2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

sherryhaire

Debbie sorry about your dad I will keep him in my prayers-- Going to my daughters this weekend have not seen her since mastectomy in Sept. with 3 grandaughters I should be busy!!

ravdeb

Debbie...So sorry to hear about your dad and all the things you are going through along with this. I know it must be very hard. Wishing you only the best.

Be well.
ravdeb

TracyNY

Boy, is it hot here!! I haven't got to the beach yet but it is good to be with people you love. Debbie, take care of your dad, I'll pray for him too.

My folks live here and I didn't tell them I was coming. Not for the surprise element, but I didn't want them to store up all the fussing and carrying on. I called when I got in the car, my mum was well chuffed!

See how hooked we get to this website, I still have to check in on my friends, even when I'm away! I'll post pics when I get back.

Anonymous

Your parents live in Barbados?? Aren't you the lucky girl?!

Aren't people who are live in Barbados called Bajans? Or is that an ethnic term of some sort? I remember that everyone was so friendly and it is a place I would surely love to go back and visit. It was more fun than Hawaii even though it was harder to get to since I am in California.

Sure hope everyone is ok ..... we haven't heard from Tracey in a while either.

Graycie

Rosemarie, Do you have any pain in your arm? I don't have any swelling but my arm has ached for the past two days. I was thinking maybe I slept on it funny or that it cold be arthritis because it seems to be in the joints, (shoulder, elbow and wrist).....My scar is also sore to touch under my arm where I had the lymph-nodes out. It wasn't like that before so I am thinking maybe I did something to aggravate it. It has been a month since I have had any treatments so I don't think I can blame it on radiation but maybe. Anybody else having trouble with pain in their arm? As you can tell, I am a big baby and a little narotic but I don't take pain very well and I always think I am the worse case scenario.

TDA, I can't wait to see your pictures....

Debbie, I hope your Dad is feeling better.

Sherry, Have a nice visit with your daughter.

Anonymous

Anybody else notice how much we talk? I mean we have 80 pages going here and the other girls seem to have about 30 pages.

I am so glad we found each other and find our posts to be helpful, positive, caring, sharing and loving.

Anonymous

Graycie -
I truly feel for you! What the h***? If it isn't one thing it's another. I hope your arm feels better!

Terynsmom -
OMG - I saw your adorable photo in Put a Name to the Face...you look great and you look just like Fergie (ex-Dutchess)!!! I always thought she was beautiful!

I think we hold the record for conversing!

Laura

maryannecb

Graycie,
my arm hurts too. Only when I stretch it over my head or reach for something. I can see a line running down to my elbow, might be a blood vessel or maybe lymphatics? Onc said the rads are scarring my armpit so something is being tethered. Luckily does not hurt at rest. I am trying to stretch it out now that rads are finished.

Debbie, hope your Dad is feeling better.

Terynsmom, yup we do talk and on a friendly level which is great.

Laura the put a name thread is nice. Everyone looks so happy and healthy before and after.

Have a good visit Sherry. Spoil those grandkids, thats your job.

tda sounds like you are having a good visit with your parents.Hope you are relaxed.

My rad burns are getting worse each day. Last night woke uo every time I rolled over. Think I'll take Tylenol tonight.

Fists up!

ravdeb

maryanne..sorry to hear about the burns bothering you. ugh..so worried about that after I'm done cuz I have only 2 weeks and then I'm on the plane!

terynsmom...I am in touch with Tracy and she's doing fine, feeling good and busy. She's back to work, too.

Graycie..I was told that sometimes you can get a delayed reaction from the rads. Of course, it's best to check this out with a doctor but I did read that and since I'm flying and going to be away for a month and a half 2 weeks out of rads..it's my biggest fear! Hope it starts to feel better soon.

tda..enjoy your hot days! I will probably check in when I'm away, too!

ravdeb

TracyNY

Terynsmom: The official term is Barbadians but it is shortened to Bajan. I am having a ball in all this heat!!

Ravdeb: I was scared on the plane about arm swelling and stuff, I lost 15 nodes on one side and 18 on the other. I massaged them and stretched alot, so far, so good. We can't be too safe, can we?

I think its cool that our thread has continued as long as it has. It is by far the longest, we're going to have a have a get together at some point, even it it is a web-cast type.

Anonymous

Anybody else having pain from the tissue expander? They are 'overexpanding' now and it seems the mast. scar is hurting from all the stretching. I can hardly sleep anymore and the area is very sore. I mean the whole breast seems to be 'heavy' like when I first had my operation.

debbie444

Thankyou all for your concern - sorry to whinge! He is no better yet but no worse either. We cant leave him on his own so have a complicated rota system in place. I spent last night there on a chair. He only got 2 hrs in another chair so you can imagine how much i got and we had all of the doors and windows open for the air - Derbyshire is not exactly tropical at 3am - it was gone dinner before i felt my feet again! They have said we have to ride it out until his heart and lung scan results come back - he doesnt even have them for 2 and 3 weeks respectively! If he still needs round the clock care by tomorrow we are taking him back to the hospital ( probably in a head lock!) and saying that we need help. We all have jobs and kids - we cant physically cover 24 hrs a day!!

Went to the Dr yesterday about my forth coming op and osteoperosis concerns. He is writing to a rheumatoid consultant, explaining my position and asking advice. He wants to know whether to do a bone density scan and monitor me or go with the fact that i will prob lose some density and put me on preventative meds before it even happens. At least i feel like that is being sorted!
I think it is great that we have stuck it out together - something good comes out of every situation.
I hope everyone has a restful weekend, any niggles are sorted and anything worse than a niggle doesnt get any worse!
Debbie

RoseMarie

Hey Graycie - my arm is feeling MUCH better but when I noticed the swelling I had pain in my wrist and a bruised feeling around my elbow (both places that were a little swollen.) I still have some pain when I reach for things up high or otherwise stretch my arm but it's very tolerable and seems to be getting better all the time.
Kelly - my tissue expanders hurt initially and then every time they pumped me up. It's been months since my last saline injection and I don't feel any pain. I just feel like I have 2 rocks where boobs used to be!
Here's something new and weird...my port and the area around it itch like crazy. There's no rash - it just itches...I need to get it flushed next week anyway so I'll ask about it when I go in.
I'm so happy I found all of you too!! What would I do without you?!!! We have been through soooo much together!!
Debbie, I am keeping you and your family in my prayers!!
Oh my lovely children...must run someone is screaming...

RoseMarie

Ahh, my brilliant 8 year old is sharpening pencils...not a big deal right?? Wrong...he was planning to use them as ARROWS as he plays Robin Hood with the 3 year old. Hmmm... I sounded like my mother because SURELY "SOMEONE will lose an eye" Have a great night!!

Anonymous

I know what you mean about sounding like your mother! The other day, I heard a 'crash' against the house or something like that. I ran outside and saw my little girl and her friend, a little boy, on the side of the hill looking panicky. I asked what happened and right away, my daughter pointed and said, "He did it!!!!!!!"

I am like, "Did what?"

Then I saw dirt all over the cement backyard. They had been throwing 'dirt bombs' at the house and one had hit the outside fridge.

Oh I was laughing so hard! They had no idea that when I was a little girl, my sister and I got in big big trouble for throwing dirt bombs at cars and it's a funny story that is re-told all the time ...... oh boy, I had to call my sister and she was laughing and said, "Who's house were they throwing them at?" Then laughed 10x harder when she found out it was mine.

ravdeb

tda... am working on getting a sleeve and glove for my trip abroad. I only had one node removed but after reading about how some women had problems with only one node removed...I decided I'd rather go overboard and protect myself than have a problem and wish I had done something first. Sooooooooooo....

Today I see an oncologist. She's not my oncologist because mine is away. Actually both of these doctors are residents in oncology and mine will return after she finishes an exam..in June. I will see her again but in the meantime I chose to see the other resident who I like.

Besides the sleeve/glove situation that nobody will help me with or send me in right direction over here, I had some weird findings on my blood test so I want to ask her about that, and the rads doctor felt something unusual by my incision so I want to ask her about that, too. Hopefully she will be helpful.

In the meantime, there is this young woman about 29 years old or younger...not sure... who did chemo and is now in radiation. She's just soooooooo nervous and this resident who I'll be seeing is her doctor. I saw this resident the other day and told her about this young woman and how my dh and I were trying to help her calm down, etc...and she told us that this patient was very lucky to have met us as she really needs this kind of support! Made me feel darn good!

Be well and enjoy your weekends, everybody. You all are the greatest and I'm very proud to be a part of this group of women!!!!!

ravdeb

Anonymous

I had a mast of right breast and 2 nodes removed (they were only going to remove the sentinal node but they said they couldn't tell which was the sentinal node, that 2 of them had the dye) and both nodes were negative. Am I at risk for lymphedema?? Should I get a sleeve too? What is the glove for??

Ravdeb, you are such a supportive person, online and irl (In Real Life).

Have a great Sunday ladies,
Kelly

sherryhaire

Back from seeing my grandkids was the greatest weekend except for the fact 2 of them had to sleep with their Nina and one on them kicked me smack on my port site boy was that painful!!! nothing seems to be wrong today other than sore shoulder. Back at home already miss them

RoseMarie

So glad you had a good time Sherry!! Sorry to hear about the kick!
Kelly, I would certainly ask your onc nurse since you did have the nodes removed...the sleeve and the glove are to prevent swelling. My guess is you're probably going to be fine but I would ask anyway!

ake

Hi ladies,

I hope you had a good weekend. My husband and I relaxed and played golf...it was exactly what I needed. Nothing better than having the wind blow in my hair I actually love my hair right now, which is extra exciting.

I leave on Sunday for my anniversary vacation...my first wedding anniversary is June 4, so my husband is taking me somewhere...it's a surprise, but I know I need my passport, I know there's a beach, and I know it's a week long vacation We haven't been on vacation since our honeymoon because of the cancer craziness, so we're so excited.

Does anyone have a hard time with people who keep asking them if they're okay? Let me explain...I have been working so hard to put cancer out of my mind. I want to pretend it never happened and sometimes I think it's a good thing that I can't recognize myself when I see a bald picture of me or a picture of me in my scarf.

I saw a lot of old friends this weekend and so many of them asked, "How are you feeling? Are you okay? Is the cancer gone? " etc. I put on my smiley face and say, "I feel fantastic. That was just a blip in my life." But, there's always that obnoxious voice in my head saying, "Maybe it's not. There are no guarantees. You don't know what will happen. Things could change in a second." Drives me crazy. When people ask me how I'm feeling, I have to take a moment to remember why they're asking and then I think, "Oh yeah, because I had cancer." I had cancer? Really? Huh? When? It still doesn't really click in my brain that this happened to me and when I think about it, all those old feelings and fear come spiraling back. And I feel diseased or damaged or something. It's like I can't take myself out of the fight mode. I can't just take a deep breath and relax.

Just wanted to vent a little and as always, you ladies are the first to hear it What would I do without each and every one of you???

Love,
Amy

ake

oh yeah...my new picture is actually an old picture of me and my husband....it's my favorite because we look so happy in it.

Graycie

Amy, I feel as you do. I try to put it behind me and I actually do forget about it for the most. But, your right someone always ask's "how are you doing" and what's my prognosis, if I am in remission, etc. Reality sets in and all those horrible feelings come back. I know they mean well but it is still hard. I just try not to let it get to me and think Happy thoughts. I guess that is all we can do.
Graycie

Anonymous

Amy -

Wow! Your g-e-t-a-w-a-y sounds great! Mysterious and romantic to say the least! Try to leave the past back here in the USA.

"And I feel diseased or damaged or something"...

You can live your life as a diseased person or you can live your life as someone with a disease.

I think about these words often. It's somewhat of a "slap in the face" for me!

Laura

Anonymous

I love that picture of you two, Amy! My picture is obviously old as well since I don't have a current pic of me that I can post. I have a MAC and need to email myself to work and then resize a photo so I can upload it. I actually had two taken just the other day: one in a baseball cap and the other in a wig. My daughter and her little friend are good little photographers!!!

ravdeb

Amy...wow..that sounds soooooooo romantic! Enjoy, enjoy enjoy!!!

tda...so, I saw the oncologist who just looked at me and told me I DO NOT NEED A GLOVE OR SLEEVE for my trip. She did tell me to walk the plane a lot on the flight and exercise my arm by squeezing my hand shut. I have a ball for that. I only had one node removed. She said there's no reason for a sleeve and so I am going along with that and hoping she is right!!!!!

The rads doctor told me the same thing...will see him today again.

I am not happy when people say they are sorry they haven't called me, come to visit me, etc, etc...I tell them I'm fine, they don't need to "pay me a visit" because those are like visits to sick people and I'm not sick!!!! I feel fine, and except for running to the hospital every day for rads (ugh, yuck, blah)I feel fine.

When I'm done with rads I don't want anyone from my community to remind me of this. I remember it fine without their reminders, thank you! I've come to grips with the whole thing, I know I'm okay, I actually like my new white curly top as it's special and not too many women my age have pure white hair like I have...lucky that chemo helped me realize that I can go natural and still feel good!

My thing is that I've been having a hard time returning to our synagogue where I was very active and on the board, etc... Every time I go there, I get this overwhelming pile of people at me..How are you? Still in treatment? Are you REALLY okay??? etc... Can't stand that! I am going there this Fri. night for a special occasion there to honor our rabbi who just got his doctorate. I really hope they all leave me alone and put their attention towards the rabbi!!!!! It's a very tiny congregation...there will only be about 25 people there..so you can see what I mean...

ravdeb

maryannecb

I can relate about all the How are you questions. Actually don't mind them and easy to answer great to them. But... the other day this colleague started with that. After giving him the "great " answer, he says in front of another woman, So, what's your prognosis? I said Do you really want to know? He said yeah. What a jerk. I don't know what gives people the idea they have the right to your whole health picure. It is hard enough to live with a yucky prognosis I sure don't need people at work discussing it with me! Oh and don't you love the "and did they take your breast?", while staring at the spot. I have the urge to whip my shirt off and let them have a look at my scar, that would fix them.

Terynsmom, your hair must be growing too. Have you gone topless yet? Once you do, you won't go back. I think pretty soon I will like my short hair, right now I can still see my scalp but soon will have complete cover. Many people say it looks nice already.

Lymphedema is about 1-3% with sentinel node surgery, with mast and ax dis with rads it is about 30%. If you read all the things that might lead to it and tried to avoid them all, you'd have to stay home and do nothing all day long...like many other things that could or might happen I try not to think too much about it.

My rad burn is sore in the mid chest area it is a little scabby. Can't wait for it to heal up. My back is burnt too but can't see it so doesn't bother me as much.

Ravdeb , you could try letting a few of your close friends know that you appreciate everyones concern but you are trying to move on...perhaps they could pass along the message that you don't want to talk about it. Maybe at the Synagogue because it is a spiritual place you feel extra vulnerable.

Trying to plan for something nice in the Fall to take my mind off the what ifs.

Fists up!

RoseMarie

Can so relate...my neighbor across the street asked me in front of other neighbors, "So are you in remission or what?" To begin with, remission is a scary word...sounds like something that could come back. My husband tries to convince me that remission means you're all better...still don't like the sound of it. Also, WHAT THE HECK??? Why freaking ask me that question????
I'm with you Mary Anne, it irks me that folks feel like they have a right to know all about my health!! Amy, I also have to stop and think when people ask how I'm feeling. Oh yeah, they must be talking about CANCER.
Oh well, I'm taking my well feeling self to my son's school to volunteer for field day today. It is so much fun to volunteer at their schools and have NO RESPONSIBILITY!! (as a teacher that is) I went on a field trip with my daughter last Thursday and resisted the urge to stand up on the school bus to quiet the kids down...am having way too much fun.

marymelodi

Hello, everyone!
I haven't been here in a few days because I had a wonderful weekend and was busy in the preparation and the aftermath. On Saturday, I met a friend of mine who lives about 3 hours away and we spent the day together eating out, seeing a movie, visiting an art museum, taking a long drive into the "country" to a farmer's market, and just generally having a fun, fun time together. As the last scab from my radiation wound had almost fallen off, I regarded this day as my R-E-W-A-R-D for surviving the last 9 months. Yesterday, on the 22nd, it was exactly 9 months since I got diagnosed.

I do relate so strongly to the comments about "how are you?" It is difficult sometimes to know what to say. I know people are being nice, but I also have a hard time responding to the "Oh, your hair is looking so nice." I'm not yet comfortable with it and don't think that it looks very nice, but I'm glad to have something other than a bald head. You'll all get to see me soon, I hope, since a co-worker has taken some pictures and will be sending them to me so I can get one posted up here.

I am sympathetic to all of you with radiation or lymphedema problems and pray they will be brief and not too difficult for you.

Amy - what a wonderful husband to take you on a "mystery" vacation! Have a wonderful time.

Ravedeb - I too have become quite white from the chemotherapy and I like it also. I wish you were coming somewhere near to me on your trip so that we could meet in person. What's the itinerary?

My news now is that I have set a goal to climb / hike some kind of hill on the anniversary of my diagnosis as a symbolic VICTORY over cancer. I'm not yet sure where I will do this - somewhere here in New York State - but I am planning to spend the next 3 months walking and hiking in my town to get ready. Of course, the added benefit is getting into better shape than I have been in previously. My friend has agreed to take the hike with me as a celebration of life. It might have to be a small hill since I am weak, out-of-shape, and still very overweight, but I want something challenging to achieve . . . as if chemo and radiation weren't enough. I keep having vision of myself on a hilltop shouting "I did it. I am alive!!"
I know you all understand the feelings that prompt this in me. As Amy said, I wanted you all hear it first.

Be happy today!

Anonymous

Talk about out of shape! I have to keep telling people that round is a shape!

Paula15089

Amy, great pic! I took a double take, as i couldnt figure out how could your hair grow so quickly??? Or is the hair extentions the answer? and then i read your next post.

Its funny, I find it difficult now to show people pics of me WITH hair. Like its an old, pre-BC me, she doesn't exist anymore.
Kelly, you and your adorable daughter look great in all pics! My wig just didnt look natural on, so in the cupboard it stayed. The girls are right - once you go topless, you wont look back.

Ahh, the usual 'and how REALLY are you' question... Actually, sometimes i wonder if people actually want to hear some bad news rather than good. You know, to some it might be like a real-life soap-opera. They expect it to keep running with more dramatic episodes, adds some excitement to their lives. An extra subject they can use for gossiping and such.

Above, of course, does NOT apply to your family and true friends. I am just getting more selective now who i want to share my thought/worries with.

sorry for somewhat negative post. I feel great, I really do. Just have been disappoited in a few so-called friends, as i am sure we all have.

take care ladies!
Amy, have fun on your trip, you lucky chick!