Angry rant-I apologize up front

Britt

Snappy -

I know what you mean - most of my friends (with the exception of two) have not called me since I shared my diagnosis with them.  Even my two sisters who live in NJ - they call once in a very great while, but they can't believe what happened to me and can't relate to it.  Thank goodness my mom (a very young and active 75 year old) lives with me and she is great. You mention that you have a husband and that is also great - but I know just a simple phone call from someone you know (not some anonymous volunteer) asking if you need to talk, need someone to hang out with, need someone to come over and chat and keep you company - I know how it is.  Sometimes I feel like most of my "friends" don't know what to say and are so wrapped up in their own lives . . . but still, it's not right.  Whenever someone I knew was ill - cancer or not - I always called on a regular basis to see if they were ok, did they need anything, how about a trip to the store?  How about a visit?  Want some company?  Well, people are strange sometimes.  And I really believe The Big C scares the daylights out of a lot of them!  And LOTS AND LOTS of hugs from me - and I AM feeling much better!  Here's to us with the "temporary setbacks!"  We will get through this!

Lories

Hi all, I am fairly new to the scene, just diagnosed 12/19 with IDC, so I have not had near the long waits that Snappy and Britt are experiencing, but believe me, I would be going through the roof and totally pissed off, so I am with you. 

My one rant, I go in to the doc after my diagnosis and he has not even seen my mammograms yet?! What kind of nonsense is that??.  Geesh,  at least he examined the 'right' breast. 

I think living here in Alaska I have not had any national volunteers calling me, or I have not hit their radar yet.  That would be very annoying - I had one friend call me yesterday and all she could say was, "oh I am so sorry, boo hoo"  - so why am I consoling her???

And hearing and thinking about your wire sticking out Britt, that totally sucks. Who thought of that, wait - a MAN I bet.  duh.  I bet they would come up with another kind of marker if they had a wire sticking out of their private parts.

Hang in there, I am rooting for all of us and will try and use my 5 newbie posts well to try and get to know you all.  I sure wish we lived closer and could all go for drinks together.  A nice martini or margarita would be perfect.

Love, Lori in Alaska

Lisa1964

Oh boy!!!  Can I add to this!  When I was diagnosed I had TOO many idiots calling me.  I quickly started screening my calls and I got VERY selective about who I would talk too.  Oh, and those people from the "national association" - I NEVER talked to them.  I am entirely too busy for a pity party. I also got very tired, very fast of repeating the same thing over and over and over.  I had a very simple solution to avoid repetitve conversations and having to speak to idiots.  I have a small, private bulletin board of my own.  I simply added a section on cancer and made everyone who wanted updates on my condition join the board.  A "funny" thing happened, the same people whose phone calls I was avoiding only checked the board 2 or 3 times. They did not truly care about ME they just wanted to exploit someone elses misery and if they couldn't do it live, it wasn't any fun. 

I wasn't paying attention to the caller ID about a week ago, and one of the idiots snuck in on me, she has not called or checked my BB since Sept.  I must have been on her Christmas Pity/Guilt list.  She actually had the nerve to compare my cancer to her husband's failing business!!!!  WTF?

Another beef is friends that are so clueless, they brag about how buff they are getting at the gym or ask how many miles I RAN at the gym yesterday.  RUN!?  I am on chemo you fool!  I am lucky to WALK for 20 minutes on the damned treadmill!

OK, I feel all better now.

And yes Britt, this is no journey.  I journey is the trip horsebackriding across Ireland I have planned for 2010.

Lisa

webwriter

I'm with you too, Britt. So many friends have faded into the woodwork. Others have come out of it. Odd thing, this.

Lisa, Oh my. You have hit several nails in my head--squarely. I already had the small BBS, w/blog feature. I'm gonna say it once and once only. If you care, you can check there. (Fed UP with my phone and the constant emails!)Shall we meet up in Scotland, 2010?

Cancer Warriors Rock On! (Temporary set-backs aside!)

My unapologetic rant for today is that it is Sunday. Traditionally a "special" day at our house. The weekend work is done, the bills are paid, and we have the majority of the day to spend as a family. Delightful times with our amazing child, wonderful talks about where we're going in life... It is the first Sunday since mid-november that I have been reasonably awake and mobile--at the same time. So, we will NOT discuss what happens at naptime, except to say hubby says awake and mobile is good enough.

NOT this Sunday. Monkey is safely ensconced in her room, with a caucophony of symphony music for cover-- right on time. HOWEVER, my PARENTS are coming. From Indiana. For a Week. With Dog. And Father. In an HOUR.

I am afraid of nothing on this earth folks--except for being trapped with my family (and a three year old who can't STAND dogs, not scared of 'em but they Slobber, MAMA!) for a week.

So help me Gawd, if I live through this...if THEY live through this, chemo will be a farqin' breeze.

Lories

Oh Webby, I do feel your pain. 

Here is my husband's trick for every time his parents come to visit, he stashes a bottle of whiskey or wine or crown royal or all of those in the bedroom and then nips in for a nip when he starts going insane.

The main worry I have for you is that they will smother you - for example, my mother in law, a dear who is 85, wants to come here from Minnesota to hold my hand before tests.  Yikes, that is the last thing I need.  Plus she is athsmatic and allergic to my two cats, so I understand the dog issue - there comes a breaking point in the helping out camp.

I look forward to hearing some of your stories this week, we are here to listen.  again, my condolences.Lori

webwriter

Hey Lories! Ask your hubby if I can borrow his stash! My county won't sell medicinal stash supplies on Sunday. Go figure. It would've been better than my plan of taking all of my remaining pain pills in rapid succession! Mimosa's just aren't going to cut this one.

My Step Mom, bless her heart, is the "Helpful Martyr" type. She'll get you a kleenex from the box by her elbow, but she expects a thank you card and flowers. And the next year will be spent listening to the rest of your family tell you everything she said about you "that time she came to help" and how it hurt her back so, and her knees just about "give out" but she was happy to do it, 'cause "by Gawd, you kids mean the world to me!" sniff. sniff.

My Father, on the other hand is the "Silent Brooding" type. I'm too much like him for us to get along in the first place. But that my temperment is offset from his, just enough, by my Mother, results in the fact that we can't be in the same room for long without an impropteau fireworks display. A big one.

My Father will, however, escape his wife (and me, and my daughter) to my shop. With my husband. And Scotch. And Cigars.

I will spend an entire week-- alone with my tearful child and my martyr, I mean Mother (Step variety, but don't say it out loud. Trust me on that.) and a yapping "poopsie" dog that peed on my Battenburg lace bedskirt last year -- while my husband is either at work, or in the shop with my father.

And for some reason, said beloved husband just doesn't understand why I am "DISPLEASED!" 

It could be worse, he says. It could be my ACTUAL Mother. He's got a point. Maybe.

Britt

Webbie -

 I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!!!  As much as I love my two sisters, it would be TOTAL HELL if they came now for a visit.  Total hell.  Thank goodness we can buy booze in Vero Beach on Sundays - boy, would I have needed it if they came!  One is the "martyr" type, as you described your stepmother, and the other would be riffling through my closet looking for clothes to take just in case I succumbed to an early demise.  And then they both would chorus (as they have already done over the phone):  "Nothing bad ever happens to you!  Are you SURE the doctors are right?  Did your lump go down?  Did you get a second, third, fourth opinion?"  Yaddddddaaaaahhhhh

Yes, darlings, look at the path report . . .  believe me, I know what you are going through.  They both came to visit two years ago when I was well and it was, well, hellish!!!!!

Maria (sending you spiritual spirits . . .)

Robyn66

Well, I got a call today from friends we haven't heard from in a long time because they just heard about the whole bc thing.  So I had to go through the whole story with them over the phone.

I hate talking about this.  I hate it being the sole reason someone called me.  I hate hearing that

How are YOU doing?

I just don't want to talk to people about it.  If people call I want to talk about Christmas, the weather ANYTHING EXCEPT BC,  Chemo, how great my wig looks ANYTHING!!!!

I couldn't give hubby the phone fast enough.  I know they mean well but I am SICK of THINKING ABOUT IT!!!!!

Love to all

Robyn 

Britt

Lisa -

That is SO TYPICAL about your Season's Greetings from the Association that Shall Remain Nameless - what a selfish harpy!!!!!!  My theory is that most of these nobless oblige do-gooders expiate their needless guilt at being very well-off by volunteering for a "worthy cause" - what really got me is that most of them claim to be "Cancer Survivors!" (there are always several exclamation points after that phrase) and I have found out that some of them are not . . . also, they usually call on an 800 number or a cell number (here from the barrier island, where I think it may be a law firm I sent a resume to - an attorney - or a friend) and then one picks up the phone and is assaulted with the Massive Pity Party.  Actually, the Lourdes comment was rather tepid in comparison to other comments I have made to them.  I do believe they think I am certifiable!

Lories

Hi Webby and Britt - I bet my day sucked almost as much as yours.  Like an idiot I went into the office, I have not been in since I heard before Christmas, but I had a major plan I was due for a meeting for - and this one agency was so petty and nasty, I almost lost it in the meeting.  Almost burst into tears, how humiliating would that have been???

But I think what was worse, two friends took me out for lunch.  They have both have had cancer.  One of them is great, she wanted to talk about my treatment, engage me in conversation, etc.  The other one, geesh, all she did was talk about when she had cancer, and how I should stay in the hospital when I go, cause she did and the next morning after her bilateral mastectomy they found her wandering all over the floor comforting all the sad and crying people.  Blah Blah blah, me me me, I thought I was going to absolutely scream!!!!

Now I know how not to act the next time I meet a person with cancer.

I did not realize today just how stressed out I really was.  I have not been sleeping and keep getting dizzy and I am not going back into the office until at least a week after my surgery.  I think I need xanax.

By the way Britt, your NYT article was one of the only bright spots of my day, plus a tremendous hug from someone I work with.

Webby, I hope you stocked up at the liquor store, I think you need a road trip to Vero beach.

 ok, I am starting to feel better, thanks for listening to my rant.  Lori

webwriter

Oh Lories! NO!!

Meet you in Vero Beach!

I can't even rant. It's 12:30am, I'm still working on my computer and my husband will leave for work at 6am...leaving me Alone. Again. With Them.

And the knowledge that I have likely lost 150gb of accumulated photos, stories, recipes, poetry, Financial Data, Web Site Designs in Progress, MEDICAL NOTES...

I'm getting shrill. I need to go to bed.

Let's Vote ourselves a Day OFF tomorrow, shall we?

zahara

Britt,

Don't give up. The 3AM thoughts are the worst! I'm in that testing phase and it is tedious indeed. I wish you all the best with your surgery on the 9th. Take care.

Poppy

Hi Robyn,

We have a very similar diagnosis except that I had DCIS too. I felt the same way for a long time and you have every right to feel it and vent it! Hopefully as healthy year after healthy year passes and your oncologist visits dwindle to every 6 months or a year, the awfulness of this BC crap will mostly go away. Hopefully in about 2 months you'll be through with the treatments and beginning to get your life back. Big hugs, Erica

NanaOfTen

.

mumito

I can understand how you all feel.Happy fricken new year everyone! I am going to indulge tonight.

fairy49

nanaoften, I can't imagine what you must be going through, I can't imagine having a child who would be so heartless. I am speechless quite frankly............there are so many wonderful people here on these boards who will walk beside you through this, we love you and are thinking of you and praying for you.  Hang in there!

Love Lorraine ox

EWB

Sirena- so sorry you have all this going on. It really sux.  If you are close to a particular teacher or staff, maybe they can help run interference for you..help with suggestions on what will be helpful or not to the rest of the staff.  My director did that a lot when I was first dx and it really helped.  She knew what was going on and could be middle man so I wasn't always having to answer the same questions and talk over and over about the same thing with different people.

Sending gentle hugs and peace your way.

Elaine

KEW

Wow.  Reading this has been kind of relaxing in a strange way.  I'm sorry we are all in this situation, but glad to read other people are having many of the feelings I've been having.

One of the hardest things for me, and the one that really made me mad was in the week after surgery when people found out that I was node negative more than one person said, "Well, good, I'm glad that is over."  Over...I had a bilateral, and I have lots of cording on my left side as well as a little lymphedema.  I have expanders to fill and another surgery ahead, my Oncotype is 15 and I was pretty content with my oncologist deciding Tamoxifen and no chemo.  I went for a second opinion, just because it is my nature, and that onco says I should have chemo....blah, blah, blah, my head is spinning work wants to know when I'll be back.  I don't feel like the same person and I'm not sure that is a bad thing.  I don't see how this is over and I can't believe people would say that, in many ways I feel as if it is just beginning.  I've been trying to be the perfect patient and I really do just want to scream at times.

Here is to a better 2009 for us all!

Yogi70

Robyn66,

Just read your rant!  Honey, you go right ahead and get it off your chest because with all that crap this disease puts you through it's not good to keep things bottled up inside.

I hear ya, sista

Lories

Hi Nanaof10 -  thinking of you so much, your daughter will someday understand, but that does not help now. 

We are here and knowing all will go well for you - I think the surgeons really try to save what they can, at least that is what mine diagnosed, so your doc may be overextending his knowledge.

My thoughts are with you and do let us know how it goes with the surgeon.  Lori

apple

i loved your rant too.

every8thwoman

I loved this rant!    I'm thinking of doing my own version soon.  Keep on ranting!!

MicheleS

love, love, love this thread.  You guys made me laugh!!

Webwriter~ Where are you from??  I live in Mobile. 

mooma

Hello Robyn,

I'm new to this...my first surgery was 12/24 and am now looking at mastectomy.  I can't honestly say I can relate to ALL of your rant YET but I'm sure, in time....

The one thing that stuck out to me was MY CANCER.  When I first started my 'research' I noticed that was said far too often.  I told my husband, "I can't figure out why these people call it 'my cancer'.  This cancer in me is not mine and I will never own it.  I doesn't belong there and I'm getting rid of it." 

BTW...I love this site and have met some wonderful women and have learned so so much!!

Thanks to all!!

Blessings

webwriter

BCBS of AL does NOT pay for wigs.

No other rant on that really needed. Self explanatory. Suckage level: High.

Sigh.

Britt

Webbie,

That SUX big-time.  However, if you have an American Cancer Society office nearby, they lend out wigs for free - yes, they are totally sanitized - it's one good thing that they do - ask your BS about it - even if there is an office nearby the hospital or your dr's office.

The "TLC" book I got from the ACS has some very affordable wigs for $45.00 that are really cute and stylish - if you didn't get the book, look up the ACS online and you will find the "TLC"gift shop.  Let me know how you made out!

Britt

Also, Webbie, even if you call the wig a "cranial prothesis?"  That is what I have read to call it when applying for insurance to reimburse the cost.

bee5467

Webbie -- Do you need one???  I would be more than happy to give you mine.  It was extremely sexy, kindof an asymetical  bob thingie.  Even my hsband & my best friends all want me to keep looking that cool.  Unfortunately, my own hair is wavy, curly and fine.  If you like, I can send you a photo via PM.

webwriter

bee, you're a gem. A true one. I'm ticked off, but not in dire need. I just think it's patently unfair for those who really DO have a need.

Besides, I got CANCER here...the least you can do is give me a rug with which to warm my balding pate! Sheesh! (okay, okay $5-10k for Neulasta treatments is a pretty big deal...so come off the $100 wig already!)

Britt--On it. Thanx for the tip off!

jancie

I love this thread!!!   I love it that it is ok to rant and rave about this damm cancer that is invading our bodies without our permission!!