Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
Comments
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Taken just now, from inside our Dining Room! 75 degrees yesterday, and under a blizzard warning today... maybe 12 inches they say... So beautiful outside! The trees are loaded with snow, and wind blowing about 45 mph!
Another view, looking NW...out that same window... 32,000 people without power!
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That is almost un-believable Chevy. Just hard to believe you can go from almost full summer weather to that and overnight. I'm sure it snows lots this time of yr. or can. We have had snows here in Apr. It is not 'normal' though it can happen. Other than the wind we are having a great March right now. Not too hot or cold -- just what most people would find fairly cozy I would think. I get nervous a bit with the wind as it tends to blow things in -- like storms. Also, my sinuses tend to fill even more than they do in weather changes so don't like that either.
I'm stuck at home right now. The glass people are going to stop by here ( I think ) and look at a little spot they previously repaired on the car windshield. It seems like a good enough fix --- but it is right in my line of sight so was hoping there might be some adjustment they could make where I might be able to 'notice' it a little less. I don't really have anywhere to go -- but like anything, you always feel a little trapped if you can't just go and do everything you might want to -- right when you feel like it.
Jackie
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See if they CAN fix it.... If not, take it back to the Dealer, and see if they will replace it? Did you do it when you were playing bumper-cars with those other cars?
I have fixed little dings on my own wind-shield myself, on my other cars... but you just bought this... Go tell them I sent you! That should really scare them....
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Carole - I know you're pressed for time. Would it be OK if I copied some of your messages over to the dinner thread? We're all thinking of you and sending hugs.
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That's fine, Minus. But I will check in, maybe tonight. I'm sitting with my mother in her room. My sister and I visited one nursing home today and agreed it got a thumbs down.
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Carole, think about going un-announced.... I did that a few times... Then you get the feel of what it is really like... Sometimes the odor hit you right when you walked in... See how the other patients are being treated....
I finally moved my Grandma to a third nursing home.... all different reasons.... but I really like the feel of the smaller one! By this time she didn't know what was going on.... but they DID get them out of their rooms to sit in the hall and do exercises, or throw the ball to each other... But when she could no longer feed herself, I talked to staff, and asked them if they could just leave her alone, and leave her in her room in bed.... and keep her leg warmers on...
They said it is the law, that they have to make sure their patients eat... but she couldn't even swallow...! I went back, and things had changed... They left my Grandma in bed... with her leg-warmers on....
So it is wonderful when they will work with you....
The blizzard is over! The sun is shining now... DIA still shut down... but at least the sun is out!
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Good evening!
So how much snow did you get, Chevy? I like to look at pictures of snow, but that's about as close as I care to get. I didn't even like snow and outside winter sports when I was a kid. I'd trudge down the school to the big hill with the other kids and go down the hill a few times on my sled and then trudge home and read a book. I never learned to ice skate because I wouldn't stay out there long enough at a time. Yep, I'm where I need to be in the winter, but I love spring, summer, and fall!
Carole, your Mom is a real trooper....trying to exercise by herself. That DOES show that she's not giving up and that is over half the battle.
Jackie, I agree with Chevy. I think you should take your car back to the dealer and ask them to fix it. I'm sure they'll get "right on that" if you tell them that Chevy sent you! :-)
Linda...So glad that you are back to work and that the rads are behind you. It is good to hear from you!
Puffin...You are still in my thoughts! Sending hugs your way!
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Worst day ever. My daughter Allison took my son Ryan back to Chicago with her two and a half weeks ago. It seemed to be the best thing since he is taking his father's illness harder than any of us and having him busy somewhere else would help me. He has been mentally ill for most of his 31 years. He has clinical depression, bi-polar, and is frequently suicidal. We gave him $400 for admission to a few museums, travel on the L, etc. One week later he was out of money. He had spent it on liquor and cigarettes. He had a bad fight with his girlfriend on the phone and that sent him into even more of a tailspin. By last Saturday, he was manic and abusive to Allison and her roommate so Allison kicked him out of her apartment. To her credit, she got him a hotel room so he wasn't out on the street, but it infuriated Ryan. He drank himself into a rage. (Mike sent him a little more money!) I couldn't afford to bring him back early since the last minute ticket was way too expensive. He just had to hold out until today when he had a return flight. Allison was booked on the same flight. Long story longer...he ended up getting tossed off the airplane before it even left the gate for being drunk and disruptive. Allison left with him (forgetting to take her computer with her...it has all her work documents...terrible!) The police threatened him and that just made it worse. He ended up hitting Allison, spitting in her face, and arguing with the police. Amazingly, he wasn't arrested. She didn't press charges either but went back to her apartment. Of course he was invited! He was threatening her and she was scared of him. Instead of staying at the airport and sleeping in a chair until tomorrow when their re-booked flight was, he left and started walking. (He was at Midway.) He quickly got lost. The phone calls were flying back and forth, with him screaming at me and Allison as well. He said he planned to beat up the first person he saw and hoped the cops would come and shoot him. He was furious with me because I wouldn't get him a hotel room and refused to "order" Allison to come get him. (She doesn't have a car and he didn't know where he was anyway.) It started to rain and was cold. He was sleeping by a dumpster! He had his backpack and his guitar but carrying them around all day was difficult. The worst part of all this is Ryan said he was going to call Mike at the hospital to complain about Allison and me, since I was a worthless excuse for a mother and everything was my fault. I could not allow him to call Mike! He is incredibly fragile right now and absolutely cannot have stress. So I called Mike and glossed it over, saying Ryan was having a bad time but would be home tomorrow. In the meantime, I asked him to ignore Ryan's calls since he was manic and would upset Mike more. Sure enough, Ryan called him but had to settle for a long rant on voice mail. That infuriated Ryan even more so I got phone call after phone call of abusive, nasty filth. Now Mike is upset anyway and he doesn't know a fraction of what has been going on. I'll do my best to minimize the situation tomorrow. I had to go to the airport to pick up Allison and Ryan's luggage...which HAD made the flight. She had called Southwest Airlines about her computer and a flight attendant had retrieved it before it could be stolen. It was sent to San Antonio and was supposed to be with the luggage...but wasn't of course. I did finally get it though. So I was pushing and pulling two huge suitcases and a heavy computer bag all over the parking lot looking for my car. Couldn't find it for anything! After 45 minutes of wrangling those suitcases, I just sat down and cried. An employee saw me and helped me find it. By tonight, Ryan had been walking all day, it was dark, he was lost and wet and tired. My other daughter, Stephanie (from St. Petersburg, FL) had been in on all this all day too. She was able to calm him down a bit and got an address of where he was. We sent a Lyft over to pick him up and take him back to the airport. I got him a room at a nearby hotel. He bought another bottle of whiskey and plans to drink himself to sleep. Fingers crossed he will not make a scene tomorrow at the airport and I'll get him back to San Antonio. Stephanie is coordinating our effort to find a rehab center nearby since she has friends that know about that kind of thing.
Thanks for letting me vent. It was an awful day.
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I just read back to early March...and my heart is both full and heavy. Full--of the caring and thoughts of the ladies here, and the strength of those who are bearing such trials. Heavy--for the loss, stress, and tension in life situations for so many here.
Sandra, even though you mentioned it, it is hard to understand just how hard on the body Mike's procedure has been. You both have been holding on with your strength and faith. Your description of the procedure and photos were quite amazing. I truly wish him a return to strength and recovery. The setback of the infection is so unfortunate. I hope it will resolve soon.
My heart goes out to you, your daughters and your troubled son. It is a stressful time for all of you. It is painful to exercise tough love when your child is in such emotional turmoil. I hope Ryan made it back safely and that this awful day can be put behind you. Did your DD's computer show up? I lost a phone; they put it on a plane to where I was. I went to pick it up. It never arrived. An employee stole it. United paid for a new phone and never wanted the proof I had about the employee. I have to remind myself there are more good people than bad in the world.
Puffin, I was reading back to when Lew fell. I thought with time he would heal and recover. I was so saddened and shocked to hear of his passing. I read the many comments from those who knew him, and realized what a vibrant man he was. He had so many facets to his life, and seemed to be a joy and helper to many. You have lost your best friend, and I am truly sorry.
You are doing well, taking care of all the details, and planning your holiday. There is no road map, so just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep walking. You will find your very own path through this time of loss. I remember the cruise pix that you and Sandra posted not too long ago. We just don't know what lies ahead.Carole, I was also shocked and saddened to hear of your dear mother's stroke. I just loved reading your frequent posts about the things you and your mom have done together...meals, hair salon, visits. I do wish her a recovery that includes rehab, mobility, and some more good times for you and her. It is good that you are scouting out the options on her behalf.
Sending prayers to each of you and all who are going through challenging times.
Joan -
Friends, I know my post was long, but I just read all of this in one sitting.
I want to shout out "hi" to each one here.
Sharon, I hope that your procedure and results will soon give you that action plan you need. I know I felt that adrenalin and then inexplicable peaceful calm. But when I went for surgery and woke up cancer free, I knew I had finally done something about BC.Chevy, I saw today's Denver snow on the news tonight. I remember those CO snowstorms...wake up to snow, and watch it melt away. Be careful! And soon that garden will be dazzling again! Send pix!
ChiSandy, I am not sure of the timing of your trip, but I hope and pray the difficult situation in Europe will not affect your travels. I enjoyed hearing about your Passover traditions, past and present.
Termite, I do hope spring has arrived for good in Chicago. My DS is living there, and says this winter was pretty good compared to the last two years. He is trying to move to Denver...he needs a little more sunshine.
Jackie, I noticed a nature theme in your quotes this month. There are a few days each month, weather permiting, where the natural world puts on the most spectacular "show". Last night, driving home at sunset, I could see the bright orange and pink sky in my side view mirror while watching a giant full moon rise ahead of me. I took dozens of photos and hope to put the best ones together. Tonight the moon rose an hour after sunset, and the illusion was an even larger moon that I followed home as I drove east.
You mentioned the cholla cactus...I spent a week in the high desert near Palomar, CA, and even after multiple warnings from my guide, I got "bit" by the cholla. It was amazing how the spines went right through my pants and stuck in my leg. I had a painful rash for a few days, and remnants of the event for weeks.
I too, Jackie, recently gave up my 2002 Blazer with 273,000 miles on it, still "young" and running. It needed multiple repairs and I just couldn't justify spending the money. So I went car shopping. We kept the Blazer for our youngest who comes home from New York frequently. But he did not want to invest in the repairs, so we donated the car. I have another 4-wheel "real" SUV. Enjoy your new car and all its amenities!
Good night and wishing a wonderful tomorrow.
Joan
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Welcome back, Linda, and happy Purim! Sorry radiation sucked, but glad it’s behind you. I also got fibrosis over my lx scar (it’s keeping the tumor-cavity seroma contained). My LE therapist has me wearing a Solaris “Swell Spot” inside a sleep bra at night, and my dermatologist has me using triamcinolone ointment to fade the pink and soften the fibrosis.
Carole, so sorry about your mom.
Sandra, prayers that Mike’s body begins accepting the stem cells and that he turns a corner towards getting stronger--and that there’s some wau for Ryan to get help and for it to stick. My dad was bipolar and suicidal; I had PPD; and Gordy is on maintenance SSRIs for depression--he is four years smoke-free and has decided not to drink. He too is 31, but has no GF--his first and only (they were 15) and he split up a dozen years ago and they remain friends. She is a recovering alcoholic who has been sober going on 4 yrs--now dealing with her mom who has metastatic pancreatic cancer (on chemo) and her 86-y-o grandma--who pretty much raised her--now in relapse with metastatic non-small-cell lung cancer (she’d been 10 yrs in remission). I so wish he could find someone he can love and who will love him back. Being in improv comedy, it’s a tough market--everyone in America who thinks they’re funny comes to Chicago and they’re all chasing after the same few shows. Having started his own troupe and writing & directing a topical weekly revue keeps him busy and his chops up, even if he’s not making money. Fortunately, he lives with us and we can afford to support him. (He will eventually be a trust fund kid). He & I have a couple of shared bank accounts that I can top up but he can’t access Bob’s & my accounts.
It’s gonna snow here tomorrow--hopefully not before my flight to London takes off at 6 pm. Normally, I would get to O’Hare at 3:30 pm, but with all the complicated security I’d better get there by 2:30 or even 2. Got most of my packing done--before I go to bed I’m packing my meds. I will check 2 suitcases--1 large & 1 much smaller; change to a larger purse; and put my briefcase, meds, computer & jewelry in my rollaboard which will be my carryon. All these are ultralight hard-side spinners, and I can push two along with one hand and one with the other (actually, with just a finger). It’s easy to propel them....except last year boarding the AVE train in Madrid, after ticket control there was a long downhill moving ramp to the platform. I had to crouch down & back & hang on to my suitcases for dear life so they wouldn’t get away from me.
The trip is still on, though there is a Europe-wide security alert. (Switzerland will probably be the safest of the three legs of the trip). I fully expect the kind of third-degree at security that they’ve always done at Ben-Gurion Airport, long before 9/11. I am going to a restaurant Fri. night instead of to temple (it’s whole-hog, “glatt treyf:” my Jewish sisters will get a chuckle out of that). Staying away from any Easter celebrations or ceremonies--just high tea at the Lanesborough. I will be in Paris the weekend following Easter--I’ll be home for Passover.
Am I nervous? You bet. I took a nasty fall in Milwaukee Mon. night after the Who concert (and very nearly did it again tonight at Macy’s--the gum sole of my shoe stuck on the tile floor but I caught myself before I could pitch forward). I’m still stiff & sore, so I have no pangs of conscience over asking for a wheelchair or electric cart-shuttle at ORD and Heathrow. I figure this heightened level of security and awareness is probably the new normal. ISIS is like a snake that. after you decapitate it, regenerates two more heads. It’s hard to “defeat” an enemy that isn’t another country, people or finite organization, but rather a contagious malevolent philosophy. There seems to be an endless supply of disaffected youth who grew up being poisoned by the hatred instilled in them by parents who’d been oppressed or felt oppressed--taking back territory, killing leaders and capturing operatives will not end it.
But I am also philosophical. I could die slowly 10-20 yrs from now in horrible pain from mets, or from a heart attack or stroke--or it could end before I knew what hit me. We don’t get to choose--but given the choice between being in the midst of a fascinating vacation or languishing in an ICU......
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Hi all
Carole, I am sorry about your mom. Hopefully they will get her into the home you want.
Puffin, you are still in my thoughts and prayers. Grief tends to hit after all the hoopla when everyone else goes back to their normal lives, and you realize your life will never be the same normal again. Hang in there, and go easy on yourself. Accept help when offered.
Sandra- hard to believe a little splinter could cause such a big problem.
Jackie- I must have missed the post about your new car- good luck figuring it all out.
Well, tomorrow is the big day. Alexandria is going to make her debut with a little help from the Dr. ifshe doesn't decide to do it on her own tonight. We are supposed to be at the hospital by 5 am. I am not taking her, so I am planning on getting there between 7-7:30. She is really cranky today. Jamie can be tough to take most of the time, but today...lets just say I was happy she decided to go home this afternoon, leaving the 2 kids here. The daughter who lives with me will be here with the kids tomorrow, but she has to go to work Fri - it is the end of their fiscal year. So Fri the kids will spend the day with their step- grandmother. And my oldest DD will fly In next weekend she says, but she could very well end up here sometime tomorrow. I have to start dinner, and have laundry to fold so I have to get moving.
I'll try to send a picture tomorrow
Anne
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Morning all....! Sandra, I swear, hearing your story is like listening to my Brother about his Son. It's all the same thing... Everyone trying to help these guys, who are hell-bent on destroying themselves, and everything in their paths.
Yes.... all about the drugs, and alcohol fueled rages, and where it lands them... and all the family that tries to help... And all the family that has their heart broken to pieces each time "it didn't work"...
At one time his Son, stayed with his Sister... She had breast-cancer and mets, and was taking pain pills, but she was trying to help him, be his "payee" with that disability check, and had to sleep with a fanny-pack on, with her pain-meds in it, because her BROTHER would steal her pills to take or sell them, when his liquor & weed money ran out.
We lost her... before I found MY breast cancer... But her Brother is still up to his old tricks... living with another Sister here in Colo.... but was kicked out, because of fighting with her neighbors over his drug use... Then living with a few of his children that he managed to Father, but then was kicked out of THERE for all the same reasons.
Rehab, jail time, and now the latest is he is in jail again, for whatever... My Brother SAYS he just can't do it anymore... Can't worry about where he is sleeping, or who he is using. Can't do it anymore. My Brother is 77, his Son is 56! His Son never worked a day in his life.
I don't know what the answers are..... I wish I could help you, by saying ANYthing that would give you hope.
I wish there were some way to keep him from bothering his Father... especially now. And I wish I could give you a big hug....
Maybe when some things seem the worst, we hopefully find a silver-lining in those clouds hanging over us....
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And yes, that snow-storm really hit everyone hard! Airport re-opening they say, and so many people had to spend the night there! Power is back on in most area's... We got about 12-14 inches altogether... It just came down so hard and FAST!
All you could do is watch it going on... People were nuts, trying to drive somewhere unless it was an emergency... I-70 still closed not far from here, due to ice conditions, and all the cars abandoned along the roadways.
It's okay... today is supposed to be alright..., but then another one coming in Saturday... Could be a lot worse.... take care gals....
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I'm heart sore for you Sandra and really feeling that sand as I walk with you through this desert. It does seem that when things are 'down' your daughters seem to be able to come through and lift a bit of the burden. A mother is a mother though and it still sits on your shoulders. I started praying as I read, that today things would start to come together well enough to give you some peace -- a huge breather.
I know it is trite, but when the world presents me with too many burdens all at once I listen to some of my favorite music -- Zanfir-Romance of the Pan Flute. Zanfir actually designs and makes his own flutes out of wood and actually has a couple of extra notes on them. This music takes me out of the world and puts me somewhere else for a while. For me the music is hauntingly ethereal while totally soothing. It is a restorative for me -- like walking ten miles all at once.
You are deeply in my thoughts and cares today.
Jackie
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Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
~-Bl. Teresa of Calcutta
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Oops, raining here today. Dh will have to go out and figure out the defroster so I can go to work. Well, I think I can skip the car wash anyway. Don't know how long the rain will be with us --- but many around us are getting some snow, so I can be glad it is only rain. Any drop in temps wont' last too long so that too is a good thing. I'm just not liking the rain. Dh is off today -- hmmm. I only work until 1 p.m. Maybe a day at the gym may be in order.
Always loose ends to do here at home. See you all later.
Jackie
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Sandra, what a nightmare with your son. My younger sister has two children, a girl 34 and a son 20 something, who both have mental health issues but I don't think she has ever been through anything like the past two days with your son. He sounds like he is his own worst enemy.
One thing about this forum is that I'm able to put my own difficulties into perspective. Today I plan to visit another nursing home before I go to the hospital to relieve my younger sister. It fits her schedule better to go in the morning after she has fed her horses and cows and put a grand daughter on the school bus. Currently the 34 yr. old daughter is living (temporarily) at my sister's house with the grand daughter. Two older children are in MS with their father. I have shared stories about this niece in the past. Her life is a saga of poor choices.
It's good to hear from everybody. Rita, I smiled at your admission that you didn't like snow even when you were a child. And it seems your love of reading began early. I'm laboring through a book that was written and published by a high school friend. My brother bought the book and gave it to me so I feel obligated to finish it It's about this friend's grandfather who was hanged for murder in 1909. She's telling the story as though it's present tense and she uses a lot of "purple prose." It's like a lot of self published books and could have used some editing. The ole English teacher/writer talking there.
Wishing everyone a good day.
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Jackie, the music idea really helped. I turned on the station on the t.v. for "Sounds of the Season" and got lots of lovely, calming music. Ryan called me at 7 this morning. He did not sleep a wink last night, just drank all but 3 "shots" in the bottom of the bottle which he says is not enough to get him through the day. I wanted him to go eat breakfast since it is complimentary, but he said no. He ranted for over an hour, then told me his bank account is surely overdrawn so if we didn't want to have to pay his overdraw charges, I should go put money in his account to cover it. Mike is the only one who has the codes to transfer money, so I had to ask him to check Ryan's account. In the meantime, Ryan left the hotel and was walking around, lost again, 2 hours later. He thinks he can find his way back to the hotel. They have a shuttle to the airport, which is close by. Ryan's plane leaves at 3 pm. Allison has his boarding pass so she is planning to meet him at 2 pm to hand it over. I pray there is no drama then. She is thinking of asking to be put on stand-by for a later flight. Not a bad idea. I can pick him up, reunite him with his cat, and take him to his apartment where he will sleep. (He says he hasn't slept, bathed, or changed clothes in 4 days.) Later I can go back and pick up Allison. She'll be here 2 weeks. I worry for her safety since he is hell-bent on revenge. It's all her fault, you know.
Mike is heartsick this morning and he doesn't know very much of what happened. He won't, if I can help it. Just knowing that Ryan acted up and is re-booked for today was enough to send Mike down the depression path. (The family connection towards depression is through his side.) To make matters worse, he has his first side effect, a bad sore throat. I suspect his depressed mood had something to do with it, but admit that bone marrow transplant medicine and the recovery procedure is very complicated and usually means much worse side effects. Was it the chicken or the egg? I don't know if his mood affected his ability to resist the sore throat. Sounds ridiculous for those of us with immune systems but without one, his body is in turmoil 24/7. He has survived 14 days now. The docs say 50% of older patients don't make it this far so his chances of making it to 100 days has risen to 69%.
ChiSandy, it's possible my daughter Allison Asher knows your son since she's involved in improv and other acting opportunities in Chicago. (She has an MFA in Acting.) Right now she's teaching he Meisner technique and another class called Improv for the Serious Actor at the Chicago Actors Studio. Link to one of her classes is below, which has her photo and short resume. Perhaps they know each other.
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Sandra.... I know you feel like things are under control.... but sometimes you have to step back and think.... Am I really helping him by helping him? It kind of sounds like you are looking at this, without feeling it, and that is good...!
Your Son will depend on you guys for everything..... even if it is ridiculous, or just something that he wants.... You are his Parents, so therefore, HE thinks, you are responsible for everything he wants or needs. His Sisters are right in the middle of this too... and it's gotta be hard on them also....
He should be telling you," this is all my fault, and I haven't been taking care of myself, or even thought responsibly".... but he is acting out like he is still a little boy.... wanting sympathy, while all the while not doing anything about it.... And even telling you what he is doing, knowing it will hurt you and bring you to the rescue....
My Brother used to call and talk to me about his Son.... It was hurting the whole family....his Wife and his other Daughter's. This went on from the time he was a teenager, to now, and he is 56.... Now, when he calls, I just ask is "everything okay?" And we don't even talk about it...but I'm here if he needs me.....
If you could just remove Mike from having to deal with any of this.... I don't think I would even tell him anything else.... It hurts him too, and he knows he can't do anything about it.... It's dragging you guys right down the rabbit-hole with your Son. Kenny used to say "I had to let go and let God."
I know how you are feeling, like you should be giving him money every times he asks... but it seems to be not helping.... he expects more, and only needs it for his own wants.
One day there will come a time, when you CAN'T give him what he wants.... or come to the conclusion that everything you are doing, isn't helping ......
I know Interventions usually don't help.... at least the few cases I have been close to...... I don't have any answers.... just thinking about you, and hoping you will find another way ..... Take care of that Husband of yours.... HE is worth living for.
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Ryan is in the hospital in Chicago. He made it to the airport today but had problems in the security line. He was extraordinarily drunk and was falling over or knocking things over. The cops were called in and things got worse. Ryan was taken to Christ Advocate Medical Center via ambulance. He was violent and it took 6 policemen to control him. Finally the doctor gave him a shot to knock him out. He is now sleeping but is tied to the bed. Allison has all his clothes and possessions. We have no idea what's next. He will be absolutely petrified when he wakes up...no clothes, in a strange place, restrained, thousand miles from home. My heart aches. The hospital will keep testing his blood until he is deemed sober enough to have an evaluation by a social worker and a psychiatrist. I don't know if he will be admitted or released. I don't think the airline will let him re-book the flight...again. I was able to talk to Ryan's San Antonio doctor (a wonderful primary care guy) who volunteered to call Ryan around noon today. He called me back and said he thought Ryan would be fine and would I bring him to the office tomorrow. I don't know how I'm going to get him home. Money is a big problem. Allison is hurting as well. She's been through so much in the last couple of weeks.
The problem with people who are mentally ill is that you can't use logic with them. Ryan is extraordinarily intelligent (160 IQ) but is incapable of helping himself for very long. He can work sometimes so for a few months things look good. Then some little thing will bring him crashing down. He has had so many nervous breakdowns, I can't even count. This has gone on all his life, even as a little boy. We've gone through many psychiatrist, psychologists, counselors, drugs, and theories. Tough love works...sometimes. It depends on the situation. Usually it only makes things worse. He stopped taking medication at 18 when we couldn't force him anymore. He only recently (4 months ago?) started taking Paxil daily and Xanax when he is having panic attacks. Obviously he needs more but has resisted all attempts to get him to go back into counseling and consider something stronger than an anti-depressant. He has attempted suicide a number of times and we've spent thousands and thousands of dollars trying to keep him safe over his 31 years.
Mike is doing worse today. His lab numbers show the transplant is not working. His throat is quite sore and his jaw is hurting. He is upset over Ryan. All I told him today was that Ryan and Allison would be home in a few days. He asked if Ryan had "crashed" and I said yes. He seemed to fade into depression then.
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Sandra, you are going through so much right now. I had high hopes ( foolish in hind-sight ) that things would even out, but no one gets to plan the good things in life much. In fact, the best times we are have are usually un-expected and never planned for. My heart is aching for all of these things which are coming all at once.
Many prayers will go out tonight on your and your families behalf. Sending healing positive energies for peace and calm and rest for you. Sometimes, we just have to let God take over.
Love and peace,
Jackie
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Sandra, My heart goes out to you. I don't know how you're managing all you do. Prayers for the whole family. Hugs.
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I'm grateful to have a place to come to where I feel surrounded by friends. Thank you for letting me lean on you all.
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Sandra, you okay? I'm here... having coffee... I can feel your heart-ache... just know that we are always here, and we understand.
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Sometimes, after a 72 hour hold, they release them to another care-center, for evaluation.... It would be a life-saver if they could... and if they would keep him there for at least a week.... During this time, they can't leave, but they can walk around the grounds with one of the staff, as in a group. No alcohol... and only prescribed meds for their symptoms.
You can visit them, and bring them clothes, etc. No toiletries, like razors... It's a very controlled place.... They have group therapy. And are only released to the family, when all are deemed safe.
It's like a mandated rehab... then after that is hopefully successful, they go to "sober-living".... Another group living home....
Right now, my brother's Son in Law, is finally able to live in his own place. HE is the Husband of my Brother's Daughter, who died from her cancer. She found him one time, under their house... drunk as usual, hiding from "something"... She went through this, and trying to raise her 12 year old Son, and being stage 4...
But he then "lived" in a rehab center... no alcohol, and he made it! NOW, almost 6 years later, he and his Son are living in their own home, both working, and it's like a miracle.
So there ARE happy endings....!
-
Oh Sandra....I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all these problems. They would be hard enough to handle separately, let alone having to deal with all of them at once. I'm sure you're exhausted from trying to be there for everyone. I have no magic words of advice for you but do want you to know that I think of you often and have been praying for your family. (((HUGS)))) Chevy is right....we are all here for you. Writing things down has always been a stress-relieving technique for me and hopefully your posts will relieve some of your stress. Throughout the years I have kept a journal where I poured out my frustrations and hopes. I always felt better after putting my thoughts on paper.
I have lots of things to do today! My kids are arriving later today and will be here for few days. It will be so nice to spend Easter with them. My youngest grandson's birthday falls on Easter this year, too, so we will have more than one thing to celebrate. I can't believe that our baby will be 7 years old!
Happy Easter to all of you!
-
Good morning everyone.
Sandra (((HUGS))) Just want to let you know we are here and feel your pain and understand your stress. I pray for your peace and happiness.
-
It's not the length but the quality of life that matters to me.
It has always been important to me to write one sentence at a time,
to live every day as if it were my last and judge it in those terms,
often badly, not because it lacked grand gesture or grand passion
but because it failed in the daily virtues of self-discipline,
kindness, and laughter. It is love, very ordinary, human love,
and not fear, which is the good teacher and the wisest judge.
Jane Rule -
Morning friends,
Having coffee in my little office. No sun yet today. but later on it might get out. Will be in the mid 50's so I can manage. I'd sure like the sun to hurry out for me though. I want to send lots of it to Sandra. The next few days won't be great but we always face iffy weather patterns this time of yr.
I think writing here for many is nearly like doing a journal. Often, just thinking of writing some of my issues just seems to help them evaporate. As many know already, I think of being here --- a part of this time, and a part of a beautiful planet called Earth, as how I've chosen to perfect my soul. It is not about being perfect, but about learning our place in the universe and holding as steady as we can --- growing from the experiences we have over time and knowing that each twist and turn has its own reasons. Though a lot of answers may be occluded I have reached a stage where I feel quite comfortable that what I need to know will be revealed when I need it.
Many challenges ( like Sandra's and Puffin's right now ) are very, very difficult, and are causing us to reach so deeply for resources within. They are there, but often we have to continue the struggle for some time. I hope and pray my biggest struggles ( I had some mighty ones ) are behind me and that is what I hope for Sandra and Puffin. That when you come out on the other side of the life events you are having right now, you will be able to 'feel' that you got through that valley of the shadows, not without a few scars, dents, and chips, but with the knowingness that you are never alone or abandoned. Angels and guides are taking every step that you do and lifting you through the hardest and deepest.
We are never ALONE no matter how much it may feel like it at times. We are not sacrificed, deserted, or discarded and no one said it would be easy, but just worth it when we get past today's trials and into tomorrow's sunshine. It could be a long walk, but we are not alone or abandoned.
Jackie
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