just had 2nd chemo yesterday.  So far so good but time will tell.  Unfortunately my tumour is a triple -ve so unfortunately hormone therapy is not an option for me.  So after chemo straight to 6 weeks of radiotherapy.  Ho Hum!  Bring it on I say and lets get on with it!!  Regards and keep chatting.

bookart

Hi Raili - I was lucky enough to have both a female BS and a female OC for my Bi-MX.  And I have a crush on my BS (saw your other forum).  She's this tiny cute Chinese woman.  I love my partner - she and I talk about our crushes and it's OK.  I think what causes the crush for me is I'm so attracted to competency and power.  And who has more power over you than your surgeon?

I've been out for 30 years, and I've adjusted to working with men (and living with my two sons), but I, too, wouldn't be as happy with a male doctor.  I'm managed to have all female doctors but I will be seeing a male (I think) on Tuesday for a dermatology appointment.  I would prefer a woman, but a good doctor is a good doctor, I hope.

I'm in TX, which isn't exactly the center of tolerance, so I had some interesting experiences while I was in the hospital.  The woman who did my pre-op check-in told me "don't tell me GOD made you that way - I can be tolerant but I won't hear that!"  It made me uncomfortable.  We did discuss the folk in her family that are gay.  Weird.  And one nurse I had a good relationship with saw that my pastor visited and asked me how I rationalize my lesbianism with my religion.  I just said "My god loves me!"  My religion isn't her business, but I think she was just curious, not censurous.  I did feel my homosexuality was a problem personally for some people - fortunately, my care absolutely did not suffer.

casaredonda

Hello everyone,

I had some weird thoughts during radiation when the techs were drawing lines and arrows on my chest.  They were very gentle and professional.  I never thought I'd be laying there exposed, and being radiated so I just let go of my concerns because now I was working on being well and just doing what needs to be done.  My oncologist is a man but now I see the female nurse practitioner, Hurrah.  I finished chemo in June 2007 and radiation in August 2007, I started on Arimidex 10/07 and have 2 and a half more years left on that.  Very annoying side effects but tolerable.   My partner of 29 years and I got married in June 2008 during the short window in California.  

I wish all of you lavender sisters well.  Hang in there.

teemee

Hi, I just found this forum. Good to know there are sisters here

I just wanted to wish everyone well and say hello from california. I'm 'on hiatus' right now. Had lumpectomy 12/16, a few days before chemo was to start poor left breast exploded with a horrible staph infection. A week in the hospital, four weeks of IV antibiotics. I'm hoping that will prove to have been harder than the chemo! 

Got the green light today to start, and I see the oncologist tmw to regroup.

Oh, and I got so lucky: so far female BS, Onc, and infectious disease specialist when I got sick. And I wasn't even really looking.

Take care everyone!

dee1961

Hi teemee and welcome

Sorry you had to join our club but you will find allot of support and information here. Sorry you got an infection, but glad to hear you are on the mend. Good luck to you and hope you come back to let us know how you are doing. Take care!

cancersucks

Hi everyone,

We are not a big bunch here! I'm in New England and looking for other gay women that are going through this journey. I'm looking to hear support stories? Anyone? As a gay/queer/bi/ trans how has the straight world been to you? I'm worried about not wanting reconstruction, isn't ok to be flat? I don't want to wear fake boobs of any kind to make other people feel comfortable. Just don't want to feel so alone out there. It's bad enough to be diagnosed with the cancer and have my friends look at me with that look of fear, that kinda screams "oh shit, I hope that never happens to me." Just feeling a little isolated and would like to here from others, even if your straight. Thanks, CS

Lovegolf

CS

It is ok to be flat if that is your choice. I did not have reconstruction.  I had double Mx 5/1/09 and do not regret my choice.  It is up t you.  There is a site breastfree.org that has information and photos . You might want to go there too.   When is you surgery? 

dee1961

Hello again

Whatever you decide to do about reconstruction is a very personal choice. For me I wanted boobs, so I went through the reconstruction process. (tissue expanders and implants) It was one of the most trying times of my life. Can't say I would do it again, but hindsight..lol No, really I would, but you have to know what you want and just go for it. Take care!

Raili

CS, you don't need fake boobs if you don't want them!!  I know I said this in the other thread, but read Audre Lorde's "The Cancer Journals" - she had a single mastectomy, and this was back in the 70s/80s when reconstruction wasn't even available yet, but everyone was trying to convince her to wear a breast prosthesis and she was very much against it.  She wrote a lot about how a fake breast would make other people more comfortable to be around her, but how it was not comfortable for HER, and that's what really matters - what YOU want for YOUR body!

I had a lumpectomy that needed 2 reexcisions, and I spent a couple agonizing weeks trying to decide between that 2nd reexcision + radiation, or mastectomy - my surgeon told me both options are equal in terms of effectiveness.  Many people, my surgeon included, seem much more worried than I am about how being breast-less would affect me emotionally, especially since I'm only 31... but I would be okay with it, I know I would be.  Partly it's because I've been going to the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival for 5 years now, which is a clothing-optional, women-only festival - e.g. 5000 naked women in the woods - and thus, I have seen literally thousands of female bodies... breasts of all shapes and sizes, scarred breasts, one breast, no breasts, etc.  There are plenty of women who have had mastectomies without reconstruction, and they are happily dancing topless at the concerts just like everyone else.  I would still love my body without breasts... I know I am different from most women in this regard, but when I try to imagine my chest with fake breasts on it, I totally freak out.  I just would not be able to deal with having body parts that aren't really mine and have no sensation; it would be too weird.  I've always been like this - even having braces as a teenager freaked me out, because I hated having "fake stuff" in my body.

All that being said, I have decided to give radiation a try instead of mastectomy.  There's always the possibility that radiation will be horrible and I'll choose mastectomy instead.  Or if the male radiation oncologist touches my breasts, I will stop radiation and get a mastectomy.  (And he knows this - my awesome surgeon called to tell him that he is not allowed to touch my breasts!  It's really hard for me that he is the only radiation oncologist within a 90-min radius, in my hospital's network...)

chainsawz

Hi there !  I also post in other forums and this one isn't very active at times so I forget to check.  I had a bilateral mastecomy without reconstruction and I choose to go flat and love it!  I always had large breasts, so braless was never an option.  Now, I  braless and love it!  I do what makes me feel comfortable.  My D cups got constant attention....blech!  No one looks twice at my flat chest!   Good luck with your surgery :>  lisa

dswope

Hi Golf, Dee, and the rest of you I haven't met yet.  Haven't posted in a long time.....I think I'm in denial.....!  I just wanted to say I also had a total mast. in May last year.  I knew I wouldn't do reconstruction (too worried about more pain and drains, etc.).  I debated for a few months about getting prosthesis.  I suppose if I was a small person I might have put it off indefinitely.  It was great not wearing a bra!  However, I felt very self conscious because the lower half of me made me look like a man with a beer belly!  I wear my fakes to work, but I must say as soon as I get home they come off!  They are heavy, and make me as uncomfortable as my real breasts did.  And, I just got back from a trip to Mexico....the ones I wear on a daily basis don't work at all in a bathing suit...no support!  So, I bought some other ones (for swimming) and they kept creeping up and out of the top of my suit!  Again, it's totally a personal choice.  I thought I'd let you all know what my experience has been.

Hope you are all doing as well as can be expected.

I've been on Femara since December, having very little side effects so far.  Maybe it's not denial, but easier to live with now that I don't have to do the chemo thing.