under 40 with young children

 I am 31 with a 13 year son.   I was dx November 6th with stage 1 IDC.   Had a lumpectomy November 16th.  I am now doing 4 rounds of Cytoxan and Taxotere.  Just thought I stop by and say hi. 

I am 40 with 5 and 9 year-old daughters.  I was dx in September and had a double mastectomy in October with every complication you can think of to go with it.  I just starting using this site within the last week or so (talking to others) and it has been a great source of information and support.  How are you feeling?

HI ladies!

I was 35 when diagnosed with an aggressive invasive ductal cancer. The doctors were very concerned about it having spread. They even tested my skin. Luckily, it had only spread to my neck nodes. I went through 4 rounds of AC chemo then full mas followed by 4 taxol chemos and 6 1/2 weeks of radation. I go in Feb 4 for finishing up my reconstruction. My kids are 17, 11 and 5 and have been great support. They lost their father June 29, 2004 from a heart disease and I refuse to let them lose me too. it's been quite difficult doing it alone while raising kids, but my 17 yr old daughter was a Godsent angel for me!

I am sorry to see so many of us so young going through this. Everyone always tells me I am too young. It seems that it really hits a more younger group these days.

I hope I can give encouragement to you ladies as much as people have helped me. If nothing else, we all have a great similar bond.

Hi, I'm 41 and a single mom with an almost 7-year-old son.  I hope I am welcome even though I'm not "under 40" - I'm sort of in that gray area where I'm not exactly young but I'm not post-menopausal or retired either....

hello,just want to check with you guys whoever had reconstruction done.had anyone got silicon or saline implant?i need some inputs and advice to come up with a good decision.thank you.

Hi, I am 39--diagnosed with IDC in October 2007. I have a 14-year-old daughter, 10-year-old daughter, and 6-year-old son. Started chemo last Thursday. I have been tired, but the biggest problem has been my irritability. I have a short fuse and no patience for the little things the kids are throwing my way. DH always trying to diffuse my mood. Hopefully I will be able to stay out of the kids' way most of the time.

Rachel

Hi - I am 37 and come Monday will be two weeks removed from a masectomy with expanders put in at time of surgey.  I have a three year old daughter and one year old son.  How long before you all felt good enough to really start back to full time taking care of the kids?  Also, what did you all tell your young kids (my daughter) about what all is going on?  I still cannot pick them up due to some pain and the drains.  The other day, my son was crying and he ran to his MIMI for comfort and to pick him up since I couldn't.  I know this is temporary, but it is still hard, especially since I am so thankful for my mother helping me out so much.  Anyone else having trouble with not being able to give 100 percent to your kids right now?

CBJ-

How are you doing?  I totally understand how you feel about not being able to care for your children.  I can't give my children what I did before I had cancer, but I take comfort that I give them 100% of what I can now.  It may not be the same as it was before, but I do my best.  I still am tender in my mastectomy area from radiation, so whenever I hold my 2 year old, I put a pillow between me and him.  He is quite wiggly, and can really hurt me.  In fact, he keeps on trying to give me loves right now as I type this.  

I am glad that you have your mom to help.  Take it slowly, and you'll get there!  Take care! 

Hi All,

I am new here.  I was diagnosed in November 2007 with Stage II, Grade 3, IDC.  I was 38 years old, married with a 4 year old little girl . To make a long story short they found another tumor hiding beneath the original tumor so I decided to have a mastectomy.   I had surgery on December 21st with sentinel node biopsy which at the time came back negative until they did the final path. on it and found 1mm of cancer in one of the two nodes removed.  I started chemo in January and just finished 4 rounds of A/C I am on to 4 more rounds of Taxol.  They are doing dose-dense chemo so I go every other Tuesday.  I am hoping the Taxol is better than the A/C was...any advice girls? I have found great inspiration reading your posts!

susie -- thanks for your response.  I am glad to hear the Taxol was better than the A/C.  I had a horrible time with the A/C.  I just hope the body aches are not too bad.

Funny you mention taking pills...I laughed!  I never took too much before this...maybe an occasional Tylenol...now I have a laundry list that I carry with me so when I go to each doctor I can rattle them all off.  

I havent had much time of late to come in here and chat, but wanted to let any newbies know of my background to give you all hope. I had my bc some 18 years ago now. I had IDC ER/PR- grade 2. I did chemo, followed by silicone implants which I wore for 10 years before deciding to have a tram flap. I was 33 and had a 6 week old baby when diagnosed. I first found my lump when I was 7 months pregnant and they thought it to be a blocked milk duct. I lived in a different country to my family and my friends were invaluable. I have been in the chat room now for over 3 years offering support to anyone who needs it, there are many informed and researched ladies in there, I am just there to offer comfort and support more on the emotional side of things, and know what it is like to go through it with a baby. For all those who want more children, I was lucky enough to have another child 3 years after chemo, and I'm shortly to meet in person a young survivor who refused to believe she couldnt have another child after chemo, her baby was 6 months old when she was diagnosed and is now 3 and she has a 6 month old baby. She was so thrilled to tell me her news as I was one of the first people she spoke to in chat, and that made it all worthwhile to me. Hugs to you all, please feel free to e_mail me if you want more detailed info or added support at any time, my e-mail addy is walk_away02@hotmail.com and let me know it is bc related so I dont just delete you hehe. Hugs and special prayers to you all today. Hugs badbabe56 (kathy)

Hi Ladies,

I was older (44) than most of you when I was dx'd, but my children were young (4 and 1) so I can relate to some of your issues.  I hope you don't mind if I share some of my experience with you.  I just passed the 1 yr anniversary of my dx and I'm doing great.  It was a tough a year, but it wasn't as horrid as I thought it would be and my children came through it just fine.  My youngest did turn to others (hubby, my mom) for help and comfort when I wasn't able to be there for him, but as soon as I started to feel better he turned to me again.  My oldest turned 5 shortly after my dx, and I was very open with her about what was going on because I knew she could handle it and because my husband's mother died of bc when he was our daughter's age and he didn't know she was that sick.  As much as I wanted to protect her from the fear of losing me, I also wanted to give her the chance to talk to me about it and have me address her concerns.  We cried a lot together at first and she asked a lot of questions about who would take care of her if something happened to me, and then she was fine.  This worked for us, but I know that some children are too sensitive for such an approach.  

I had the hardest time during AC and couldn't take care of my children the week of chemo, so my mom helped me during the day.  I did much better with Taxotere and except for being tired chemo week I felt pretty good.  I did experience what I called chemo rage, when my fuse was short and my moods were all over the place.  It was a challenge some days, but I just explained to my children that I wasn't feeling well.  Rads was easier on my body, but it was harder emotionally because it happened every week day and I also needed someone to watch my children during my appt.  My children enjoyed it, though, because they got to see their grandma or friends more often.  lol

It really is doable, but it helps to be prepared and have a lot of help lined up just in case you need it.  I had a few friends I could call as backup in case my mom couldn't help.  My friends also brought us meals every day during chemo week which made a huge difference.  There was no way I wanted to think about food, let alone cook it.  

We also planned family outings around my chemo schedule so the summer would seem as normal as possible to our children.  We actually managed to do everything we usually did with just one exception so I feel pretty good about that.  

There are also some wonderful children's books out there for children of moms with breast cancer.  I checked out a few from the library and ended up buying the ones my daughter liked best.  Her favorite is Our Mom Has Cancer and was written by two young sisters.  It's available from the ACS.  The ACS also has a journal that is for children and they sent it to me for free.  There's also the Kimmie Cares Doll which I didn't discover until I was already done with chemo otherwise I would definitely have gotten it for my kids.  The doll is bald and comes with a wig and a scarf.  She's available on www.kimmiecares.com.   

For those of you who are going to have chemo, a wonderful organization is chemoangels.com.  I had the most wonderful angels and my children loved when I got cards and packages as much as I did.   I also asked my friends to have their children send my children cards and letters once a month or so which they loved.  And, I also stashed away small toys, games, and crafts to surprise them with on days when we were all having a hard time.  

Good luck and I hope all goes well for you.  And, when all else fails, lower your standards and just deal with it one day at a time.  

Cynthia 

Hi everyone, I've been coming to these boards for over a year, and I just now saw this thread!  I was 38 when diagnosed, with a 5 year old son and a 18 month old daughter.  Now they are 7 and 3.  I did 8 rounds of A/C and Taxol, then rads, and now I'm on Tamoxifen.  So far, so good.

We didn't tell my daughter anything about the diagnosis, because seriously, she wouldn't have understood.  My son was pretty scared, but we got some books and stuff for him.  It took me getting through treatment and growing my hair back for him to feel better.

It's nice to see that there are other Stage II's out there.  Sometimes I feel like everyone is over 50 and Stage 0 or I.  Being younger, we have more aggressive disease, and it's depressing sometimes.  Although I lurk on the Young Survival Coalition boards, I really like this site.  Let's try to keep these threads up, shall we?

Hi everyone, I am 36 and was diagnosed with ILC, Stage II 10/07. I have a 4 and 7 year old and we ended up telling them exactly what was happening with me right before my 12/07 surgery. It was amazing what they were able to grasp, and because we were so positive in talking with them, they weren't scared. For us, it was better to be honest, because they are old enough to figure out something is going on! I had a bilateral, skin-sparing mastectomy in December with immediate reconstruction (with those "lovely" expanders .  I just had the expanders replaced with implants and am thrilled with my outcome.  I am 1 week out of that surgery and am having really no pain at all.  The implants are worlds better than the expanders, and I think my body is just so happy for the switch! I did not have to get chemo due to my Oncotype DX test, but I did start Tamoxifen 3 weeks ago.  My kids have been great, and they know to be very gentle with my chest area.  I can imagine it would have been a much harder thing if they were younger and still in the "need to be picked up all the time" stage.  I wish everyone the best- there IS a light at the end of the tunnel!!

EHK 

I'm scheduled to start chemo next week.  I recently told my 7-year-old son that I have to take a very strong medicine that is going to make all my hair fall out, so "you're going to have a bald mom!"  He looked sort of shocked and then said, "I think that's kind of cool."  I love my little guy! Today we talked about it again -- in the same not-too-serious tone because if I sound too serious he runs away -- and he asked if he could see my bald head when it happens.  He's just fascinated with the concept.  Then he was extra lovey-dovey with me the whole night.