I can't get my act together and I don't know why

gsg

Thanks for the thyroid input, mke.  when i was there in september, she did up my dosage, which is why she wanted me back for a level check in October.  I'll get in there sometime this month. 

your hazmat suit made me LOL.  i have a bunch of clothes in garbage bags that i threw in there once to make it (falsely) appear to my husband i had gotten something done.  they were clothes i had all over my laundry room, unfolded...not stuff i planned on giving away.  i'm not even sure what's in them...i've been thinking about just donating the bags without even opening them up, but am worried i could have thrown something embarrassing in there so i need to check them first...therefore, there they sit. 

Anonymous

mke, you reminded me of something.  I've got boxes filled upstairs in the hall way to go SOMEWHERE...Goodwill, Salvation Army.  I need to get them outta here before Thanksgiving! 

gsg

bumping for kelly.

Sociologist

Hi GSG,

How did you get into my head?!?!? Shortly after dx and mast, everyone kept commenting on how "well" I was taking things and now they tell me how wonderful I look (Why? How bad did I look BEFORE bc entered my life?). I've stopped apologizing to everyone if I feel crappy or depressed; I own my feelings and am allowed to feel how I do for as long as I need to feel this way. If others don't like it, TOUGH!

As far as housekeeping goes...who cares? As long as the board of health doesn't come in and put up a Quarantine sign you're good! The only thing I don't allow hubby to do is my laundry (ended up with some strange colors about 30 years ago and he does his and I do mine).

It's hard to keep a stiff upper lip when all you want to do is cry. What helps me is to come here and post and I also keep a journal. It's been extremely helpful keeping track of my feelings and how they've changed over the past 6 months. I can see where I've been and where I'm going. Man what a ride!!!

Wishing you all the best.

Margaret

dash

Ahhh, Gsg, I was wondering where this thread went to. I've been at that stage a while now. I don't have a very supportive family--except for my kids-- so I think it's been harder for me than it has needed to be. Hoping this thread will give me some comfort...thanks

NaughtybyNature

Having gone through this myself in my past, and some times present, may I suggest these links for you to take a look at:

http://www.utexas.edu/student/cmhc/booklets/Grief/grief.html

http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/KEN-01-0104/default.asp

http://www.cancersurvivors.org/Coping/end%20term/stages.htm

I also felt the same a year into my recovery, I could not put my finger on what was wrong, and "Roxywood", one of our "oldies", sent me a Grief document.  I have it on my night table and I still reach out for it every now and than.

Good luck.

Maire67

'

snowyday

Ladies your right for one I to hated the "new normal" and I put up with it for to long. And depression is so very tough every female in my family is on an antidepresent.  But what I did was save some money and I really lucked out hired a small cleaning company Nice and Tidy and they had a man that came in and literally went through all my junk and good stuff and helped me get rid of then cleaned and it cost me 280.00 for four visits and what a difference it makes.  I feel like I own my apt again I can can breath and it's easier to clean when I feel like it, which still isn't often. But I've decided to forgo any new clothes or trinkets and save it for my cleaner to come in and make my place a home. I honestly think if I wouldn't have done it I would really be deeply depressed now. This has worked for me and he even helped me get organized and when I would through up my hands and say 'I'm overwhelmed" he would make me a cup of tea and we would just stop and start again when I felt better. I really believe an Angel sent him to me because it feels so good to have a home again that I can stand to live in. pearl49  I used to be such a perfectionist but I've long dropped that, but I really feel good now. Hope this helps.

gsg

thanks for all the new posts.  i have made no progress since i started this thread...i have managed to keep my desk at work tidy except for my top drawer gets a little out of hand.  my head is more muddled than it was a year ago and i've gained back the 20 pounds i had taken off postchemo.  today i discovered i should not reach back and feel my butt while in a sitting position.  it was horrifying....absolutely horrifying.  it kind of reminded me of an oatmeal filled refrigerator box if that makes sense.

the only thing i've done on my house in the past 4 months was i took my ironing board down...who was i kidding...like i was going to start ironing my table linens.   seriously.  let's get real.  i don't even know where they are.

paige-allyson

You mean you actually own table linens . I am not even sure what they are. I think I saw some at a restaurant once...a long time ago.

gsg

indeed i do.  i used them in my old normal.  in my new normal they're all balled up................................somewhere.

Anonymous

Patrice, glad to see your still your old self.  LOL  Just kidding.  The only time I try to clean a little is usally ONLY when my kids come home for a visit.  I'm still trying to get rid of my fil's stuff.  I start going through some of it and then just put it down, forget about it, until.......

Snowday, I'm assuming you mean $280 each visit.  If not, then you got a deal!

My dh has the kid next door cut the lawn.  I've never had anyone clean the house.  I would LOVE to have my windows cleaned...22 windows with storm windows.  Just too much for me to tackle any longer.  I can't stand looking out them.  And the curtains...oh, my!  I want to take them down and put something new up that doesn't collect dust.  Anyone know of any "dust-free drapes?"  Of course that's an LOL!

Shirley

althea

patrice, has your thyroid level been checked?  Mine was checked recently and it came back 6.4.  The normal range on the labwork stated .0357 to 5.5.  Then I find out the standard was changed in 2002 and the normal range is now defined as .3 to 3.0.  The concept of a new normal seems to be far reaching.  I get more labs done soon and hopefully when I see the internist on the 14th I'll get a scrip for some meds and a new lease on life.  Crossing my fingers. 

gsg

hi, althea.  yes, and i'm on thyroid medication. my levels are now within normal range.  honestly, i never noticed a difference between how i felt when they were out of normal range and now that they're in...but mine weren't waaaaaay above normal to start out. 

hope the new meds help you to feel better.  nice to see you on here!

althea

If you don't mind me asking, what is your TSH level now that you're on meds?  And what do you take?  Somewhere in the reading I've done, most women feel their best when the TSH is around 1. 

gsg

i can't remember.  i'll check my book tomorrow and post it.  i take 75 mcg's of levothyroxine a day.

gsg

i keep forgetting to look in my book, althea.  i'll try to remember tonight!

gsg

i'm sorry, althea.  my book is in my car, and i never remember to look.  i'll keep trying though.

in the meantime, somebody just sent me this great household cleaning tip:

Good Housekeeping Tip
Another Maxine Tip ...

Always keep several
get well cards on the mantle...
So if unexpected guests arrive, they will think you've been sick and unable to clean

Anonymous

Hahahaha, Patrice.  Here's another Maxine...just for you. LOL/ and me/and any other person who's fighting dementia..

gsg

LOL.  And ain't it the truth!

Anonymous

Received this in my email.  Think it will motivate anyone?

Hooray for Housework!

Sure, mopping floors and tilling the garden is hard work, but exercise? Researchers say it is! The great news is that chores help you burn calories while you get things done! If you do them often enough, you won't have to go to the gym! Try turning on the tunes and moving briskly; add squats, biceps curls, and other moves as you go.

You can burn 200 calories an hour mopping, vacuuming, or washing windows - the same as medium-intensity aerobics; 400 calories per hour of mowing the lawn - the same as cycling; and 500 calories per hour of washing and waxing the car - the same as jumping rope! So don't delay! Get busy with that to-do list today!

iodine

well, personally, if that cheerful, skinny, chickie came to my house, I'd be motivated to kick her in the ass. 

I do find that putting Bach on is a great motivator to clean and move, tho.

hulatalulala

I'm having a hard time getting this entered as it keeps getting away from me somehow!  I really identified with this thread!  For almost a year after my dx, I kind of floated through it all as if it were a minor happening.  Although I'm a nurse, I asked very few questions (for me, anyway).  My prognosis is excellent -- stage 1, grade 2, lumpectomy, node neg, mammosite, tamoxifen (AIs made me hurt a lot).  About 9 months after the dx, I got out all my "papers" -- path reports, etc. -- & needed to ask all the questions I apparently should have asked right after dx.  Surprisingly (or not) doctors are not as amenable to addressing all that stuff later rather than earlier.  Some thought I was questioning the tx decisions, but that was not it at all.  I just needed info.  Somehow, the cancer diagnosis has changed the horizon of my life.  I am now almost 2 years post dx, but I still feel rattled & disorganized.  For about the last year, I've felt I was a little depressed & asked my family doc about an antidepressant.  At those times, other things were happening, too -- pneumonia, moving to a house that needed much work right at the time of dx & tx, mother moved in with us, etc. -- & he always wanted to wait until the "crisis" had cleared.  Cleaning & getting even little stuff done is a major chore.  Making myself go to bed is a project (right now it's 2:33 am).  I have so many unfinished projects, I could spend the rest of my life just on that.  I do have housecleaning help.  The week before Thanksgiving, I felt a definite downward trend to my mood & desire to do ANYTHING other than sit in my recliner.  Each day that week I felt worse than the day before.  I did get an antidepressant & a second med for anxiety & am doing much better; however, the cancer "event" is still such a life-changing thing that I am truly amazed.  I have some other health issues, including MS, so bad health news in not a new thing for me, but cancer has been entirely different.  I am usually a very matter-of-fact, analytical person, but this has really thrown me a curve ball.  I'm doing some counseling but still cannot pinpoint a cause.  It isn't really fear of recurrance as most people assume.  It's not that easy -- somehow more obscure.  Anyone else have this kind of delayed reaction?

gsg

hulatalulala:  I think what you're experiencing is more the rule than the exception.  It's almost like through treatment, we're in a "getting through it" mode and when it's all done, the magnitude of the experience and the realization that our lives have been changed forever sets in...our own personal 9/11s.  at home, i'm in a paralyzed, dark shell...at work, i'm my old self, which makes no sense, but it's how it is.

i'm a bad one for giving advice.  this month it will be 2 years since i found my lump and i haven't yet waded out into the sunlight.  i see glimpses some days, but then it disappears in the clouds.  i hope you find your sunlight soon.

gsg

I think I'm getting better.  Until this morning, you couldn't see the top of my kitchen table...I had so much stuff on it.   Here it  is now.   I took this with my cell phone, so it's pretty dark, due to the window...but you can actually SEE my table...first time post-treatment.  The dining room table is not ready for your viewing pleasure, but hopefully soon will be. 

gsg

I should have taken a before and after..but I was too embarrassed.  My dining room table is pitiful...if I get up the courage, I'll post a before pic AND an after one.  I don't know why the "gray" is starting to lift...I'm just grateful it is and hope it continues.

Hanna60978

Patrice your table looks so good.  I know what hard work it is to clear all the junk away since diagnosis and treatment.  My table and the whole zone of my kitchen is a mess.  I walk in there and say I'll come back and deal with the mess but I don't. I keep waiting for that old energy to organize and clean to come back but it won't.  I know my body has changed but so has my mind.  It feels like I've been assaulted.  

lag

gsg I read your post from last January and wow-you described me to a tee and here I am four years after dx, thought it was just me and have been going through this for four years-FINALLY my Onc put me on something last week-pharm. told me that it wasnt gonna be an overnight thing and would tke a few weeks to kick in and I cant wait. Its like everyday I try and think of some reason for us to go  somewhere  just so I dont have to be home-Im happier being out and about-I hate sitting here at home there is too much to do and I always think oh yeah tomorrow Im gonna do this and that around the house (ya know clean out the closets, really scrub the bathrooms, etc,,) ha ha ha it never happens-just cant do it

lag

ps. your table looks cute

snowyday

Hi lag, I get it, I do the same thing.  I feel lazy and bad about it, but when I think back to my old self I know that when I'm really and truly better I will get everything done.  Does anyone remember the days when the house would be clean, groceries done, and laundry almost finished by noon, boy do I miss those days. I have to remember when I'm better I'll have the energy to do what I need to do and until then learn to be easy on myself. I'm always harder on myself than anyone else ever could be.  So we all have to be proud of ourselfs sloppy or not, we are dealing with alot of crap.

Anonymous

Thought I'd join you ladies here if that's okay. I am just 4 weeks out from mastectomy.

Hanna......assaulted is a good description. And abandoned. It's nuts how fast this stuff is thrown at us and how we have to get through it all and then once your through the main part your all on your own more or less to "DEAL" with the aftermath. I don't think my head has caught up to the past few months yet.I'm still in the.....did this happen to me???? stage. Talk about post traumatic stress!!