Starting Chemo February 2009?

apple

getting hair back is like a rebirth.. the baby hairs come in.. the same sort of growth pattern.. the eyelashes and eyebrows appear.

today is the first day of the rest of our lives.  i have been so full of dread and grimness for so long, i've forgotten what it is like to be carefree... to just wake up and thing of normal things like bees or books.

i had a couple posters in my room when i was a kid. 

Today is the first day of the rest of your life

and

There is nothing to fear but fear itself.  

THat one is kind of hoakie.. one of those nebulous thoughts that are not so powerful or pointed.  I always liked the first one though.

Dx 5/10/2008, IDC, 5cm, Stage IIIc, Grade 3, 4/9 nodes, ER+

Denali

Gcpommom: LOVE the hair.  It looks like yours started out white too, right?  I'm a few wks behind you and just have the white peach fuzz, but it's getting longer.

Kerry:  beautiful new bathroom.  Has a really clean look.  I was hoping you'd post photos.  When remodeling is FINISHED, it can be such an upper, can't it.  Now you get to decorate. 

Jaimieh:  during your surgery and when you get that stent removed, just visualize that you're back on the beach.  Plan another trip to look forward to.  That's what I keep thinking for myself--a vacation where I don't think about cancer, meds or side effects for a whole week.  sigh.

I'm still trying to get in to see the cardiologist.  My dr left a message last Thurs for them to get me in to see her. But I've heard nothing.  I left a message yesterday and still nothing.  I'll be calling this morning and being a little more insistant.  I can't get my first Herceptin-only tx, until I consult with the cardiologist.  I'm getting impatient.  It's been a week!  So frustrating!

susan13

Hey Ladies.. just breezing thru, so many things going on here. 

Apple-Yippee eeee and thank god for you being NED!!!!!!

Anyone have any good recomendations on sleep aids .... my onc. wants me off the ativan and ambien, but if I don't take it I can't sleep , and I'm 4 months post chemo already.  I tried melatonin but it doesn't do me good, I wake up with fast heartbeat and a headache and have crazy dreams.

My hair is really coming in.  Once I ditched the wig for good my scalp seemed to be in a happy frenzy to be able to breath!

gcpommom

Susan:  what about Xanax, it's like ativan, but not long-lasting....just enough to get you to sleep.  I used to use that a few years ago....1/2 a Xanax and a vodka tonic.  Worked great!  Yes, your hair looks so pretty!  You're so lucky it has grown in so fast!  Even though I only go out 'topless' in my own yard, I love the feel of the wind blowing those little hairs around, it kinda tickles and does feel really good!

Linda:  yes, it started out all white, and still have tons of white hairs, those are probably my gray hairs, since my dad has totally white hair since he got older.  I'm just leaving it all alone, no trims for me any time soon.

Apple:  I must tell you again how happy I am for you.  It's funny, when I looked at the pic of the back of my head, I also noticed the growth pattern, the little swirl....it is kind of cool.

Well, I'm off to my dingy basement to do some mosaicing, finally.  It's been so long, I'm actually a bit nervous to start, I don't want to mess up.  Then off to a doc appt with my DD.  Then setting up garage sale to start tomorrow (since we got rained out last time).  Busy day!

Hugs to you all

Judy 

Artemis

It's storming here, so I can't take the time to read everything right now.  Just want to jump in and say that I can already play bass, so I'm just waiting for Gram to learn the banjo and Judy to get another mandolin.  We can be the first bluegrass band to have an electric organ!

Off to rads now!
Artemis

webwriter

Just sending love and hugs today. Wish I could play an instrument, but I'll volunteer for audience, clapping and stomping duty! Wait...I can sort of keep time with a tambourine, does that count?

Susan, I'm on Lunesta. Some have reported odd dreams and such, but I have zero reaction to it, just sleep--most of the time. Apparently once it builds in my system it doesn't work as well. I take a day off and bam, back to knock out time. The thing I like is that I can wake up if necessary, like if Little Monkey calls or I have to pee, but I go right back to sleep, waking up EXACTLY eight hours from the time I took it. Good stuff and I've fought sleep problems my whole life.

Nap time for me. Only two more rads and I'm ready to schedule my ooph. Should be doing that today, but bed is calling and I refuse to resist!

buddy1

Hi girls.  Its been a while since I have been here.  I am on taxetere now.  I ot some claritin today.  Can you please tell me when I start taking it and for how many days.  I skipped my last nulastat  but the one before was very very painful so I am gonna give it a shot.   thanks

KerryMac

Hey guys - just a quick hello. They finished the second bathroom today, so I have an evening ahead of me cleaning up. Even my keyboard is dusty!

Last Rads today - was a bit anticlimatic actually, they said, "well thats it, take care...." Will be strange tomorrow not rushing to get out early.  I took the kids to get a haircut this morning, and got the woman to wax my eyebrows! Looks so much nicer. Now my hair needs to get another couple of inches, and I will be in business!!

Hope everyone has a great evening.

Jaimieh

Whooo Kerry's done with Rad's.  Thrilled for you sweetie

Buddy~ I remember reading something about 5 days but I'm not sure when to start. 

Susan~ I second Webbie's Lunesta recommendation. 

webwriter

Congrats Kerry on the bathroom and the end of rads---did you even get to ring a bell? Yeesh!

Buddy, start the Claritin the night before and take it the day of and the day after. Best wishes.

xpectmiracles

Kerry, LOVE the bathroom!

Beverly, I have a podcast I listen to on my ipod. It is called Podrunner Intervals. You can download it free from itunes. There are different levels. I'm doing "first day to 5k". So far the sessions are about 1/2 hr and I go about 1 1/2 mile during that time.

Living 4today, please be patient. 12 days is not long. I felt like crap 12 days out of my last chemo. When your red cell count gets higher, you'll have more energy. I'm so sorry about your garden!

Apple, that diver is your daughter?! Wow!

Jaimieh, Stay in the day! Enjoy your vacation! Try not to taint your good days thinking about the perceived bad. (((Jaimieh)))

Buddy, I started taking claritin the day before chemo and kept up about 5 days.

Artemis

KerryMac ~ Hurrah for being finished with rads!!  Interesting that you got your eyebrows waxed; I was saying to Mr. Artemis just today that I might get mine done.  They are coming in fast!  Your new bathrooms look great!

Hugs to all,
Artemis

buddy1

Thanks girls

Jaimieh

Cheryl~ you are absolutely right.  I keep having pity parties for myself because I keep trying to remember to call and make some doctor's appt. and then I forget...lol..... blaming it on chemo...  Good for you running   I can't wait to start again. 

I went for a bike ride today and over did it but didn't realize until I was a couple of miles from the house. 

apple

hello everybody!

i'm playing the piano.. really playing

gawd, it's been ages

gcpommom

Apple:    I can hear the happiness in your 'voice'...I wish I could hear your music....do you have any youtube videos or anything like that?

Jaimie:  I always worry about doing that....walking or biking and then wearing out before I get home! 

Cheryl:  you amaze me!  I can hardly walk around my house some days, can't imagine running!  I'm a month out now and still tired/achy....how long has it been since you finished?  Your statement to Jaimie made me think....I need to do that myself, quit ruining today worrying about tomorrow.

Kerry:  I'm so happy for you, finished with rads-that went fast!  (easy for me to say, right?)  I can't believe you have eyebrows enough to wax!  I think I can see a slight 5 oclock shadow on half of my eyebrows, so I am hoping to have them again soon.  Are your eyelashes making an appearance yet?

I started a new project today, finally--it's been months since I've mosaiced.  It felt really good to be outside, cutting tiles on my wet saw....I was nervous at first, it had been a while since I used the saw, and I'm on blood thinners now and have to be careful of cuts.  But it came right back to me, and I only got one little cut that really didn't bleed much.

Well, gotta go to bed early, having garage sale #2 tomorrow.  Have I mentioned how much I hate having a garage sale???  They're much more fun to go to than to have!

Hugs

Judy

Anonymous

   I am thrilled for you.  We all rejoice at your wonderful news.  NED is the best news ever. You give the rest of us hope.   Marybe

KerryMac

Just a quick good morning to everyone.

Apple - I can "hear' the difference in your "voice" too, and it is wonderful! 

Jaimie -Cheryl is right - take it one step at a time. i am dreading my ooph surgery too, but have decided just to not think about it!

Cheryl and Bev - I am slowly building up my running too.  I am running one street, walking one street for about 5km. I can really feel myself getting less puffed every day. My muscles were really tight and awful for at least a month after finishing Chemo, if not longer. it is only in the last few weeks that I can feel my strength really returning. It is a great feeling!!

Judy - glad you are back mosiacing. (you'll have to post photos!) Anything you love doing is so theraputic. I find that with gardening, I just forget about "everything" and can concentrate on the plants.  Good luck with the Garage sale, we need to have one too.

Artemis - Rads will be over before you know it. Treat yourself to an eyebrow wax - I look so, so much better! Far less shaggy. (I have very bushy eyebrows!) We are really enjoying the new bathroom - I will post photos of the second one once we have got a mirror, etc. We are now very poor!!

Well, we are off to a library programme this morning - last time I went with the kids was last October, right when I was Diagnosed.  Guess life is getting back to normal.

Here is my hair....you can see the extra freckly part on my neck line - my whole Chest Wall looks like that. But, that is about all the reaction I have had from Rads.(hope they had the machine on, LOL!) I am looking forward to being able to wear a bra again!

Have a great day everyone. 

apple

morning..  it is growing season in Shawnee, KS.  We have had record amounts of rain, fairly cool temps and the green is astounding.  We moved onto my husband's family's property when we got married and are slowly taking it over.  My father in law who is 91 now, can't mow anymore.   there are about 6 normal sized houselots to give you an idea of the size.. or maybe 2.5 acres.., the lawns and bushy clusters  wind around a creek and tiny forest and there are many little nooks and crannies, hills and ditches.  I own TWO huge strapping boys, one 12 and one 15.  They are as strong as oxes, but lazy.  I actually have to yell at them to make them mow.  They seem to be willing, but they forget that they need to finish and go play video games.  About the only way I can get them to really help is to shame them by outworking them. 

 When i was assuming that I'd die, i started planting flowers and transplanting bushes and trees.  I've always had a picture of what I want this place to look at and I imagined my daughter saying 'Mommy planted those rose bushes.  There actually is a huge tract of open land left when the city bulldozed the creek and planted sod.  We wanted forest.  So we have been planting trees when we can find them.. (for free) ..including catalpa, silver poplar, buckeye,  southern oak, walnut, pecan, interspersed with rambling native bushes.  anyway, because I've been spending the last year planting when I had the strength, so as to leave a legacy,  and not pruning, shaping and containing, the place is looking dogpatchy... I can work really hard for about 5 hours.. the boys.. they can go about 50 minutes.  I mowed mr. apple's shop - that's were part of the forest area blends in with grass and the triangle of useless land across the creek.  i created a huge pile of pruned branches for the boys to cut down and haul to the brush pile.  that is their task today.  Think I can get them to do it?   What shall I bribe them with?

Kerry - I have about that much hair to start with.  but i have a couple baldish patches that need to fill in.  I think I am done with hair coverings. 

If anyone needs hope... take heart in the fact that it looks like they arrested my aggressive cancer that started out with a headstart.  I have no delusions that i will be cancer free forever, but the the thought of remaining here for the formative years of the kids is just the best hope ever.

I do have a movie taken about 3 years ago.  I am playing this gorgeous piece by Bach.  it is the opening theme of the Goldberg variations... it sounds easy but it's not.  the boy is number 2... he outweighs me by about 30 pounds now.   you can see my dog when he was about 1.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGCAT7Setis

I guess more than a few of you are facing surgery now.  I had my 1st chemo to shrink the tumor so it would be small enough to remove.

 i have to get to work.  this is quite the rambling post.. just visiting i guess.

Jaimieh

Ramble away Apple   We love listening.

Juday~ Happy to hear you are back doing something you love to do.

Kerry~ I love the hair it looks wonderful.  I can't wait to ditch the hats and head covers but not yet....

It's raining in the sunshine state right now so I am checking in with everyone when I should be processing pictures.  I am thinking that if it keeps raining DH and I may leave the kids with my MIL and go see the movie Hangover (no brainer and apparently funny).  It's odd since December I have not wanted to watch anything serious on TV. 

Off to go entertain the rug rats.....

MicheleS

Jaimie~  When do you go in for your surgery?? Lots of {{hugs}} for you. 

Lately, I've been going through a lot.  I won't whine too much about it... don't want to ruin the mood around here... but I'm just so tired.  Plus, DH has me so mad, I could just spit nails. 

I *did* want to post an update or 2:

1. My jaw~ feels better but the oral surgeon won't pull the teeth with me being on clondronate.  I can't go off because I'm don't want to get kicked out of the study (the ONLY was I can get bisphosphonates is by staying on the study because I'm "too young" to qualify otherwise)... so we are at a stand-still.

2. My remaining boob~ Insurance is being a pain about the prophylactic.  My breast surgeon is being a pain about fighting with insurance.  But, my oncologist is dealing with him.

3. Recon~ I'm opting out for now.  I just can't fathom doing it now.

apple

a big smile and hug for you Michele.. pain, even in small amounts is sooooo dragging.

we should have a DH rant and rave.  I really do have a great husband, but you'd think after 18 months of chemo crap he'd give me a day off.   but no.. he loves me so much. heh. 

 he's the type of guy that views EVERYTHING as a valuable resource.. every old broken zipper, machine, computer part, every piece of metal.. we have to save it.  I had thrown away some old tshirts.  we already buy them used so it's not like we have any significant amount of money in them.  anyway he said.. why don't you cut off the collars and use them as rags.. like we don't get a million rags for free from all his relatives who can't bear to throw anything away either. 

Grace4me

It is so wonderful to hear the normal in these posts.........I have been out of chemo 9 weeks now and am beginning to feel more normal.  I do have grade 0 to 1 lymphedema so I now sporting a sleeve and glove all day.( i tell the strangers who ask that it is my way of showing respect to Michael Jackson).

MRI next week for the pain in my shoulder, but I do feel better after speaking to my family doc, she is pretty sure it is muscle (rotator cuff injury) and not anything more serious. The armidex has raised my blood pressure so now I am on medicine for that. It seems never ending. I to have wonderful kids who feel very put out if they have to do anything and I'm frustrated because I have not been able to do much for so long.

I wish my hair looked as good, it is two toned, both white and black..........but to short yet to do anything about it.

I am back to working full time and still feeling like cooking and staying up with the kids, I can go shopping without getting wore out before I finish. The hot flashes are something else, but I find a cold washclothe and a fan helps alot.

So far, I don't think I'm getting any groucher then normal.......................well maybe the kids would think different now that I'm noticing the papers stuffed in the couch and the dirty socks under the table, the dirty dishes in their rooms, the .............

gcpommom

Apple:  Thanks for sharing that video....it was simply beautiful.  Even your reaction when your son blocked the camera-beautiful (and funny!).  I watched it a couple of times, and had tears in my eyes....music can really touch you unlike any other form of art, IMO.      I agree with you about the DH...mine is exactly the same, won't part with anything.  Drives me nuts.

Kerry:  Wow, your hair is getting thicker!  Looks great!   The garage sale went good, had a busy day.  One 70 yr old man stole a belt buckle from me, couldn't believe it.  What a jerk, stealing from a woman with no hair!

Jaimie:  You're still in FL, I am so jealous!  It has been such a cool, rainy summer here, haven't even been to the beach yet, or in my own pool, which is freezing cold! 

Michele:  That stinks about your tooth...are they just going to keep giving you antibiotics until they can pull it?   I also am in no rush to get my recon done....I hate not having breasts, but at the same time am apprehensive about surgery.  ((((hugs)))) to you, hope you feel better soon.

Grace:  I had a rotator cuff injury 2 summers ago...I got it from--believe it or not--one of those kiddie slush machines that you crank the handle (and crank, and crank) to get it to shave the ice.  That was a very painful injury, and took forever to heal and stop hurting.   I'm glad to hear that at 9 weeks you are able to have more energy.  I still get back and leg pains if I shop for too long, but it's only been 5 weeks since my last chemo....I hope that stops soon. 

My friend (the one with lung cancer) had her scans last week, and her tumors are almost gone now, it's amazing....her chemo is doing a fabulous job!  I was so happy to hear that.

Hugs to you all

Judy

living4today

Thanks for everyone's posts...I have been a bit discouraged as I want to feel great now, even if it is only two weeks after my last dose...reading about what you all are doing and how many weeks you are post chemo really gives me great hope!  Thanks for taking the time to continue to post...

Apple loved the video!

Kerry I want your hair!  (I did see two new eyebrow hairs this morning...but minimal growth on the top!)

xpectmiracles

Apple, I love the video! Your playing is fantastic! Your son and dog are so cute!

apple

goin on a little reunion trip with the two younger kids and DH.

you'd think we were moving to Europe.

webwriter

I have SO got to see Apple's video...in the morning! haha!

I had a "graduation celebration" with a gal I went through TX with, some of her friends and some of the fabulous staff from my center tonite. It was utterly amazing. I met a survivor (Pay attention Michelle) who had been hit with TN on the left 15 years ago and then on the right 10 years ago. She was utterly amazing. Her motto of the evening was "Don't mess with me. I've beat Cancer TWICE! You haven't got a chance!" I also met a 10 year survivor with my exact DX. There were at least 20 of us...the humor was incredible, the antics were just crazy, and the whole five hours rejuvinated me from the ground up.

I'm 13 weeks out and finally starting to realize (pay attention L4T!) that there really IS life after all this CRAP!

Got some great photos to share too. Ana, my TX friend, has far more hair than me, but we're both coming back fast! (We're blaming the bald spot in the middle of my forehead on "Duh" head slapping moments from chemo brain.)

BTW, the general consensus is that the chemo brain excuse does NOT have an expiration date no matter WHAT our husbands say!

RADS ARE DONE! I can't believe it! WAHOO!

Love you all, and thinking of you daily!!!

KerryMac

Webbie - you sound in fine form! You go girl.

Apple - loved the video - you'll have to post another one with your organ! Have a great trip, you deserve some fun times!!

Living4today - yep, I echo Webbies sentiments, just hang in there. Real life is waiting for you, it will just take some time! I am now 10 weeks out and feeling great and full of energy! You will be too.

Judy - how did the garage sale go?? I'll have to get some tips from you when we have ours. We have loads of junk taking up our furnace room and garage and i really need to have a good sorting out.

Michele - just sending you my thoughts and hugs -  you sound as though you are struggling a bit right now. Please come here and vent or whatever when you need to - don't feel you always have to be "up". We are here for you, good and bad.

Well, after a lovely week it is supposed to be rainy today. I'm hoping it will be a good hard rain, that the garden really needs, not just a sprinkle that doesn't help, but keeps us inside!  The guy next door is building a fence along our boundary line (there was a hedge there that he removed last year, and was going to replace with a fence and never did) So it will be great to have our privacy back.

Enjoy the weekend everyone!!

living4today

Just bopping in here this morning to check on you all and to let you know Kerry and webwriter you brought tears to my eyes...2 weeks out and feel like crap, but you gave me hope...thinking that knowing I have a PET scan next Thursday could be creating a bit anxiety and that my DH's family gets the award for NO SUPPORT and PESSISM and Worse things to say to someone going through cancer...my SIL actually told me when she saw a pic of me and my new grandbaby she had to sit on the floor and cry cuz I look so aweful, so than she stopped calling me cuz she couldn't face it....kind of wish we had the choice to just ignore it, but duh.....it's our life and will be forever!  Thanks for letting me rant....have I told you all lately how great I think you are??? and how much strength I gain from each and every one of you?