2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

ravdeb

You go girl!!! Nov 29th is coming soon! But, me being naive...what are the dog ears???

Hey Tracy...how are you?

Paula..glad that you aren't THAT upset!

Lisa..thanks for your kind words. We can work through this together....and welcome!

TracyNY

Dog ears are the flaps of skin under your arms that are like little corners left behind after the breast tissue is removed.

Its the "round the corner" tittie meat, big girls know what I mean!! Bwahhhh!!

I look so hot today I think I'm going to get my photograph taken!

Anonymous

Girls -
Just FYI - the photo of Debbie wearing her Rocktober shirt and holding her first aid kit... well, along with the rocktober shirt I also sent her a first aid kit and designed the cover of it to read DEBBIE'S FIRST AID KIT! It's full of band-aids, and all kinds of accident related - stuff! LOL - We all know our rambunctious, energetic, go-for-it Debbie should have one on hand at all times, but hopefully will never need to use it! I suggest she keep it in the trunk of her new, cute, sports car!

cathy -
Your post was touching and moving. Beautifully written...

marymelodi -
I am feeling like you...even though we share the same disease, our stories are all different. We will never be able to relate in whole to one story vs. another...but the important thing is that we can relate to each other here. Without prejudice, without scrutiny, without judgement, without...well let's just say - we were all meant to be!

Amy -
Don't watch the movie if you think it will be at all unsettling for you! If you do, I would love your opinion, but if not, that's just fine! You are one-of-a-kind, and I doubt anyone's story would compare to yours. You are our baby - fighter! And an inspiration to say the least. You exemplify the attributes of an intelligent, well rounded young woman, professionally and personally!

Victoria -
Wow...you are a very courageous and giving and sympathetic and kind person. If I lived closer I would give you a hand.

ravdeb -
...getting a digital camera - wow - can't wait to see the shots you create!

Kelly -
So glad you checked in! I was quite worried about you. 9 more treatments - yeah you! Have fun on your camping trip. Don't let the Goblins get you though! Was wondering...do you have a name for your RV? If so, what is it? Your mom...I don't think any of us could ever say we would want to be the mirror image of our Mothers. I try to remind myself often that the positive way to deal with the indifferences is to work even harder at not making the same mistakes...does that make sense? I try to mirror my Mom's good points, but never repeat or live by the ones I think are negative or wrong. Hope this makes sense. In other words, it gives me the power and strength to know exactly which things I want to mimic and which ones I don't.

Tracy -
Hmmm...Dave... I am so happy for you! I wish you the best!

TaDah -
Congrats on the tattoo appt!

Laura

ake

Laura...Sheesh! You made me cry! But thank you for your words.
Victoria...thank you for your card. You made me cry too!!

I know I'm the baby and I want to thank all of you for always taking care of me....you all are amazing, strong women and mean the world to me. Absolutely the world. Cancer or no cancer, you're in my life forever. I always want to know what's going on with you all!

I'm watching the movie tomorrow...I get off of work at 1, I'm going to treat myself to ice cream and shopping, and then coming home, putting on the pjs, and watching the Lipstick movie (as I call it). I will give my review afterward

My good friend emailed me this and I thought it was great:

1 Thou shalt regard the word "Cancer" as exactly that: a word. Nothing more, nothing less. For its original meaning has changed mightily over the years as have such words as Smallpox, TB and Polio, all once dreaded ailments, now non-existent as maladies. And thus, too, shalt go thy Cancer. The answer shall come to those who shall be present to hear it. Be present to hear it when it comes.

2 Thou shalt love thy chemotherapy, thy radiation, and thy other treatments even as thyself, for they are thy friends and champions. Although they may exact a toll foar their endeavors, they are oft most genrous in the favors they bestow.

3 Thou shalt participate fully in thy recovery. Thou shalt learn all the details of thy ailment, its diagosis, its prognosis, its treatments, conventional and alternative. Thou shalt discuss them openly and candidly with thy oncologist and shalt question all thou do not comprehend. Then, thou shalt cooperate intelligently, and knowledgeably with thy doctor.

4 Thou shalt regard thy ailment as a temporary detour in thy life and shalt plan thy future as though this detour had not occurred. Thou shalt never, at no time, no how, regard thy temporary ailment as permanent. Thou shalt set long-term goals for thyself. For thou will verily recover and your believing so will contribute mightily to thy recovery.

5 Thou shalt express thy feelings candidly and openly to thy loved ones for they too are stricken. Thou shalt comfort and reassure them for they, too, needest comforting and reassurance, even as thou dost.

6 Thou shalt be a comfort to thy fellow-cancerites, providing knowledge, encouragement, understanding and love. You shalt give them hope where there may be none, for only in hope lies their salvation. and by doing so, thou providest comfort for thyself as well.

7 Thou shalt never relinquish hope, no matter how thou may feelest at that moment, for thou knowest, in the deep recesses of thy heart, that your discouragement is but fleeting and that a better day awaits thee, perhaps tomorrow, perhaps the day after tomorrow.

8 Thou shalt not regard thy ailment as the sum total of thy life but as merely a part of it. Fill your life with other diversions, be they mundane, daring, altruistic or merely amusing. To fill your life with your ailment s to surrender to it.

9 Thou shalt maintain in all times and in all circumstances, thy sense of humor, for laughter lightens thy heart and hastens thy recovery. This is not an easy task, sometimes seemingly impossible, but it is a goal well worth the endeavor.


10 Thou shalt have enduring and unassailabale faith, whether thy faith be in a Supreme Being, in Medical Science, in Thy Future, in Thyself or Whatever. Steadfastly sustain thy faith for it shall sustain thee.

Paula15089

Amy - I like these better than the actual 10 commandments!! (hope i wont get struck by lightening after saying this.. )

maryannecb

Girls, I have been away a week...so much has happened on here .I have skimmed the posts.

Victoria, sounds like you have had a difficult time this past week. It is hard to let go of good friends. Isn't it wonderful that you gave all you could to her. She is lucky. Like Laura said there is a new star in the sky now.

I haven't seen the movie you are talking about. I am not sure I will watch it, it has been bad enough going through all the real emotions I had in the last year. I know reliving them would upset me.

I had a 5 day vacation with my oldest child. She is seventeen and in Grade 12. Next year she will be leaving for university. We had planned this trip for many years and it finally came. It was great to be one on one with her. We were able to talk about her furure and had a lot of fun together. I am so happy that I am well this year and we made the trip. It was special. Now I have to plan again for my neaxt child, he is 14. Just three more years.

During my trip, one day I got to noon without cnbcer entering my head once, it was a new record. I can't wait for the first complete cancer free day, week, month....

Our hospital is facing a strike at the end of next week. I still have two more months of treatment .I hope I can get my Herceptin somehow. I acn only get this at the hospital.

Last night my Dragon Boat team held a fashion show to raise money. It was very successful.The room was decorated with pink ribbons and flowers, it was a nice evening. We have stopped paddling for the year as it is averaging 5-10C now. I miss it, it is great fun.

Glad you are in your new office Mary. Thanks for the info on LDS, I can tell religion is an integral part of your life.My faith is something I have always depended on even though sometimes I don't attend services very often. Victoria I am catholic as well.

Did we decide on location and time for the Rockers Reunion? We should pick a date so we can mark our calendars.

Laura, Debbies First Aid kit is priceless. Now we don't have to worry so much.

Ravdeb, you sound calmer. I hope you can settle your bad thoughts in to the back of your head again. You were always so optimistic and positive.

I haven't worn a watch since shortly after diagnosis either...weird.

Kelly, my Mom came last week to look after my other two kids while I was gone away. She stayed on for two extra days when I got back. She is in her late seventies and getting more self centered as she ages. Sometimes she acts like a child. I have learned to bite my tongue as arguing with her takes way too much energy and she never , ever thinks she is wrong. She will be spending Xmas with us, hope I can still talk with all my tongue bites!

Glad to be back.

Fists up!

debbie444

Glad you dropped in Maryanne. It sounds like you had a real good time. What is it with age? My dad seems to think he can express his opinion about all and everything at a very loud volume wherever he is. And stare.
Tadah - have you decided whether you having normal nipple tattoos or someting out of the ordinary???

Can you remember a while ago that Michelle popped in to say hello? Well she hasnt been back because she doesnt want to intrude. I for one say more the merrier, would hate to be deemed as one of those cliques so ' HELLO MICHELLE!'

I finally have the house back, down to just my own kids. I am a sucker for all the kids requests for their friends to stay being as we live nowhere near any of them. When makeovers and Pokemon tournaments threaten to drown out Scrubs it is a different matter.
Debbie

debbie444

Just for fun,
If you could live anywhere ( no regard for hospitals, jobs etc) where would it be?
To kick it off, i would live in a lighthouse in Cornwall. ) i would pay someone to clean the windows tho - dont think Lauras First aid kit could cope with that! ( Begrudgingly gave Roger a plaster out of it yesterday)
DEbbie

ravdeb

Amy...that version of the 10 commandments is great! I saw it here on another thread.

I remind myself, Amy, that you are young, but never think about you as the "baby" of the group. You were the one who consoled me when I was nervous about losing my hair. Much later on I learned you were much younger than me. Had no idea. And it made no difference.

I agree...Michelle is totally welcome to join in.

Getting mad at my insurance group. I need a CT angio and have an appointment for Monday but still no permit letter from the insurance. I may have to change the date. Wouldn't be so bad and normally I wouldn't care, but I so wanted this one worry taken care of quickly, though my doctor told me it wasn't urgent but to have it done before Feb. Okay..I have time, but I want to do it NOW!

Maryanne..great avatar.
Great you had that trip with your 17 year old. We also have a 17 year old..a son. He goes into the army in July or August. He is not talking to us. We don't know why. I'm suspecting being in 12th grade and thinking about the army is too much for him. Have older son who is in the army, talking to him. Hopefully that will help. Older son has been home all week. But younger son went with us in the summer to the States. Each of our kids got that trip the year before the army. He had a great time and we had lots of fun with him.



Tadah..thanks for the answer about dog ears. I had heard that term but never knew what it meant.

Did you get your photo taken? I want to SEE!

Hope everyone is well as we go into the weekend.
It's raining here!!! This is a GOOD thing!

ake

Debbie...if I could live anywhere it would be in Bermuda....in some little bungalow. I would write novels and live in long linen sundresses with my bathing suit on constantly

debbie444

Hm, that sounds good too. Would there be someone on hand to iron the linen?
Oh, and without glasses/ contacts in , tamoxifen tablets look just like dog vitamin tablets. Yes, i know..........

Debbie
( my teeth will be strong and hair should be shiney!!)

Anonymous

Debbie, if you start barking we promise to take you for long walks!!

Got to work today, then camping for 2 days!! I am so tired I am about to fall over.

Victoria, you are an angel among us. I know for me, I would want someone who loved me to be there in my final moments, especially my final days where I could talk or cry. I am so happy she was able to record messages for her children. They will treasure those tapes forever.

Someone used the Hebrew word "chesed" to describe what you did. I did research on that word years ago and have never forgotten that wonderful word. I remember, like lini said, it's hard to translate because we don't have that word in English. According to what I read, it's a combination of "strength, loyalty and love" ...... my bible translates it as "loving kindness" and I don't think that is a good translation. The important part about it is that it's the stronger person who has this chesed ...... like G*d has chesed towards us, or you towards Sammie. That's the amazing part of it since you give this love, loyalty and strength to another when this person is not in a position to do it for you and you do it with all your heart out of this love.

TaDah, picture please!!

cathy987

Debbie–I guess I have come to love where I am–the change of seasons, the sunrise and sunsets on the prairies–the openness, where we raised our children and where they return to visit. I spent the first 20 years of my married life hating it here and missing my Minnesota home and trees.

Having said that of all the places I have visited, there’s a little two-room two-fireplace cottage next to an old convent in the hills of Sicily where my husband and I spent a week the summer he died. We slept, we read, we walked, we talked, we argued and we ate the most wonderful meals, prepared by the mother/daughter team who own the property. There was no television, but plenty of books to read. The best part is there is an Internet connection so I could keep in touch with all of you.

Went for my colonoscopy yesterday, which was aborted since they couldn’t access a vein for the IV. One technician, one nurse and one doctor (with a med student I happened to know personally looking on) all tried. Five or six pokes later they gave up and sent me home.

Now I’m really afraid of my next Herceptin infusion. I guess I’ll call my oncologist and discuss it with her before I go.

Paula–I was welcomed into this group about the time you went on your trip. I would love to see some pictures and hear more about it. We visited Sydney once for a long weekend. Crazy trip but I loved it. We saw Godspell at the Opera House.

There’s so many more of you I want to say something to but have to work. Love my job but would rather spend the day with you all.

TracyNY

I would live next to the ocean. I have property in Barbados that I'm preparing to build a house on but you can't see the ocean from it.

Debbie: My tattoos are going to be regular but I plan to get the right side pierced.

marymelodi

Well, I need you guys today.

On Monday, my brother in Salt Lake City, e-mailed me that an 82-year-old sister of my father had passed on. I was sorry to hear the news and planned to contact my counsins later this week. The funeral was held yesteday and my brothers, still living in Utah, went to represent the family. Today my brother e-mailed about his experience at the funeral and linked to the obituary. Well, it turns out that my aunt had breast cancer. I did not know.

I have e-mailed to another cousin to find out what happened. I feel badly because I just do not have as much contact with some members of my far-flung family as others. This aunt and her family have been less in touch with me and my family over the years. She probably didn't know about me either. I did not send out Christmas last year - the year of chemo - which would have been my normal way of staying in touch. It wouldn't have made a difference, most likely, but I surely would have commiserated with her and tried to be supportive.

So, this is really a shock to me. I just had an appointment with my family doctor and told her that sometimes I wonder if I would know if cancer were starting again. We discussed the various screening tests and she counseled me to ask my onc to do whatever tests there are. I see the onc in a month so I will do that. I've been having more frequent leg cramps at night so she is doing blood tests of thyroid fucntion and Vitamin D levels. Apparently, a vitamin D deficiency can produce leg cramps and she has been seeing more of it in people who work indoors and don't get out much. Yes, that would be me. Not out much at all in the last year and when I did get out very careful about the sun due to medications and radiation. I also have to see a kidney specialist because some other tests are showing signs of beginning problems.

If is isn't one thing . . . it's another. What a day!!

Mary

ravdeb

Mary, so sorry to hear about your aunt. It's especially sad becauseo of the bc. Hits home.

Interesting about what you asked your onc about knowing if cancer were starting again. Did you have a feeling something was not right with you before your diagnosis?

I didn't, but I'm reading a book now about after bc treatments, written by an onc named Hester something who had bc herself. One of the things she said was that many of the women felt something was wrong with them before they were diagnosed and she herself knew something wasn't right.

I often wonder that about myself and keep thinking that the reason that I'm obsessed at the moment with pains or bad thoughts is because there IS something wrong. Hmmmmm...but then I think...no...there are lots of women worrying after treatments and that is normal!

also..I get a lot of leg cramps..or DID. I eat at least one banana a day and when I do that, I get NO leg cramps. I was getting them really bad and also in my feet. Over the summer while I was traveling I didn't eat my bananas and I was getting the cramps. Now that I'm home and eating my bananas, no cramps! Try it!

If I could live anywhere in the world, I'd live in Chicago. I love Chicago. I feel at home there.

Cathy..I really feel for you and that IV problem. they havea hard time with me, too. I have a CT on Monday and am wondering if the IV will work out. They could barely get any blood out for my blood test. Veins are messed up bad from the chemo.

Victoria..I continue to think about you...

Kelly..chesed also means rightous (sp?). Kabbala uses it as a word that means very deep,spiritual type of charity.

marymelodi

Ravdeb:
I don't really feel that anything is wrong. But, sometimes I do think how in the first half of 2005 I just assumed I okay and all along there was a lump growing in my breast. I did not feel that anything was wrong. So, how would I know in the future.? Before BC I had some conditions related to diabetes-hypertension-obesity which my family doctor and I were treating and monitoring. Those things are still of concern so I see her every 3 months. I can confide in her about everything so I just talked to her today. It was on my mind because today is the one year anniversary beginning chemotherapy.

She is going to do blood tests for thyroid and Vitamin D deficiency because of the leg cramps. I've been doing some research and guess what . . . corticosteroid use can affect Vitamin D production (remember our friend dexamethasone?) and so can lack of sun exposure. Also, Vitamin D has been shown to inhibit growth of some breast cancer cells so there is another reason to be sure we get enough of the right foods and enough sun. My reading says 10 to 15 minutes on face, hands, and arms twice a week. Maybe the leg cramps are not related to Vitamin D. The blood tests will give the information. She also recommends increasing the dose of trazodone because I'm not sleeping well and she prescribed a medicine to help lower triglycerides.

Today I just feel like one big mess medically speaking because of all my complaints and conditions. It's somewhat discouraging buat I know giving in to that feeling will not help me so I will try to take a deep breath and get myself back on track to being healthy.

Thanks for letting me vent about it all.

Mary

ake

Ok, I saw the movie. Begin bawling immediately when she was diagnosed and cried through the whole thing. It was completely and utterly surreal to hear her say the same things I said...her dad even had the same name as my dad! I told random people I had cancer, I worried my husband felt he had picked wrong, or that I was damaged goods, I immediately asked if I was going to need chemo and then if I was going to die.

I loved this woman's attitude. I thought the movie was excellent...mainly because it brings attention to women our age. But, it's heartbreaking. There was so much fear and anxiety last year and now, what is really left is the heartbreak...my sadness. Absolutely heartbreaking that someone my age...me or anyone else..had to go through this. In the movie, she goes to a strip club before her surgery. For me, my husband took me to a Redskins game and I sobbed throughout the whole thing as I looked at the cheerleaders and their breasts. The whole thing about having children...whether I can or not. How everyone around me seemed youngand beautiful and fertile. There was so much of myself that I saw in this woman's story. It's surreal. Just surreal.

Well, it's raining here and gloomy, so I guess I was due for a good cry.

Love,
Amy

maryannecb

Oh Amy...although the movie was excellent, did you really have to torture yourself like that? I have been avoiding movies and documentaries. I already lived it, I need no reminders or increased awareness. I am just beginning to have that numb, was it really me, thought.

I went for a beautful drive and hiked by the ocean. I kept thinking it was my last Fall. My daughters Bday was 3 days after my mastectomy, I wondered if I would be with her this year. As sad as we were then. Many of our fears have not happened. It is Fall again and my daughter has had another Birthday. I am thankful for the last year and for any more good times I have.

You worry about being a mother, I worry about staying a mother. I even worry about being sick and how it has affected my mother.

I hope you can find a way to get rid of your sadness.We have all read the stories of people who survive. Why not you Amy?Your husband will only think of you as damaged goods if you feel like damaged goods. You are young and presently healthy. You have a beautiful family and your friends are so cool they shaved their heads for YOU. Lap it up. Take stock of all the things you have going for you and be proud.

Have your cry, then move forward. Plan something you will love to do and do it.

Fists up!

P.S. I hope I don't sound preachy, you just sound low...

ake

I'm not low...I just had a good cry. I don't feel like damaged goods now, but I did when I was diagnosed. I think I was just reacting to how she felt when she was diagnosed and remembering how I felt then. I don't feel any of those things now...I'm confident, feel strong, feel beautiful. But, watching the movie is kinda like seeing it all over again and I'm sad for the me that went through all that last year and I'm amazed that I got through it and I'm in awe that I could keep a positive attitude. So, it's not that I feel those things now...I think I'm just proud and sad for that 28-year-old Amy who went through breast cancer. I think it's still hard to accept that self...that part of me.

ravdeb

Mary, I can so relate to feeling messed up medically. I was thinking about leaving for the States again this year and planning it and then looking at my calendar and well, I've got doctor appointments or scans or something every single month! I told my dh I'm totally falling apart! I have more doctor appointments than my my 80 year old parents do..and I feel older than them!!!!

I worry about the steroid stuff...I take a very low dose of a type of steroid for my asthma..have been taking this for years and my doctor would yell at me when I'd take myself off of it. I know that I live a good life when I'm on it and start huffing and puffing and coughing when I take myself off of it, but....

Amy... I'm thinking back to when I was 29. I would not have dealt with bc in the mature fashion that you are dealing with it. I would have been a newlywed as well since I got married just before my 28th birthday. I am not sure how my dh would have responded to it then. Today he was a wonderful support but I wonder what it would have been like at a much younger age.

I often look at other women and think that they have these healthy breasts and I don't and now, when I should be getting ready for the "empty nest" and a chance to be a bit more on my own, I've got these new worries all the time.

I also have seen pictures of me before my diagnosis and have thought..I just didn't know it, but I had cancer and I thought my life was "free".

At any rate... I think that you are moving on, but perhaps in a different way, and at a different rate from some of us who are a bit older.

marymelodi

Even though our paths have been different, I relate to you, Amy. Sometimes I think, "Did it really happen to me?" I felt sad watching the movie, also.

Mary

marymelodi

Ravdeb:
I forgot to tell you that I got the "chicken soup" book that you mentioned with the cartoons that your dad created. I believe I know who he is . . . and I am enjoying the book in little bits. Sometimes I don't want to be reminded of BC and other times it doesn't affect me so much.

bye-
Mary

maryannecb

Go Amy! You had me worried. I also was toast at diagnosis time and for many months after.

There is a documentary in Canada about a family doctor(so am I), the same age who has gone through breast cancer. She also has three children. I have avoided watching it as I feel it would be too painful, having so many issues in common...the kids, the doc as patient,similar age. Maybe I am hiding out in my safe place, I don't know. Maybe I am protecting myself from reliving pain.

Glad to hear you are feeling strong and proud and beautiful because we all agree.

Fists up!

Curlylocks

Hi everyone,

I am a December 05 chemo gal but really enjoyed reading your posts here on a regular basis, it also seems to have stayed the most active over the last year. You ladies have such spirit and unspeakable bond.

Debbie pm'd me and asked why I havent been back to join in on your thread and I told her that I didnt feel comfortable intruding on your space. If it is okay with all of you I would like to join in on your wonderful group. Debbie, I thank you for welcoming me.

Maybe I should introduce myself first. I am 42 (41 when diagnosed last Oct 25/05 with a 4 cm tumour and 3 positive lymph nodes which makes me stage IIB. I had a lumpectomy with the removal of 23 lymph nodes on Nov 17/05, 6 months of chemo which ended May 5/06, hormone theraphy as I am er/pr+ and finally 5 1/2 weeks of rads which ended Aug 5/06.

I took 11 months off during treatment and have returned back to work part time 3 days a week on Oct 2/06, my hours will be gradually extended until I am back full time on Jan 1/07. I count myself as being lucky having a good benefit plan here in Canada through work that I was able to take the time to allow my body to heal.

I am married to a wonderful husband Norm who I love dearly and have been with for 17 wonderful years. Our 7th wedding anniversary is coming up on Nov 10th. We have no children but two fur animals, a 11 year old australian cattle dog, shephard/lab mix named Cody and a 12 week old female Belgian Malinois named Scooby.

We live in a small town called Acton, Ontario which has a population of 8,000 people. Acton is located an hour west of Toronto, Ontario Canada. We live out in the country on a 1/2 acre lot. We love the small town atmosphere where neighbours say hi and people really look out for one another.

I work in a Human Resources Department of a large printing company processing payroll, benefits, pension plans and dealing with employee issues. My husband has two jobs - a full time one - working in a paper mill and is also a part time firefighter for our town.

Finally....I come from a large family of three sisters and 1 brother who are very close. I am the second oldest.

Amy - I have read your posts and just have to say that you are an inspiration to alot of young ladies. Your strength and courage shines through your posts, being faced with breast cancer at 28 and being a huge role model for the young survivors coaliation.

Maryanne - I have watched the movie that you are referring to about Dr. Marla Shapiro. It was actually first broadcast last Oct 15 on CBC. I watched the movie with my older sister not knowing that a little over a week later that would be me in her shoes. Eerily, I made a comment to my sister and mom at the time saying I hope I never have to face breast cancer.

Victoria - I have read the posts about the passing of your beloved friend, my sympathies go out to you at this very difficult time. You are a kind soul to be there for her in the end. It takes a strong person to be able to do what you did. You seem to be a very spiritual person. I wish I could paint like you do. I cant even draw a stick person to make it look right!

Ravdeb - I hope things have settled down now in Israel. It was pretty scary there for awhile over the late summer. Your hair is just as curly as mine. I got my second trim today, six months post chemo and the curls are wild. I did put a temporary rinse in my hair though I couldnt stand the grey at 42, felt like it wasnt me. If I had waited a month or so though it would have turned dark as the new hair that was growing in came in dark but I still have too many grey hairs. I put another temporary rinse in last week and now my hair is dark, dark brown almost black. It matches my eyebrows so I'll run with it.

Terynsmom - I like your new avtar. You are so pretty and your daughter looks just like you.

Marymelodi - I hope that you are feeling better soon. You know I think in the back of all of our minds every thing that goes wrong with our health from here on in will be a worry. I hope the doctors are able to figure out what is happening with the leg cramps.

Tadah - Are you originally from Jamaica? My husband and I have been there 5 times and absolutely love the hospitality and warmth of the people and of course the warm waters of Negril.

Cathy - I cringe when I think about needles now. I did my 6 months of chemo all through iv in my right hand and in the same large vein for 8 treatments. I surprised I even have a vein left. I will not let the nurses touch my left (affected bc side). If I have to go for bloodwork at all they always comment on how small the veins are in my upper arm. I hope that your next herceptin treatment is uneventful.

I know that I have missed saying hi to a number of ladies but didnt want to loose this posting by going back and forth so please forgive me it is not intentional.

Michele Wenz

ake

welcome michelle! glad that you joined us rockotober girls

cathy987

Mary, today you need us. And here we are. Some days things do seem to pile on. The sadness of your aunt dying, coupled with the fact it was breast cancer and you didn’t know and you couldn’t help her. Had a conversation just today with a younger friend who felt she hadn’t “been there” for a classmate when the classmate lost her only son. We can’t change the past and sometimes we’re just not in a place were we can help. But we can feel sad and then move on and “be there” for others like you often are here.

Leg cramps–bananas do help. I think it’s the potassium. If so then oj should be just as good. If it’s vitamin D then sunlight, yes and that comes in most commercial milk too. I know for sure that the lack of sunlight thing affects our mood and here in the Northern climes the days are really getting shorter.

Revdeb–I checked out the book you’re reading (After Breast Cancer, Hester Hill Schnipper) It sounds like it might be really helpful. Let us know.

Amy and MaryAnne– You both seem to be in the same place emotionally–confident, strong and enjoying life. MaryAnne did I read your post correctly? “family doctor (so am I)” Just scanned the first 40 pages of posts to see if I missed that before-–if so it explains your ability to give such good council.

I too cried when I saw the movie (My dh used to say I cried at stop signs) I anticipated her question, “Am I going to die?” I’ll bet every one of us asked that question in our heads if not out loud. Then I cried at every sad and joyful event in the movie. I kept thinking of Amy and once again I gained insight into some emotions that are experienced differently with young women.

Michelle and Lisa–Welcome to this group. They’re very kind to newcomers.

Much love

ravdeb

Hey Ladies...

Welcome Michele! Glad you made an official entrance into the Rocktober Girls World.

Cathy..your posts are always so compassionate and assuring.

I just had a rant and rage with my husband. Not against HIM (poor guy) but against the rest of the world. It seems that everybody is upsetting me lately except for two communities...the Rocktober community and my religious community.

Last night we went to say goodbye to a friend who is leaving his family behind for 6 weeks to go to a remote little town in Australia (Paula..I will get the name but it's outside of Sydney..hour's drive)to do consulting for some farm work in pomegranates. At any rate, I walked in (haven't seen his wife in a while but he works with my dh and I see him regularly) and the first thing she commented to me before I even sat down was how long my hair had gotten. I'm embarrassed already about going to people's homes who haven't seen me in a few weeks...they continually comment on my hair. (I told my husband that the only people who can tell me how long my hair has gotten are those who have been through this themselves. Others can say my hair looks nice if they want, but when they tell me it has gotten long..it's all about chemo and not about hair)

That was the first thing. Then I commented on how exciting it sounded to leave for 6 weeks to a new place and have a new experience, see a new country, etc. So, he asks me if I would do it. I said of course. I didn't go into detail but 20 years ago (and he knows this only too well) I picked up and left my parents, friends, work, community, etc. and moved to Israel. He is going to Australia for work and not for anything else and I moved to Israel because of my husband and for no other reason. The difference is that I did it for life and he gets the luxury of trying it out for 6 weeks.

I could go into detail about our differences but I won't. I was just ticked off because his wife, a few years ago and it obviously made an impression because I haven't forgotten it, told me in front of another couple who I had just met, that I never tried to like living in Israel.

I don't want you all to think that I don't like Israel. I do. But I'm talking about living here away from my own culture, family, friends, the work I was doing, etc. I remember this woman saying these things to me and I wanted to ask her why she never tried moving away from her parents' home, she has never left anything familiar except for trips she took with friends or family..she has never even traveled alone like I have done many times, etc...

I guess I'm ticked off because people don't know how to put themselves in somebody else's shoes for just a minute before saying something.

Am I nuts? Just overly sensitive? Or just in a bad mood?

Sorry...just needed to vent, I guess.

Be well Ladies and I hope everybody has a wonderful Saturday.

ravdeb

Thanks Victoria. My close friend in the States told me that people mean well and that we need to forgive even when people act in a way that is less than they COULD act. He's a rabbi. My mentor. He is right but I feel like I shouldn't have to accept it. I can forgive but not accept, if that is possible. I feel like I deserve better because I had to fight for my life.

Thanks for understanding what I was feeling. I needed that!

linny

Cathy, a very close friend who is having herceptin treatments is having a port inserted this week. She had two treatments so far, and the oncologist thought it would be better to do a port, since treatments will continue the rest of the year.

My veins have not recovered at all in the "good" arm, and I am always nervous about it. I have had only one blood test since chemo ended and dread going again - that one was very painful, they used the vein over my wrist bone.

Linda

Linda