please help

Ulla

dear sweety sue,,

wat a spoild young lady u r!!!!!!!!!!!!

stop it girl,,stop talking like the bootface is going to win,,,no way,,u r not allowed to accept that,,,

i dont allow u to be a loser even for one time,,,no no no no...

u r making me really angry to c u talking like that..wat is wroung with ur body??nothing it is just recting normaly with the treatments of chemo which can be traeted easily with some gargles or creams...do u want those nasty cells of bootface to stay in ur nice healthy body???????????

stop it young lady,,u r going to overcome all that and it will be finished be4 u know that...look at us ,,ur real sisters who walked this tough road be4 u...u r just one step behind us and we will finish all togeather...

i wish i was with u now in UK,,to hold u and give u the biggest hug till u feel better...taking care of ur nice boys while u sleep deeply and peacfully then wake up feeling stronger to beat that beast,,,,

i love u ,,stop having those dark and sad feelings ..life is so short to waste our days feeling sad or worried or afraid like u do feel now...

com on girl..enjoy ur time with ur boys,,,drink ur hours as u drink a  good red wine ,,enjoy every single hour and minute..never let a second goes away from u with u enjoy it ,,,this is the way that u can overcome this nasty trip that no one of us wanted to have at alll,but we all did and u will toooooooo

dear sue ,,i know that i was feeling just like u so many times ...and i cant deny that i still have my own down times,,,but wen i think that this bootface had already took so many preciouse things from me ,,i just feel that i dont want to let it take anything more ,,,

NO,,,BOOTFACE ,,U R NOT GOING TO TAKE ANYTHING MORE FROM ME,,NOT MY DAYS OR HOURS OR MINUTES ,,NOT EVEN 1 SECOND...

I WILL FIGHT U TILL THE END ...

AND EVEN IF I DIDNT MAKE IT AND LOST MY BATTLE TO U ,,U WOULD NEVER BEEN ABLE TO TAKE THOSE DAYS OF MINE NOW,,AM LIVING THEM INSPITE OF THE PAINS AND SWELLINGS AND STIFNESS AND SCARS AND IMBALANCE AND AND AND,,AM HERE BREATHING ,,LAUGHING ,,JOKING,,LOVING,,WALKING..

DO U HEAR ME BOOTFACE,,,

 I AM LIVING....AND WILL BEAT U...

GET LOST BOOTFACE

livesstrong

Hi ladies,

Just wanted to stop in and let you know UB is HOME!!!  I told him how you ladies are all praying & rooting for him. He wanted to thank all of you and let you know that he will be right next to you on the road to EC.  I'm trying to get him to stop by to chat!!  And yes, Sue, he will carry you, but only on his "good" weeks!!! lol

Don't have much time, but Sue, Erika is right.  You need  to get something from your ONKY to help with it.  DON'T BE SUCH A TOUGH GUY, IF YOU ARE IN PAIN, ASK FOR HELP!!!!!

I'll try and bbl,

AE 

livesstrong

I fellow bc survivior in my Yahoo group posted this today and I thought I would share it with you all...............

WHAT CANCER CAN NOT DO

 

Cancer is so limited...

 

It can not cripple Love

 

It can not shatter Hope

 

It can not corrode Faith

 

It can not destroy Peace

 

it can not kill Friendship

 

It can not suppress Memories

 

It can not silence Courage

 

It can not invade the Soul

 

It can not steal eternal Life

 

It can not conquer Spirit

                                   Author Unknown

lvtwoqlt

Here is a link to a movie that I found right after my dx and it is very moving. It says that I have cancer but cancer does not have me! I hope everyone enjoys it.

http://www.thesurvivormovie.com/

Sheila

sueps

AE ... I wish you were my real aunty..it just feels so right.... and as for ub....tell him I will hold his hand on his bad weeks....and he can carry me on his good....I will hold on tight round his neck as my legs dangle wearily... I love you both bcos as people you are truly truly remarkable. Tell ub I am glad he is home....and to get plenty of rest and cuddles off his dogs .....AE you have done so well this week ...rallying round everyone here and everyone there and everywhere....I love you xxx

Sheila a beautiful video ...you are like a sis to me...I feel so endeared to people in different ways ....I want to say I will always be with you all for life....it would be a travesty to lose contact. xxx

I am going for a bath...I am in uniforme. I have some mouth wash...so you will hear me scream in half hour...

I have work issues tonight too...Tom wants to demote me to a quieter store ....we failed our eval cos he wont spend money on the place. light buulbs etc ... we failed it bcos of him....yet he thinks I cant cope...well to my face he says I am doing extremely good at a difficult job....to my area manager .... he must say something diffeernt...oh I dont know ...how the freak can one healthy person run a store 24 7 with no support....I cant have a day off a sickie without coming back to more work...THERE IS NO ONE ELSE THERE...TO ORDER TO STOCK TAKE TO BANK TO ROTA TO RECONCILE TO THIS TO THAT...JUST ME...AND i HAVE A DAY OFF I COME BACK TO HOW I LEFT IT WITH NO WORK DONE BETWEEN ...

SOZ I will switch off from work....Its just ...I work my ass off go thru chemo etc and still its not good enough xx

The sale is still going through ...I know they will want rid of an ill failure wiht no energy xxx They only have a window a month inside the store...they do not see that we do not get breaks and graft all day xx

going for a bathxx

honeygirl

Hi Sue!

Know I am giving you the biggest hug right now! I hate that you feel so bad. And yes , it sounds very much like you have thrush. Call your onky asap and get a script for some meds.

And work , man , you just don't need this at all. Tom is a freakazoid. He is like a captain who jumps ship. Freakin trickle down effect. His problem is he doesn't give a sh_t anymore. I wish you could quit. He doesn't deserve you. You are so much better than to have to put up with all this. But lets try and fix what can be fixed. Call the onky , get the script. Get plenty of rest. I know you are not sleeping a full night , so nap when ever you can. You should get a calendar , starting from your first chemo tx , and mark it off with a big red magic marker , love the smell of them , so you can see your progress  and how close , everyday , you are getting to EC. And whatever it is that you are hungry for , make it. You need your strengh. And you need comfort. And do something that will make your boys smile. Cause that will make you smile and feel better. Get a cuppa and relax.xxxx Love you Sue.

honeygirl

Hi Karen. I hope you are feeling better. Are you still bleeding? I hope you are healing fine. Hows your weather been lately? Mine sucks. This morning was a white knuckle drive. The roads were awful. I'm home for the night. So it can snow all it wants! Hows Chase and your daughter doing? I forgot her name. Sorry. But I remember how adorable she is with her pink hair! Or when you all tried on wigs. Those were great pics.

Hope you're having a good start to the weekend.xxxx

Lisa , hope the garage didn't charge an arm and leg. My check engine light came on yesterday. So I have to take mine in some time next week. I want a horse and buggy! At the cost of gasoline , I think it would be cheaper to feed a horse!lol Hope all is well. I am going to McMinnville Tenn. It is about 70 miles southeast of Nashville. My sister and I will be heading to Murfreesboro to shop! Thats mostly what we do. Shop and eat! And I will take my mom to put flowers on my dads grave. And I'm just gonna chill with my mom and nieces and nephew. And of course my son. It will be nice just to leave my work and worries behind for a week.

Well ladies , I am off to make some chili and cornbread. I'll be back later.xxxx Hugs to all. Mel

Shirlann

Hi my sweet sisters, thank you Karen for the kind words, you are sooo pretty! 

And Mel, I love chili and cornbread.  I wish I was nearer.

AE, so glad hubby is coming home, to his precious wife and together, you will win this battle.

Little Sue, I love you honey, and I bet you have thrush.  It is because your immune system is on the fritz.  Has anyone told you to get special mouthwash and toothpaste?  I think it is supposed to help with this and other mouth problems.  WORSE!  Dang it, you were supposed to feel better with this new chemo.  I wonder, shingles takes about 6 weeks to completely recover from.  The job is not good.  I think you are physically and mentally overloaded.  I sure wish I could whisk you off to my private island for 4 months, if I had one.  But, you are loved and treasured, and you will live to be an old, old lady.

Ulla, hang in there honey, what are you using on your eyes?  They should be better by now.

Last Tuesday nite I went to sleep really early.  Walt was left with Dusty under the covers and Cleo on her pillow over my head.  All asleep and peaceful.  Then, Cleo decided to stir things up.  First she jumped on Dusty, he got up looked very pissed, and stomped off to his own bed on the floor.  Then Cleo, somehow, got behind the bed and grabbed Walt by the ears (he head was on his pillow, he was reading), he shrieked in terror and Cleo raced off and down the stairs.  Then, she began to play hockey.  Our couch is gone, we are getting a new one, and the floor is tile, so she bats her toys all to one end of the room, then back the other way.  Walt was livid, he told me he almost strangled her.

portiasproudmom

How funny, Shirlann!  Cats crack me up!!  I wish my dh didn't dislike them so much--I'd get one in a second.  I don't know how well our two senior citizen doggies would like having an energetic youngster around though.  Cleo sounds like a hoot!  She's so adorable too.

Sue, it really does sound like you have thrush.  My dad had it when he was in the hospital after his open heart surgeries.  It was very nasty.  I know there are meds or special mouth washes they can give you for it.  You need to let your onk know.

That Tom is a total jerk!  He needs a swift kick in the rear end!!  He certainly doesn't deserve you.  I hope you find a new job once you're finished with your treatments.

Yipppeeee!!  UB is home!  I'm so glad, Valerie.  You hang in there--both of you!!

I'm feeling just fine today, thanks for asking Mel.  My bleeding has pretty much stopped and other than a tiny bit of tenderness and bloating, I'm great.  I did some shopping today and carried in the groceries--which I probably shouldn't have done.  I'm not supposed to lift more than 15 pounds for a month.  Oops.  Didn't even think about it until after the fact.

Love to everyone--Ulla, Lisa, Jane, Lucy, Dawn, Wren, Mia, Sheila, Tender, and anyone I may have forgotten.

Hugs,

Karen

honeygirl

Good morning everyone. Hope everyone is off to a good start on the weekend. AE , hope you and UB are resting. So glad he is home. You both are in my prayers.xxxx

Hey ladies , I was wondering , would you mind pming me your birthdays and I will make a list and post it? I'd like to give good wishes for everyones special day. OK , gonna get some cleaning done. bbl.Melody

my3girls

Good morning Sisters.....I hope you are all doing well today. Sue, sorry about your mouth. I had that with the taxotere..no sores, but it hurt like you know what!  I used a mouthwash.  After about 2 tx's...it was better.  I agree with everyone else..Tom doesn't deserve you.  After your tx's..go job hunting! AE..hope UB is still doing better.  So glad that you two are back home. What a relief!  Thanks for the Cancer's CAN NOT DO list!  AWESOME! Karen, sounds like you are doing great!  Good for you.  But remember to take it easy too. No lifting more than your 15 lbs.  It's hard isn't it?? I am having such a difficult time remembering not to lift the laundry baskets! GRRRRR.. Shirlann....Cleo sounds like a little dickens!  So funny! Mel...Have a good day cleaning....I told Olivia today between the two of us, we need to get some cleaning done here too.  When do you go to TN to visit your family?  I am so happy for you! Thanks for all the prayers for my friend Kim and her family.  Her Mom is in Palative care right now.  She does not respond...which I know is hard. Kim said.."I wish she would just open her eyes one more time".  Keep praying for them.  They so appreciated it.  She told me that last night on the phone.  I know it's only a matter of days, if that.  She shared with me..that when they told Kim and her 4 siblings that their Mom's room was ready in the Palative care unit...they said it was room 306...they all looked at each other..that was their childhood home address where they all grew up...isn't that something? Have a good day sisters.  I feel a bit better today...started feeling like I had a flu bug last night.  Hopefully it does not come back. Love to all of you!!!!!!!! xoxo Lisa

HeatherBLocklear

More cat stories, please! I have two -- Molly Bloomers (yep, Joyce of course), and Max a Million of Mexico. This morning there was a huge crash in the kitchen -- Max had just knocked over and broken a brand-new bottle of Grand Marnier. :-(

Annie

Ulla

DEAR SISTERS..

I AM VERY HAPPY TODAY...I HAVE A NEW FURRY FRIEND...GUESS WHAT???

I WENT TODAY MORNNING TO THE CHARITY SECOND HAND SHOP WHERE I MEET THE OLD SWEDISH LADY EVERY SATURDAY..

TODAY SHE WAS NOT THERE BUT THEY TOLD ME THAT SHE MIGHT COME LATER..SO I CHOSED A TABLE AND SAT THERE TO DRANK A CUP OF COFFEE HOPPING THAT SHE WILL COME...

AT ONE MOMENT A SO SWEET CAT JUMPED IN MY LAP..I WAS SO ASTONISHED BUT I KEPT PETTING ON HIM ..I THOUGHT THAT THIS CAT WAS BELONGING TO ONE OF THE OTHER COSTMURES WHO WILL COME SOON TO TAKE IT SO I KEPT PLAYING WITH IT ,,

BUT I DIDNT FEEL THE TIME PASSING AND MY SWEDISH FRIEND DIDNT SHOW..IT WAS 1 HOUR AND NO ONE CAME TO TAKE IT...

I FELT SO CONFUSED NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO WITH IT...

I WENT TO THE PPL RESPONSIBLE ABOUT THE SHOP AND TOLD THEM ABOUT IT,,,THEY TOLD ME THAT IT WAS HERE SINCE 2 DAYS AND THAT THEY KEPT TAKING IT OUT AND IT KEPT COMMING BACK ,,,THEY DONT KNOW WHERE IT DID CAME FROM OR WHOM IT IS BELONGING TO..

I COULDNT LEAVE IT THERE ALONE..SO I TOLD THEM THAT I WILL TAKE IT HOME WITH ME AND THAT I WILL GIVE THEM MY ADRESS AND PHONE NO.SO IF ANYONE ASKED ABOUT IT ..THEY KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME...

I WAS PLAYING WITH IT SINCE ABOUT 5 HRS AND JUST CANT FEEL THE TIME....IT IS ADORABLE...I DONT KNOW WHAT TO CALL HIM,,,MAY BE I WILL CALL HIM *ERIKS* AFTER THE NAME OF THE SHOP....

NOW I WILL E-MAIL HIS PIC TO DEAR SUE SO SHE CAN POST IT HERE TO ALL F U SISTERS....

I LOVE U ALL

Wren

Ulla, I'm so happy you have a new little furry friend! I hope you get to keep him. It seems like this was a match meant to be.

I'm smiling right now thinking of you and your little kitty.

It's so fun to hear about all the kitties everyone has.  I also have three cats and I can't imagine my life without them. They all have such distinct personalities and offer me comfort when I am feeling bad.

I cannot wait to see pictures of your new kittty!

Sue, I sure hope your mouth feels better soon.  You definitely deserve an award for enduring so much.  If I had one, I'd hang it around your neck for all to see--just like they did in The Wizard of Oz. I'm praying you get relief in some aspect of your world. 

You are so very strong!

Hugs everyone!

honeygirl

OK , I'm taking a little break from cleaning. Welcome Annie! Molly and Max , how sweet. But knocking over AND breaking a bottle of boose is a no-no!lol Like I said , never a dull moment with kitty-cats.xxxx

Oh Ulla , God is really showering you with angels at Eriks! That would be a cute name. You really needed a kitty. And its so cute , he picked you!xxxx

Hi Wren , wow , three cats! I bet there are Larry , Curly and Moe moments at your house!lol Post a pic of them if you can. We all love seeing each others fur babies.xxxx

OK ladies , back to work. Don't forget to pm me your birthdates. Thank you Lisa for pming me yours. Make sure you let Olivia do the lifting!xxxxx Mel

honeygirl

Oh , I almost forgot , Shirlann , I laughed so hard , I almost p-ssed myself!lololol And I'm sorry for laughing at Walt's "unfortunate event".lol But anyone who has a cat can just picture it happening. Her little body was probably wiggling back and forth just before the attack! And then when she scared him , he probably scared the crap out of her!lol Oh my , there is nothing like having a cat in the house.xxxx

sueps

Hello Everyone xxx

I am in so much agony   I am so so so out of my depth.

I have had 6 hours sleep in 48 hours..done ten hour shift at work bcos Tom decides to go off tho run a b and b with is mates for the weekend. I am so fed up with being overworked.... I take one day off sick last week bcos of shingles!! and I come back to 3 days worth of work ...including doing a whole inventory that I asked him to do for me... he text me an hour before I start work that he forgot to do it..SO WHATS THE POINT in going sick... I cant even afford to  I need to support the boys   I am so out of my depth .... I doing paperwork until 3 am this morning... trying to work out ways how I could be available 24 7 ... every other subway has at least an assistant manager...

Well so that would be stress in itself ... but I am so ill, my mouth feels like it has scalded all over...you know if you burn your finger and it turns white and stings...well its like that... its not thrush...its raw burn...I have mouthwash.... I have special sensitive tooth paste...

THIS CMF IS EVIL ....EVIL EVIL EVIL ...

Reading all your posts...and lying here still in my uniform...trying to eat a chinese that feels like eating glass ... I am hanging on to all your nice normal moments...and happy to read what you're all doing...

I never dreamt I would feel so bad...I thought this lot would be easier .... I look like sh t and feel like it...

My heart is being ripped out tonight.

The chemo meltdowns are gone ...and I am left on the floor

I am so sorry .... I wish I could post somehting nice...

I LOVE YOU ALL XXX

I will go into debt if I dont work .... but I dont think I can carry on...its not right xxx

Shirlann

Ha ha, oh that little video is priceless! Yes, that is Cleo. Dusty can't figure any of it out. He stands in front of her, does a play bow, has a toy in his mouth, and wants to play. She looks at him like he is crazy, he walks away, and she attacks his tail! We have laughed more at the two of them than we have laughed in years.



Yes, there is an imprint on our ceiling of Walt's head where he levitated when Cleo grabbed his ears. She is so quiet! I got her a bell, but she manages to sneak up on us anyway. She is so sweet. She still tries to open my eyes in the morning. I am so bad, I keep them closed because there is nothing in this world as sweet as that little kitten reaching over my hair with her soft little paw and as gentle as a butterfly, try to open my eyes. No one will believe me around here.



They think I am nuts. But I know this is what she is doing. Oh well, guess you have to have a cat. But, of course, no one has a cat as remarkable as this one! HA HA



Love you all, dear sisters, And now Ulla has a kitty! She picked you out Ulla, she knew a sweet lady when she saw one.



Love, Shirlann

Shirlann

OH SUE, we must have been writing at the same time. I thought you were sound asleep. My post is so senseless. I am sorry, honey, I was looking at the kitty video and then I started typing, and here comes my sweet english rose, all sick and fed up. I am so sorry, honey.



I thought this round was going to be easier????? What is up with that??? They are giving you the full monte. It is because you are so young and they know you can take it. Walk in limping and fall on the floor, maybe they will back off.



I am so sorry, baby, this is terrible. When this is over, I hope you can forget it and get on with life. What an awful experience. Bless your heart.



Love you honey, kisses and a great big hug, Shirlann

portiasproudmom

I don't understand this either, Sue.  I thought for sure that the cmf would be kinder to you than that red devil drug they were giving you before.  I'm so sorry you're in such misery.  And that idiot Tom isn't helping matters!  He'd better watch himself, or a bunch of us angry bc sisters will show up on his doorstep and throttle him one of these days!!  Grrrrrr!!!  Jerk!

I wish there was something I could do to help.  I'm sending positive, healing thoughts your way, sweetheart.  Hang in there!!

Love and hugs,

Karen

sueps

Shirlann ...don't dare be sorry for posting such a lovely post...I love imagining Dusty bowing to Cleo.... everytime you post about them I smile so much at the thought...and I can feel the soft pads of Cleo as if she was touching my eyelids right now!!!  Zippy has to wake me with a bite on the nose.... he is so domineering at times!!

I just dont know why this CMF is so harsh... I have one last week one this week then the same in 2 weeks....they used to give a 3 week let up ...but I think they have a lower dose over the 2 weeks...I dont know...I dont understand any of it....this is a complete nightmare.... I dont know how you all got through it...but I admire you all so much xxx

I cant wait to see Ullas kitty...what a lovely quaint tale....so quaint and peaceful...Ulla you have a lovely manner with your words xxx

What shall I do sisters...what shall I do xx

sueps

Karen..... I can feel your healing thoughts .... I really can.... How can this CMF be so torturous....I am trying to think if my mouth didnt hurt how would I feel...I guess the sore feeling is the worst s/e...but when I have some more...it will be living hell....I just need to do it... how can I not... the nurse said some find it hard...I wish they would find a cure ... I am not sure I will do this again...if I had to...The ladies that have done it for years...well they take my breath away.... what can I say....I am nothing compared to the real mcoy xxx

sueps

If you ate something that makes you sick..you wouldnt go back for seconds.... I think my brain has difficulty in going back for seconds knowing what it will lead me to.... I mean.... having it dripped in your body knowing you will be sick...and in pain....

I am halfway through and I am doing rubbish .... I am so disappointed at my weakness xxx

sueps

BUT ONLY I CAN DO IT!!!!

THE TRUTH IS I CAN'T ....

sueps

 MAY ULLA INTRODUCE HER NEW KITTY  LOL .. ULLA ...BEAUTIFUL!!!

portiasproudmom

You can do it, Sue!!  I don't know if I mentioned this to you all, but I went into the infusion room the other day to schedule a port flush, and I instantly felt queasy, just being in there.  Strange, huh?  I've often thought about if I could do it again if I had to.  I know it would be horrible, but I'd have to.  I want to be here for as long as I can for my kids.  You'd do it too, Sue.  I know you would.  But don't worry--you won't have to.  Just as Shirlann said, you'll get through this and will grow to be an old lady calling the nurse in the old folk's home "mama".  Giggle!!!  That one always makes me smile.  Hang in there Sue.  You're the strongest person I know.

I'm off to take a drive to Seattle with my friend, Lisa.  We're going to the flower and garden show.  Try to enjoy your evening Sue.  I know it's easier said than done.  Love you sweetie!

Hugs to all,

Karen

portiasproudmom

She's gorgeous, Ulla!  What a lucky kitty to have found you!

Love,

Karen

sueps

sueps

sueps

Have a beautiful day Karen .... You have reassured me.... that everything I feel is normal.... I will just have to go back to baby steps in my head...I love you Karen ..you mean the world xxx