2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

maryannecb

Terynsmom, I took pics of hair this week to show you but- it was so thin you could see my scalp. I will wait until I have real hair to post.From others it sounds like thst is about 2 months out from chemo.

Anyone else hating chemopause? The hotflashes are waking me at night every few hours. I sure hope my period comes back as I am not ready for these changes to be permanent.

Stay calm Brenda, there is probably no internet access in jail.LOL.

Rosemarie, we have gone from Uncle Fester to Grandpa Munster, that is too funny.

My daughter was in an Easter pageant tonight. I got weepy at the end thinking I may not be here next year. I hate when those feelings creep into my head. It always seems to happen at happy or special occasions. I am usually able to toss the thought away but it still makes me sad...

tda are you still a happy postop camper?

Tracy, have a great trip.

Fists up!

Anonymous

Maryanne, why in the world would you think you would not be here next year??? Lucklly for us, none of us has had recurrence or mets! Pray to God we go on this way!

ake

maryanne....you will be here next year. we all will be here next year and the next year and the next year and the next. i know it.

i'm beyond annoyed with the hotflashes...they wake me up every night and then i get the chills and then i get hot again. i'm so tired. oh well, tamoxifen is my friend, so i'll just endure!

i'm feeling more and more normal these days and this all seems like a bad dream...and then i get scared about feeling normal because i don't trust it. so frustrating!

Graycie

Awwwww, Mary Anne we all have those feeling from time to time but you have to put it out of your mind and think positive. You are going to be here for a long time.

Happy Easter to everyone celebrating Easter tomorrow. I hope you find your eggs!
Graycie

debbie444

Maryanne - know exactly how you feel. sat in the bath and sobbed last night - all because have had to fill Uniform request form in for my daughters start at secondary school in Sept and i was wooried that i would never fill it in for my son who is 2 years younger! Most of the time i can side line it but sometimes it creeps out!

Happy Easter to you all,
Debbie

Anonymous

Mary-Anne: It's okay to have those feelings. I bet just talking about them makes you feel better. I wonder why I don't get those feelings. I wonder why I am so positive I will live to my eighties, at least... Could it be that I know I have to? I am just over confident that these guys (my family) will not survive without me!

Amy: I heard that Prozac is good for hot flashes as well.

tda: Shake your boobies, shake your boobies!

Happy Spring!

maryannecb

The weird thing is I can shake them almost right away and carry straight on. I just wish I wouldn't have any morbid thoughts. Thanks for reassurance.

Just painted Easter eggs, it was fun. Easter vigil later tonight. Tomorrow to sister-in laws for family gathering. I am bringing desert. Apple crisp and Orange-marmalade cake, yum.

Fists up!

RoseMarie

Maryanne-hee hee, still laughing about Uncle Fester and Grandpa Munster! I actually went to the hairdresser to have my neck cleaned up and my Grandpa Munster flips over my ears trimmed!!!! She only charged me $5.00

Can so relate to the morbid thoughts. Mine usually come when I'm doing something mindless like ironing - go figure! I had the bad experience with my aunt and sometimes it's so hard to put it out of my mind. She was so close to me. The bad thing is that she rarely spoke to my mom or grandmother about her cancer, treatments, etc. so my mother knows very little about the specifics. My aunt on my dad's side is a 30+ year survivor. WHY can't I concentrate on HER outcome?!!!!! I got very emotional at church tonight because I know that through it all God has been by my side- He will never leave me nor forsake me...don't mean to get religous...
Hot flashes...ugh! What I'm scared of is gaining more weight! I got so mad at my husband tonight because his eyes kept getting bigger and bigger with every bite I took of my meal. After wanting to slap him I realized that I had just about inhaled my entire dinner and was eating the food my children had left on their plates...and I still wasn't full. That terrified me! I guess I really have to be super aware from now on!!! Have a wonderful weekend everyone!!!

TracyNY

Easter/Passover greetings to everyone! My post op recovery is going very well. I was out shopping today for about 4 hours which surprised me that I lasted that long.

Still in love with me!! I can't peel myself away from the mirror, giving God the glory all the time!!

I gave up meat for Lent which is not a really big thing as I do it periodically, however, I am the world's biggest pork lover!! I have missed pork so bad for the past 40 days and nights, keep your chicken and beef, the swine is mine!

So I have a loin seasoned in my fridge and I am going to devour that bad boy tomorrow!! I have a bit more food discipline since the lipo, before it was just about not getting any fatter, now its about wasting my good money I spent getting the work done!

I pray that Easter brings the renewal for everyone that it has for me. I hope my postings don't seem like gloating. I am just so happy that I want to share with you all who were there when I was so depressed I wanted to die.

Have a glorious holiday season everyone.

ravdeb

tda..I love to hear how pretty you think you are now with those new additions. I think it's just terrific.
Hope you enjoy your swine today :-) Happy Easter!

Amy..as soon as I figure out how to get my picture changed on my avatar, I'll do it. Computer savy I'm not and I do have the directions...I'll do it...

But now... I'm going to get some artwork done...must paint on 5 more kippot (skull caps) as they are going with our rabbi to a sister congregation in Colorado to give as gifts, I guess....

Happy Holidays...
ravdeb

debbie444

Anonymous

Sorry, I can't think of anything to type, I am laughing to hard about tda!

She reminds me of my 4 year old when you fix her hair all pretty and put lip gloss on and she stares at the mirror cuz she looks so pretty.

OK, now I am crying..... tday, I am so happy you are looking so beautiful. I wish we could all feel beautiful again ...... and the love of yourself, tda, is just as innocent, loving and beautiful as my daughter's love of her image. May you continue shakin' your boob thing!

maryannecb

Ravdeb you look so different without your green scarf. I would have walked right past you! You have way more hair than me I am quite jealous. Your hair is snowy white, you are right.

I was wondering if tda is taking too many pain pills she is so happy. She is so happy maybe I'll book appointment with PS. I was thinking reconstruction would be a long hard road but tda is making it look easy. How about a pic tda and not of your great boobs and flat tummy.

Rosemarie my neck is hairy too, all this long fine furry stuff. Good idea to get it tidied up. Did she razor it?

And my weight, the more I think about not eating the more I wnt to eat. I tidy my kids plates too, bad habit. I have never read so many cook books and magazines as the last six months. Even worse have been making a lot of the recipes. Hopefully once i go back to work next month I won't have time to bake and make those rich gourmet meals.

Brenda glad you only have positive thoughts, it must be nice.

Fists up!

Mary, are you back yet? How was your trip?

Graycie

tda, I am glad you are so happy.....you are so funny too, I too had to laugh at your post.

Mary anne, Did I miss something? Where did you see Ravdeb with her white hair and no scarf? I am glad to hear that you and Rosemarie have enough hair to shave on the back of your neck. I can't wait until I can say that.

I also have a furocious appetite. What is with this? I know I am packing on the pounds and I am afraid to get on the scale. I wonder if it is because I had no appetite or taste during chemo.
Graycie

maryannecb

Graycie, look at Ravdebs avatar it has changed.

Fists up!

TracySeattle

Ravdeb!!!! You have lots of hair! I love it!

Mary-Anne - I am sorry that you had some moments of feeling down. It is normal for all of us, but we know that you will be here for many years to come! You too, Debbie!

I lost 30 lbs on chemo, but my appatite and sweet tooth have returned with a vengance! I don't think I am going to be able to keep these 30 lbs off if I keep eating like I have been!

Hope everyone had a great holiday!

ravdeb

Yes, maryanne..I walk right past me, too! I swear I'm shocked everytime I look in that mirror. Is that ME? and, I wear glasses but with the scarf, I didn't because I have multifocals and the scarf disaligned them enough to bug me! Rather just go without. But, now, I can wear my glasses. In fact, if I don't wear them, I am totally looking like a lamb as I have no eyelashes and eyebrows and so all is white. At least the glasses break up the monotony of it!

I am sure I need to trim the sides already as the top is shorter than the sides. Looks quite funny. Well..having a head of snow looks funny anyway. And guess what..I can now go incognito...Nobody recognizes me here and so if I don't wanna say hello to somebody..don't have to!!! There are good things to this, ya know!

Oh Tracy... and all those others gaining weight. I woke up the other morning and said..that's it..I'm eating half of what I've been eating before. No more steroids so no more excuse for me!!! It's hard because I'm home way too much these days and not done with treatments and so....

I am leaving in a bit for my two ct scans. DH said he'd take me. thought I would take the train alone but am glad he's taking me because I'm suddenly nervous about this. I'm having a ct on spine and then hip and thigh for pain I have in leg. They can't find the source of the pain. It's probably in my head LOL

ravdeb

ake

ravdeb....good luck with your scans! your hair is so thick and beautiful

maryanne...i have that furry neck thing...i just take a razor to it a couple of days a week. i'm going to go in a month and get my hair fixed a bit...it's too short now, but it'll need to be tidied up soon. i'm having a hard time with clothes...anything too casual makes me feel like a boy and anything ultra feminine, like a skirt or something, makes me feel like i look like a drag queen. i can't believe i'm even complaining about my hair, but i am. so funny how you forget what it was like to be without!!!

anyone have peach fuzz on their face? i heard it happens after chemo and then falls out, but it aint happen' for me!

Graycie

Thanks Maryanne, Ravdeb's picture showed up on my computer finally.

Ravdeb, I told you on another post your hair looks GREAT. You would never know the sides are longer by the picture. I don't see Mary's little lamb, LOL. Good luck with your scans today. I know the nervous feeling because I have been there but I am sure everything will come out OK.

Amy, I just noticed the peach fuss on my face but it is blond so you can't really see it only when I am in the right light. I don't have the neck thing going on though.

TracySeattle

Good Luck Ravdeb! I will be thinking of you today!

RoseMarie

Maryanne-the hairdresser used clippers...

I had a fuzzy neck and fuzz on my jaw line. As the hairdresser was using her clippers she asked if she should buzz my fuzz. I told her sure but now...AM I GOING TO HAVE A BEARD???
Hope you all had a great weekend! (Ravdeb - you look great - you have a lot of hair!!!)
Have a great day...

marymelodi

Oh, ravdeb . . . you look marvelous!! How nice to see another snowy head like mine. Although, this weekend I noticed dark hair among the white. I am thinking of getting the hairdresser to make it uniformly white. I think I have earned the right to elegant, diginified, lovely white hair. I think I'm undergoing a makeover from the inside out. I also need a trim over the ears and a shave of the neck. At work people tell me I am cool and edgy. Then yesterday at church people who have only seen me in hats for the last 6 months told me I was elegant and beautiful in my ultra short hair. I got quite the ego boost.

Speaking of boosts - I have just 6 more booster radiations to go, but wow, I have never seen redder skin than I have on my boob and under my arm. It would be scary to me if there were not such a good reason for having it. Today the doctor told me she was proud of how well I am taking care of my skin. I've just used the cream they gave me and gone topless (literally!) as much as possible at home. My husband says he doesn't mind (what a jokester!).

Sometimes I feel like I climbed Mt. Everest and now I'm in the last stretch of the downhill trek, wondering if I can just make it a few more hundred yards. Someetimes it seems that the end will never come, but now I think that it will.

ravdeb

Okay..well I really have quite a bit of hair on the sides and it's VERY curly and the top is still thin and can see the scalp. I swear this picture gives a different impression because my daughter used the flash and it reflected on my white hair!!!
But, I looked at it closely today and decided that this one "friend" of mine who told me I should trim the sides to even it a bit (and I was really mad when she said that!) is probably right..should get it trimmed on the sides so it looks even. Will consider this..
No fuzz on face though but then...no eyebrows or lashes either!!!!anyway..thanks ladies! I've also been told it looks chic but most have no idea what to tell me or don't recognize me, so... Had thought to change my name to Lambchop LOL

Scans were okay. Now I just have to get the results but my husband and I went to the cancer center and begged for a date to start rads and they said my file was being discussed and maybe I'll have an answer tomorrow. She has a special note there about rushing it, but that hasn't helped.
And...my onc wasn't around (shorter hours because of our holiday) but there was somebody there who left a message on her cell phone to call me about my itching. Don't know if she will really call me though she's super nice. I'll be back there soon to meet with the orthopedic onc once I get my ct scan results so I'll look for her again.
ITCHING to have all this taken care of

Not too worried about the scans... more worried about the itching right now.

marymelodi..good luck with your boosters...hope the redness heals well...

be well, all of you...
ravdeb

ake

http://www.egotastic.com/entertainment/c...cer-cute-001124

we're so cool

Paula15089

ravdeb, you look great!! full head of hair already!! congrats.
I have just started going topless pretty much full time, and, like Amy said, its soo hard chosing an outfit.. I am very much into sporty casual attire, which does not look good with super short hair. Skirts looks funny too. So i live in jeans now!! Also, I think what does the trick is a pretty dramatic (but not over the top) make up, to bring out the eyes, and nice earrings, then short hairdo will look more chick than boyish.
Hey, i like the idea of us starting a trend!!

Re weight - short of starving myself, i dont know how to shift it. Now that i am estrogen challenged, it will be even harder...

Amy, the fuzz on your face should depart soon, if not, wax it, it shouldnt grow back. It shouldnt hurt either, as it such a fine hair.

ravdeb

Amy...okay, so I got on that link and checked out the women but they are YOUNG like YOU! Am feeling older by the minute! This white hair..yea..it's growing but I feel like a Florida lady..just minus the blue rinse! (sorry Mom..she lives there and does NOT blue rinse her gray hair!).

Paula..you look great and I'm sure you'll shift the weight to the appropriate places, like out the door, in due time. It's more challenging now, but..hey..you've BEEN through the major challenges so this will be a piece of cake.

My weight is not removing itself eloquently so I will need to have a serious talk with it about how I do not want it around anymore. I used to lose weight easily (never really gained so quickly like on chemo) so this is really depressing for me as I pride myself on being the skinniest girl on my block!

oh..and the clothes thing...before bc I wore a lot of black shirts as I had black (dyed) hair and now with this white stuff I find I need pastel colors so I don't look so harsh. Even white looks good on me these days and it never did before. Interesting...but I don't have much in the way of pastels and they don't seem to be carrying that color this year...hmmmmmmmmm....

And the mystery question of the day is... my eyelashes are just about gone but the question is..to where??? I mean, how come I didn't find them flying into my soup or something??? Where do they go to? They certainly didn't go to my eyebrows as most of those little hairs have disappeared as well! The other day I did catch one fall to my computer table...but what about the other ones???

ravdeb

debbie444

Wow Ravdeb - all that hair!! Why on earth were you hiding that under a scarf for so long?? Eyelashes are sneaky things. One day they are there - the next POOF gone. Then HEY Presto they come back again. Perhaos they are like swallows and migrate to sunnier climes??
Well, I had two events over easter. One was I had a lovely deep hot bubbly bath with all of my lotions and potions and my radiated areas didnt fall off so think I am over that hurdle now. The second is i got my period back. I thought that was supposed to disappear either for a good while or forever? I am even on tamoxifen! Oh well, i had 2 months without - one side effect i could easily live with!

When I originally went in for my op, my son who was 7 at the time was most put out that Kylie wasnt actually on my hospital ward. Now at least I have the same haircut - should make going back to school without a wig a lot easier.Now all I have to do is lose more than half of my body weight and i can be a Kylie clone!!! ( would settle for a couple of stones!) Now that my skin is ok i can start swimming again, might help.

Debbie

debbie444

O.k - going back to something Mary started but I missed.
If anyone would like to get the odd snail mail letter or card from me here in the Uk, please Pm me and I will send you my address and vice versa. Dont want to start PM ing you all with my address incase you thinki have turned into a mad mass stalker!!
Hope to hear from some of you
Debbie

ake

paula...if i wax that hair is it going to grow back thicker? it's blonde, thank goodness, but i definitely have a fuzzy face! i thought waxing made stuff come back thicker?

hang in there with the weight...i go to the gym 5 days a week and work out with a trainer on 2 of those days. i can't lose any either. i think our bodies are in shock still by being putting into the chemopause so young. i still haven't gotten my period back. i feel good about that ER+ wise, but I would like it back so I can figure out what to do about fertility...I think my husband and I are going to figure out if we can harvest eggs with Tamoxifen...I've heard of people doing that and then having a surrogate. I don't wnt to wait 5 years when the Tamoxifen is over. So frustrating that I even have to think about that!

Ravdeb...I think you look FANTASTIC with your thick hair...it's so thick and beautiful! I picture you in black (even though you think it's too harsh) with cool silver jewelery and looking so chic! your eyebrows and eyelashes will come back...they're just taking their time to come in better than before

-amy

ravdeb

Debbie... thanks for the answer about my eyelashes and where they may have gone...

Amy..you are quite sweet to say all that! What an ego booster! I may need to start lookin' at myself in the mirror more often!!! Okay..black with silver jewelry..sounds pretty good!

As for that peach fuzz on your face. I'd wait a bit before trying to remove it since you do NOT want a beard on that pretty face of yours! Not sure you'd get one but I think that peachy stuff will fall off or whatever it does (probably hangs out with the eyelashes). You know...we were all hairy beings long long long ago!

And you ladies... my hair is not all that thick! It is very curly and close to my head. I really think this pic does an injustice to it and gives me a lightbulb effect and ya know...THIS could be the new trend!

ravdeb