2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

RoseMarie

Thank you Debbie - you are an awesome person! You are so genuine and sweet and funny. Your post was really touching.

Ok, I'm usually not a fighter but what the heck - I feel like putting on my boxing gloves - what's up with the negative pms and messages and CRAP????? I'm so angry that someone would pm you something negative. Do nasty little trolls have nothing better to do?? GRRR!!

ravdeb

Debbie..what is that all about? a new id post? I'm sick of this stuff. Who could be nasty to you? You are so funny and bright and full of life. I envy that. I doubt you've ever been mean in your life! Why on earth...?

A troll..again?
Ba Humbug.

Let it go. Trolls love attention. My energies go to other more valuable things.

I love you, Debbie. Can't imagine anyone saying anything mean to you so it's just somebody wanting to cause trouble. Don't let them.

Like Mary Anne would say..Fists Up!

Curlylocks

Brrrrrr…..good morning ladies, its fricking freezing here this morning –5.8F. I hope my car starts..

Debbie444 – please, please ignore the trolls, nasty pm’s are so uncalled for. I got a really weird one once that said I shouldn’t be so insistive about someone’s port placement and I was cracking jokes, etc. I never even responded to such a post, didn’t have a port so know nothing about them. I just chose to ignore that nasty pm. You are a sweetheart and a breathe of fresh air and we ALL KNOW THAT!

Amy - not on tamoxifen but Armidex, but I have heard that tam. can mess up your cycle. A pregnancy test will give you some piece of mind.

Victoria – take some time out for your self to breathe in all this craziness this week.

Rosemarie – I commend you on going to the gym. I am going to get back into going once my physio appts are done for my neck which will be in 2 weeks as I am going there 3x a week. The elpetical is a hard one.

Gracyie – pretend you are a fairy godmother and wish that snow away.LOL. Hope there is nothing major wrong with your car, that is so annoying and it always seems to happen when you have that little bit of extra money put aside for something else…

Deb – will await those pictures with baited breathe, anything to remind me of SPRING!!! Hope your sinus get better soon. Love the green man, that is soooo cute.

Tracyseattle – it will all work out in the end the way it is suppose to with you and Dave. Change is different and until we are there we don’t know if we will like it, I say you are in a win, win situation no matter what.

TracyNY – never thought about the black making you slender.LOL. Tracy did you get that handsome guys # or at least spread the love around to one of your other friends.

Mary – you are a sweetheart, thanks for your kind words.

Kelly – that Red Neck cake is hilarious, what a hoot!! Thinking of you…

Rosemarie – big hugs, you are a great mom with lots of patience, hopefully you get some answers soon and are given some coping methods to help your daughter.

Have a super day, am running late this morning.

Love to all.

Michele

linny

Hi Everyone,
Isaac had his first turn on yesterday - Michelle said the woman at the clinic (NYU) said he is not hearing voices yet, only sounds or buzzing, second turn on is today. The outside unit kept falling off (it takes a few weeks for the magnetic field to get strong enough) - everytime she put it back on, and he could hear, he cries!!! Its so funny and sad at the same time. You have to remember that he is a very happy deaf baby - suddenly things are different.

She was planning to come for the Passover holiday, and now may not be able to, her husband cannot miss so much work. I am very disappointed.

Rosemarie, it will be helpful to get a diagnosis for your daughter - I think it is very important to get a better understanding of problems when kids are young, and have appropriate therapy if possible. My youngest son (now 21) was very distracted and disruptive in school, his teachers had a hard time with him. However, he was really quite good at home. By grade 7 I was being told he needed Ritalin, which I did not want him to have. I had him tested for ADD, and they said he was not. He continued to be disruptive in class, but by 10th grade, he had settled down, and is now successful in his second year at college. I did however really feel sorry for his teachers!

I was cleaning out some cupboards yesterday (spring cleaning for passover) and found supplies from after my surgery. I started crying, I have such a strong reaction to reminders. I had a knapsack I took to chemo, for books, food, etc. If I even look at it, I cry.

Michelle, the weather is gross - freezing and icy - its the ice I dislike.

Tracy NY you look gorgeous in the picture with your friends.

I have had a lot of weight gain in the middle - all my skirts are tight. On another thread, someone posted about "belly fat" - I was put into menopause by chemo, which contributes I think to the fat in the middle (I am not thin to begin with).

Linda

ravdeb

Hey Linda..that is such good news about Isaac. He will have to adjust to the noisy world. But, he will..with all that love and support..how could he not!

I have my chemo stuff still out..my jeans bag that a woman made for me that is beaded and embroidered I have hanging and my notebook with all the tests and info in it is next to my bed. I still look stuff up and women on the boards talk about tests and result numbers and I can't remember. The only thing that bothers me is looking at my wig. I don't. I actually wore one of my scarves during Purim before the rest of my costume arrived. At first i didn't want to and then I said, what the heck. I enjoyed wearing my scarves. it was the wig that bugged me!

I have what I call a "grandma belly". Hey..you ARE a grandma! It will not go down. It's not that big, but I used to be flat. I weigh more now. They say I didn't weigh enough before. hmmmmmmmmm...

Yea..I like that green man, too, Michele. I got it in an e-mail today and couldn't resist. Tooo funny! I will probably start buying my potted plants this Friday when I'm out and about. or maybe even tomorrow after my mammo.

Yes..mammo on affected side tomorrow. YUCK! It will hurt. I am being positive about this. I am positive it will hurt.

My girlfriend is having her lump biopsied tomorrow. Is that not weird that we are both having a test of some kind for the same type of thing? I know mine will be clear. I'm praying that hers will be.

Well..after I took the Tylenol and napped, the aching in my face and eye and so on left. never came back. i'm just very fatigued today. I am probably fighting something. Maybe there was a bit of inflammation and the Tylenol fixed it. I'm so sick of doctors I refuse to go to one right now. I'm so sick of scheduling my life around doctor appointments and things related. I still have to make an appt for the x-rays of my spine and hip and a duplex for my regular follow up on my carotid. I am so sick of this that I can't pick up the phone to do it! maybe after one is down (mammo tomorrow) I'll feel less overwhelmed by it.

ake

Deb....good luck with your mammogram tomorrow. i know what you mean about being reluctant to see doctors. i'm sick of them too. when i was sick with a cold my mom mentioned seeing a doctor to get a prescription in case i had a sinus infection. i said i would rather battle it out. i'm only seeing a doctor (besides my yearly appts with my regular doctor) if i'm in serious pain or something. i can't take doctors. not into it!

get through your mammo and then you can think about the next appt. i can only take one appt. at a time. if you're feeling overwhelmed, that's a sign to just get through each day with each appt and then move on instead of trying to do it all at once.

debbie...so sorry you had a nasty pm. i hate that!!!!!!

ravdeb

thanks, Amy. You just justified for me that I'm okay and can call for the appointment another day. And really..it's not an emergency.

Thanks!

ake

make a checklist of the appts. you need to make this week and just go down the list...after each one is completed or scheduled, schedule the next one. mammograms or any breast cancer related stuff definitely sends brains into a spin, so maybe after the mammo, call for the other ones

TracySeattle

Debbie - so sorry about the nasty PM - We love you, so just ignore the mean people.... We have much better things to do with our time!

Amy - sorry you are having some issues, you face a lot more challenges than many of us and I am so sorry that you have to be where you are. You are always in my thoughts and prayers...

Rosemarie - I agree that getting a diagnosis for your daughter will make all of you feel more at ease. It would be helpful to know what to do for her. It does sound like an obsessive/compulsive thing.

Laura - Hope you are still having fun! When are you coming home?

I miss MaryAnne! Hope she is having an AWESOME time!

Ravdeb - I hate more tests - but it helps us to know that everything is still OK...

Linda - I know what you mean about the chemo memories coming back. I am getting rid of all the clothes that I wore during chemo. I can't stand to even think about putting them on.

I watched Oprah last night - the show was about aging. Dihann Carroll, Gena Davis, Diane Sawyer and some other stars were featured talking about how getting older is affecting them. It was Funny and OH SO TRUE!!! They were all talking about growing thru the middle and all of a sudden having a roll there - I think it is an old age thing, not a cancer/chemo thing.... One of the ladies is the writer of some movies (Sleepless in Seattle - cant remember the rest) and she was hilarious! She wrote a book titled "I feel bad about my neck" It is all about aging. According to her, you can do anything you want to your face, but your neck is always going to give away your age....

Diahann Carrol is 71 years old and she looks 30!!! But she readily admits that she has had plastic surgery and will keep going until the doctor says no more!

Well, off to work with me. Have a good day everyone.

ake

took the pregnancy test...not pregnant. ok, so where's my period then? thanks for giving me good advice and letting me vent, ladies.

TracySeattle

We love you, Amy!

ravdeb

Amy..that's good news and you can relax. Your period is acting weird because of the Tamoxifen. Just remember that and that Tamoxifen is a GOOD thing. It's protecting you. That's why other things like your period, are confused. I'm sure that's it.

And thanks for the advice. I did have a list 3 months ago when I had a list of appointments to make and that was a good thing. I will do that again. I have papers at my table and my calendar opened but that is making me not so organized. I will make the list NOW and then start marking things off..like tomorrow's mammo.

marymelodi

Amy: I'm taking Tamoxifen. I didn't think that it affect reproductive function. I just thought that it blocked estrogens from binding to breast cells so that the estrogens could not stimulate the growth of breast tissue. But, perhaps there is an estrogen-like effect in the reproductive cycle. I was taking progesterone before BC in my perimenopause years. I would take it for 21 days and then after stopping, the sudden drop in progesterone levels would cause the endometrium to deteriorate and then my period started. Perhaps the reproductive hormones are all mixed up from all the stress, drugs, chemo, etc. I would contact your doctors. Even with that progesterone, as time went on my periods were quite unpredictable as I approached the menopause. But, you are so much younger. I suspect your body is still healing and sorting out how to be "normal" again.

Mary

marymelodi

I have to say that I do not understand the nasaty PMs phenomenon. I must be hopelessly naive. This is pretty much the only place I visit at BC.org and I feel like everyone here is a beloved sister. I don't understand why anyone would want to attack and spread dissent or unhappiness. I am beginning to think that there are lurkers who read our conversations and feel jealous of the love and support and friendship. Their unhappiness comes out this way.

The only thing for it is to cling to each other and the good feelings we have. After my meeting with Graycie and Cathy I knew we have a very special bond and I will not ever let anyone convince me that our sisterhood is tainted.

I just feel sad that someone is so unhappy that they can only participate in a negative way. What an awful way to live.

I love you all!
Mary

Curlylocks

Good evening sisters,

It was a busy day at work, but it just zipped by….

Amy –you must have been relieved with the pregnancy test results. It will happen and him/her will have many Rocktober girl aunties and showered with lots of love.

Linda – I did the housecleaning of my “chemo related items” when I was done chemo, didn’t want any reminders hanging around the house. It was great to shred the papers that had all the side effects of the chemo drugs on them. I also have the menopause “belly” fat and am not liking it. It is exciting that Issac is starting to hear noise, it means that the implant is doing its job. Poor little babe must be so afraid though.

We are suppose to get warmer weather on Friday, yah! Also next week is looking pretty good too…

Deb – I didn’t have a wig but wore bandanas, namely black and white ones. I washed them and donated them back to the local Cancer Assistance Program. Good luck on your mamo. Mine hurt like all hell on the affected side. The technican said now I don’t want you to pass out.LOL. Thinking good thoughts for your friend too as she goes through her biopsy, she must be so afraid right now. Have you talked to her recently? I can totally relate on the doctors appts along with the rest of our sisters. I almost hate scheduling other non cancer related appts as I am so tired of appts. I go to physio 3 x a week, then see my oncologist every 3 months for my injections, followup every 3 months with GP related to ongoing care, eye doctors, dentist…it never seems to end.

Victoria – The nasty pm I received was also from someone that had just registered, I just ignore them. I haven’t worn a skirt in years, I wear pants with waist bands to hide my ever growing menopausal belly.LOL. The trip to Hawaii sounds amazing and really enticing right now, our weather is awful and cant wait for it to get warmer.

Tracyseattle – I had to laugh what you said about the belly roll but didn’t expect it to happen to me at 42 (soon to be 43). My face has aged from chemo and I guess the stress of this whole disease. To me beauty is the person inside and our society puts too much emphasis on being super thin and beautiful.

Mary – I agree 110% with what you said about the nasty notes.

Debbie – I miss you and hope you are doing okay, don’t let the negative people prevent you from expressing yourself freely here. Maybe when we meet in August we can come up with another way to communicate via a secure board or something, just a thought!

Going to watch a movie with hubby – The Devil Wears Prada, I have seen it but he has not.

Have a super evening and those in the colder climates stay warm. Those in the warmer climates, bring us some warm air please!!!!

Love to you all.

Michele

marymelodi

I saw that movie recently via DVD at my sister's house. I loved it. Thought it was extremely funny.

Ugh . . . I have worked late again. Now I have to face going out in the cold to get to my car. Actually, I think I'll wait for the shuttle bus that the hospital operates to take people to theier cars at night. Mostly women ride in the van, of course. it's so cold maybe there will be others tonight.

See you tomorrow. I have laundry to do at home so I probably won't go on the computer after I get home.

Mary

debbie444

Thankyou to everyone who has emailed, pmd me and posted kind words here. I really am trying to convice myself that it is someone i dont know - maybe like our wise Mary said, someone who is kind of envious of what we have. Anyway - this is my 'coffee group' and noone is kicking my chair from under me!!

Amy - glad you have some answers- eventually you will ahve all you want, I am sure.

Laura - gobsmacked - astounded , shocked, speechless etc.

Michelle - Tshirt and hood down on car today - blowing warm air your way!!
Trying to book my balloon flight tomorrow. Anyone near the East coast watch out!!

Anonymous

Michele: Have fun at the ball. Didn't you just have your hair styled?

dEB: I feel fine nowadays... just sailing along.

Debbie: I, too am perplexed. What can anyone have against you?

Amy: Good news. Thank goodness.

TracySeattle: I have read the book by Nora Ephron that you were talking about. It is HILARIOUS!

Curlylocks

Well the movie was really short lived tonight, watched 10 minutes of it and my husband's pager went off for a serious car accident between a tractor trailer and a car with someone trapped... so he is gone to the fire call.

Mary - stay warm.

Debbie444 - so nice to see you post again, I have miss your sense of humour. OMG ALERT, ALERT helmut please for our dear sister for her ballon ride.LOL. I can feel the warm breezes flowing my way, not quite but its a nice thought!

Brenda - the ball was fun, it was a 1 1/2 weeks ago. Yes I got my hair straightened for it. My new avtar is actually my hair done on that day. Did you book your hotel room yet?

Have a good night.

Your bc sister
Michele

Anonymous

Michele: I feel like I'm in twilight zone. How did that happen? (Actually, if you knew me like my husband does, you would not be the least bit surprised.) Oh, btw, and seriously, would you give me the info. on which hotel to call please? And the dates as well.

Thank you.

Curlylocks

Brenda - no worries, my brain also feels like it is in the twilight zone most days.LOL. Cheetah fest is the weekend of Aug 24. Some of us are arriving on the Thursday and others on Friday. I am arriving on the Thursday and leaving on Sunday.

The hotel is the "Lincolnshire Marriott", type in the Marriott.com and then city as Chicago and it should bring the right hotel up. The good thing about the hotel is you use your credit card to reserve but can cancel with no penality right up till the day of arrival.

Have a super evening.

Your bc sister
Michele Wenz

cathy987

Laura–hope your vacation in the sun is all you wished for and that you had a good birthday celebration.

Debbie–you were definitely missed at our “coffee group” and I believe you can rest assured it’s no one you know.

Mary–you are one of the most thoughtful people I’ve ever met and I agree with your assessment.

Mary-Anne–looking forward to your return.

Paula–Dragon Boat Racing! Now we have two members interested. It has to be great exercise too.

TracyS–I do not envy your move. My last move was over 20 years ago–just across my yard from a trailer house to my new big house which I have been filling up ever since with my stuff and the left-behind stuff of each child as he/she left the nest.

Kelly–Hope you’re skiing in Tahoe without worries. Have had two family reunions there. (In the summer) loved the redneck cake!

Michele–Your energy level is amazing. Hasn’t this weather been something else? I’ll be glad when it’s over too. I like what you said about beauty being on the inside. Yours just happens to spill out.

Cindy–absolutely loved New Orleans (and the beignets) when I was there many years ago. How has the hurricane impacted the area you are visiting?

Linda–Thank you for the update on Isaac’s progress. Sorry your daughter won’t be able to come for Passover. Family and holidays are special.

Ronnie–Sounds like you’re having a very busy day. Glad you’re feeling well. Ahh Honolulu and beaches. That’s a place I’ve never been. Hope it works out for you to go. Is it that you would want your kids to go with you?

Tracyny–loved the picture of you and your friends. You’re one good looking bunch of women and how special you’ve been together as friends for so many years.

RoseMarie–I’m glad you’re able to share your concerns here. You got a lot of good advice. And as far as I’m concerned you would win my vote for the best mother ever too.

Brenda–you are too funny. Here’s another vote for Nora Ephron’s book. I saw her on TV a few month’s back, bought the book and read it in one sitting. She’s responsible for my decision to color my hair again. She says it’s the one thing that makes 60 the new 50. Years ago I also read her book, Heartburn which was pretty funny too.

Amy–glad things turned out o.k. for you today. (Put me in that same failed condom category-hence my oldest daughter)

Deb–you absolutely amaze me. You seem to be ever present and offer up such good support. I read and read and read and by the time I think of what to say it’s been said beautifully by you and several others.

Gail– Hope your car has been fixed and the bad weather turns to spring for you too in the next wee,

Well I’m as caught up here as I’m going to get. Spent most of Friday and Saturday house bound because of the blizzard and deep snow drifts. Have been shoveled out and playing catch up at work again. Am escaping tomorrow to “Vegas, Baby” as my sons say. Will try to keep in touch while there but you know how vacations are. Oh I forgot it’s our annual board meeting. Hee Hee.

Love you all. Have a good night.

ake

ah, ladies, stop telling me about failed condom experiences! paranoia! the pregnacy test was negative, but now my friend is freaking me out because she said the test i got wasn't a good one because it was a cheaper one and it wasn't reliable. that i need to call my obgyn by friday if my period hasn't come and i need to buy a more expensive pregnancy test. when you say failed condom are you talking about it breaking?

cathy987

Amy

If it makes you feel any better and the truth be known, My failed condom story I've told for forty years actually was a failure of the condom user not the condom.

ake

thanks, cathy you made me laugh

seriously, did anyone think about their body this much before breast cancer? it's either worrying about what we eat, what we weigh, what's going on inside, what hurts, what doesn't, what's there, what's not there. it's ridiculous!

TracySeattle

Hi!

Dave and I spent some time over at my house tonight. Some folks from Craig's List came. I sold my desk, the chest of drawers and some of my crafty items. Made a quick $125! Some of my neighbors (whom I had never met until today) stopped in to see what bargains they could find. Hopefully Friday will prove even better!

I have to say that I am pretty overwhelmed with the amount of work that I have to get done in order to move - I am starting to have some anxiety attacks about it....

Well, I am going to have my sugar free jello dessert and watch NCIS.... Talk to you all tomorrow, sleep well sisters!

Paula15089

Amy, good news. Dont worry, I've heard lots of stories of Tamoxifen stuffing up the cycle.
I can't belive we are still being targeted by some stupid troll.. some people have nothing better to do, really.

who said something about grandma belly??! I've got one, and i am not a grandma!!

RoseMarie

Cathy -LOL!! And Yes, I HAVE gotten lots of good advice and I love you all deeply for it!
Tracy - I wish we could be there to help you!!!
Amy - you're right! I never thought twice about anything concerning my body...except my weight! You may want to call the doc. and let him know your concerns. Your co-pay is probably cheaper than an expensive p-test. I know the convenience is "priceless" though.
Brenda - I'm soooo glad you're making plans to come to the Rocktober-fest. I know initially you weren't sure - am so glad it seems to be falling into place!
My 12 mo.-end-of-chemo anniversary is coming up. My appt. with the onc. isn't until mid April. Time really has flown by!
Ravdeb, I think you asked about my curls a while back. I actually can't wait to have my straight hair back. Right now I don't know what to do with my hair. If I don't blow dry it it still kinks up quite a bit but it's definitely more wavy than curly now.
Debbie - you are a brave woman! (I can't even climb a step ladder!) Be careful and take lots of pics!!

Love you all a lot! Have a great night!

debbie444

The sun is shining ( 8 in the morning) th edaffodils are out and th ebirds are singing. I do believe that i got caught in someones mixed up way of participating, that this is a confused person rather than a malicious one. So i have left it behind.

Amy - surely a pregnancy test is a pregnancy test?? My DR never used to test me if i had already done an over th ecounter test as he said they were as accurate as him. Has this well meaning friend got shares in this company?????
Debbie

ravdeb

Amy..when I was young (way back when!) we totally depended on condoms and there were no slip ups. The user (like Cathy and V have said) must be using them correctly! They are pretty reliable but then even THE PILL is not 100%. I only got pregnant when I wanted to so.... I think you should see your doctor (and believe me...I am sick of them too) just to be sure. I always had a test done by the doctor despite the drug store tests. I didn't know there were cheap ones or better ones. But, I'm not "into that" anymore! I truly think it's the Tamoxifen, but you should see the doctor to ease your mind. It's important to know.

Debbie..I'm glad you are back. I have no idea what is going on and I haven't gotten a nasty pm...yet. Hope you get that balloon ride. But, DO wear your crash helmet!

Paula..I said grandma belly. I've had it for a few years..before chemo..and i'm not a granny either. You look gorgeous. Don't worry about it. The dragon boat will be a great workout. Just have fun. I'm not overweight..it just sits on my belly. I could just glue the chocolate there cuz that's where it goes anyway.

I had my mammo today Girls and it hurt. The tech was very kind and asked me if I was okay but I was in tears. I was really nervous and had had a strange dream last night that combined my girlfriend's core biopsy she is having today with my mammo and I woke up with mammo results that they had found a lump! So, I was a mess this morning when I went. I didn't have to wait at all, which was good. She did 3 views because of scar tissue.

This was a new place, new equipment..and they were much nicer than the other place. Plus they send the results to my clinic in our village so I just have to go and pick it up there. Much better arrangement.

My breast is still sore. But, she took a view of the under arm as well. I'm glad because I'm concerned about lymph nodes. Not overly concerned, but have been since my snb when they only took one out.

yes, Amy..I am concerned about every single darn ache or quiver. I am so intune to my body that I can hear the blood flowing! Even when I KNOW it's arthritis, I still think it COULD be mets. It all ends up to be cancer in my mind no matter what!

Cathy..you are very kind...

Tracy Seattle..hang in there. Moving is very ovewhelming. I'm going to spread Amy's good advice..make a list, mark it off, take a break, pat yourself on the shoulder when things get done, sold or cleared out. And remember..chemo was worse!!!!! If i could be there, I would. But first you'd have to help me get my house ready for Passover!!!

Brenda..you are funny! I can't wait to meet you ..and everybody else, too.

Have a good day!