2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

debbie444

My anniversary came and went without us mentioning it - it is only on here that i actually talk about it. I was diagnosed 4th May and op was 26th May. Which was the one?? My husband dosnt ignore it , we just look on it as unimportant. When i am a bit subconcious about my scar he says that he loves it just as much as the rest of me as that is what kept me with him. I guess if i wanted to make a thing of an anniversary he would. Personally i would rather wipe that month from my memory!!
My balloon flight was cancelled - again due to our fantastic British weather - are you sure you want seasons?? I have booked it again and i will be flying ( touch wood) this weekend. I am looking forward to it as I am flying from Chatsworth House. It is Chatsworth Country fair that weekend and there will be loads of balloons flying! It is in Chatsworth that we are doing the BC walk in October - proudly wearing our Laura shirts http://www.chatsworth.org/events/countryfair.htm
I love Chatswort, plus it is real close so i may even fly over my house!
The weather rained off our trip to the coast we will try again next weekend. we went to Matlock Bath instead its not far away and it is like a seaside town but inland instead. We had a great time walikng along eating icecreams and playing 2p slotmachines in the cold!
We are going bowling the day after tomorrow - yet another sport that beats me!
Debbie x

P.S - Bravo Kelly sorting all of the dates out!!

TracyNY

I'm sorry that I don't respond to everyone's updates and concerns. Firstly, my attention span is a little short and by the time I scroll up and down addressing one by one, the darned post disappears!!

Know that I do pray for you all fairly often and hope everything is either going well or will work itself out.

Birthday celebrations still plowing along. I bought myself a DVR machine last night. I spend too much time watching foolishness late at night so I bought the DVD recorder to I can get to sleep! Tonight I'll try to figure out how the damned thing works!!

marymelodi

I guess I can see the point of not celebrating the disease and the treatment. MY desire was to celebrate being alive, being a survivor. I wanted to be reassured that he (hubby) was glad I lived. Like I said, I feel that he is glad and would have been ripped up if I had died. I just wish I had a more demonstrative guy, in that way. I forgot to tell you that some other friends gave me a minature rose plant and an edible arrangement made of fruit with a lovely card. It's nothing I've ever seen before. Fruit cut like flowers and roses, arranged on skewers in a piece of pottery. It had melons, pineapple, grapes, and strawberries. Really good and really fun!

TaDah - it is hard to catch all the concerns and events and respond. One thing that I do is open a new window in my word processing program and write my response there, going back and forth from the discussion messages to the word processing, etc. Then when I have written the response I want, I copy it, come to the response place here at the discussion and paste in my response. It doesn't get lost when I do it that way. Maybe it will work for you, too.

Have a continuing happy birthday!
Mary

ravdeb

Mary..that's a good idea to do. I'm too lazy and just do the quick reply!

Tadah..you don't have to answer each person...I know I can't do that..get all goofed up and confused so I hope nobody feels that I've left them out. don't mean to!

Mary..that's neat..the edible arrangement. Love that idea. How nice of your friends!

I want to celebrate but don't know if I will. I kinda doubt my dh will say or do anything. He also wants it to be over with and doesn't think about things like that anyway. That doesn't bother me, though. I know he's thrilled that I'm feeling good and all is well. He was right there beside me the whole year. He keeps bugging me about calling my onc's office for an appointment. I keep putting it off. I've got the mammo and US set up for next week but returning to the Cancer Center at this point does not thrill me too much. But, I gotta do it!

One thing...I am not at all disturbed or distressed that I don't see my onc often or that there are no more treatments for me and I've been left hanging or whatever. I'm THRILLED that I have no more treatments and that my onc said to see her every 4-6 months and that's it. I want to put this year behind me!

debbie444

I am getting confused - are there 15 of us?
Debbie

Graycie

Today is the anniversary of the day I got the new's that I had BC. So I hate today. Not a good day for me. Wouldn't you know I was on my way to work and someone almost hit me. I swear he was an inch away from plowing into the rear end of my car. Young kid who was obviously pre-occupied probably with his CD player or phone to realize we were stopped for traffic.

Debbie, 15 of us sounds about right......That is great that we all stuck together through this year. I heard there was a hand glider accident on the new's and I immediately asked my husband where was that? That could be Debbie doing one of her stunts.........Glad to see you are safe.....Never did get an answer from him as to where it was.

Laura, Any new's yet?

MaryMelodi, So glad all your test's came out good.

Graycie

sherryhaire

Tracy where in Houston will you go ? I am about 4-5 hours away depending on what part of Houston
Looking back I had my biopsy on Aug 2nd, Mastectomy on Sept 6th, but what brings tears to my eyes is starting Chemo on Oct 5th, 2005. This is the time when I posted a thread looking for more October girls starting chemo. I would have never dreamed I would meet the most wonderful, strong, caring, scared group of ladies whom would ultimately help make this past year more bearable. You have truly become so much a part of my world, my family. I hope we NEVER loose each other-You all are truly remarkable

maryannecb

My anniversary is Sept 20. My 13 year old wrote on the calendar that hangs in the kitchen " worst day ever". I have to agree. I will not celebrate that day ever. I do celebrate every other day that I am alive however. And when I started chemo I said to myself "bring it on". I wanted that stuff to work so badly. So if I were to pick a good day to celebrate I might go with my surgery day or my first chemo day or even my last day of treatment. Just some thoughts.

Kelly you are so organised. I hereby appoint you keeper of dates and addresses. All in favour?

Earth to Laura???

Fists up!

Anonymous

I'm still waiting...I can't believe this. But the good thing is that another nurse called and said they were still tracking them down. I told her I'm quite freaked out and she promised me she'd call me in the morning and she swore the results really are in limbo from Radiology being back logged. So I do feel a little better. My meeting went really well today. They loved my ideas, designs, etc. The woman I work with at this account is awesome (she's half owner). She stuck by me through the whole bc nightmare this past year and reminded me often how valuable she feels I am to her company and she really cheered me on through it all. Of course thanks again for all your prayers, etc. I just hope they call tomorrow morning and everything is fine and I can rest assured until I have my 2nd annual Bone Scan next month. OMG - LOL

Laura

Anonymous

marymelodi -
Yahoo! I am so happy your results are "unchanged". That is a very good sign that nothing is brewing within. I appreciate your concern and encouragement of me. How sweet of your friends - I have seen those edible fruit arrangements - they are beautiful too! What a great idea!

Laura

Anonymous

Kudos to our Kelly for the birthdates. Thanks, Teryn's Mom!!

ake

i can't believe in october it will be a year that we started chemo. that compeltely scares me and freaks me out and on the other hand, i'm so excited

ake

i'm freaking pissed. someone in my dad's office googled me because they were trying to find my blog and all my fucking (excuse my language but i'm pissed) from this site came up. so this woman read all my posts...about my nipples, fears, reconstruction, constipation, you name it. i just tried to take off anything that had my last name in it from my profile, but i feel completely violated. is there anything we can do about this???

TracySeattle

Mary - I bet I am going to learn the same thing at the lymphadema clinic when I go next week. We know we are getting old when we have to learn to massage our own breasts!!!! LOL!! I am sorry about your husband's reaction, but I bet Amy is right about that. It is nice that your friend offers you support....

Chumfry! Good to see you! I am collecting everyone's addresses for the CDs (haven't made them yet, but getting close). Have you picked a song for the CD yet? Can you PM me with both? Thanks!

Not alot going on with me this week, I am thankful for some down time! The rain has come back and today it is cold outside!! It feels like fall!

Hope you are all having a good week!

Graycie

Isn't it hard to believe that almost a year has gone by? I remember it seemed like it was going to be forever just to get through chemo and now it seems like it went by so fast....where did the time go? I couldn't have done it without all you Rock-to-ber girls along side me. Thankyou all of my chemo sisters for being there for me.....
Graycie

ake

i'm really in tears right now. i feel like every single personal thought i've ever shared with you ladies is now for all to see. in one post, after i passed my boards, i wrote my last name...i just deleted that post, but it doesn't change anything if you google my name. my husband says that's just how it's going to be. i pm'd melissa because i feel like something should be done to keep our posts private from someone googling us! what do i do now? so upset.

TracySeattle

Amy sorry! I was lost in the posts when I posted my last message and then I saw your latest one. It is too bad that this is a public board and anyone can see it. If you all would like, I can set us up a Yahoo group that no one can get into but those that we let in. I am not exactly sure how to do it, but I can figure it out.

We would just go there instead of here. Let me know and I can work on it....

I am so sorry that happened to you!

ake

no, it's fine. it's already done and my husband says that's just how it will be. it really can't go away, although i did email melissa. i got rid of my avatar and hopefully my patients will not connect it to me if i don't have a picture...i just don't want a potential patient to google me and then read everything that's come out of my mouth. i'm still going to stay on the boards because it's already done and permanent, but i'm really upset.

Graycie

Amy. I am so sorry.....Now that I think about it, anybody can get on here and read everything we are writing....But who would want to be bothered unless they had breast cancer? That women is pretty dam nosey. Did your Dad say something to her about your blog or why did she go looking for it? Gosh, I don't know what can be done about it..
Graycie

maryannecb

Relax Amy. You have behaved perfectly above board on any issue. I think we must all keep in mind that the internet is not anonymous. When I write something I always try to picture someone I know reading it. Paranoid I guess but it works for me.

On that note as we are sharing addresses and such it would be nice to think that under no circumstances would mine be shared with anyone other than this thread. I would not like to think that people who I have not personally shared the info would give it out. I am sure we all understand this, right?

This issue comes up when people get sick or die. Some on this board respond with cards and well wishes. Well it only takes one crazy person to destroy many good intentions. I for one like the semi-anonymous format of this site. It means we can come and go as we need and please.

Online wishes and prayers are sufficient from people we barely know. I for one wish to have some of the really personal stuff shared only with those of you who have earned my trust.

Be careful in your posts and remember that some people are not who they say they are.

Fists up!

ake

she just googled me because she knew i had a blog. i'm just worried that a potential patient will google me to find out who i am before deciding to see me as a therapist and then there i am...my nipples, consitpation during chemo, the works. oh well. i'm still an october girl...don't worry. i just deleted my profile and picture.

TracySeattle

I have been reading up on Yahoo groups. As a moderator who creates the group, I invite people to join and I have to accept them before they can access the group. Which means that no one would be able to see our posts unless they were granted access to the group.

I created a group called rocktobergirls and I am playing around with it to see how it works. Once I figure it all out we can all play around with it and see if we want to move there.... The way I have created the group it does not reference breast cancer or chemo, so it is not even evident to anyone who just saw the groupname what it is. If they try to get in, they have to get past ME!

I will keep you posted - it is kinda fun!

ake

the yahoo groups are kind of a pain because you get emails every time someone responds and soon you have a million emails. or you get the emails in a daily digest and then you're too overwhelmed to respond.

i say we stay on this board...we stay on this forum...we stay on this thread. it's what we know and it works really well. it's just my paranoia because of patients. i'm sorry if i scared people. but, do erase any personal info from your profile such as last name. it's my fault for putting my last name in a post, but you live and learn.

debbie444

Amy - i a amsorry this has happenened to you. Does she not have a life??
The thought worried me a little - like Maryanne, i have opened up to you on here more than i have to my best friend. Lumpy breasts and medical induced constipation are not topics i bring up over the coffee table!
So - armed with amys words i googled myself. There appear to be a lot more important people than me around with my name - i think i can hide in annonyimity!
Debbie

ake

I really think you all are fine...it's only if you've put your whole name in a post like I did...I'm such a dumbass. I don't think anyone else has done that, so you all are fine.

Melissa didn't know that could happen though and is getting it fixed with her tech guy. I might have to have all my posts deleted and start over, but oh well.

Graycie

I just googled myself and found some very interesting people with my name but I was no where to be found.....Guess I just don't matter......lol...I understand completely where you are coming from Amy, especially with your job. Do you think I should delete my full name from my profile? Maybe I will...I have always been a little too trusting of people so I didn't care when I put it on there....I think I will stay Graycie, lol..See it wasn't such a dumb idea after all using a different name.
Graycie

debbie444

I am sooo excited ( silly i know!) We had some studio portraits done of the kids and they are back. It was tough picking from the 100 odd they took but roger put his foot down saying we didnt have wall space! Not sure how the scanner works so, have taken pics of the pics!








Wont subject you to all of them.
Some of the colours have warped slightly i guess the kitchen table isnt the best photo lab going!
DEbbie

Graycie

Debbie they are BEAUTIFUL.......I can see where it would be hard for you to pick.....
Graycie

debbie444

Oh - i have more - believe me i have more!!

ravdeb

Those pictures, Debbie, are gorgeous!!! Wow your kids are cute!

I don't have my real name on my profile. Haven't tried to google my name though. But I only have ravdeb on this. Of course..my picture could give it away!!

I agree with maryanne in reminding ourselves that this is internet and if there is something we don't want the whole world to see, then we'd better not write it. On the other hand, the whole point of this board is to be able to talk about lumpy breasts and constipation or whatever other weird thing we go through. good idea to keep our real names out of it, though.

So sorry that happened Amy. I can understand your concern considering the kind of work you do. But, it will pass and most likely nothing will come of it.