2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

ravdeb

Kelly...I pm'd you.

Victoria...I spoke to my rabbinical friend and mentor and he doesn't know what scripture your friend is referring to. He doesn't believe it's from what is referred to as the Old Testament.

Wow Mary..quite a story. YOu are strong.

Amy...I'm a firm believer that all of the experiences we go through, including our breast cancer, are a part of our LIfe's journey and that there are reasons for them all. We may never fully understand them, and sometimes I feel that when you least expect it you'll get a "light bulb" moment as Oprah would say, and you'll know why something happened. It will bring on a new meaning.

I don't know why I got breast cancer, but some of the experiences in my life that led up to last year when I was diagnosed, prepared me for the shock of hearing it, for the difficult treatments, and so on. Maybe one day I'll figure out why I got this "gift" as well.

ravdeb

I just wanted to tell you that my brother made a DVD on our neice's wedding that I was at in the summer. I just got it in the mail yesterday. It is so amazing. He weaved in photos with video, and wedding photos of our parents and her parents (our sister and husband) and even wedding photos of our grandparents. I was moved to tears.

He is really good at photojournaling and has been doing all kinds of these things for years, getting better and better. He's a journalist and works for the Houston Chronicle.

Just wanted to share this. I was so excited.

TracyNY

I skipped the Lifetime movie. Call it denial but I don't like to go "back there". I rarely post in any forums on this board beside this one. Although my experiences and comfort may probably benefit those in 'Just Diagnosed', I just don't like that place emotionally.

I don't mind telling people that I used to have BC now that its gone and I look fabulous but I so don't want it to be a defining thing for me.

I learned a lot from it though. I learned who my true, TRUE, friends are, I learned that most things are really not that important. I quit wearing a watch, my days are mine and when I get there is good enough for me.

I have a watch that needed a battery and I replaced it because I enjoy the band of the piece, not the actual timekeeping function of the watch. I spent the whole day monitoring the damned time and the stress was too much for me, I replaced the battery and put it away! I haven't worn it since!

My relationship with God has expanded dramatically and through this I strive to walk with Him daily and live my life to be a blessing to others.

My biggest concern about putting this behind me is my relationship with you guys. Cancer brought us together and I wonder how moving on will affect our bond.

Its too early for all this deep thought. I need pancakes, don't listen to the ramblings of a hungry black woman!!

debbie444

Tadah - i know where you are coming from! I too want to put this behind me, deal with it a later date if necessary but worry what will happen to our group if that happens.
As for family, i feel so much closer to my brother and sister after this, especially my brother who is 13 years older than me. when i was diagnosed we hugged and cried together - i cant ever rememver him hugging me before. My sister in law ( rogers sister) is a different matter. She accused me of being ill for attention and , wait for it ladies , choosing a designer illness - excuse me??
Victoria, you are so special, i dont think you needed my angel, you are an angel yourself. Please look after yourself though, remenber to take care of yourself. We are not close enough to come for coffee and remind you to slow down so will have to do it virtually.
Mary - what religion / faith are you ? It sounds so beautiful what you did. You remind me of one of those women from the past who used to do all of the births and deaths and laying out in a village, a kind of wise woman.

I have to go and sort out my bank balance now, this past year sure didnt do that any good either!
Deb

ravdeb

So many emotions on this board these days. I think it's probably normal after having been diagnosed a year ago. I spent the last year in denial and just did what I had to do. Thank goodness I was in denial because when I look back on some of the things I went through...good that my brain was somewhere else!

Tadah...I miss that you aren't writing as often and I do understand how you don't want to go "back there". I also understand how much you want your time to be yours and not be dependent on a watch and just to enjoy the moment. I also stopped wearing a watch. Interesting.... used to always wear one.

I think that one of the things about our particular group is that although we bonded together because of bc, we are now learning other things about each other that I find fascinating. Amy is nuts about tennis, Victoria is a fabulous artist, Laura feeds wild animals, etc...

I think that even when we continue to move on...we will always have each other because frankly, cancer will always be a concern and those outside of the bc world just can't, as much as many of them try, understand just what we are going through.

I, for one, am grateful that we have found each other. We are unique. But we enjoy each other for all sides and want to support each other for non-related bc things, laugh with each other, share things.... I think it's good.

It's amazing really, Tadah, because we are different ages, cultures, countries, religions, interests, etc...and I feel very close to each and every one of us!

Enjoy the pancakes!

TracySeattle

Oh, you all just make me cry. I am so happy to have found you and to be a part of this group.

Victoria - you are a strong woman and a wonderful friend. I am so proud of you and in awe of you for doing what you are doing for your friend.

I don't have much time just now to post, but needed to say Hello and to let you all know that you are in my heart....

Oh yeah - I have mentioned my friend, Dave to you..... He and I are spending a lot of time together. I appreciate him so much and he is so kind and good to me. I need that.... I would have never thought that this would be happening, but it is and he makes me happy. We are just enjoying our time together, getting to know each other and taking it slow.....

Busy, Busy, Busy at work! gotta run. You are all such wonderful friends, I miss being able to spend more time here with all of you!

Be well and have a good day.....

ravdeb

Tracy...that is so nice to hear about you and your friend enjoying each other's company. That is how it should be...just liking being together. sounds great!

Victoria...I hope all is well at your house. I think of you often and what you are doing. You are strong and brave but more than that...you are full of compassion. Your friend is so lucky. And you will treasure these moments, as well.

Debbie..so you chose a designer illness. Well, at least it's pink. I like pink.

Have a good day y'all. I'm off to the clinic to get an insurance paper and have a chat with my family doctor.

cathy987

Victoria

Sometimes words are very hard for me. Just know how grateful I am that you have shared this experience of ultimate love and caring of your friend, Sammie, with us. As long as I remember this story, and I can’t imagine ever forgetting it, you will have taught me what it is to love unconditionally.

chumfry

Victoria

Thank you for sharing this journey with us. I'm grieving with you. (Had to shut my office door because I'm crying.)

Don't be surprised if you feel a wide variety of emotions about this, everything from sorrow to rage. Hang in there and just ride the roller coaster. It should stabilize in a few days. No one likes to feel bad/sad, but feeling those emotions is part of the healing process.

I'm so sorry you've lost your friend, but I'm glad she's no longer suffering.

ravdeb

Oh Victoria...I'm so, so sorry and so sad for you. I have no other words. That you were there with her...that is so beautiful.

Know that you are in my thoughts.

ake

Victoria...I don't know what to say, but I am so sorry for you. It's hard to put it all into words because your words throughout this whole thing were truly beautiful about Sammie. I'm thinking of you today. This forum is more than breast cancer...it's taking care of each other.

Love,
Amy

marymelodi

Victoria:
Feeling much sympathy for you at this moment. I believe Sammie is in a better place and free from her pain. Still, it is very hard to have a much loved friend leave too soon. We are all thinking of you and her family with support, affection, and concern. Please take care of yourself, too. You are precious to many people.

Mary

Graycie

Victoria, I can't think right now let alone type.....I can't stop crying.......It is so sad and you are so brave. I am not strong like you. You are truly a very special person and your friend was so lucky to have you in her life.......All I can say is that I am so very sorry for your loss.........

You are in my Thought's and don't forget about taking care of yourself........

Hug's, Gail

marymelodi

Debbie:
You asked about my church. Most people know it as the "Mormons". That is a nickname we have been called. The official name is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, often shortened to "LDS." It is the faith of my parents and grandparents going back to beginning of the organization of the religion. My people were pioneers who trekked accross the plains to the Great Salt Lake Valley and settled there. I was born in Farmington, New Mexico but grew up in Provo and Salt Lake City, Utah. I graduated from the University of Utah, came to New York for graduate school and stayed here after my marraige.

Except for a brief few years in my late 20s-early 30s I have been an active participant in the church all my life. When my mother died I was 18 and the women in the organization called the Relief Society have been like mothers and sisters to me all of my adult life. Most all of the activities in the church are organized and operated by the lay members of the congregations. That means I have taught classes in Sunday School and the youth groups, been the choir leader and the music leader in the youth groups, sung in the church choir all my life, been the activities chairperson, worked in the nursery, given talks and prayers from the pulpit and so on and so on. It's a culture as well as a religion.

The theology is Christian but with some differences that are unique. There are some parts of the history of the church that make me shake my head, but overall, the people who raised me and the people I associate with now are basically doing the best they can to live by the ideals of most Judeo-Christian people - trying to be kind, law-abiding, good parents, good citizens, good neighbors, etc. I'm certainly not a perfect representative of an LDS person - - full of faults and failings, but in some ways I am typical of many women in my church. There is one way that I do not meet the stereotype. LDS usually have several children, they are highly valued and treasured. I never have had children and it makes me a minority and sometimes it is a heartbreak. But, I have formed sweet friendships with many of the youngsters in my congregation, have knitted lots of socks, baby sweaters, ponchos, hats, etc. so sometimes it is almost like I have dozens of grandkids / nieces / and nephews.

Well, that is enough for now. Ask any other questions if you have them.

I want to agree over and over with the value of our little group here and say how blessed we all are to have each other.

Mary

debbie444

Victoria. I am sorry for you and Sammies family but feel that out of this I have learnt something. You are s strong person and you have given your friend probably the best gift someone could give a friend , companionship at the end. I wouldnt think of her being sad, tears are a release, and that what has happened, she has been released. I will light a candle for you and Sammie on Sunday. I know that whatever we all believe in , faith and trust are the same whatever .
God Bless Victoria ( and a virtual cuddle!)
Blessings Sammie
Debbie

marymelodi

What a wonderful feeling of love there is amongst us . . . even though miles and miles separate us. It's kind of a miracle and yet, the most natural thing, as well.

Going off to help the young people in my congregation tonight. We have a tradition every fall to have an etiquette dinner. The kids wear Sunday best clothes and put on their best manners. The adults make and serve the dinner. There is some kind of skit or game or something to teach them about good manners, politeness, etc. Usually it goes off quite well. This year my assignment was getting the ice cream for the dessert of brownies and ice cream. I'm good at shopping so it was a snap! I hope I remember all the etiquette of fine dining. It's hard to be an example for teenagers sometimes.

Have a fine evening, everyone. Hope there is peace for you, Victoria.

Mary

Anonymous

Victoria -

Another star shines in the deep blue sky...

Laura

ravdeb

Victoria..thinking of you....

Mary... your religious community resembles, I think, my religious community. I grew up feeling that our synagogue was my home. My parents were very active there, on committees, head of the youth commission, I was very active in the youth movement, etc. After I got older, I taught in the school program and was the youth advisor until I moved to Israel. And now in Israel, I'm active as well in our religious community. It's like a community center where we have relgious services, social gatherings, study session, celebrations, etc. It's my extended family, so to speak and without them, I'd be lost!

Though our customs and beliefs are different, the feeling of community and family is much the same, I think. It's a huge part of my life.

And this group... you are my extended family as well. I think that my friends in the "real" world think I'm crazy for having such a close connection with my cyber friends. But they can think whatever they want. We've got something beautiful going here....

ravdeb

By the way..we are missing a few people..where is Jill? Where is Sherry? I'm worried about Kelly because she's having a hard time it seems. Haven't seen Paula in a while though I did see an entry of hers on a different thread...

And... another thread pointed out that an active member of bc.org died this past July. Her name was Kelly but the women can't figure out who she was on the boards. Anybody have any ideas?

debbie444

Jill is somewhere exotic but cant remember where

linny

Laura, that is a beautiful picture. Amy, you look stunning -was that after or before the run. Victoria, your paintings are amazing - I have always admired talented people, since I have no artistic genes.

Ravdeb, my daughter (24) is named Devorah, she really likes it, and surprisingly, most people pronounce it correctly.

Linda

linny

Victoria, your bravery, kindness and giving to your friend are truly inspiring. I was very close to a friend who died of ovarian cancer a number of years ago. To be there with someone at the end as you did is the greatest kindness one can do - in Judaism a good deed such as yours is called "chesed" - hard to translate, it means unselfish giving, goodness, etc.

Linda

Paula15089

Ravdeb, I am here!!
I lurk all the time, but havent had anything of a significance to post lately.. been busy at work, and desperately trying to shed those extra kilos I've put on after the beginning of hormonal treatment. It seems to be a 'mission impossible'. I am in the gym every day, as well as playing tennis on weekends, plus a harsh diet, but the weight just doesnt shift. This, and also thinking about having a prophylactic mastectomy is getting me a bit down..

I have also broken up with someone i've been seeing for the last few months.. its been a mutual decision, but i can't help but think that my bc issues had something to do with it. So I am back on a meat market, but been feeling very asexual having zero esterogen and weird scarred, uneven, nipless chest...

anyway, i know you girls would understand it better than anyone else, but i just dont feel like complaining. I check mets board every now and again and it sure puts things into perspective.

Love you all...
Paula

ravdeb

Paula..glad to see you here.

We are each going through so many things as you know from your lurking. It aint easy!

I'm sorry you just broke up with someone you had been seeing. I believe that things happen for a reason and I wouldn't blame it on the bc but rather think of it as just another part of your life's journey (bc is only a PART of the journey)and a means for moving on and finding the right person for you. Go with the flow. I know that's easy for me to say...but...

And the weight will come off. Keep watching that diet and doing the exercises but don't overdo any of it. I actually read that too much exercise will have zero effect. You don't want that!


I wanted to say that I'm restless today but feeling better emotionally. I ran into a friend of mine. She has had a type of cancer in her mouth that was removed and is "cured" for all we know. No treatments or anything..just a huge chunk removed.

At any rate, she has been suffering from fibromyalgia and other chronic pain disorders for years and she is about 40 years old now. When I see her, I put things into perspective. She is definitely a role model for me. She amazes me, she's a fighter for her own health and emotional stability...not for the insurance garbage and so on that she has to go through. And I feel better after talking to her.

I still have that fear but I guess I just need to learn to live with it and not just let it eat me up!

Linda..you described Victoria and her experience so well...chesed...giving of yourself... a type of charity but on a very emotional, spiritual and personal level.

Thinking of all of you.

Lisa40

I've come here often and not posted because until recently been in a negative space. After reading how much you all care for each other and Victoria's incredible journey with her friend I was moved. Victoria, I know you are going through an emotional roller coaster but wanted to share how moved I was that you were able to be there for your friend. I love the Christmas tree. To me it symbolizes hope.

Ravdeb, I hate this disease. Because once you are done with treatment you are left with the fear. Try to remember you did everything and that ultimately it is out of your control. Something I'm currently trying to accept Not that easy I must admit.

Mary, I love the idea of manners! My kids do well at others homes but at our house seems like they forget everything... Sad when your 4 year old has to correct your eldest.

Well time to walk the dog but wanted to say I was thinking of you all and hope today brings you many smiles. Lisa

Paula15089

Thanks Ravdeb... I am not too upset actually. Maybe its Lexapro .. or maybe i just dont let those little things upset me anymore.

Paula15089

Victoria,
I just gone back and read your posts about your friend..
This is so sad.. but i hope she found peace now.
I am so sorry for your loss.. but you seem very strong, i am sure thats what your friend needed in her last days.
hugs,
Paula

TracyNY

I just got a call from my PS office and my tattooing is scheduled for November 29th. I'm getting the dog ears taken off and I just decided that I'm going to have one more lipo go around (if he doesn't charge me too much). I'll be my Xmas gift to me!

Sorry about your loss, Victoria. I respect and admire your committment to your friend. It must have meant a lot to her. Take comfort in knowing that she is at peace and knew she was loved.

TracySeattle

Victoria - I am so sorry and I am grieving wtih you, too. We are all here for you and we love you.....

Paula - Good to see you, hang in there.

Lisa - Welcome, come in and join us, we love collecting new "Rocktober Girls". Tell us about yourself and get comfortable!

I am at work and busy so can't stay, but I check in with you all every day before I start my day.

Love & Hugs

ake

The tattooing makes all the difference I love mine...it's an amazing feeling to be done with reconstruction!!!