Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
Comments
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Rita, how nice to have a friend to go shopping with you. I always go alone.
Chevy has been missing for weeks. So have some others, like Mimi and Sandra and Joan and Cammi. We miss all of you absentees!
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I did check at at least Chevyboy & Camillegirl last week & are posting on other threads so they're probably OK health wise. Sandra4611 hasn't posted since 5/31. Sure hope Mike is doing OK. I think Joan has been here since school ended for the summer but not sure about Mimi.
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Chevy has been posting on the insomniac thread. She's OK.
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Carole, lovely placemats, green one my favorite too.
I took my Honda to local mechanic today and he replaced a part that's used in aligning the car, need one that's adjustable rather than a straight arm as car is old and sagging and they've reached maximum adjustment they can make with the straight arm. Firestone wanted to charge me $505, local mechanic charged me $289. Then had to take car back to Firestone to do the actual alignment and had to explain how the adjustable arm got there!
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Rita have fun, cant wait to have fun with my gs in fla.
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It's been a stressful couple of weeks, so much so that I couldn't bear to even write it all down. I'm coping my usual way, by throwing myself even further in manual labor. Daughter Allison and I have been scraping ceilings, taking off the "popcorn." It's a messy but strangely satisfying job.
As most of you know, all three of my genius IQ kids have mental health issues. (They are all in the 150-160 bracket.) The doctors told us that is often the case with overly intelligent people and it's made worse by the fact that my husband suffers from depression. Some forms of it are hereditary we're told. Allison (42) has a great therapist in Chicago and has done quite well for the last 5 years on mood stabilizers. She's had a rough time with several hospitalizations and nervous breakdowns over the years. Stephanie (38) is a chronic insomniac and has severe anxiety and a paralyzing panic disorder. She is functioning ok with a therapist and drugs. My son Ryan (30) is by far the worst affected. He is severely clinically depressed and has often been suicidal over the years. His illness manifests in such profound depression that he becomes catatonic for days. He refuses drugs and has since he turned 18 and no longer had to do what we wanted. We pay for everything - his apartment, food, gas, insurance, car, utilities, etc but cannot claim him as a dependent. It's been a huge financial drain but one that we can't get out of. (We've provided lots of financial support to his sisters in years past as well. I've often joked that I could have had money but instead I had children.) Sometimes Ryan pulls himself out of it for a few months and is able to work but something always happens to make him sink back down. He self medicates with alcohol.
Since Allison has been here, she has done wonders with him. He was working, had a girlfriend, and things were looking up. Then earlier this month he lost his job and the girlfriend. His drinking got quite bad and Allison was sure he had alcohol poisoning. We had called a treatment facility and were debating when to take him. I asked Allison to go to his apartment and get the keys to the car as well as any alcohol or prescription drugs she saw. There was a huge fight that resulted in him attacking her (scrapes, bruises, and a sprained wrist.) He ended up with 5 stitches in his head from a door. It was a terrifying scene and he was absolutely out of control. The words coming out of his mouth were vile and hateful. Things are better now. Allison has a therapist here who helped her work through it and physically she is fine now. I haven't seen Ryan. His father took him to get the stitches but apparently I'm to blame in Ryan's eyes for everything so I am no longer welcome in his life. (But it's ok if we keep paying his bills!) With the stress already in the family due to Mike's illness and subsequent hateful, negative attitude towards me, it's all been just too much. We had our 45th anniversary last weekend but were barely able to speak to one another. I told him the other day that if things didn't change, we were headed for divorce. He feels he has every right to be angry because he is trying to deal with a terminal illness. I'm sure he's right.
Nothing can be said or advice offered about Ryan. You cannot reason with a mentally ill person. I cannot force him to go back to a psychiatrist or be on medication. We can't abandon him to the streets. I went with Mike to see his oncologist and told her about his negativity and apparent depression. She quizzed him but said in her opinion he was acting appropriately and an anti-depressant was not needed. (Sigh)
I'm stuck in a crappy situation with no way out so I scrape popcorn ceilings. That's why I haven't been here. Don't want to burden you all with my troubles.
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Sandra - this IS the place you can rant. We're here and willing to listen & absorb whatever you need to throw. Wish things weren't so dire but it sounds like you're coping the best you can. Holding you close.
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((((((Sandra)))))) What awful experiences. I'd be scraping popcorn ceilings too. Do you have a therapist for you? Then you'd have someone in your corner and a place to vent your frustration. It just sounds like the most difficult situation imaginable. I'll pray for peace and serenity to come into your life.
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Good Morning gals.... Sorry I am so late in joining you all.... A lot going on in our lives, or I mean with my friends...
But first, Sandra, I understand completely about what you are going through with your Son... Before I read ALL about him, I was thinking, "it sounds like either alcohol or drugs".... and then you said it was.
Heard from my Brother last month, about the latest on HIS son, who is 55... Such a screwed up life he has made for himself.... Homeless for long periods because my Brother and his Wife had to finally say "No... we can't do this anymore"... But that didn't stop his behavior, his jail time, nor his alcohol, because he just found ways to get the money. At least 3 kids out of wed-lock, nearly drove his 2 Sisters crazy, when THEY tried to help....
THEN they found him un-conscious, somewhere, and was in a coma, and my Brother was trying to find a long-term mental health place.... He said his Son wanted to kill himself.... I mean before anyone ELSE got the chance.....
I wrote and asked what was going on, but never heard again, and I'm afraid to ask... It's like a never ending battle... always trying to help, and re-hab just does not work... they won't stay, and they simply don't care anymore.
My friend Sheilah, who was my Daughter's X Mother in Law, just lost her Mel.... He had been going downhill for at least a year... and all I could do was meet her for lunch, listen, and make her laugh about silly things.
My other friend Carol who had the stroke a couple months ago, still cannot speak! Oh MAN, I thought for SURE she would come out of it, and move her right-side more... She is home from the re-hab center, with 24 hour care... I guess since we hadn't seen her for a couple weeks I thought she would be better... but, it is sooooooo sad...
Then Theresa, our older gal-friend/neighbor, who is in Assisted Living, and just lost HER Husband, is doing alright!!! And I just ordered her a year-book from her/our highschool, class of 1942! She has Macular Degeneration, but she thinks she can maybe read it, with the right glasses, and magnifiers....
But then LAST week when we were there, we saw about 6-8 Police cars, 2 AMBULANCES, 2 FIRE-TRUCKS....!!! Well! We were afraid to go IN! But we asked the Cop at the door, "Is anything wrong? Is it okay to go IN?" And she just said there was an "incident, but that everyone was accounted for."
So MOST of those folks didn't have a CLUE what happened! But later on, they grilled the people that work there, and the story is, that old Cecil shot his Son-in-law when he came at 9 in the morning... shot him in the hand, for some unknown reason... Also shot 3 more times, even the ceiling! Now WHO would have THUNK???? THEN we saw them towing a car away when we left, and 3 police cars followed! Story is, he didn't like his SIL.... never did....
Damn! So anyway, his SIL ran out in the hall, blood all over the walls, and yelled MY FATHER IN LAW JUST SHOT ME!.... So the beauty-shop gal, who was right across the hall, ran in, called the desk and told them to call 911... She put her customers in the bathroom.... and they all hid!
And we must have shown up right after that... Because that hall-way was locked-down when we walked past.
They took old gun-totin' Cecil to the Hospital, and probably his SIL also, (but not in the same ambulance presumably) .... But THEN Theresa just found out, (at a meeting) that old Cecil got up to go to the bathroom in the hospital, and fell, hit his head and passed away!!!!!!!!
She said she just screamed! She just lost her Husband, and old Cecil used to sit at their table, and they liked him.... Good thing, I said! Otherwise he might have whipped out his GUN!
But things have settled down in the Wild West Assisted Living Center, where guns are evidently not holstered or checked at the door!! It's KIND of funny, but not for those involved.... And NOTHING on the News, or in the paper!
Probably that would not look good when searching for a nice quiet place to house your loved one....
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Ladies, all I can say is praying for you and the burdens you bear. My life seems so simple centered on my IBS problems!
Sandra I have a sister-in-law with a son much the same as yours. They continue to pay his bills and it is an awesome burden.
To the more mundaine, Every year I hope I will get my hydrangeas SP.? to grow and the deer foil the plan. this year it looked like they might have forgotten to come and eat at my small garden. NOT, after finishing off all the lily blossoms, they have started on the hydrangeas, which have finally reached the stage to get blossoms . I put flats of marigolds near them and DH has covered them with mesh, ho0ping I can finally see some flowers on them.
Rita I'm not a big shopper, usually shop after lunch with my gal friend who loves to shop. If we don't got to lunch my only shopping is for groceries. May tackle Aldis today for their Gluten free, trying to figure why the IBS kicked in today after a good week!
Jean
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You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it, it's not a mistake, it's a choice."
Steven Denn -
Oh Sandra -- you just carry on, sweet lady. Someone mentioned and I think it is a wonderful idea --- that you are the one who really needs a great therapist. Though I'm sure it's not much consolation -- maybe even none, but I do hope you realize what a miracle you are. In almost all cases though it is on someone else's behalf. You have taken every lemon in your life and given it a wonderfully positive angle. I think it was Mother Theresa who said something to the effect --- " I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much ". You HAVE been given many, many burdens.
Saying that --- do know this is your place to rant away. Sometimes just being able to freely admit your true needs, feelings, deep emotions may have a freeing effect. We can't be YOUR great therapist -- but we can PRAY for you and with you and help hold you up in that way. I too, hope and pray with all my heart and soul that your burdens can become so much lighter. You have the fortitude and courage -- you even know how much scraping ceilings can do, but you do need a bit more. There is only so much one person can take. I hope you will see if there isn't some HELP for you --- though it is not completely their fault, you are surrounded by a lot of "needy" people and that is enough to wilt anyone. At least, I hope you will think about that suggestion.
Chevy -- you too my sweet one, are undergoing a far to " exciting " life. Next time I sigh' over the paltry little things that happen to me --- I hope some names pop into my head instantly --- of people who have some REAL burdens to shoulder.
I think many of us have the burden of children who did not turn out as we might have hoped. I struggled for a long time with my own children --- the first hyperactive and a life-long problem. When we moved here ( not totally sure how I managed ) I knew I had to trust the good Lord to watch over him. He either lives in group homes or when not that, the river bottoms. I've had a few times of upset since, but for the most part usually manage quite well. He "knows" how to survive no matter which situation for him is the current one. So, I keep trusting yr. after yr. My daughter is far better but does many things I can't agree to, but it is her life. She works and has a good job and I don't have to actually do anything -- but have to admit some disappointment lingers.
Otherwise --- we have just undergone two or three major deluges this morning. I don't know if I'll be feeding the feral cats today or not. If so -- I'll have to try soon. I think the weatherman felt we would have this happen off and on through a great part of the day and have been warned about flooding which I know will happen. We were previously saturated with most of the area creeks already far over their banks. The planted fields will flood and will likely remain muddy for some time after these rains cease. I know that most of the mid-west can expect a fair amt. of issues. Hoping and praying for the farmers and other people who might be in the way of or near too areas that take on too much water.
Will see you all later.
Blessings
Jackie
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Wow! So much going on, and I was feeling sorry for myself because DD broke her ankle.
Sandra {{{ hugs}}} and please feel free to vent to us. I know it helps me to get my frustrations down on paper. Putting my situation in words helps me re-read it a little less personally and calms me down. Who would have thought that having genius children would be a negative in their lives? We sure do get thrown some curve balls in life, even when we do everything right, don't we?
Chevy- you should star in a reality show- so much going on around you. You have a way of expressing yourself that often comes across as humorous, but it is clear that you genuinely care very deeply about the people around you. I am sure Carol is grateful that you haven't abandoned her, even though she can't express that right now. I bet quite a few friends have disappeared by this point. Bless you for continuing to show her she still is worthy of friendship.
I, also, have a daughter who is emotionally damaged. We adopted her when she was 2, but the damage had been done. In her mind, I go from being the Mother Theresa of all mothers to being Satan himself without ever opening my mouth. I am still in the process of learning to just letting her rant without taking it personally,knowing it will pass. Problem is, her attacks are very personally directed and hurtful, and sometimes take months to pass.She and her two kids were here when we got home from the ER Sat night, (not sure why), but she was high as a kite. Not sure if it was all alcohol. I tried to tell her she was not in any condition to drive home, and got screamed and cursed at. Then she jumped in the car with the kids and drove off. Next morning, when I woke up, there was such a sweet apology on my phone. When we spoke later that day, I told her that she has to trust me when I say she can't drive. I reminded her that I have only said that 3 times ever. She totally agreed at that point. She will not be as agreeable next time it happens. But I did find out her husband totally backed me up when she got home, so next time, she may drive home, but the kids will stay here.
Tracy will be having surgery on her ankle on Mon. She is handling things pretty well. I am exhausted. It has been a long time since I have been the head of the household. All cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping and driving are now my responsibility. Thank God, my oldest son is here to handle the big stuff, like when the A/C froze the other night, and to take charge of the pool chemicals - I have no idea what to do about things like that. I am sure we will get into a rhythm soon and it won't seem so overwhelming. Her job will not let her work from home, so she will be filling out disability paperwork later today. Don't know what they will do without her- she does all record keeping, including payroll for two branches of a large construction equipment sales and service company. She has been working all day yesterday and today, at home, straightening out payroll so every one can get their pay checks next week. They are not paying her for doing it.
Wishing everyone a calm and easy weekend
Anne
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Anne, it is almost a comfort I think to hear that others have issues they are dealing with from time to time. I too find mine pale in comparison --- but the point is that when it bothers us, interferes with our piece of mind, makes us say or do things we don't want too, or otherwise is hanging over our head ---- it's a cloud and it matters. The size of the problems in my opinion doesn't diminish the fact that we can sink under the wt. from time to time and so I hope no one here will feel like they should not be complaining. I would complain more but I come from a long line of stoic people ( in truth my issues at this time are not bad at all ) and I guess I learned long ago to keep a stiff upper lip most of the time.
I will be devoting a special part of my letter/prayer to the Universe tonight that every one with something going on get some recognition and comfort. You are all marvelous women -- much, much more than you feel you are. You are loved and you are cared about and just as I think you may hope good things for me --- I as well pray all the time for comforts and strengths for all of you.
Special hugs and love to all our non-posting for now ladies. The above is very much for you as well.
Blessings, hugs, and love
Jackie
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Hugs n prayers to all
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It's just that I've known so many families who have had loved ones in their lives that just went off the right track.... for lack of putting it in a nicer way... And it's usually either their excessive drinking, or pain-killers, followed by meth, crack cocaine, with a dessert of marajuana. They just can't think straight, and they get to a point, they don't care about anything else but themselves.... and then they lose even that.
Their families are lost, trying to "help" them.... Very few people "come back" that are hooked on any of these.... Finally their body craves it in order to function.... And they lose all sense of right and wrong.
Our neighbor Tracy, finally drove to a motel, and overdosed. It wasn't accidental.... Her lost mind just took over and told her she had to do this.... So she left "little Tracy" her Granddaughter, who she was raising, because Little Tracy's Dad was in prison, and her Mom was in jail off and on for drugs, and selling it out of her bedroom window!
Tracy's Son also killed himself about a year before she did.... So we lost this little girl, who came over every morning just to talk to us, and play on my computer, and help me in the garden.... We gave her popsickles, cookes and anything she wanted....
It's been about 8 years, and maybe SOMEday, she will come back into our lives.... We knew her when she was about 4 until she was 8! Little Brother Walker would sometimes come with her.... He was living with his GREAT GRANDMA!
My Brother's boy is a lost cause.... haven't heard anything since I heard he was in a coma, and my Brother was trying to find him permanent housing, once he came off the drugs enough to know what was going on.... I see my Nephews kids on FB.... They have never known their Dad.... Just their Mom's and Grandparents...... but he shows up once in awhile for a hand-out, and to see what he can get from them! If even just a place to sleep!
Wishing you the best with your Tracy, Anne!
Wasn't it just so much easier many years ago, like in the 50's and 60's? Not so many bad influences pulling our kids away....
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Reading the posts has made me grateful that I just have some foot pain. Sandra, I can't imagine having three children with mental problems. My younger sister has two children, a boy and a girl, and they both suffer from depression and have been substance abusers. I feel sorry for her because she put so much into being a mother and, from my point of view, has gotten so little in return except problems, headaches and heartaches.
Chevy, what a story about the nursing home. Black humor and genuine misfortune all mixed up in one. I, too, admire you for continuing to be Carol's friend.
Our rainy weather has tapered off and we're into the usual summer pattern of possibly showers in the afternoon.
Hoping that matters improve for all of you with stressful situations.
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Oh my goodness. My heart and prayers go out to all of you who are suffering with your childrens' and friends' issues, especially you Sandra. You certainly had more burdens on your plate already than any one person should have to deal with. Praying for peace for you, for Mike, and for your children. I agree with what has been said by Jackie and others, a good therapist might be of great help to you. -
Sandra - just discovered a possible short escape. Houston isn't that far from San Antonio and I really need a popcorn ceiling removed. It's in the guest room so you'd have to sleep on the couch, but just saying...since you'll be an expert. Hope this is your laugh for the day!!!
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Minus what a good idea, i am sure will b helpful yo u in getting thr ceiling taken care of n since there isa bed she can relax bt ripping it down..
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We are not human beings having
a spiritual experience. We are
spiritual beings having a
human experience.Teilhard de Chardin
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Sandra, I am so sorry we had the same experience with our Son Jeff who passed away from Heart disease in Feb. 2012. He spent 7 years in prison in the big house in Huntsville, Nothing helped,
Were the police involved. I know if they are they file charges for domestic abuse right away.
Please take care of yourself. I know how hard it is with Mike being so ill. My husband was mentally ill for 5 years until we found the right Dr. I almost divoriced him. Hugs
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Morning everyone -- we are going to have ( hope-hope ) a dry day here the weatherman thinks. Maybe cloudy. The humidity will not be very pleasant -- but no more rain sure sounds good. More will come though I think. Too soon to suit me. The creeks, and lakes and rivers around here will keep right on filling for some time so flooding issues do remain.
I sure hope all of you ( in the way of rain, possible flooding, and just overall problems ) will have as good as day as we will have here. Our summer is not starting so well at all but hey -- after we get through this -- we could be on our way.
Dh's transmission is trying VERY hard to give up so we are temporarily ( which with our mechanic could seem like a long time ) down to one car. I'd love to tell Dh to just dump that truck but the motor is quite sound. Most of you won't recall that we were without the truck about 3 yrs. ago for several months. Three motors later ( the guys at the garage kept messing up ) we at long last had a truck that ran. Well, that was great --- but seems like the truck has been broke as much as operating. Brakes, mufflers, engine, axles, now transmissions. My car ( and I'm furiously knocking on wood ) has only needed two sets of tires and a few batteries. I do not drive hard though and I do not slam on my brakes. I start well ahead of a stop sign to slow and get ready to brake. So -- while worn, my brakes are still ok.
That is about it for me and issues today. Nice to not have too much going on. I will go to work tonight -- don't know quite for how long. Got my kitties fed when I took Dh to work this morning so don't have to go out again until time to pick him up. One nice thing about a truck that must sit in the drive-way is that I'll know where Dh is most of the time while the truck is laid up. He has trouble staying home. Now he will have too. Mind you --- he doesn't do anything bad -- he just finds what seem like good excuses to take off for town. Needs something from the hardware -- imagine lots of question marks after hardware, or needs something from Wal-Mart -- more question marks, or needs to go down to the store to see his schedule -- really -- he could call, or he needs just one more cup of coffee so he has to go into town to McDonalds. No wonder he needs another transmission, huh !!!!!
Ok, enough of my snarky self. I'm sure none of those likely un-necessary trips had much to do with a transmission that wore out. It wore out because it is old now -- like us and everything else.
See you all later.
((( Blondie)))
Blessings,
Jackie
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Good afternoon all
Just finished cleaning the house for the first time in years. We have had a lady coming I. Once every two weeks to clean, but, as usually happens, she got lazy and since we weren't here most of the time that she was, she was here only for 3 hrs instead of the 6 we originally agreed on. She was not doing the heavy cleaning we had agreed on either- she was doing a surface cleaning. Anyway, Tracy decided she would take over the cleaning and use that money to pay a lawn service. Well, guess what happened two weeks after letting the lady go? Tracy broke her ankle. So today I cleaned both bathrooms, the kitchen and straightened up and dusted the rest of the house I am exhausted, but happy I could do it. My 12 yr old DGS vacuumed, and the young lady living with us mopped the kitchen.
This afternoon, my DS's charity is having a fundraiser. It is called "HighHeels and HighTops". It is at a local restaurant, and people wear their best shoes ( most original). Everyone gets to vote, and the winners get a $300 gift certificate to get new shoes at designer botiques. There will be a deejay aNd drinks and appetizers are half- price. All the proceeds will go towars a 2 day camp they have planned next month for long term foster care kids and other at risk teens going into 8 the and 9th grade next year. The goal is for each member of Three G to match up with a kid at the camp and stay in touch by calling, visiting and tutoring them as needed. They are hoping that it will help each child to know at least one person is going to be there with them for the long haul.
Other than that, Tracy has surgery on her ankle Mon, so we will be busy with that.
Anne
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Sending hugs out to Chevy and Sandra and any others who are dealing with such major issues in your lives. My gosh gals! You have a lot on your plate and this IS one place you can come to vent.
I echo Blondie's words of "Hugs and prayer to all."
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Just catching up on the postings for the last few days, hugs to all of you going through family issues.
I led a carload of people on a birding trip to the western part of the state Friday and Saturday. We found our "target" birds and had good weather during the day, although there were 82 mph winds that took out the power to our motel until 4:30am and left tree branches scattered all over town.
We got back home at 6pm, ate supper, repacked our suitcases and drove another 3 hours to Lew's mom's. Spent the night at his sister's and this morning we're back at the nursing home sitting vigil so his sister could go home and take a shower. She quit breathing Friday for as long as 3 minutes at a time. We can stay until Tuesday night, then have to go back home as I have Dr appt Wed AM.
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Real success requires respect for and
faithfulness to the highest human values--honesty, integrity, self-discipline,
dignity, compassion, humility, courage, personal responsibility, courtesy, and
human service. -Michael DeBakey -
Jackie, Is that Michael DeBakey the heart surgeon? If so, I think he's lacking a few of those.
Puffin, Hugs. Sending peace for all of you in the family.
Sandra, Hugs for everyone.
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Wren, I'm hoping not, but I don't have an autobiography note on most of the quotes I have sent to my in-box every day. I wish I did though. It would make it interesting wouldn't it! Some you just know -- like Elizabeth Kuebler-Ross, Dali Lama, Helen Keller, Corrie Ten Boom, Mother Theresa, are not going to be open to much question.
The day has turned out to be ok for the most part. A few clouds, but no bad weather. I think it is more humid ( don't like humidity much at all ) than I like but there has been far too much water in the air for it to be anything else.
I hope you and your Dh's, and anyone in your life that qualities as a Dad are all having a good day.
Jackie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPTMA7HIIyk
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