2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

marymelodi

Laura: Thanks for the information.

I've been looking at the Marriott Lincolnshire website. This seems ideal! Right now the basic 2-person room, which seems to have nice features, can be booked for $124/night. That is not a part of any deal or package, it's just the basic price. But, there are other upgrades for rooms.

One thing that intrigued me was their "Hospitality Suites" for business meetings or gatherings. The picture looks very nice and I could imagine us all gathering in our cheetah & pink wear. They offer a catering option also. Oh, and there is a spa service. We could get manicures and pedicures with cheetah polish!!!! LOL

I think we should look at this one seriously.

I haven't time right now to see how it comes up in any "packages". Maybe this afternoon I can look into that.

Mary

TracyNY

Bwahhhhh!! The house full of bird dung and junk!!! I would have left too and then called her back and told her about her nasty house!!

Y'all know this trip is on my birthday weekend, don't you? I accept cheques, cash, Neiman Marcus gift certificates...

ravdeb

Oh Tracy..that is soooooooooooooooooo cool that the Roctober Fest is on your birthday. I'm thrilled to celebrate a Rock-tober birthday in person! This is going to be a VERY special weekend indeed!

I miss Amy! I think she is planning on being at the weekend. I'll e-mail her...

I'm for any hotel you pick. Cheaper is always good for me! The plans that Laura talked about..the places to shop and so on..that sounds fun! Never been to those places before.

Having a hospitality suite is a good idea.

Jill..feel better! I wish you would consider joining us. I would promise to understand your Scottish accent. I worked with a woman here from Scotland and I understood her! Just met another woman from Scotland not too long ago and she, too, spoke clearly!!!

Laura..that cheetah bathing suit sounds great!

kelly...enjoy the free babysitter!

Victoria..that must be what is wrong with me...I'm getting pms during menopause!

marymelodi

Oh, what a birthday party you will have, Tracy NY!!!

I did get a chance to look at the Marriott Lincolnshire Resort on expedia.com I came up with a package of airfare and hotel at $886 for 2, flying from Rochester to Chicago. That seems very acceptable to me.

I didn't check other starting points, e.g. Los Angeles or Santa Fe. These accomodations seem very good.

Mary

marymelodi

This is the list I have so far for "Rocktober Fest"

Mary, Cindy, Tracy-Seattle, RoseMarie, Laura, Maryanne, Ravdeb, Victoria, Michelle, Kelly, Cathy, Amy, Tracy-NY, Paula(?), Debbie(?)

Possilby 15 of us!!!!

Did I miss anyone?? Please don't be offended if I did. I'm doing this mostly on little breaks at work and sometimes things are hectic and I slip up.

Mary

Graycie

Hi Ladies,

I'll never be able to respond to all of you but I just want to say I love all your personal photo's and of course the pictures of the lingerie. Laura, your story of the birds and the deplorable house was hysterical. I would have been out of there like a bat out of hell too. Not even sure I would have made it through the front door. ewwwww That had to be pretty scary.

In case any of you have wondered where I have been. I have been keeping busy and trying not to be so addicted to the computer although I have to do my work reports on here since the co. I work for is in Minnesota. I have to try and get my life back to normal if there is such a thing. Not that I am totally going to stay away. I will be on from time to time just probably not as much. Well, for now anyway.

Just remember I am thinking of you all.

Love you all,
Gail

ravdeb

Gail..are you going to be at the Rocktober Fest in Aug?

Ladies..I, too, need to get off this computer and get my business underway. I am feeling obsessed with my cancer and need to stop! The new research written up on BC.org for triple negs repeats the bad prognosis for us. I need to stop obsessing about it and found myself once again researching. It would probably be a blessing if my computer crashed!

I e-mailed Amy asking her if she will be joining us in Aug.

Mary..thanks for taking on the roll call...

g'nite y'all.
Love you all!

RoseMarie

Victoria - I didn't have a hysterectomy but I DO feel like I have PMS w/out the periods!
I just sent off my packet of info/family history, etc. to the genetic counselor since I have yet to be tested for the BRAC genes. Once I know whether or not I carry the gene I'll make a firm decision about an oopherectomy.

Laura - the bathing suit sounds cute!!

Ok - gotta go - have the 4 year old boy from across the street over and he and Justin are running around and wrestling like two puppies...gotta love 4 year old boys!!

Anonymous

ravdeb -
I feel bad...I haven't read the new research yet, but I definitely want to. Try not to worry, although I know that's a way over used expression! You didn't have any positive nodes. That's very favorable!

RoseMarie -
Good luck w/the gene test and those 4 year olds!

Laura

ravdeb

Oh shoot..I'm back on the boards! I just spent two hours rewriting a mini-speech I have to give at services Fri. night. I wrote it in English and have to practice saying it in Hebrew! So that's what I've been doing. Then I checked in here...again!

Laura..ya know..I know all the stuff about the triple negs..have always known it, I guess. And yes..you are right about the neg nodes as well. That is very good. But in my panic obsession this afternoon, I went through the internet searching out research on it and I found it all over the place...triple neg has poor prognosis. They go on to say that recurrence is not as common as they thought. But if you keep reading...distant mets IS common. They admit they don't have the proper treatment for triple mets. I realize they are working on it. But..HELLOOOOOOO...what about us women who already have the stuff and already went through chemo and rads?????

G'nite now...for REAL!

marymelodi

Ravdev: I have faith that you will be healthy. It's no guarantee. Maybe it's just intuition. Or maybe something I dearly wish for. I know, this is no comfort to you. Still, whatever comes, you've got us with you for all your days, like it or not.
Mary

Anonymous

mary -
Well said!

Sweet dreams rav -

Amy says she's joining us!

Laura

Anonymous

Here's another song by the Cheetah Girls and it's titled Cheetah Sisters!

There's a time when we all choose
To either quit or follow through
To just loose faith
Or trust your heart
To somehow lead you through the dark
You're not the only one who's dreamin'
And who needs help to carry on
We might get lonely but we're not alone

[Chorus:]
Cause we are sisters
We stand together
We make up one big family though we don't look the same
Our spots are different
Different colors
We make each other stronger
That ain't ever gonna change
We're cheetah girls cheetah sisters

[Verse 2:]
Gotta do what we gotta do
Got the brains, got the power and we speak the truth
We're from everywhere all around the world
So ya best respect the cheetah girls
Dancing, singing from our birth
Working hard for what we deserve
Trying hard not to break the rules
Cause mama didn't raise no fools
It may seem we're only dreaming
And we need help to carry on
Its good to know we're not alone

[Chorus:]
Cause we are sisters
We stand together
We make up one big family though we don't look the same
Our spots are different
Different colors
We make each other stronger
That ain't ever gonna change
Believe it mister
We're cheetah girls cheetah sisters

[Bridge:]
Someone's always there behind
To catch us if we fall

[Chorus:]
Cause we are sisters
We stand together
We make up one big family though we don't look the same
Our spots are different
Different colors
We make each other stronger
That ain't ever gonna change

Believe it mister
We're cheetah girls cheetah sisters

Anonymous

dEBBIE: I thought the 3rd negative (HER2/neu negative) was supposed to be good?! Did you mean er/pr negative?

Now I'm upset. You and I are both triple negative.

ake

Hi ladies,

I just wanted to write and say hello. I've missed you all so much, but I have to say, it's been nice being off these boards. It's hard to explain, but it just got to a point where I was seeing so many people with recurrences, mets, etc. and it just made think...there is more to my day than reading this! I know it could happen to anyone and it breaks my heart when I see another woman go through that, but I need to not dwell on it too much or it keeps me from going forward. I need to think less about cancer each day and more about being a 30 year old newly married lady I know that we don't talk about cancer most of the time, but even getting on the main site and seeing the latest research, whatever...it just made me annoyed because I'm not in the mood to think about cancer. Is it in the back of my mind? Of course! Will that ever go away? Probably not. But, I can limit the amount of my day focused on it, and for now, I want to almost limit it all. So, I will try to still post, but I'm going to really give myself permission to not check this site every day. I wish we all had a place now that didn't have the word "cancer" in it! Don't be annoyed with me for taking that break...I've even regulated my mom telling me about people who just diagnosed that she knows, research she's read, etc. I just don't want to hear or see the word "cancer" every day!

I just finished a wonderful McDonalds meal...my treat because I've gone to the gym every day and sometimes, it's nice to not worry about what you're eating and just indulge My hubby and I are busy as hell...as usual...and all in good things. Traveling, dinners, friends visiting, my family came last weekend, it's been good I'm sick again with a freakin' cold because I work with kids, but oh well. My best friend is coming to visit this weekend, so I'm excited

For Chicago...I'm going to try really hard to be there. I don't think I'm going to need to worry about a hotel because my close friends live in the city, so I can always stay there. I really need to go over finances with my husband first though because we're going to Europe for 2 weeks in June and then we're buying our dog, so that's a lot of money right there. I will do my bestest

Love you all,
Amy

TracySeattle

I like the sounds of the Mariott near Laura's house!! Laid back would be good and we can take a "Field Trip" into Chicago--can't we?

I'm busy - Aquafest meeting tonight. more later. ((hugs))

Anonymous

Amy, what I do is mark the current page as a "Favorite" then I come right into our discussion. Many times I never even see another forum. I don't even see the main page for going thru chemo. When we get to the next page, I have to replace my "favorite" with the new page! And you can lessen that by going into your settings and set it to see 50 posts per page instead of 30. I wonder if you could set it for 75?? I'll have to try that.

For me, I don't want to have to click around the board to get here. Our computer department does monitor our usage, so I try to keep it to a min.

ravdeb

Thanks Victoria...
Amy..I'm with you. Understand you fully.
I have made a pact with myself to check in with the Rocktober Girls but to get my life in order..and that is the first thing.

Mary..thanks.
Brenda..it IS good to be her2 negative. What is NOT good is that there is no target drug for triple negs. They are looking for it. I hope they look good and hard!

I have decided to make major changes in my thinking before this gets out of hand. I agree with Amy... I am a research person. I need to know all the time what is going on. I can read about topics that concern me for hours on end. My dh calls me the "doctor".

But..it has to stop. It has become an obsession with me concerning cancer!

And so..I'm off to work on a few things that I need to work on that have nothing to do with cancer!

But, I will always be here on the boards...I will just ignore the other threads like many of you are doing.. I also feel a need to help others out or send an encouraging word or see how some of the other women are doing. But, I will try to limit myself (though I love the threads with the photos and the jokes..think I'll go to those!)

Love you all.
Have a good day!
Am anxious for August to come!!
Oh Laura..I love, love, love that song! I want the melody for it!

TracyNY

What I want to know is how Laura knows ALL the words to the Cheetah Girls songs?! And don't try to fool anyone that its your niece!!

I am a triple negative and I honestly can say I have divorced myself from cancer. Not that my denial is that deep but in my head I am just under medical supervision. I take heart pills every day from the damage chemo did to it but they are just heart pills to me. My doctors are so nice that I'm just stopping by for a visit.

The possibility is always there that the dreaded disease may pop back up but from the bottom of my heart I have committed to enjoying every single second of my life so I don't spend any more time than is necessary thinking about it.

This is not to invalidate anyone who is not as shallow as I am, I give more thought to my nail color than most other things, that's the kind of girl I am and it keeps me oblivious to a whole heap of problems!!

On that note, I need a new hair color. The clock is turning back earlier than usual and I need to get my spring/summer doings in order! I change my drapes, bedding and accessories at that time and I switch up my look too.

Kelly/Tooth Fairy: Aaawwww!!

Rosemarie: If you lost your kid in the mall you wouldn't have to show ID to get him back, he's the mirror image of you!

TracySeattle: When's the wedding?!

Dev: Step away from the computer and put the Cool Whip can to your head. Release the nozzle when the cream is close to stopping you from breathing. Swallow and say "mmmmmm".

Anonymous

I used to roam the other forums quite a bit, it's easier to stay away except when someone's dx has changed and you want to be supportive. I find I am healthier if I just visit this thread and don't feel a need to be all over the place anymore. IRL ..... I encourage others to get mammos, I will do my walk and take Brenda with me in June!! But it is too hard to visit the other forums every day. But, I do value this site, I still have to finish reconstruction and after seeing and hearing everyones experience I have decided that I really did make the best decision for me. I won't be looking back and thinking I should have done something else.

This thread is what kept me sane and this is where I want to be, with you guys. I don't mind checking this thread daily but I also visit another site and it's private and has nothing to do with cancer. I like that!!

Anonymous

For those of us on AI's look at this page .... it tells of the common side effects. Being tired, having joint pain, etc is not in our minds!!

http://www.bcaction.org/PDF/AIReport.pdf

RoseMarie

Hey Kelly - thanks for the tip - I had the discussion board saved to my fav. but never thought to save the page...
I guess I'm really ready to move on too...I'm thinking I'm going to start looking for a teaching job for next year. Sooo, say a little prayer for me. I have enjoyed my time home and I am so glad I didn't have to stress about taking time off for all the reconstruction but it's time... specifically I'd like a 5th or 6th grade reading/language arts position...if you'd like to say a specific prayer

I love having all of you here. I really can't wait until we all meet in person. I hate thinking about cancer and hate it when I allow fear to creep into my thoughts. I love being able to come here when I do, though. I just want to live life and truly make the most of every moment. I still have to remind myself to do that!

Love you all and hope you're all having a wonderful day!

marymelodi

I can understand the sentiment of wanting to move on and do other things in life, however, I certainly have become attached to this group and would be awfully sad if it dwindled away and ceased to have the spirit and liveliness we have enjoyed.

I have not had so much difficulty with thinking about cancer as it sounds like others have had. I do not say this to boast or to downplay anyone else's feelings. In fact, I wonder sometimes why it does not bother me as much. I haven't figured it out. Perhaps the accumulation of experiences in my life, my faith, or blind denial. I don't really know. I just do not have much fear about it.

I never have read other discussion threads or commented much to other people. Once I found YOU I never went anywhere else. It was mostly satisfaction with this group and somewhat a function of time. I just didn't have time for other groups.

I wish I could have wise words of wisdom or comfort. I do not have them at hand. I have hoped our connections would only enrich and deepen through the years. Can that be?? Well, perhaps this is the natural ebb and flow of life. In any group, some people will have more time and attention at any given time than others. Perhaps it will be that some will come by and chat for a time and then go away for awhile. I do think we should, in August, consider another venue if the location here at bc.org is just too much a reminder.

On that note, I do not want to bring up anything bothersome, but on the other hand, who better than you all to tell my day's event. I had my second follow-up mammogram today. I nearly forgot the appointment, so I guess BC is not too much on my mind. All is well. I was curious so asked to see the films from diagnosis, last check-up, and now today. I never knew that there are still 4 little metal clips in my breast marking the site. The surgeon left them there so the radiologist would know where to take aim. I've always had an interest in medical technologies so it was interesting to me and not at all awful.

Actually, I walked out of the building feeling grateful for the gift of my body which could undergo all that happened and heal itself and still be capable of so much pleasure. The sun was shining brightly and that was another thing to be grateful for. It was a very good day!!

Have sweet dreams . . .
Mary

Anonymous

Hi Girls...
Just a quick post...I am really busy designing last minute Valentine's Day Products for my client. Crunch time... nothing like having to be creative under pressure! LOL But hey, that's what I do best.

Just wanted to let you know that my opinion of this thread and life post-bc, etc. is that I view this as my therapy. I no longer discuss my bc issues with friends on a regular basis, because I don't want to bore them with details they may not understand. Although they have all been extremely supportive and loving, etc. I have been very fortunate to have been surrounded with an incredibly supportive dh, family and many friends. It's simple...I come her to relate to girls dealing with the same disease. I still can't believe that I'm conversing with so many women - all dealing with the same thing! That is truly amazing to me. And I will never forget when my dh found this site on the very day of my dx...I was in absolute shock that I would have the opportunity to not only receive valuable information, but to share my thoughts as well. I have been obsessed at times. But the times I have been obsessed, are the times I remember most, like the virtual cruise and all the virtual threads! Yes, at times it is sad, but at other times it's incredibly inspiring. Life isn't fair here or anywhere! I have put this on the proverbial scale and the good, far outweigh the bad. If I recurred, I would want everyone here to treat me as I have treated them. With respect, and kindness and love. I am here to offer advice, chime in or simply converse with girls in other threads when my schedule allows. But I truly enjoy visiting here...whatever the forum is. I think our thread has inspired many, many girls to reach out to each other at a more personal level. How incredible is that!...a new standard of compassion... We each have to find our comfort level and act upon it.

I will not leave here until I die or when there's a cure for breast cancer, whichever comes first!

Love you all...

ake

I'm not going to leave our group at all either, but let me try to articulate how I've been feeling...why i needed a break...

I definitely go to other sites because it is important to me sometimes to be able to talk about those issues that us under 40 women have to deal with...mainly the fertility, having babies, knowing we're young, which is good, but also knowing that with so many years ahead, there is that risk of recurrence more and more in our faces, if that makes sense. at the age of 30, aren't there sooo many more years to reccur? i think that's why i freaked out about thoese women getting mets...it just suddenly seemed that life was stopping all over again. sometimes it feels that at the age of 30 or 25 or whatever, our lives suddenly shortened. i'm not saying that's a feeling that's only something a woman my age would feel, but it's hard not to be frustrated, scared, and mad when i got diagnosed right when my life started to begin. so, sometimes, i need to speak to other young women who also feel that their lives stopped for a moment before they really began. and when that happens, it's hard to trust that it won't happen again.

and then other times, i just don't want to deal with it all...i want no connection to cancer, no connection to anything reminiscient of cancer. that's not against you all...the rocktober girls are my rock but, the boards in general are connected to cancer whether i go straight to our group or not. i found that a lot of times, when i could have been hanging out with my husband, talking on the phone to my best friend, etc...i was going through all the threads, catching up on posts, looking at research, checking forums, etc. so, i definitely want to limit my time a little bit...and separate myself a bit from breast cancer.
i am incredibly lucky to have a husband, family, and best friends who allow me to talk about breast cancer whenever i need it (for the most part...sometimes my husband has a hard time). i can talk to them about the fears, anger, etc. and i love that i have all of you to talk to as well. i'm not articulating this like i thought i would. i guess we're all trying to define our own way of moving on and for me...sometimes i don't know the best way to do that. because i'm only 30. because sometimes i don't know where to fit in...be it here or with the young survival coalition or simply with my best friends and husband and family. i'm 30 and living my life and then i'm 30 and a breast cancer survivor. i guess i'm still trying to integrate it all into my identity.

does any of this make sense? i am going to the young survival coalition conference at the end of february with one of my closest friends (who i actually met in the young women's forum on this site). and while i'm excited to be with her, be with women from the ysc, i'm also dreading it, thinking that i don't want to go, that i would rather do anything on that weekend than be reminded that i'm a breast cancer survivor. i just want to be amy. so, i guess that's how i feel about these boards. i want to be with you all, i want to move on in our lives together, but i also don't want to be reminded of anything that links me to breast cancer.

i'm never going to leave the rocktober girls because i would miss you all! i'm just not sure how to move on and stay in the group...does that make sense?

sheesh...for a psychologist....i'm having a hard time articulating my feelings!

Paula15089

Well, everyone has made such good points, that i have nothing to add! Agree with everyone.
Me - I just visit this thread like i do a few other forums daily. You are all my friends, and i love you, and i miss you when i dont come here for a while. Its as simple as that!!
Here is something i found somewhere on the internet. No idea who its written by, but it summarises my feelings so well, i just have to post it:

I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me,
but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world.

Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much.
My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst.

And then I remember to relax...
and stop trying to hold on to it.

And then it flows through me like rain,
and I can't feel anything but gratitude...
for every single moment... of my stupid little life.

You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure.
But don't worry. You will someday.

ake

love that, paula!

maryannecb

Great Paula.

Fists up!

maryannecb

I don't think any of us has to make a choice and stick with it.Some days and weeks I will be here, other days I will be gone. But it is like a good book at this point, I am too involved with your stories to let you go. I'd like to be there for the next chapter. I'd like to take and give support along the way.

No doubt we are all struggling to regain our pre-cancer stability.

For me, this disease has given me an uncertainty about life I never had before. Though I am surrounded by people in various stages of health I felt invincible to ill health. I was truly blindsided. Like you Amy it has felt like my life came to a crashing halt.But , for the most part I am back to me. I am reading books, traveling, enjoying the kids and planning the future. I am cautiously optimistic. I will never be blindsided again, though, my fists are up!

Amy, You worry about fertility, I worry about completing my job as a parent.I rarely articulate my fears of leaving my children motherless. It is the only thing that breaks my heart about all this. That, what if? They are at a critical stage, about to take on the world, they need me, simple as that.

As Victoria would say, there is no script for me. Breast cancer has brought me a whole new life. Like Laura ,not all has been bad. I have made some great new friends in real life and here.Fear and worry are part of my daily life but only a small part.

I found BCO one night when I couldn't sleep. I was looking for a place I could share my feelings without burdening those close to me. A sounding board where I would not be judged by people who have not been there. Sure , I can not understand what each of you are feeling and how it affects your life but I can get close and relate.

Mary, so glad you had a good appt today. I had much the same experience today. I met with the rads onc, he reviewed my mammo and bloods. NED. But I already knew before I sat down. I already felt NED. I was relaxed going there and felt good leaving. Still have to have the MRI again, but I'll growl and bear it somehow.

My skin cancer was completely, but narrowly, 1mm from the edge, excised.Incision has healed. On I go.

Airfare from my city is about $1000, Canadian. Expedia shows room rate for three nights at Mariott about 480$. Tracy are we still roomies?

Fists up!

RoseMarie

Well said, MaryAnne!
When I talked about "moving on" earlier I was truly talking about getting a job! I was always a "working" mom and do miss working (plus I'm tired of living on a budget!)
I plan on hanging around here- I like the comparison MaryAnne made about all of us being like a good book! What a great analogy!!!
Paula - great poem!
Laura - good luck with your projects!!!
Have a wonderful evening ladies!