Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?

IllinoisLady

As I have tried and failed and tried again, I have discovered that if we are to flourish as creative beings, if we are to grow into Wholeness, we must bloom wherever we are planted. Right now, you might not have the perfect career, home, or relationship. Few of us do. But if you have the gift of today, you've got another chance to re-create your circumstances and make them as perfect as it's possible to do with the resources you have. Today, you get another chance to get it as right as you can make it. What more could you desire? -Sarah Ban Breathnach

Mavericksmom

(((((Cyber Hug))))) IllinoisLady!!!!! Not sure why I clicked on this thread, not sure why I even stopped to look at this message board today as I was going to take a break from cancer and go "full denial" mode for a bit. Your words were EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED WHEN I NEEDED THEM MOST!!! THANK YOU!

IllinoisLady

Maverick, not sure why I am here either but thank you. In checking the three areas of BC.Org where I post I do stop in here to see if anyone has popped in. You ( as well as all the others ) are the reason I've not given up sharing quotes on a daily basis. If they speak to me I always hope someone else will find needed words, ideas, comfort because it is one of the ways I can care about people I've never met. The quotes are able to say things in a concise, heartfelt way. If I were trying to do the same I'd end up with a half a page and possibly still not present what is felt and needed.

Glad to hear you found it suited your needs. Happy Sunshine to you.

Mavericksmom

LOL IllinoisLady! You made me laugh about quotes and what you would write! I feel the same about what I write! I copied the quote you wrote about that spoke to me so I can read it often. I am feeling really down. Can't let go of the last 9 months and I know I need to because I can't change what happened.

IllinoisLady

Silence is the great teacher and to learn its lessons you must pay attention to it. There is no substitute for the creative inspiration, knowledge, and stability that come from knowing how to contact your core of inner silence.

Deepak Chopra

IllinoisLady

I'm very late today. We had a family get together today in the little town where I grew up about 4 miles from here. These get togethers are always spirited and joyful. Our family as well loves to cook. I can't say I actually love doing it, but I don't mind it most of the time. Meaning, that almost no one just brings one dish. For instance today I brought a meatloaf, Broccoli salad, Grape Salad and Peanut Butter Pie. Somehow we just can't seem to figure out how you leave home with only one dish of food to share.

Well, it always makes for a good time and when we gather up our dishes to come home -- those who have left-overs ask for and receive a hand-out from anything left in any of your dishes while you are able to re-fil your dishes with anything out on the table when everyone is done eating. Guess that is what makes it so much fun. So, I got busy at 7 a.m. this morning and didn't sit down again till we got to Glenridge about 12:30 this afternoon. So catching up with this and then on to some of the daily chores that will need to be done.

I'm pooped, but oh what a fantastic day. We went to Glenridge and used the City Hall there. Our family that still lives there works for the city so we could get the building for free. This is important due to the age ( myself included ) of all those who attended. I was shocked actually at the number of canes. We can't to the heat well anymore, nor traipsing through the park to picnic tables as we once did. Even in an a/c building with kitchen ( that part made it so nice as well ) facilities, after eating all that food, then doing clean-up detail and then packing all the food back in the car -- just wow. I won't have to eat for two days here.....and when I do I have tender brisket and fried chicken at the ready. Donations from some of my favorite cooks. Meatloaf bowl was empty as well as broccoli salad -- one very small sliver of pie left, but plenty of grape salad.

Hope you all had a great Saturday.

IllinoisLady

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen. Elizabeth Kuebler-Ross

IllinoisLady

It looks pretty this a.m. ( Sunday morning ) but sounds like we will have some rain. So some of yesterdays fun will continue. Cousin called earlier and gave an invite to come over for grilled hot dogs and burgers this late afternoon. Sounds like fun to me. We have cousins visiting from California ( Dh and I lived there for 25 yrs. ) and so this too is partly so we can spend a bit more time with them.

My cousin came into the City Hall kitchen ( doing some dishes in the sink there ) to tell me how much she appreciated the fact that when anything takes place I get up and pitch in to do clean-up shores. Many in our family don't, but I think in part it is now due to age. Also, there were only three of us who "planned" the get together and some think if you set it up it is your responsibility. I'm okay with that. Truth is -- I was taught to pitch-in and I'd likely never not attempt to help no matter who instigated a get together. I just think it is nice to hear someone thank you and express their appreciation. This cousin is always 'pitching-in' too so I hope she knows I feel the same way about her.

Hope you are all going to have a beautiful Sunday.

IllinoisLady

When we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present--love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us pleasure--the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth. -Sarah Ban Breathnach

There cannot be a sense of abundance or the experience of prosperity without appreciation. You cannot find beauty unless you appreciate beauty. You cannot find friendship unless you appreciate others. You cannot find love unless you appreciate loving and being loved. If you wish abundance, appreciate life. -William R. Miller

ChiSandy

Lovely weekend, despite a few thunderstorms and the jets from the Air & Water Show flying out over the lake less than 1/4 mi. away from us, from Thurs. (rehearsal) through yesterday. The Blue Angels and the RAF's Red Arrow team were the stars this year. (Freaked out the kitties).

Unfortunately, Sat. night-into-Sunday a.m.'s super-soaker penetrated the ground beneath the lawn and apparently shorted out the underground cable running from the back of the basement to the conduit emerging in the (detatched) garage, terminating in a GFCI outlet. The circuit powers not just the lights but the garage door opener. Of course, the GFCI kept tripping, so the huge heavy door had to be lifted and pulled down manually. Bob barely has the strength to do that, but my housekeeper & I--both sr. citizens--have bad backs. Fortunately, by early yesterday evening the soil dried out enough for the circuit to work again--so I didn't have to pay through the nose for a rideshare (or take a train & three buses) to Skokie Hospital for my bimonthly weigh-in.

Got on the web (both Home Advisor and the NextdoorEdgewater blog/forum) and found that one of the women with whom I exchange blog posts co-owns a repair-and-restoration-contractor business with her DH. He came over this morning and confirmed my suspicions: there is almost certainly a short in the underground line--either it's not sheathed in a metal conduit or the conduit leaked. We traced the garage breaker in the basement to the outlet box on the wall behind the washing machine, and saw a tiny bit of puddling on the floor beneath the hole into which the metal-pipe conduit disappears. We will need to dig a trench on our lawn (oh, boy) to access the line--which we can locate using homemade metal dowsing rods made from coat hangers. But the electrician contractor says my landscaper should be the one to dig it, because it'd be cheaper and he could lay a strip of sod once the project is complete.

When it rains, it...shorts.

IllinoisLady

One of the things that silently falls by the wayside when our busy lives get stretched too thin is hope. Hope is never limited to the unreal. Hope is that process within ourselves that stretches us beyond the ordinary, beyond the possible to the impossible, while at the same time rendering what seemed impossible possible. Hope feeds our soul and our being. It is that immeasurable source of power that comes from beyond ourselves and is not controlled by us. Depriving ourselves of hope confines us to a world grown void of color and surprises. We no longer see the flowers and the rainbows that are there. Hope is not expensive to have. It is very costly to be without. -Anne Wilson Schaef

IllinoisLady

We ( at long last ) finally got a good soaking as well. Of course, it rains so hard it sometimes doesn't have time to get into the ground, but not always a problem for us as we have such a high water table anyway. The lack of rain has to go on for some time, though it doesn't take that much this time to yr. to dry up the lawn and plantings. I've gone out a couple of times and watered a bit ( since rain was coming or so they said ) to keep things going. I'm about to the point of letting it go from now on. We even have a few leaves on the ground and squirrels have been eating the nuts out of the trees for a bit now. Saw a squirrel with a big nut in is mouth looking for some place to stash it for safe-keeping. Bout time to think about what we have to do in Fall here --- keep those leaves mulched.

Sandy, sorry to hear about your issue. We lost power for a couple seconds, but that was it. About long enough to have to re-set some of the clocks.

carolehalston

Ten o'clock hair appointment this morning, a very cool morning. It was 55 degrees when I got up shortly before 8 am. High will be mid 70's.

I volunteered at a charity golf tournament yesterday and then went into town hoping to get an economy walk-in pedicure. No such luck. One thing I miss about home. We have quite a few walk-in nail salons. I go to one that has a basic pedicure for $18. I can skip all the massage and "pampering." It has become too difficult to polish my toenails and the salon outcome looks good and lasts a long time. Oh, well not a big problem.

Happy Wednesday.

IllinoisLady

Our very first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin. . . . Provided we strenuously avoid turning these realistic surveys of the facts of life into unrealistic alibis for apathy or defeatism, they can be the sure foundation upon which increased emotional health and therefore spiritual progress can be built. -As Bill Sees It

IllinoisLady

Carole, I am sort of chuckling over my quote today as it relates to your pedicure. That said though, I'm sure there was a lot more in mind when ( Bill ) came up with this quote. That said, we aren't a huge place here -- but walk-ins welcome is a sign that a majority of shops have displayed on their windows. I do wonder now and then though if all those places have the same amt. of employees with times getting a bit or a lot iffy in many places. We are for the most part a retirement type town.

I am going to have to make an appt. ( not for pedicure ) just to have my toenails done. The chemo really ruined my nails -- they are thick and grow in terrible shapes -- and I too can't contort myself enough to do much with them. My V.A. Dr. in Mt. Vernon ( 20 miles from us but just a satellite office ) suggested going to Marion ( 150 mile rd. trip ) as the Podiatrist there is a friend of hers and she speaks highly of her. I've decided despite having to go so far, that being younger she may have ideas and suggestions that I might find more workable about my feet in general and toenails in particular. The other Podiatrist that was once there though not seemingly all that old, just seemed blasé and a mite disinterested -- in other words just doing his job and getting by. No one has to fawn over me, but it would be nice to discuss any possible options to better care for the long run.

LoveDals

Just joined the forum and am wrestling with the reconstruct or not decision. As background, I have been under surveilence since I was 37, first lumpectomy (right side) with lymph node resection just before my 40th -all were negative so that was all the required treatment. I have lymphedema in the right arm. Fast forward 20 years to 2nd lumpectomy, this time on left side with radiation (it was multifocal), and then AI. Menopause for the 2nd time was way worse than my natural transition, ugh. And now paget's disease of the nipple - likely from tumor cells that survived radiation. So 2 boobs, 3 cancers - the math I just wrong :-) The BMX decision was easy as I am not giving this damn disease a 4th shot at my life. My initially thought was to do the reconstruction. I know I don't want implants, especially with the latest recalls and potential for impinging on nerves and muscles in my arms/chest, And while my early research pulled me towards DIEP flap, the complication rate is high (26-33%), the failure rate is 15% and it is rarely a 1 and done scenario. My DH raised the no reconstruction option long before I was ready to hear it. But, I am leaning that way. Prostheses have greatly improved and there is much to be said for getting back to doing the things I love. I have spent more hours thinking about my boob in the last 29 days than I have in the last 29 years! Looking to hear about the questions or concerns that helped you all decide whether or not to go through reconstruction.

HikingLady

LoveDals Wow, you've been through a lot. Tough stuff. If you feel comfortable doing so, maybe you can enter your DX, TX etc. history and set it to Public so we can keep track of where you are in all this.

You mention that you already have lymphedema. If I were in your shoes, I'd research what the possibilities are ahead after all different reconstruction options. Does reconstruction, besides having its usual risks that you mention, also increase your risk of additional or worse lymphedema? That's definitely a Quality of Life thing to consider. Another thing I'd research: how the various flap reconstruction options affect future strength and muscles in the donor area. The recovery is pretty long and challenging, and eventually, is any core / back / ab strength compromised? Those are important as we age. Physical therapists would be a really good source to consult about all this. There are PT's who specializes in breast cancer issues (lymphedema and recovery after surgery, etc.)

I chose reconstruction w/ implants. Mine are pretty small, and although the TE placement (Alloderm/pockets beneath pecs) and BMX surgery was pretty traumatizing, the later surgery to set in the implants was very easy. I'm happy with my choice, because I wanted to 'kind of look normal again' in clothes, after going through so much trauma, and I do. They're small because I had radiation 15 years before, and one side did not want to stretch very much.

I have three friends who went "flat," and they're all very happy. No further fuss, and no more surgeries. All of them wear cute scarves and rather loose tops, and they look great. They are all glad that they skipped reconstruction. Two of them had a single MX and one had a BMX.

Betrayal

LoveDals:

Are you a Dalmatian owner? We currently are on our 4th Liver and white Dalmatian and love the quirkiness of the breed.

You have a tough decision to make but the input from your husband sounds like he loves you no matter what decision you make. It is still one you need to feel comfortable with and that's what is important. The lymphedema is a valid concern because you cannot predict the impact additional surgery will have on this condition and many MO's know next to nothing about the aftercare. So listen to your gut.

LoveDals

Thanks HikingLady and Betrayal, I appreciate the comments. I meet with the PS tomorrow, expect/hope to have enough info to make a decision. As you would expect it is as much (or more) emotional than it is rational. Reconstructed boobs will have no sensation, scar happen either way. I am concerned about LE getting worse, as it has become a non-issue over the past 2 years except when we travel. I suspect that is because my routine changes. After living with 36I's for all these years it will be jarring to look down and see nothing, or a much smaller version. Tried entering my dx and treatments - some show up correctly while others are incomplete.

Betrayal: For the record, you don't own Dals - they own you :-) In our case, they were all rescues so technically they were on loan. We had 4 over a period of 21 years and I really want another. But we are trying to travel as much as possible while we can which is not conducive to having pets. I'd do it anyway, by DH is being more practical. Why he picked this particular aspect to suddenly be the voice of reason I will never know. Usually it's me trying to rein things in. We had 2 dals that were black & white and looked to be pure bred, a liver spotted one that was mixed with weimaraner or some other breed with a deep V chest, and lastly a small dal mix. I miss them all.

Betrayal

LoveDals:

Now I can understand your quandary about reconstruction. Hopefully the PS will be able to provide the information you need to make your final decision. Your posting helps.

You are right about dal ownership; we have been blessed to have some long lived ones including one we acquired when she was 7 weeks old (she was a huge pup and mom was starting to snarl at the pups). She lived for 15 years and 7 weeks so it was like losing a child. The total for the 4 we have had is 41 years and counting since our current one (a rescue) is going to be 10. The first had no papers other than those used for pottying and the middle two were purebred with papers. Neither came from a puppy mill but responsible breeders so no aberrant behaviors. This one came from a kill shelter in the South and she is small and a mix of unknown origins but mostly dal. She will most likely be our last because it would not be fair to have a dog outlive us. Each brought a special joy to us and I know it will be hard to lose this one.

I hope your PS has the answers you need. Good luck.

IllinoisLady

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved. -Helen Keller

carolehalston

Good morning to everyone. Another cool morning here in northern MN. DH outwaited me so I got up and turned on the heat pump and the coffee pot. It was in the 50's and supposed to warm up to 70's, much like the pattern of the last two days.

We're signed up for Couples Golf at noon and will go out to dinner with the group afterward. I haven't played golf the last ten days or so and my back is feeling better though still not pain free. This is the first time I've ever had back pain. I hope it isn't the "new normal," but time will tell.

Wishing everyone a good Friday.

IllinoisLady

Humanity's attempts to override nature have separated us from our source and destroyed what can save us. A camera can point to the glory of a pristine forest, but cannot create it. No smartphone is smart enough to spin a planet into orbit. God speaks to us daily, but we rarely take the time to listen. Nature is my church. When I walk in nature I know the Tao. No building, altar, or ritual is necessary. Human beings have created magnificent, awe-inspiring cathedrals, but none can surpass the wonder of a starry night.

Alan Cohen

IllinoisLady

Having tolerable weather here in Central/Southern Illinois. We are the farthest north edge of Southern Illinois. Not too much sun today, but I don't think there will be rain. Had a bit yesterday on our way to find needed supplies to hook up the new water heater. It has been a royal pain. The fittings needed to connect it to the roof exhaust have all changed and apparently we are still missing something as the hot water comes on but then we get an error mess. a short time after that....and oh yeah, of course, we now have a computerized heater. No wonder older people get cranky. I saw nothing wrong with our old Bosch. No computer, just plain and simple an well functioning -- but now we will 'suffer' with a computerized version.

Carole, glad your back is better, but I am with you. Age which has so many benefits does seem to give out issues with shrinking spaces between bones and other things that tend to aid and abet feeling the back in un-comfortable ways. Hoping a little golf might be good exercise that will help rather than hinder. Fingers crossed.

Should have been recovering from my colonoscopy and happily ready to come back home except in our rush to get what we needed yesterday for that darn heater, I left home early forgetting the hospital would call with my instructions. By the time we got home and I listened to the message I realized that I had done everything wrong that a person could -- having eaten all day and taken meds that I was to omit. So, back to the office today to hopefully get another date. Will try again.

Hope you are all going to have a really good day.

IllinoisLady

Love is he doorway through which the human soul passes from selfishness to service and from solitude to kinship with all humankind. unattributed

IllinoisLady

Going to be nice today. We will be working on today's version of what we need to do to get the water heater working consistently. My colonoscopy has been re-scheduled. So, all seems to be flowing in the right direction.

I hope you are all going to have a really good Saturday. Saying hi to Anne, Joan, Puffin, Carole, Betrayal, Hiking Lady, Love Dals, Wren and anyone who I've not named because I'm forgetfull.

Betrayal

IllinoisLady:

Thanks for the above mention and "hi" back to you. The heat wave has finally broken and the humidity is tolerable. Finishing up the weeding which has been an ongoing summer task (have done at least 6 sweeps this summer due to rain) and used up the last two bags of mulch on recently planted perennials. Gardening is my therapy and my primary exercise since Letrozole has made other forms next to impossible. The gardens look great so there is that satisfaction though they will start to die back soon. We have a large white tail deer population and while they keep my azaleas neatly trimmed, they use my hostas as a salad bar and the bird feeder as a snack bar. One doe walks on her back legs while dragging her tongue along the edge of the bird feeder. It is a sight to behold. I use coyote urine to keep them off plants they seem to like but it has to be reapplied after each rain, so they snack during or right after the rain! They are beautiful creatures and we welcome them as much as we do the foxes and raccoons. Our backyard abuts woods so we draw a variety of birds including pileated woodpeckers, nuthatches, blue jays, downy woodpeckers, finches, our "porch" wren (she lives there and scolds my DH when he dares to sit on the front porch), and other varieties. So while I am not far from a major shopping center (~ 2 miles), it is just far enough that we are close to nature. Also, far enough off the road that we do not hear street noises as well. Our little corner of heaven. Have an enjoyable weekend.

Wren44

Sounds like heaven to me.

LoveDals

Well, I met the PS. Good news is I really like him. The only reconstruction method that is suitable for me is LD flap with an implant. I didn't want implants (it is an ongoing maintenance project). And, I am not thrilled with the thought of losing a back muscle. The complication rate in 1 - 3% but when they happen it seems to be incredibly painful and long lived. I have a bit more time to ponder as I have to wait at least 3 months post BLM. Too risky as chemo or radiation on R side could still be in my future. He has pioneered LE treatments and will evaluate my condition post mastectomy as well. So for now (and may be forever), prosthetics it is. Oh well

Betrayal

LoveDals:

Sorry you did not get the solution you sought from the PS. Have you had your BC surgery? It is not clear in your postings.

Sometimes it is better to have time to think. I wish I had not let others push me into making hasty decisions about surgery. While I wanted the BC out, I was made to feel like it had to be immediate and later learned I did not.