2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

Anonymous

My birthday is in October!! Don't make me 52 before I am ready!!

Guys, I am sorry for not posting. I have been so busy. I don't know what I'm doing here. I guess I love you all too much to abandon this altogether. I have been visiting, skimming and scanning, enjoying the photos and admiring all you lovely and talented women. But tomorrow is back to school night (open house) and I'm getting ready for that. So till next time...

ravdeb

Victoria,

I know what you mean. I stay on these boards because I need people who understand me when I go bananas and start realizing (have these realization attacks every now and then) that I have/had cancer and I did CHEMO! Sometimes I think...OMG...that used to be something I knew nothing about!

Yes,we have to be strong because if we're not, not only WE will fall apart but those around us will.

TADAH...how did it go????

Kelly... glad you are so good at reminding us about the birthdays..Now..get on the right page of your calendar!!!! We are all counting on you!!!

Brenda..that's great that you are too busy to think about bc. Happy to hear that! But, you WILL turn 52 next month and then you WILL celebrate!

ravdeb

I wanted to add that I've been scanning the active topics and seeing so many new and scared women on the boards. I started remembering the day I was diagnosed and what I went through and the sleepless nights, etc...

At this time last year I was meeting my new surgeon who would do a second lumpectomy on me and the snb. I had an appt set up with an onc who I didn't continue with. I had been meeting with a wonderful bc nurse who was a true angel and a bc survivor herself. I was searching for information.... it was a full-time job.

I think back on all of that and I feel so much for the newbies on here who are only just beginning their journey that will change their lives forever....

sherryhaire

Victoria-- I so understand what you are saying--one day everyone is telling me how strong I am and that they couldn't do it-I too tell them there was no choice in this and if it happened to them they would have no choice but to move forward--Then there are days when if I sniffle cough or sneeze everyone come running asking when am I going to the doctor something must be horribly wrong. Sometimes it is frustrating

ravdeb

Yes, Sherry...so very true... people don't realize that they too have that hidden inner strength....

Graycie

How could I forget?? I am a new Grandma. My daughter-in-law and son had a baby boy on Monday. They named him Christopher Patrick....See Kelly you aren't the only one having a problem with the ole' memory. I can't wait to see him. They live out of town so it looks like I will be doing a little traveling so I can get my hands on him.

Graycie

TracySeattle

Graycie - Congratulations!!!! We want pictures!

I totally agree with you all on the "Being Strong" thing. What I always say is, "not really, I just did what I had to do". I do feel strong, but I am like you, I get tired of hearing it.

What I am struggling with right now is that some people (especailly at work) have totally forgotten that I had cancer. I have days like this past Tuesday where I just can't get out of bed due to the fatigue that just seems like I hit a brick wall and I need to sleep for about 14 hours. I mentioned it to some people when discussing why I was out and they just said, "Oh yeah, me too". My boss just looked at me funny, as if to say: what do you mean you were home sleeping? They don't remember that I am still recovering and then that makes me feel guilty for missing work, etc. etc.

Oh Well - We are feeling good, Moving on and we have each other!

Have a good day everyone!

ravdeb

Graycie... CONGRATULATIONS GRANDMA!!! That is so exciting!

Tracy...I guess that is what hit me today...fatigue. I'm so tired. I've been running around as though my body never heard of chemo and rads before and I feel fatigued, have the blues, keep thinking about what I've been through...
It doesn't quit, does it? It's always there to remind us.

I indeed agree about the hair or whatever other signs there are that proclaim you to have cancer. With hair, one is automatically healthy.

There is a woman in our town who has been fighting gastro cancer for a few years. I don't know all the details but she had chemo, lost her hair, it started to grow back and then she lost it again when she had chemo for recurrence. Now she has had a head full of curls for some time. My MIL keeps telling me how healthy she is and I want to scream at her and tell her that she doesn't know if she's healthy or not...hair is not a sign of freedom from cancer!!!!!

Not sure my family understands my fatigue that creeps up on me, like today. They figure I am over this..particularly my dh. He's been supportive but would like to put it all behind us and move on. Not so easy.

I just read that breast cancer is the leading malignant disease in Israel. Doesn't surprise me when I hear every other woman has it. It's very IN.

Feel good!!!

TracyNY

I have a brother named Christopher, he is was a demon on wheels!! He mellowed out of it. I find a lot of Christophers are a handful but your new bundle of love will be nothing but joy!! Congratulations Graycie!

My love nubs were unveiled today and they are spectacular.

Anonymous

Does anybody else think there are too many forums now?? It really 'spreads things around' ... I mean what is the difference supposed to be for "Moving Beyond Cancer" (which is supposed to be anything not having to do with treatment) and the new Friendship one. Then we have one for chemo, one for rads, one for hormones, one for treatment. We have one called the Pound and another called Weight Loss. To me, its just too many.

I used to be a forum moderator on a huge board and it was never this dis-jointed.

Anonymous

Victoria, I think we all decided to stay here forever even tho we aren't going thru chemo now, it's effects are life long, dontcha think?

Anonymous

Graycie -
Congrats! Definately post some photos!

Victoria -
Glad you got the shirt. I'm running out of shirts - I hope it fits. If not - let me know.

Everyone -
Love ya, miss ya, wanna see ya (in this lifetime...in person...wishful thinking...)!

Laura

ake

hi ladies,

well, my fun continues. went to the closing of our house today and the &&^%$#@ lender who is also my husband's step-brother-in-law totally screwed something up and we didn't have the loan at closing, thus we couldn't close. i'm so freakin' pissed. hopefully things will be straight by tomorrow because we're supposed to move on sunday! grrr. so frustrating. i had a bitter episode and complained a bunch to my best friend...why can't things just happen smoothly? everything feels like an obstacle sometimes...drives me nuts. so, hopefully we will close tomorrow and things will be okay.

it makes me sad to see an october 2006 chemo group. it makes everything all the more surreal.

love you all ladies...i've been wearing my pink t-shirt all week to sleep in i'm proud to still be a rocktober girl

love,
amy

cathy987

It seems like I’m always playing catch up here. I read almost every day but just like Brenda life seems to intervene and before I know it a week has passed by.

The last time I posted I tried to do pictures because I really love seeing what all of you are doing and I wanted to share too. I spent the better part of two days trying to figure it out. Did a search on the site and read about photobucket–registered, uploaded pictures to that site, copied and pasted the code and posted to our Roctober board and there they were. Then I thought I could go back to Photobucket and delete the images but to my embarrassment all that was left on my post was empty boxes with “photobucket” in the box. So I deleted the whole post.

Kelly– I guess there are too many forums if we try to pay attention to all of them–there probably is something out there for everyone–I personally feel that the diversity of this particular group and the positive attitude mixed with the realistic crap that happens in all of our lives is enough most of the time for me. (and obviously too much sometimes.)

And just a personal comment on the discussion about how all our lives have changed forever. I have a part time employee who has been fighting mets/bc for the past two years after five years with NED (I finally learned what NED is) and when I first started chemo and was putting on my I’m strong, brave and nothing is going to get me down face in public her husband sat down next to me in the local cafe and with a great deal of concern asked me how I was doing. And I said, “great.” And he said to me, “Your life will never be the same.” I didn’t want to hear that then but he was right and had had a whole lot more experience than I had. Our lives will never be like they were before but what a journey we’ve been through and how wonderful we have each other to share that journey with no matter where it takes us.

I had a tough couple days in Fargo. They couldn’t get my port opened on Tuesday so had to have blood work in arm and Herceptin infusion with IV. Had two nurses in the infusion center get into an argument over whether to do the IV in the arm or hand. My nervousness contributed to their argument. One tried arm–no go other tried hand success. Only five more to go. Think I’ll have the port out and suck it up for five more times.

I wanted to say a lot more to each of you but once again I blab too much so will just add this: Kelly I was missing from your list so took the liberty to find your last Birthday list I had cut and pasted as my cheat sheet and include it here.
And once again will try to post those pics of me with Hedda and my other two gkids, Bo and Erin.
Roctober birthdays

marymelodi's is 1/19
sherryhaire's is 1/26
debbie444 is 2/6
paula is 2/11
lauragto's is 3/5
maryannecb's is 3/21
tracyseattle's is 3/25
kelly's is 4/3
graycie's is 5/21
cathy's is 5/22
scottishlass' is 6/13
chumfry's is 6/15
wildflower's is 6/29
tadah's is 8/23
adnerb is 10/18
rosemarie's is 11/28
ravdeb is 12/1
amy's is 12/5

Anonymous

Cathy, thank you for updating our list!!!!

You look terrific ....so do the babes.

------
Laura, my pink shirt is constantly being worn and in the laundry. I'm not proud to have had cancer but I am proud to be a Rocktober girl ... I am so proud to know you girls.

xoxoxoxooxoxoxooxox

victoria, yes, I know what you mean (love you)

=======
tadah, you better tell us when those love nubs get tested and tell me what happens ... us single gas wanna know.

----------
Rosemarie ---- just saying hi, how are you doing? how is Kirsten?

ravdeb

Cathy..pictures are gorgeous! Enjoy that beautiful family of yours. Sorry about your port but it sounds like you are nearing the end of infusions! Great!

Amy... closings can be unpredictable. Haven't heard of one going smoothly yet!!! It will happen. But, I know it's frustrating. Hope it all works out.

I also was wondering about the growing friendships and moving beyond...seems we have growing friendships right here on the Rocktober thread!

Have a good day, everybody.

sabrediva

Congrats Graycie on the new joy in your life, you deserve some happiness!

Tracy in Seattle- I know what you mean about people "forgetting" what we are going through. I finished IV chemo- high dose, dose dense FEC x 6 and high dose,dose dense taxol x 6 (or was it only 4,that's my chemo brain) on March 23. I finished twice daily radiation to chest and neck with oral xeloda on May 23. In between radiation appts I volunteered at my daughter's school and I would mention how tired I was and you wouldn't believe how many people would ask why. One was my "good" friend. It used to piss me off that she would work 3 hours a day and go home and take a nap and complain how she is just exhausted. Not that folks without cancer aren't allowed to be tired and take naps, but come on. I would have loved a nap but wanted to keep myself busy. During chemo I had to stay away from the school and I felt so useless. Volunteering got my spirits up. I try to remember that most folks aren't mean, they just are busy with their own lives and sometimes forget what you are going through. Still makes you want to throw things at them though. Sending you cyberhugs.
Michele

ravdeb

True...we meed to remember that most people aren't mean...just not as thoughtful as others. And most people around us would like to forget we went through all of this last year.

But..how can we forget??

I see my onc in 2 weeks. Had trouble sleeping last night (am really trying to be positive here) and my sciatica was bothering me on my right side where I was diagnosed with the sciatica.

But my left side, back and hip, was painful this morning while I was at the grocery store. It was so much so that I called my dh to come and help me load the car (which I've never done before!), but he wasn't in the area. I almost started crying because it wasn't the pain ...it was the sudden fear of you-know-what.

Then as I got into the car (and noted that the temperature was 128 F) I also remembered that the orthopedic surgeon told me I had a herniated disk that would cause back pain and maybe this is the back pain he's talking about. Probably is....

and I got more concerned with my car heating up on the way home (which it didn't!) than the back.

Have been having a couple of harder days. I guess it's all a part of the process.....

Paula15089

Hi girls!!
just a very quick one to say hi, and that i am back (after 5 weeks away in europe). Had an absolute BLAST.
Been back now for 2 days, the jetlag is awful, my suitcase is still unpacked, but i am determined to get through all the unread posts on this thread and post some pics... in a not too distant future i hope!!

I am having my first mammo in a few days and will be talking to my surgeon and PS about a prophylactic mastect on my right side with reconstruction . Not too happy with my current saline filled nippless left boob!! So i guess i will be very busy with getting back to work after having 6 weeks off and having all the medical appoinments..
A bit apprehensive about having a mammo, but trying not to think the worst.

missed you all,
talk soon!
xx
Paula

Paula15089

oh, and my hair is still crazy curly, i have even tried to straighten it once!

TracySeattle

Hi All! Happy Friday!

Paula welcome back!

Ravdeb - that herniated disc thing can cause a lot of horrible pain (as we have discussed in realtion to another topic), I had surgery for one the March before I was diagnosed. The surgery was not bad and the pain has gone away!

Michelle - Hi There! Thanks for the encouraging words. Glad to see you here posting with us! Welcome to the Roctober girls, come in, kick back and be comfortable. Send us your birthday for our list!

Cathy - the pics are wonderful!! What cute kids!

Amy - hang in there, closings are alwasy stressful!

Everyone else, Hi and Have a good Day!

Anonymous

Paula, I was just thinking about you last night when I should have been sleeping! Glad you are back safe and sound.

Some of us had terrible 'flashback' episodes for the mammogram. Hopefully, you will get thru it just fine. My results came back normal.

I keep thinking about having the other one removed. My PS said it would be easy to make a matched set!

juli0212

Hi Everyone,
Started chemo end of August, invasive ductal carcinoma 1.6cm rt breast/w lymph involvement AND estrogen positive. Had lumpectomy, had to be done twice to remove margins that were not clear down to chest wall. Need xrays to confirm cancer did not go thru wall, so far doesn't look like it. 3 chemos down, 5 more to go to Dec., then radiation daily for 6 weeks, then anti-estrogen meds. Hang in there all of you starting chemo, some days good, some not so good, all predictable and just the effects of chemo on the body. Everyone is different, I'm not responding to anti-nauseas, and they have exhausted all of them, I also am disabled due to daily migraines (yep, w/nausea/vomiting)...so this is just something to add to the list. My best to ALL of you, stay positive, it's the best thing you can do, though there are days when it's 'weepy' time!! juli

ravdeb

Tracy..
Yes, you are right..the herniated disc CAN cause a lot of pain. I'm not in terrible pain. It's a nagging pain. I have nagging pain in my arm..particularly my left arm which is my bc side. The orthopedic surgeon said not to do anything with about the back pain unless it gets unbearable. So, I'm waiting it out because it's not unbearable (though I think I have a high threshold for pain). It's not stopping me from doing anything...it's annoying. I was warned not to lift heavy things, which I do because I have no choice. Trying not to lift on left side cuz of surgery side...

Paula...YEAH!!! You are back! I know that jet lag stuff. ugh. You'll be okay in a week or so. Waiting to see pictures!

I like my curly hair. I'm sure yours is beautiful. How did you try to straighten it? Somewhere in Europe? Cool

TGIF
Have a good weekend everybody.

marymelodi

Hey, everyone! I haven't written in a couple of days. Been extremely busy preparing for my first time having a party at my house in more than a year. Tonight I'm giving a couples wedding shower for a co-worker who is being married in 2 weeks. I've been frantically catching up on all the housecleaning I did not do last year while in treatment. Sadly, my husband has given very little help even though he was surely living in the house all last year along with me. As it was in my chemo days, I'm doing it without his help. So, I've been busily working and trying not to think about how I let my life & marriage get so messed up. I won't go on. But, it's a big disappointment and worry for me. I am not yet as brave as Tracy who has made a new life for herself, but it seems that things are pointing in that direction.

All this work has made me realize that my physical recovery is still ongoing. I do not hve the stamina or endurance I once had. Also, the exhaustion has brought on a period of nausea reminiscent of the days after a chemo session. In fact, I had a couple of anti-nausea pills still in my little bag and so I took one of them this morning to allow me to come to work without fear of loosing my breakfast. So, some of us seem to have similar reactions and events happening to us. I find great comfort in knowing I am not the only one who has aches, pains, and worries. Isolation is harder than the troubles, in my opinion.

Even though other threads have started, I see no reason why those of us who have forged our bonds since October 2005 should not continue as long as we wish. After all the effects - whether physical, spiritual, emotional, or social - will be with us forever. Why not keep our group - our sisters - with us? I see that some have confused our thread with women just beginning their breast cancer journey, but that doesn't seem like much of a problem. We know who we are. And, we do always have the option of communicating in another location if we chose.

I love you all and am working on the pink ribbon socks for you. It may take me a while to get about 18 pair done, but I will. Stay in touch. . . .

love you all,
Mary

ravdeb

Was thinking about you today Mary because I noticed you hadn't written.

I do know the cleaning house thing...my house is slowly getting cleaned after not doing much all year. Cabinets are a mess, etc... it's slowly getting taken care of.

I don't have the energy I once had, either. It's frustrating.

As the day has gone by I've noticed more and more aches and pains in my arms and legs and back. Concerned? I'm getting there.... hmmmmmmmmmm.... Maybe I'm just overly tired.

Tomorrow I'm going to a paint on pottery studio here in Israel..I know they are all over England and the US but we just discovered two of them here and one is not too far from me so my girlfriend and I are going to venture out and give it a try.

marymelodi

Ravdeb:
I've wanted to do that myself. I'm thinking of it as a possible source of holiday gifts. I'll be interested in your experience.

Just hiked up 3 flights of stairs to a space being remodeled for our new program space at work. We move in 2 weeks. My old legs and knees were slow going up. Lots of aches in feet, knees and calves.

I'm right there with you Ravdeb. I know my condition is from lack of exercise, too much weight, and the fight for my life last year. I read that recovery takes as long as you were in treatment. From the first shock in August to the last scab from the radiation burns in May it was 10 months. I guess I need to expect to spend the winter rebuilding myself.

take care --
Mary

ake

hey ladies,

well, we're officially closing at 3pm...thank goodness everything worked out!

i think i'm a bit of a more negative person than i used to be before bc. i react so angrily when things don't work out smoothly. everything just seems always so hard for me and my husband...we were long distance forever before we got married, finally got married and whammo...i have a lump in my breast and we're newlyweds going through breast cancer. we had financial problems and finally get everything together to buy a house and then that's a huge stress. my 2 best friends are pregnant and it's going to be hard for me and my husband. i just get really bitter. does anyone feel like me sometimes? my mom tries to remind me constantly of the good stuff...i do see it...but sometimes i just get pissed! i want something easy! don't i deserve the big lucky break? maybe that's having my family, my husband, and remaining NED. who the hell knows.

anyways, thanks for letting me vent. here's a pic of me and my family from my brother's opening...you can see his paintings in the background.

love you all
-amy [image][/image]

ravdeb

Beautiful pic, Amy. I wish I could get a better look at your brother's work. I love art shows. When I am in Florida I go with my parents to art galleries. My dad is an artist. There is a beautiful art gallery near my house that I take him to when they visit me.

I agree with you Amy, that it seems like luck has been on the bad side for you...but really... you know that there are reasons for these things..why they happen. And there are always things that we can learn from the bad experiences in our lives.

You have a beautiful, supportive family and a husband that adores you. I know that you are grateful for that...just concentrate on that because really..that's what is the most precious in life.

Mary..good luck moving shop...
Before my diagnosis, I was going to open one of these paint on pottery studios. I had been doing research on it and so on. After the diagnosis I decided to wait and start working on the business after I was done with treatments.

Here's a great example of how there is a bit of good in the bad. I changed my mind over the summer about the business. Was to do this with my girlfriend who is going to go through with it. I changed my mind for a variety of reasons but the break I had in working on the business was a good thing because I am very happy I'm not going to be doing this (not that it's not a fun idea!) and have something new in mind that I'm working on and having a great time developing.

That's why I say there is always a reason for things...and always something good that comes with the bad.

Now..if I can figure out what is good about the aches and pains that have gotten worse as the evening has progressed to the point that I now feel sick..hmmm..maybe it's the flu?

G'nite.

TracySeattle

Maybe we should ask Melissa to change the name of our Thread to the Rock-Tober Girls??? That would be so cool if she would do that! That way we wouldn't confuse the new October girls.

Mary - you can always come live with me! That way, you could do what I did--move out of the dirty house! LOL!!

Amy - your family is beautiful and your brother's work looks awesome!

I got an email from a friend that lives in FL yesterday. She told me that she & her husband have separated & that he has a girlfriend. They have been married for 20 some years!!! She also mentioned that they work in conjunction with a travel agent, if they get 16 couples to pay for a cruise, they get to go for free!!! She asked me if I wanted to come be her room mate on the FREE cruise in March!!! Of course, I said yes, but right now she and her soon to be EX are fighting over who will get to go on the cruise. Yesterday he was going, today she & I are going. So who knows??? If we do get to go it is 8 days on Carnival Cruise Lines to St. Maarten, St. Kitts & St. Lucia! And it would be my Birthday week!!! How fun would that be?

Well, back to work with me. Catch you all later!